Completely Loopy
by KeepCalmAndMarryAMarauder
Summary: Little snip-its of the marauders- very Remus-centric , though I include bits about other marauders as well as Lily, Snape and couple of others incl. the Black family. No Remus/Sirius as i just can't picture it, as IC as i can make it, and only the occasional OC as a plot device. Oh yeah and I'm not JK, please R&R! I HAVE EXAMS ATM SO ON SEMI-HIATUS, IM NOT GONE FOREVER I SWEAR!
1. How the friends became the Marauders

It was late afternoon before Remus was finally allowed to leave the hospital wing, when he finally escaped Madame Pomfrey's fussing he hurried straight back up to Gryffindor Tower, he had not been prepared for how cold the corridors would be and he shivered all the way up the many staircases to the portrait of the Fat Lady. The common room was lovely and warm though, he stood for a moment breathing in the smell of the fire, then glanced around to check if his friends were anywhere to be seen, they weren't, Remus felt a wave of relief even more pleasant that the warmth of the fire waft over him. They must have been playing in the snow, it was only early December and for most students the novelty of it had not quite worn off yet. Remus shivered again at the very thought, at the moment he had very different ideas about what would be the perfect way to spend a winter's Sunday afternoon, he was going to use these precious hours to rest more before the questions came again, as they did every month. He knew the dorm would be colder but on balance he decided that it would be easier to sleep there because it wasn't full of excitable first years playing Russian roulette with Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. And so, wearily he climbed the boys staircase and opened the door to his dormitory, where he was surprised to find his three best friends sitting on their beds looking almost as if they had been waiting for him.

"Hello Remus," said Sirius, there was a certain measuredness in his tone that made Remus wary of what he was going to say next.

"Are you feeling alright?" asked Peter, "You don't look very well."

"I'm just tired," replied Remus, "I was up all night... with my mother... in St. Mungo's."

"Don't lie to us Remus, we're your friends and you've lied to us enough already. Now, do you want to tell us or do we really have to ask?"

"Forget asking James," said Sirius, "you know he won't give us a straight answer. Remus, we know you're a werewolf."

They knew then, this time they really knew, Remus had suffered great paranoia since starting Hogwarts the year before, constantly on edge because he was sure someone had discovered his secret. In this paranoid state he would lie awake at night imagining this very moment, carefully planning what he would say, but now all of that vanished from his mind, he just stood there, completely stunned with his mouth hanging open, forgetting even to breathe. Only when his dizziness returned did he breathe again, and even then his breathe came as a shaky gasp. He felt tears coming and he knew it was pointless to stop them, the charade was over. He sank to the floor where he stood and let the tears fall, huge sobs racking his aching ribs.

James, Sirius and Peter exchanged unnerved glances as their friend sank to the floor, none of them had expected this, they had discussed a huge range of possible responses from Remus after their confrontation, but all of them had involved some sort of denial at least. This was completely unprecedented, they had never seen their friend cry before, this was almost as scary as finding out he was a werewolf in the first place. Peter mouthed 'what do we do?' and Sirius shrugged, it was James who stepped forward. As he looked at the sickly distraught boy crying his eyes out with his head in his knees he could not think of him as a monster, he was just Remus, the quiet boy who loved reading by the fire in the common room, who was always nervous about breaking rules, who never quite recovered from his monthly sicknesses, but who always maintain that he was 'fine'.

"Remus," he said tentatively, "Remus are you ok?"

Remus did not reply, even with his habitual 'I'm fine'.

"Remus we know you're a werewolf but... but you're also our friend," James glanced at his friends for some sort of back up, or even just some reassurance, "and you're sick, you're just sick that's all, and we're your friends so we're going to help you."

Remus looked up, his face was angry but his eyes pleading.

"You'd do the same for any of us wouldn't you?" James smiled.

"Liar," said Remus simply, lowering his head again.

"That's a bit rich coming from you," said Sirius, but his voice has not angry, in fact he gave a short bark like laugh before James kicked him in the shin, "I'm sorry Reme, you know me I just couldn't resist it, it was too good to let slip you know."

To James and Peter's surprise Sirius's joke actually drew Remus out of his shell a little, he scanned each of their faces in turn.

"Wha.. what do you mean?"

"I just mean I'm good with all this deep serious stuff, kind of ironic really, see there I go again."

"No, not that, I mean what James said."

"Well, at first we were scared, freaked out you know, but in a way that was just because we couldn't be sure, then when we were more or less certain we knew what was going on we realised that all the teachers knew, _and _you were still their favourite, looking back on it it was obvious, so anyway we knew you must be safe, if the teachers all knew and everything. We talked about it a lot and..."

"Yeah I bet you did. Just tell me one thing, how many people have you told?"

"We haven't told anyone," said Peter.

"We thought it wouldn't be right unless we at least talked to you first, I mean at first we were going to go to the teachers, but then like I said we figured out that they already knew so..."

"We've been wanting to just come out and ask you for ages," said Sirius, "but it's not really the kind of thing you can just ask is it? I mean, what if your mum really was sick? So we decided to let one more full moon pass, just to make sure we were right..."

"Are you going to everyone now then, now that you're sure you're right?"

"No," said Sirius firmly, "we couldn't have gits like Snivellus knowing could we? They'd never let it go, they'd make your life a misery, then me and James would have to hex him half to death and probably both end up in Azkaban for the rest of our lives. So that's just be a lose lose situation wouldn't it?"

Remus stared at him incredulously, he seemed once again unable to speak, Sirius just gave him his best winning smile.

"Think about it Reme," said Peter, "won't it be so much better with us knowing, you won't have to pretend all the time, you'll have people to talk to, we swear we won't tell anyone anything else."

"And now that we know," said Sirius, "we can go a bit easier on you, you know? Like if it's near the full moon and you're not feeling great, and all you really want to do is sleep, and we're being really noisy or something you can just tell us the shut up and we will."

"Instead of just chucking stuff at you," finished James, "Blimey, we've been such inconsiderate berks, but now that we know we won't be any more, promise."

"You mean," said Remus, his voice tiny, "that you'll still be friends with me?"

"Of course," the three of them said in unison, at which Remus broke down into tears again.

"Are you alright Remus?" said James, crouching down next to him, "I bet we're being inconsiderate berks again aren't we, we shouldn't have sprung this on you so soon after the full moon."

"I just can't believe I can stay," said Remus, and although he was still weeping uncontrollable when he looked up he was smiling weakly but earnestly, "I always thought I'd have to go if anyone found out, I thought I'd have to live on my own as muggle, I thought I'd have to..."

After that brief period of sense he lapsed back into hysterical sobs interspersed with coughs and short moans of pain and attempts to speak.

"Come on Reme, we'll get you into bed, you're not well. I'm sorry, we should have waited a bit..."

Sirius and Peter each took one of Remus's arms and helped him up, meanwhile James pulled back the covers on his bed and together they took off his shoes and helped him into bed. They didn't take off any on his clothes, Remus had always been funny about getting undressed in front of the other boys, even though the others would without a second thought. Once in bed Remus immediately rolled over onto his side, curled up in a ball, and all but buried himself under the blankets. He continues to sob for what seemed like ages, but gradually his breathing slowed and soon James, Peter and Sirius were pretty sure he was fast asleep.

"We've done the right thing," said Sirius quietly, so as not to wake their sleeping friend.

"Yeah, I still can't quite believe it, can you? Little Lupin a werewolf, it's mad," said James.

"He admitted it though didn't he?" said Peter.

"Yeah I wasn't expecting that," said Sirius.

"No but look at him, he looks so well... so small and weak, it doesn't really fit with the whole werewolf image does it."

"But that book said that was one of the ways you can tell someone _is _a werewolf," said Peter.

"I guess if Dumbledore really has made it safe for him to come to Hogwarts the only one that really suffers is him."

"Did you see his face when you said we knew?"

"Yeah, he looked bloody terrified didn't he, you know what, I reckon he was more scared of us that we ever were of him."

"That's what my mum used to always tell me about spiders and stuff," said Peter with a little half laugh, "it's still a bit scary don't you think?"

"Since when have we ever let that stop us?" replied Sirius.


	2. The Best Birthday

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!"

"Guys, it must be about six am!"

"I make it about 6:14," said James.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen a clock at this time before!" exclaimed Sirius, grabbing James's wrist, Remus grinned and found that he couldn't stop grinning, he couldn't believe he had friends that would do something like this for him, even if it did mean losing an hour's sleep he was surprisingly grateful, he had an extra hour to enjoy his birthday. And then it struck him...

"Hey! I'm thirteen!"

"You don't say!" said James, "blimey Moony, you're meant to be the smart one!"

"You're all smart, you're just not as nerdy as me," Remus joked, he was still getting used to his new nickname and was not sure if he liked it too much.

"Well you'll love our present then," said Sirius, thrusting a heavy, badly wrapped package into his hands, Remus could tell it was a book straight away, though he took a moment to feel the texture of the wrapping paper, the weight of the book, the...

"Get on with it! We want to see your face."

James watched his friend caress the present with huge grin on his face, it was not a marauder's grin, it was muggle-born-first-year-arriving-at-Hogwarts grin, he couldn't wait to see Remus's reaction when he actually saw what it was.

"Get on with it!" he joked, "We want to see your face."

Remus had wanted to savour the moment for as long as possible, his mum and dad always laughed at him for doing the thing every Christmas, but from the look on James's face he feared that if he waited a moment longer he would snatch it our his hands and open it himself. According to Sirius James had woken him up at four in the morning on Christmas day to open his present, he was the kind of person that eats his favourite food first instead of saving the best till last like Remus did. He ripped open the wrapping paper and saw that it was indeed a book, a book called A Guide to Human Transformations and Transfiguration, he looked up at them puzzled, before remember his manners.

"Wow! Thank you, this looks really interesting."

"Go on open it," said Peter, the three boys stared at him with urging eyes. He opened the book to the contents page and began to read the chapter headings, much to James's impatence apparently, for he kept trying to silently communicate something to Sirius, his eyes so wide his glasses were slipping down his nose, Sirius just rolled his eyes.

"ehem-bookmark," he fake coughed, and sure enough a piece of scrap parchment was inserted into the book about one third of the way through.

"Wow, not only have you set a record for waking up early but you actually read a book for me? I'm touched," laughed Remus, and he started reading at the top of the page, though it started mid sentence so he was about to turn back a page to the beginning of the paragraph when James finally exploded.

"There!" he yelled, pointing at the section the boys had marked.

_Another benefit to becoming an animagus is that one becomes much less vulnerable to many dark creatures. Werewolves, for example, only seek human prey, so in animal form the wizard is in far less danger of being attacked, additionally, since lycanthropy only affects humans even is bitten, provided the wizard is in his animal form, he will not become infected with the disease. Similarly with Vampire bites..._

Remus looked up.

"Happy Birthday!" laughed Sirius.

"Oh no, no I can't let you do this, you can't..."

"What do you mean we can't," said Sirius, "we can do whatever the hell we want, we don't need you to _let us_."

"Come on, it'll be great, we can keep you company on the full moons and..." James started.

"They'll never let you."

"Who?"

"The Ministry, you do know you have to register with the Ministry right, and they'll never let you three do it while you're still underage."

"That's alright, we just won't register, it's cool."

"No it is not _cool _have you even checked what the punishment is for being an unregistered animagus!"

"No, what is it?" said Peter.

"I don't know, but probably Azkaban, and I'm not letting you get chucked in there because of me."

"I thought we already went through this, you're not _letting_ us do anything, we're doing this because we want to. We want to help you Remus, I would've thought you'd be a little more grateful," said James, Remus looked him in the eyes, but James Potter was not a person who could be stared into submission, and guilt was filling him rapidly, he was being ungrateful.

"Thank you, if you managed to do this, it would mean the world to me. But please, think seriously about this before you do anything."

"I'm always Sirius," joked Sirius lamely, the Remus ignored him.

"I've heard becoming an animagus is really dangerous, and even if you succeed, it would still be dangerous, if I bit you..."

"The book says it'd be fine!" said James as if that settled the matter.

"Sure, you wouldn't become a werewolf, but I could still hurt you, I could still..." Remus trailed off before he finished that sentence, though everyone in the room knew he was about to say 'kill you'.

"Listen, we know the risks mate," said James, "we've been researching this since we found out, but we really want to help, right guys?"

"Right," said Sirius and Peter together.

"Oh, and this is a little awkward but we need the book back," said Sirius.

"What?"

"Well, it's sort of a library book, it was more of a metaphor really, we did get you some chocolate though," said James, Remus laughed at them and gave them the book back, even though a large part of him still said he was doing a terrible thing letting his friends become illegal animagi, putting them in danger every full moon, their optimism was infectious, and once again he couldn't help smiling. This was the best birthday ever, and it was only 6:42 in the morning.


	3. Gotta get back to Hogwarts

Disclaimer: forgot to put this in last time- but rest assured I have not become JK Rowling during the last few weeks and I doubt I ever will for the foreseeable future. Trelawney predicted that one day I will so I'll have to keep doing these disclaimers but she also predicted the world would end this year so... anyway hope you like it, this chapter's a bit longer than the last one.

* * *

He was finally free! Sirius Black had been confined to number twelve Grimmauld Place all summer thanks to his horrible grass of a cousin Narcissa. She had 'inadvertently' mentioned that Peter Pettigrew was going to take Muggle Studies this year in the presence of his wonderful mother, meaning he had not been able to stay at his house as he, Peter and James had planned. This blow came as a bitter disappointment, Peter was the closest thing to a 'respectable pure blood' friend he had, James was a pure blood of course, but his parents knew everyone in the Ministry, so they knew how full of blood traitors his family was. And Remus was a half blood, though this was hardly the thing his parents would find most disgusting about him. He never mentioned Remus at all at home, he talked about James all the time to annoy his family, but he didn't dare mention Remus just in case his father mention the name Lupin to anyone in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. No, all hell would break loose if the Blacks ever found out his son was friends with a werewolf, and it would not just be himself he would have to fear for. Just as he was thinking this he saw said werewolf a few yards away, he was standing with his back to Sirius talking to his mother.

"...I've made you some lunch, and I've given you a flask of tea as well..."

"Thanks mum, I should probably get on the train now."

"...now make sure you get some sleep on the train..."

"Sure, mum don't worry, I should go if I want to find a seat."

"...and remember when you get to school..."

"Mum, I'll be fine, I really need to..."

"REMUS!"

"OW!" Remus's knees buckled as Sirius practically jumped on top of him.

"Remus, are you alright?" asked him mother frantically.

"Sorry mate," said Sirius, helping him up.

"Sirius you idiot! It was the full moon last night," said a third voice, Remus turned around to see James Potter.

"Oh, sorry I didn't realise," said Sirius, clapping Remus on the back not-so-gently.

"It's alright, you weren't to know, mum this is Sirius Black and James Potter."

"Hello, I'm Mary Lupin."

"Hello Mrs Lupin," said James and Sirius oh-so-sweetly.

"Oh, call me Mary, 'Mrs' makes me sound so old. Remus has told me so much about you two, I'm so glad that you know, it's so good of you to still be friends with him it really is, my husband and I were so worried..."

"Mum, I'm going to get on the train with James and Sirius now, bye!"

"Wait a minute, you haven't even given me a hug get," said Mary, pulling her son into a tight hug.

"Mum, you're crushing my bones," groaned Remus only slightly sarcastically, his mum was always telling him off for getting sarcastic with her, James and Sirius were trying not to laugh and Remus blushed.

"Sorry, anyway take care Remus, I'll see you at Christmas, remember to write..."

"I will don't worry, bye mum," said Remus and the three boys made their way to the train.

"She is so embarrassing," muttered Remus.

"It's nice that she cares about you so much though," said Sirius, not succeeding in hiding the envy in his voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry, that was such a stupid thing to say, how was you holidays anyway, I heard you got stuck with your family all summer."

"Could've been worse," said Sirius, he didn't want to talk it, "do you need a hand with that?"

"Thanks," said Remus, who had been struggling to pull his trunk onto the train.

"Come on let's try and find Peter," said James, and the boys started making their way down the train, eventually they found him in a compartment by himself.

"Hi, guys," he said, "I managed to save a whole compartment for us," he added proudly.

"Nice one Pete," said James.

"Are you alright Remus, is it the full moon soon or something?"

"It was last night Pete, blimey am I the only one who bothered to check."

"There was no need to James."

"Nah, James's right, we should've checked," said Sirius, "if I'd checked I wouldn't have jumped on you."

"I actually didn't expect you to be here today you know," said James, "Couldn't you have flooed in tomorrow?"

"You sound like my mum! And anyway no you can't floo to Hogwarts unless the Ministry approve a special connection, and besides it would look suspicious."

"Whatever, let people be suspicious what can they do?" said Sirius, he ignored Remus's glare, he was feeling restless and riled, and just couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts, "you look better than normal though Moony," he added as if he was complementing him on a new shirt.

"Thank you, I'm heavily drugged up at the moment."

"Fair enough," said James, "anyway, Hogsmeade this year!"

"I know I can't wait," said Peter, "apparently Honeyduke's is the best sweet shop in the world."

"And Zonko's is meant to be awesome as well."

"I can't go," said Sirius bitterly.

"What?" exclaimed James, as if Sirius had just expressed his undying love for a mountain troll.

"My stupid parents wouldn't sign the bloody form."

"That's terrible, why?"

"Erm, newsflash, my parents are psychopaths."

"It's alright mate, we'll find a way to get you to Hogsmeade, there's bound to be a secret passage leading there or something."

"Yeah, don't worry mate, we'll find a way," said Remus.

"Do mine ears deceive me," said Sirius, "Remus John Lupin cannot possibly be condoning rule breaking of the most extreme sort."

"Must be the drugs," joked James.

"Probably," said Remus, "don't worry they'll start to wear off in an hour or so and I'll be completely back to normal."

"Damn, I like junky-Moony," laughed Sirius.

"In all seriousness though Remus, why don't you just take all these potions every month?" asked James.

"Long term side effects."

"Like what?"

"Insomnia, addiction, mood swings, muscle spasms, mild hallucinations..." Remus reeled off in a bored voice.

"Merlin's balls," said Peter.

"What about them," said Sirius, and everyone laughed, though Peter looked a tad confused.

The four boys talked constantly for about an hour, rejoicing in each other's company after what had seemed like a lifetime apart. They schemed about getting Sirius into Hogsmeade, slagged of the Slytherins and Sirius's family, and made several more Remus-is-a-junkie jokes. After a while though Remus began feeling tired and a little nauseous, he decided to get some sleep but he wanted to change into his robes first in case he didn't wake up in time when they were arriving. As he stood up all the blood drained from his head and he had to lean on the door handle to steady himself, unfortunately door handles have a nasty habit of opening the doors they are attached to when leant on, often resulting in the leaner falling forwards and banging their head against the door frame.

"You alright Remus," asked Peter.

"Drugs wearing off?" James smiled, helping him up.

"Think so, I'm going to get changed, then I think I'll try to get some sleep."

"I'll come with you, I'll get changed as well, Peter and Sirius can stay here and save the compartment."

"I'm fine James honestly."

"Sure you are, come on let's go."

When James and Remus returned to the compartment fully robed, Sirius moved over onto the other side of the compartment next to James and Peter to give his friend room to lie down.

"You can keep talking you know, I can sleep like a rock if I'm tired enough."

"It's alright we'll keep it down, go to sleep Moony."

"Yes _mother_," said Remus sarcastically, but he was asleep within minutes.

"hey Remus, Remus wake up."

"Oi, Moony! Wake up!"

"Alright, alright 'm awake," said Remus heaving himself up, he still felt tired but marginally better for getting some sleep. He hadn't liked the way the dozen or so potions he had taken that morning had made him feel. He was still tired and in pain but he sort of didn't care, it was like having a huge adrenaline rush, you're not really awake and alert, just wired and on edge.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked.

"About five hours," said James, "we're getting into Hogsmeade in about ten fifteen minutes, we figured you'd want some time to wake up beforehand."

"How are you feeling? No offense mate but you look terrible," said Sirius, the boys had never seen they're werewolf friend the day after a full moon before, because Remus had explicitly banned them from visiting him in the Hospital Wing.

"I'm alright, just kind of worn out."

"You look it," said Peter.

"Oh and you've got a bloody massive bruise on your face," added Sirius, "you know, from when you kind of launched yourself into the door frame."

"Oh flip! Do any of you know how to do that spell to get rid of bruises, I can't do it, my mum tried to teach me but I just can't get the knack of it."

"Nah sorry mate," said Peter, Remus looked at James and Sirius and they both shook their heads, "we saved you some food though, do you want a pumpkin pasty or a chocolate frog or anything?"

"No I'm okay," said Remus, his stomach churning at the very thought of sweets and cakes, "I think I'll have some of that tea my mum made me."

Remus had been brought up in a house where tea was a cure-all, the remedy for everything, that and chicken soup, his mum made the best chicken soup in the world. Too soon for Remus, though not soon enough for Sirius, they arrived at Hogsmeade, it was only the first of September, so it shouldn't have been too cold, but this was Scotland, so a different set of rules apply. The sideways rain beat against the boys as they made their way to the carriages, the freezing wind was rushing in Remus's ears giving him a headache, they climbed in the first carriage they reached.

The look on Sirius's face as they entered the Great Hall was of pure joy, it reminded James of when they had given Remus his birthday present, for now at least the Marauder did not need to make mischief to be happy, he could save that for a few hours. He was just so happy to be back at Hogwarts again, he looked at his best friend and he grinned at him, slightly embarrassed Sirius grinned back, he knew his childlike joy must have shown on his face, but his face somehow never suited childlike joy, it just made him look like an idiot. Peter held his head up high as he stepped into the great hall, this year he planned to do stuff, he planned to show the world he was not just tagging along with James and Sirius, he was going to stand up to the Slytherins, maybe do better in lessons, but most importantly just have fun. This year was gonna be totally awesome!

Remus was probably the only person in the Great Hall not looking forward to the feast, the food at Hogwarts was always delicious, and especially so at the feasts, but it was just so rich he did not think he could stomach it. He would have to eat something of course, it would just look odd not to eat anything at all, so as Dumbledore said "let the feast begin" he was preparing himself to force down some roast lamb or some other thing everyone else would find tasty, so obviously he was very surprised when right in front of him appeared a huge pot of steaming chicken soup. He looked towards the high table, and for a moment he caught Dumbledore's twinkling blue eyes, Dumbledore winked at him and Remus grinned back, before ladling himself out a lovely bowl of soup.

As Dumbledore scanned the faces of his students he couldn't help lingering on one face in particular, Remus Lupin was looking weak and pale but had not once looked down during his speech, he appeared to be psyching himself up for something. A couple of years ago he had merely felt sorry for this boy, but now he had been watching him for two years he was beginning to admire him, he was strong, he had to be. When the food appeared, including the soup he especially ordered from the house elves, Remus looked up at him with such an expression of gratitude, the fact that something as simple as chicken soup could make someone so happy, so thankful, was astounding. Though it was not just the chicken soup of course, he was good at reading looks, it was the first step in legilemency, and it was clear to him that this boys was trying to communicate with eyes, not just his thanks for the soup, but for everything. He winked at him, he loved being a teacher, it what other way could one have such an impact on people's lives, it was little things like this that made him feel less guilty. He could do nothing for Ariana, but maybe if he could help every child that came through his school, especially those like Remus Lupin, who needed that help so badly, he could find some form of atonement. He told himself that, though in his heart he knew his sins could never be absolved.


	4. Mission Get Sirius Into Hogsmeade

Hi- I hope some people got the AVPM reference last time! I should probably say that I do not own Starkid, and only in my dreams do I own harry potter and everything and everyone in it. Anyway keep reading and keep reviewing. Thanks guys.

* * *

"Is Sirius not coming down?" asked Remus as James took a seat opposite him and Peter at breakfast on the morning of Hallowe'en.

"No, he'll probably be up there sulking the whole day," replied James.

"I kind of feel bad about going to Hogsmeade without him though, don't you?"

"Kind of," said Peter, "but we'll bring him back some stuff from Zonko's and Honeydukes."

"I bet we could get him some firewhiskey as well, I'd love to try some of that stuff."

"Potter!" said Lily Evans sharply, "that's _illegal_!"

"Aw, pwetty pwease," said James, batting his eyelashes at Lily Evans, "it's only a little bit illegal."

"There is no such thing as a little bit illegal Potter, and honestly I'm disappointed in you."

"Why? You really should know me well enough by now not to expect any better."

"No, not that. Of course I know I can hardly expect any better from you with regards to living by the same laws as the rest of us mere mortals, but I did expect you to show a bit more loyalty to your friend."

"Come on Evans, it's our first Hogsmeade trip, we couldn't possibly burden poor Sirius with guilt that he made us miss out on this rite of passage!" argued James melodramatically.

Lily snorted, she knew Sirius to well to believe a word of what his best friend had just said, everyone did, everybody knew Sirius Black and James Potter.

"Well I still think you three shouldn't go, especially you Remus."

"What?" exclaimed Remus, almost choking on his pumpkin juice, "why _especially _me?"

"Well you had to go to the Hospital Wing again a couple of days ago, and I don't care what you say but you still look ill to me."

"I'm fine, so what if I had a fever a few days ago, it's only Hogsmeade I'm not going to climb Mt. Everest or something."

"Oh I give up, it's your stupid decision to make anyway, I'm going to find Severus."

"Have fun with your boyfriend!" teased James loudly, "phase one complete," he added in a low voice to Peter and Remus, they all grinned.

After an especially tasty Hallowe'en breakfast the three boys left the Great Hall feeling pleased with themselves, Mission Get Sirius Into Hogsmeade was going perfectly. Not only had they successfully put out the story that Sirius was sulking in their dorm, which would provide an alibi for his absence all day, but they'd also succeeded in putting what Peter kept calling "the red heron" in place.

"For the last time, it's a herring not a heron," Remus had said for the billionth (but not the last) time the night before.

"What's the difference?"

"A heron is a bird, a herring is a fish, you know, 'god bless us and save us said old mrs davis i never knew herring were fish'?" said Remus very fast, searching his friends' faces for any trace of recogonition, meanwhile James, Sirius and Peter where searching his face for any trace of sanity.

"What the hell was that?" asked Sirius, bursting out laughing.

"It's a saying, really Sirius, you and James should have taken muggle studies along with Peter this year."

"Yeah, you never know it might've impressed Evans," said Peter, the comment had earned him a bat bogey hex.

As Remus pointed out, the red _herring_ was essential, because otherwise everyone would think James was up to something, which he was. But now for phase two of the plan. They walked reasonably slowly, and separate from the crowd through the Entrance Hall, giving Sirius, who was waiting for them under James's invisibility cloak, a chance to catch up with them, now all they had to do was get past Filch's excessive security measures. The caretaker, who had taken over from Apollyon Pringle when he'd retired at the end of the boys' first year, had instantly began waging war against the students, and subscribed to the philosophy that a student looking anything less than borderline suicidal was a student up to something. Filch's Secrecy Sensors would be bound to detect an invisible person if they passed too near it, something that was bound to happen if Sirius walked through the narrow door while Filch was standing there, so it was up to James and Remus to distract him, letting Sirius slip through quietly, with Peter there to make sure the three boys didn't lose track of their invisible friend.

"Why on Earth did I agree to this?" asked Remus as he and James approached filch, their pockets full of dung bombs.

"I think you were on drugs," smirked James, "ok on three... THREE!"

The two boys tore past Filch and his Secrecy Sensors 'accidentally' dropping a few dung bombs in their haste.

"Oi, you two, get back here and empty your pockets!"

"But we haven't got anything," Remus protested, and the Secrecy Sensor glowed bright red.

"You filthy lying little... detention, tomorrow night for the both of you, and I'll be asking the Headmaster to remove your Hogsmeade privileges as well, students... ungrateful little sods the lot of you... if I had my way..."

"Sirius you owe us big time," said Remus as they rejoined Peter, and, they assumed though they couldn't see him, Sirius.

"How many detentions have you got then?" said Sirius, so close to Remus's ear that it made him jump.

"Just the one," said James.

"Really! That's not too bad," said Peter, "I expected you to get more, he Filch hates you."

"He's going to try and ban us from Hogsmeade as well," said Remus.

"Relax Moony, Dumbledore'll never agree to that, it was only a few dung bombs, besides, he likes you," said James, "but still, the sooner we find a secret passage or something the better, there has to be one hasn't there?"

"I suppose so," said Remus.

"Hey did you bring any food by any chance I'm starving?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah, here you go," said Peter, retrieving a bacon roll from his pocket, Sirius looked mildly disgusted for a second as it had pocket-fluff on it, but then shrugged and took a huge bite.

"All in all I think we pulled that off quite smoothly," mused James.

"Yeah, except that now Lily thinks you're even more of a prat than she already knew you were," said Remus.

"Yeah, for that you really do owe us Sirius," said James, "she was even annoyed at Moony, and those two are study buddies."

Sirius laughed, and Remus raised one eyebrow, "study buddies?" he scoffed.

"Ignore him," said Sirius, "he's just jealous that Evan can actually stand to be in the same room as you."

"Shut up. Merlin that girl is just so annoying sometimes, _you should all stay behind, especially you Remus_," said James and a squeaky voice that sounded nothing like Lily's, nor in fact any human being they knew.

"Why especially Remus?" asked Sirius.

"She thinks I'm ill," said Remus, rolling his eyes, "it's my own stupid fault, she said something about me getting ill a lot and that I should go and see something called a doctor, and that sounded scary so I panicked and told her I had a weak immune system."

"What on Earth is a doctor?" asked James.

"I looked it up afterwards, they're basically muggle Healers, but anyway the point is now she thinks I'm going to suddenly drop down dead if I go outside in the cold or something," said Remus exasperatedly.

"See, even her study buddy agrees," said James, "Lily Evans is the most irritating, show-offish, nosy person in the whole world."

Meanwhile, in the Three Broomsticks, Lily Evans was sitting at a small table with Severus Snape, who was happily listening to her abusing James Potter.

"Honestly, that boy, even Remus agrees with me, he told me the other day, I swear James Potter is the most irritating, show-offish, nosy person in the whole world."

"Why do you care what Remus thinks so much?"

"Well he's his friend, isn't he? So it just goes to show that..."

"I don't think you should be friends with him."

"Sev, we've been through this, we're best friends, of course we are, but I've got to have friends in my own house as well, you've got friends in Slytherin after all."

"He's weird," said Severus, completely ignoring what his best friend had just said.

"Well I could say that about some of your friends, but I don't because it's your choice who you're friends with. Remus is really nice to me, he's never been mean to me because I'm a muggle-born like some of your friends have."

"He's a werewolf!" snarled Severus.

Lily sighed, "you can't just go around saying stuff like that Severus, I don't know how you came to that conclusion and I don't want to know, so can we please just talk about something else, I've heard the Shrieking Shack is meant to be haunted, maybe we can go and have a look at it later."

Severus glared at her for a second, not wanting to drop the subject until she had listened to his suspicions, which, he would have her know, where founded on a lot of evidence and research. But alas, he could never disobey Lily when she looked at her like that, with her lovely eyes that reminded him of the smell of the grass by the river in Spinner's End, their secret place.

"So, where to first?" said Sirius when they arrived in Hogsmeade.

Remus and Peter said "Honeydukes" but James said "Zonko's" louder than either of them, so Sirius, wanting to go to Zonko's first anyway, said "Zonko's it is then" and they made a bee line for the joke shop. James, Sirius and Peter were overawed by all the mischief making materials that filled row upon row of shelves, even Remus had to admit it was pretty impressive. After blowing half their money in the joke shop the crossed the street to Honeydukes, where they blew most of the rest of their galleons, sickles and knuts. For thirteen year old boys Hogsmeade was simply heaven.

"What shall we do now?" said James, as they left Honeydukes with their sugary purchases.

"We could go to the Shrieking Shack?" suggested Peter.

"No," said Remus flatly, causing James to look at him with a strange mix of curiosity and concern, and Sirius to hit Peter in the head, "well, if you really want to we can, but I mean, there's not much point is there, you all know it's not haunted."

"I know," said Sirius, "let's go to the Three Broomsticks, butterbeer's on me."

"Oh no you don't have to..." started Remus.

"No, I do, like you said, I owe you one. I'm really grateful that you're doing this for me you know."

"I was only joking Sirius, honestly if you want to go by that logic I'll be in debt to you my whole life if you insist on going through with... you know."

"Don't worry about it Remus, if you think about it we're just repaying our debt to you for letting us copy all your work in history of magic."

"Oh yeah, because that's the same thing as putting all your lives in danger just to help me! Listen you don't have to do it I wouldn't mind honestly..."

"Merlin!" said James, "will you two stop acting like old women and let us go and have a butterbeer, we're friends right, and when one of us needs help, the other three will always help them out right? No one owes anyone anything, and they never will do."

In his head Remus said 'you're wrong James, I owe you three and Dumbledore everything' but he didn't voice this opinion because he knew James was too much of a Gryffindor to be having any of it. Besides, they were getting cold standing outside and Remus agreed they could all do with a nice warming butterbeer.


	5. An Interesting Lesson

Hi- once again I do not own anything at all- well I own some things, just not harry potter. Anyway i just want to say I've got a lot more Lily lined up for future chapters- I really think the marauders get much more interesting in years 5-7 so I'm sorry if i whizz through 3rd and 4th year a bit.

* * *

"And finally can anyone tell me how lycanthropy affects the werewolf while it is in it's human form? Mr Potter again."

"Near the full moon werewolves will feel ill, afterward they feel sick as well, but also because werewolf bites and scratches are cursed wounds if they attack themselves, which they often do if they are locked up as they are meant to be, they will have injuries that won't be able to be healed by magic. Sometimes, especially with young children, the transformation itself will cause injures, such as dislocation of bones. And of course werewolves have to deal with the prejudice they get from people because of their condition."

"Very good Mr. Potter, take another five points for Gryffindor."

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" hissed Remus as he turned to face Sirius and James.

"Answering questions," said Sirius, he too had given elaborate answers to about ten questions so far that lesson.

"Well would you mind not doing it?"

"Sorry mate, I would have thought you'd be happy that we're actually applying ourselves in class for once," said James.

"You're not applying yourselves you're showing off, you saying 'look at me! Look at me! I know all this already because my friends a freaking werewolf!'"

"Not so loud Moony," teased Sirius, "people might hear!"

"Try taking your own advice! You are so reckless the both of you. Do you know nothing about not drawing attention to yourselves?"

"I'm sorry," said Sirius.

"Me too, sorry Remus," said James.

"Alright. Just... just please, please don't be so... look I know James you're used to being the centre of attention all the time, and Sirius I know you do big reckless things like this to annoy your parents, but sometimes you just need to keep your head down and your mouth shut okay?"

"Okay," they said simultaneously, when Remus told them off for doing something they usually just ignored him, but when he asked them sincerely like that, when they could tell it was important to him, their friend could make them feel completely ashamed of themselves, and they couldn't bring themselves to say no to him. They kept their heads down and mouths shut until the end of the lesson.

"Well that was interesting lesson," Severus Snape said to Lily Evans as they filed out the classroom just ahead of the Marauders.

"Interesting?" said Sirius, he could never resist a dig at Snape, especially when he started proclaiming his love for everything to do with the dark arts, it just reminded him too much of Regulus, "what kind of creep are you!"

"Well excuse me," said Lily, "but the last time I checked enjoying a lesson did not make you a creep, anyway you seemed to like it as much as we did, you and Potter already knew every single answer, I didn't even know you two could read, let alone be bothered to read ahead!"

"Oh I don't think they've been reading ahead Lily," said Snape, "what did you think of the lesson Loopy."

"I'd think twice before being rude to any of my friends Snivellus," said James, drawing his wand.

"Don't James," said Remus, grabbing his arm almost lazily.

"Well at least you still listen to Remus anyway Potter," said Lily, and with that she walked away leading Severus by the arm, "you didn't have to picking fights you know Sev, you'll end up as bad as them."

"Well I hope you two are happy with yourselves!" said Remus rounding on Sirius and James, "look what you did now!"

"What?" said James.

"Snape knows."

"I'm sure he doesn't, he's got no proof anyway," said Sirius.

"He knows, I'm sure of it, and he's already got it in for me because I hang around with you two. I'm going to the library."

"Why are you going to the library?" asked Peter, "it's lunch."

"Because that's the only place where I can be sure I won't have to be around these two blockheads!"

"Hey Remus, wait, wait!"

"Go away James."

"Oh come on Remus, we're sorry, come to lunch."

"No Sirius. I don't know why you'd want me to anyway, you'd have to be a creep to want me anywhere near you, you'd have to be a creep to care about me!"

"Hey I didn't mean that, you know that was just to piss off Snivellus, I just hate the way he's so in love with the dark arts you know, I had to live with that for eleven years!"

"Yeah that's all I am aren't I, I'm a dark creature and I might as well go and join the Slytherins, mightn't I?"

"Hey, come on I didn't mean for that to sound like..."

"Well think about what you say before you say it then," said Remus, and he stormed off ignoring the calls of his best friends.

"Leave him," said Peter, "he probably just needs to be alone for a bit, let's go to lunch."

"I guess you're right," said James, "you don't think Snape really does know do you?"

"Nah, he can't can he," said Sirius, but he didn't sound too sure.

Remus regretted losing his temper like that almost instantly, he wanted nothing more than to go and apologise to his friends, it wasn't their problem after all, he hated dumping his own problems onto his friends like this. Unfortunately, before he could turn a round and head down to Great Hall to find them, he ran into Peeves.

"Why if it isn't loony loopy Lupin, what's got your knickers in a twist my little loopy friend?"

"Go away Peeves."

"But Peevsie wants to know, Peevsie cares about the ickle students oh so very much, what's made Loopy go so loony, is it by any chance the..." he dropped his voice to a whisper, "full moony?"

"Leave me alone."

"Oh Peevsie won't tell! Peevsie will have his fun yes, but never tell."

"Only because you know you'll be banished from the castle if you do," muttered Remus, he had just about had enough of people being so blasé with his secret for one day.

"Didn't catch that Loopy."

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Well there's no one else here, and you know talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, but oh well, I think you're way past that stage. Now if you don't mind I have an appointment with Filch and some dungbombs, for Hogwarts's favourite lunatic you do get quite boring to tease after a while."

It was halfway through lunch when Remus finally entered the Great Hall, James, Sirius and Peter waved to him, for a moment they thought he was just going to ignore them and go and sit on his own, or worse with Lily Evans, but he made his way over to them and sat down in the space next to Sirius.

"I'm sorry," all four of them said at once.

"Hang on a minute," said James, "why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I shouldn't have got angry with you, you shouldn't have to be worrying about my problems and keeping my secrets, and Sirius I'm sorry I snapped at you for saying that stuff to Snape, I know it makes reminds you of Regulus when he goes on about the Dark Arts, I just overreacted because I was panicking about Snape finding out."

"Hey, listen," said Sirius, "we're friends, if one of us has got a problem, it's all of our problem okay? And I'm sorry about what I said, I know I've got a mouth ten times bigger than my brain, that's why I get so many detentions."

"Nah, what you said was all true, that guy is a creep, I guess I just hate being associated with creeps like that."

"You and me both mate, I'm related to a whole bunch of them! Friends?"

"Of course, I couldn't ask for better friends than you guys. But what am I going to do about Snape."

"What are _we_ going to do you mean," James corrected him, "well, for starters I doubt he actually knows, I mean, he just can't can he? Even if he did have suspicions he's got no proof, and let's be honest, a werewolf at Hogwarts, it sounds so farfetched than no one would ever believe him if he told them."

"We could spy on him," said Peter, "we could use the Cloak."

"That's a good idea Pete," said Sirius, sounding mildly surprised, I can't see him at the Slytherin table, do you know where he normally goes at lunch?"

"I saw him leave with Evans, I think they normally go and sit by the greenhouses together."

"And how to you know that exactly?" said Sirius raising an eyebrow.

"I've just seen them around there a lot."

"You've been stalking Evans haven't you."

"I have not! I just like to make sure she's safe, I don't like the idea of her being alone with that Slytherin ball sack, he could do anything to her."

"What like kiss her."

"I was thinking more along the lines of hexing her actually Sirius, she is a muggleborn after all."

"Whatever, anyway are we going or what?"

"Sure, how about me and Sirius go up and get the cloak and you can finish your lunch Moony, Peter can stay with you."

"Sound good," said Remus, "thanks guys."

"No problem Moony," said Sirius, "we'll be back before you can say All-Slytherins-Are-Butt-Heads."

"I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all that Pete," said Remus when James and Sirius had left.

"It's okay, I should have said something to them, they need to be more careful about what they say."

"No, it's not your job to control James and Sirius, no one person could do that."

Both boys laughed. Even though it was clear that all was forgiven Peter still felt bad, he couldn't understand why he found it so hard to stand up to people. When it was the Slytherins it was okay because his friends would stand up for him, but when it was his friends he needed to stand up to who could he turn to? Remus could somehow get them to do as he said, but only sometimes.

"You can control them though," he mumbled, "how do you do it? They never listen to me."

"They hardly ever listen to me either," said Remus kindly, "they don't really listen to anyone do they? Except when it's about something really important."

"I guess that's it then, nothing I say is ever that important."

"Hey, come on Peter, if something is important to you then it is important, you've just got to show them how important it really is to you. Look I know they're crazy and careless, but when you really need them those two boys are the best friends anyone could have, we're really lucky you know."

"I know," said Peter solemnly.

Far from being equally grateful for James and Sirius's friendship Remus always made him feel guilty when he said how lucky they were, or how thankful he was for something. Peter was delighted to be friends with Sirius, Remus and James to be sure, but he wanted more, he wanted to be something in his own right. Sometimes he wished he could be like Remus, and just accept his life as it was, and be thankful for every bit of good fortune he had.

"Alright we got it," said James as he returned with Sirius, I don't know how we're all going o fir under though, maybe one of us should stay behind or just remain visible."

"I'll stay behind," sighed Peter, knowing where this was going.

"No, this was your idea, you should definitely come," said Remus, giving him a look that said 'show them this is important to you', "I don't think anyone actually needs to stay behind, but if one of us is going to be visible it had better be you Pete, I mean, they're hardly going o talk about me if I'm right there, and if they see James or Sirius on their own they're bound to get suspicious. You could just sit somewhere and pretend to be studying."

"Sound like an alright plan," said James, as they walked through the entrance hall, "alright coast is clear, Sirius, Remus, get under here."

Sure enough the boys, three of them hidden under the Invisibility Cloak, found Severus Snape sitting with Lily Evans in a patch of sunlight by the greenhouses.

"Don't lie Lily, you can see it too," Snape was saying, "everything fits, and it would explain why Potter and Black would know so much about werewolves if their friend was one."

"Severus, you think it fits because you _want_ it to fit, you'd just love to think Potter was involved in the Dark Arts just as much as your friends in Slytherin."

Sirius noticed that both James and Remus tensed at her words.

"And besides," she continued, "don't you think that if Remus was a werewolf he'd have been able to answer more questions himself."

"Not if he didn't want to draw attention to himself."

"Honestly, no one can win with you can they, if they act unusual they're suspicious, and if they act perfectly normal they're still suspicious."

"But Lupin doesn't act normal, because he's not normal! He's been disappearing every month for two whole years now, and I bought a lunar calendar in Hogsmeade and guess what, last time he disappeared it was a full moon, and I'll bet you anything next time it will be too."

"I'm sure that was just a coincidence Sev, I don't know why you're so obsessed with him anyway."

"Because..."

"No. I don't want to hear any more about it, I'm fed up of your theories Sev, come back to me when you have some real evidence, but until then stop harassing the poor boy, he's ill."

"Yes, because he's a bloody werewolf!"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore Severus, come on, we'd better head to Ancient Runes."

James, Remus, and Sirius waited until Lily and Severus were out of sight and then tore of the Cloak, Peter, who had been pretending to read the Standard Book of Spells Grade Three around the corner of the greenhouse hurried towards them.

"Did you hear any of that," asked Sirius.

"Only bits of it, I think got the jist though, are you alright Remus," he added, for Remus was frantically running his hands through his hair and muttering to himself.

"Damn! Damn! Oh fricking fricking damn! He knows! He knows! Oh god! Oh Merlin!"

"Hey, calm down," said James, "look it isn't all bad news, Evans didn't believe him right? And she's his best friend, so no one's going to believe him."

"Yeah, until next month, Snape wins their little bet! We all know what Snape's like he's not going to drop this, he's taken that whole 'evidence' thing as a challenge you know he has!"

"Let him try," said Sirius, "at the end of the day he can't physically prove anything can he? And as long as Lily doesn't want to hear about it I doubt he'll say anything, he worships her feet."

"Sirius is right," said James, a little grudgingly, "maybe you could sort something out next month to make it look less suspicious, if he loses this little bet with Lily he'll probably just want to try and make her forget about it, yeah?"

"Yeah, the problem is it'll look suspicious one way or another, even if by some miracle Madame Pomfrey lets me out in time to go to lessons he'll notice how ill I look, and knowing my luck I'll probably have some massive gash right across my face as well which will hardly help me blend in will it?"

"Talk to Dumbledore, he'll sort something out, maybe you get just do what you did that day on the train."

"Maybe," said Remus, "I don't want to cause a fuss though, Dumbledore's got more important things to worry about."


	6. Snivelly Suspicions

_Hey- here's ch6- I'm not JK Rowling etc. etc. ENJOY! Oh and please review (man I am bad at these things- hopefully I'm a bit better at writing the actual stories)_

"Aren't you going to eat anything?"

"No Peter, I'm thinking."

Peter Pettigrew looked across the table to his friends Sirius Black and James Potter and shrugged helplessly.

"Remus, you need to eat," said James.

"I'm not hungry, don't talk to me for a while, I'm thinking."

"So you said," said Sirius, "but last time I checked that didn't mean you had to skip breakfast."

"I told you I'm not hungry, I need to think of some way to make it look like I'm not... going away tomorrow night."

"Your only not hungry because you're stressed," said James.

"Oh and I wonder why I might that be James!"

"Look, mate, we've tried to think of something, we really have, but there's nothing you can do without going to Dumbledore or someone, Madam Pomfrey will never let you go to lessons on Thursday and even if she did... unless..."

"Unless what Sirius?" asked Remus hopefully.

"Well I still don't understand why you don't just take the potions you took back in September."

"Those potions are really expensive."

"So what the school will pay for them if you ask Dumbledore."

"No, it's not fair, he shouldn't go to all that trouble for one student."

Just then the bell rang for class, and the four boys prepared to drag themselves down to the dungeons for potions when they heard a voice from behind them.

"Mr Lupin," said Professor Dumbledore, "may I have a word."

"See you in potions guys," said Remus.

"Bye," replied his friends, 'ask him!' mouthed Sirius, Remus shook his head.

"Yes Professor?" said Remus, turning towards Dumbledore.

"Is there something troubling you Remus?"

"No Professor," said Remus, not daring to look into the Headmaster's blue eyes for fear that they would easily see through the lie.

"Let me rephrase that question, there is something troubling you Remus, you didn't eat anything at all this morning and you've been looking very on edge for the last couple of days, now I would like you to tell me what is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong Professor, I never feel too well before the full moon."

"Remus, forgive me but I have been watching you carefully for over two years now, especially near the full moon, and I know by now what is normal for you, your behaviour this month does not fit the pattern, it is clear there is something else worrying you as well."

"You're not the only one who's noticed a... pattern Professor," said Remus.

"I am assuming you are talking about someone other than Mr Black, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew," Dumbledore smiled.

"How do you know... I mean, I'm sorry, they found out they last year, I tried to hide it from them but they... they're smarter than people give them credit for."

"There is no need to apologise, trust and friendship are valuable things Remus, and if you have found them in those three boys then you should cherish it, but now, onto the matter in hand, has someone other than your friends found out about your condition."

"Not exactly, they think they know, but they're trying to find proof."

"May I ask who this 'they' is?"

"Severus Snape," Remus admitted reluctantly.

"Hmm, well it is very short notice, but I am sure I will be able to think of something to throw him off the scent as it where, now you'd better be getting to your lesson."

"Thank you sir, please don't go to too much trouble though."

"It is no trouble at all Remus, come to my office after your lessons and we will discuss the matter further, the password is liquorice wand."

"Thank you sir," said Remus again, and he hurried off to potions, where James Sirius and Peter had already arrived, as had Severus Snape.

"Where's your friend," Snape snarled at three out of the four marauders.

"Which one," said James, "two of them are right here."

"Don't get smart with me Potter, I'm talking about Lupin."

"Dumbledore wanted to see him, she thinks she can get him to admit it was us who reversed gravity in the corridor leading to your common room the other night."

"So that was you! I thought as much."

"Glad to know other people aren't getting credit for our hard work," chimed in Sirius.

"Settle down boys," called Slughorn, from the front of the room, and Snape reluctantly took his usual seat next to Lily Evans, "right, let's get down to business then shall we? Sleeping potions..."

"Nice diversion tactics there James," whispered Sirius.

"Why thank you Sirius," said James, fanning his face sarcastically.

"... varying strengths for medical purposes. Weaker ones tend to be used for..." Slughorn was interrupted by a knock on the door, "come in."

"Sorry I'm late Professor," said Remus, panting slightly, "Professor Dumbledore needed to speak to me."

"Take a seat Mr Lupin and open your textbook to page 58."

"Yes Sir," said Remus, slipping into the chair next to Peter.

"What did Dumbledore want then?" asked Peter, earning a "shh!" from James and Sirius.

"We told Snivellus Dumbledore wanted to ask you about that prank we pulled on the Slytherins last weekend," said Sirius in response to Remus's questioning look, "tell us about it later."

"Okay, but don't worry I didn't rat you out or anything, I just told him I knew nothing about it," said Remus loud enough for Snape to hear, "I don't think he believed me, you know what he's like, but he didn't say he was going to punish us so..."

"Mr Lupin, please be quite while I am talking. Where was I? Oh yes, all sleeping potions brewed for commercial purposes are regulated by the Ministry to ensure..."

"I like your thinking Moony," said James.

The boys stayed relatively quiet for the rest of potions, well quiet is probably not the word, they didn't talk about Remus's discussion with Dumbledore anyway. Instead he told them about it in Herbology, with they had with the Hufflepuffs, generally quite a safe and noisy crowd.

"There, we told you you should have gone to him in the first place," said James, "he'll think of something don't worry."

"Will you eat at lunch then?" asked Sirius, only semi-sarcastically.

"Yes Sirius," Remus replied exasperatedly, "I'll eat lunch."

As promised Remus did eat lunch, he found he was actually very hungry after not eating at breakfast, the boys did not talk about Remus's meeting with Dumbledore until lessons finished and they wished him a simple "good luck". Only as he stood on the revolving spiral staircase guarded by a stone griffin that lead to Dumbledore's office did Remus suddenly feel a jolt of nerves deep in his stomach, he could not say exactly what it was he was nervous about, it must have just been the general sense of foreboding that emanated from the Headmaster's office. He swallowed and knocked on the heavy oak door.

"Come in Mr Lupin," said Dumbledore from the other side, and Remus entered the room, surprised to find not only Dumbledore, but also Slughorn and Madam Pomfrey.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore, Professor Slughorn, Madam Pomfrey,"

"Hello Remus," smiled Madam Pomfrey.

"Take a seat Remus," said Professor Dumbledore, "now, I have explained the situation to Madam Pomfrey and Professor Slughorn, and we believe there will be a way to make sure you are fit for classes after your transformation, but you should know that after the effects of the potions wear off you may feel worse than normal, do you still wish to proceed?"

"Yes Professor, I already knew that anyway, it was like that when I took all those potions so I could catch the Hogwarts Express."

"Ah yes, I wanted to ask you about that, because this is a fairly unexplored area of Healing your experiences are the best things we have to go on, now, can you remind me what you took on September the first?"

Remus reeled off the litany of potions his mother had given him back in September.

"Interesting... interesting," said Professor Slughorn, "and how did your mother know so much about healing potions young man, I thought you were a half blood?"

"I am sir, well sort of, my father's not exactly what you'd call a pure blood, but near enough, and my mother's a muggleborn, she's a Healer," said Remus, neglecting to mention that she had lost her job soon after he had been bitten.

"Ah, a muggleborn, which house was she in, would I have taught her?"

"Hufflepuff sir, and you might have taught her, her maiden name was Mary O'Hanlon."

"O'Hanlon... O'Hanlon... Mary... no I can't say I remember her, but then again, if she was a Hufflepuff, and a muggleborn too, not that I'm prejudiced, just that one does not tend to expect people like that to become Healers and Aurors do they?"

Remus bit down on his tongue to stop him from saying anything, now was not the time.

"Anyway Horace," said Dumbledore, coming to the rescue, "let's get back to the current situation shall we? Now Remus, would you say that combination of potions would work again, or should we make some changes."

"Well, would it be possible to... you see, the effects wore off after about three hours so..."

"That would have been the pain reducers counteracting the invigoration draught," said Slughorn, "with weaker pain potions that problem doesn't tend to occur."

"I could just take a weaker pain reducer then couldn't I?" said Remus brightly.

"Well, I'm not sure about that," said Madam Pomfrey, ever overprotective of her patients.

"It'll be fine, Madam Pomfrey," said Remus, "I can deal with the pain easily, all I really need is to be able to stay awake and not throw up or get dizzy or anything," he laughed awkwardly, none of the adults were laughing with him.

"If you are sure Remus," said Dumbledore.

"I am Professor, pain passes, it's fine, that's what I tell myself before I transform, it'll be worth it in the end if it means I can stay at school and no one finds out."

The aged Professor looked at him strangely for a moment, a small smile on his face and something in his eyes... pride? Remus couldn't tell.

"Very well then, I can see why you are in Gryffindor Mr Lupin, you'd better get going."

"Thank you Professor, and you Professor Slughorn, and you Madam Pomfrey, I feel bad that you're going to all this trouble just to help me."

"Remus, listen to me," Professor Dumbledore, "I don't think you understand your own importance," Remus blushed at this and shifted uncomfortably on his feet, "you are a modest boy so I would not expect you to, but listen to me when I say that if we are able to help you by extension we will be able to help other people with your condition. There is a war brewing Remus, and it is important that we all help each other as much as we possibly can, now, good evening."

"Thank you, bye," mumbled Remus.

As he walked back to the Gryffindor common room he thought over what Dumbledore had said, he had been reading the Prophet of course, he knew that people were disappearing, there had even been an increase in the number of werewolf attacks, his stomach gave a huge jolt every time he read the name Fenrir Greyback in the paper. Even at the young age of thirteen Remus Lupin could see that the Ministry was losing control, they had made too many enemies over the years as a result of ridiculous policies, werewolves being a large group among them. Maybe, he thought, by helping him Dumbledore was trying to keep him on their side, part of him was disgusted by the idea, of course he was on their side, he would never ever join these 'Death Eaters' or the ranks of Fenrir Greyback, but he could see the logic behind it, and he thought that maybe if all werewolves were treated by the Ministry the in the same way he was treated by Dumbledore there wouldn't be so many werewolf attacks, in fact maybe lycanthropy would die out altogether given enough time.

_To be continued..._


	7. More Dabbles in Drugs

_Thanks for the reviews guys- i felt really bad for a moment 'cause i didn't realise the dates were written the american way so i thought they'd been sitting there unread since may- then i remembered that i hadn't even started writing back then *face-palm* anyway thanks- more humor coming up (but after this chapter). Wow this one's a long-un! though they seem to be getting longer and longer the more i write, but anyway i am not jk so i doubt they'll ever reach OotP length- thank god- i'd probably break the internet, anyway hope you like it- please keep reviweing._

* * *

"Did it go alright, is everything sorted?" said Sirius, practically leaping on him as soon as Remus climbed through the portrait hole.

"Not here, dormitory, anyway I thought you '_knew Dumbledore would sort something out'_."

"Yeah well... come on let's go, you've got to tell us the plan, and while we're there we've got a little plan of our own to tell you," he said smirking, Remus's face lit up, as much as he tried to keep himself and his friends out of trouble James and Sirius's 'plans' never failed to make him laugh.

"So, what's the story?" said James, as he closed the door to their dorm.

"Oh, well I'm just going to take a truck load of potions like I did on the train, but I'm going to take a weaker pain reducer so that the invigoration draught doesn't do something or other... all that potions stuff just goes way over my head, anyway that should make the effects last longer, instead of just a couple of hours like last time."

"So you'll be able to come to class?" said Peter.

"Yep."

"Cool," said James, "won't that mean you'll be in pain though?"

Remus shrugged, "I'll be fine."

James opened his mouth to speak again but Remus cut him off, "so what's this plan of your then?"

"Well, we we're thinking, even though you've taken all those potions you're still going to be a bit..."

"Zombified," supplied Sirius.

"Yeah, and the last thing you'll want is Slytherin's favourite grease-ball sticking his oversized nose in where it's not wanted, so what we need is a distraction," grinned James.

"We're going to prank Snape, and the other Slythrins, you know, Mulciber and Avery and that lot,2 said Peter, though Remus had already guessed as much.

"And darling Regulus too if we can pull it off," said Sirius.

"And it's doubly perfect," said James, never one to blow his own trumpet or anything, "because it'll be a way of showing that slimy git that for the marauders it's business as usual."

Remus had to admit that did sound pretty good.

"That's... that's actually a really good idea! What are we going to do?"

"Oh nothing big, just something subtle, understated... no it really is!" James protested at Remus's raised eyebrows.

"Zonko's have brought out a new line of dung bombs, _'slow releasing- for hours of sensational stinking!'_," Sirius quoted.

"You really do absorb adverts like a sponge don't you Sirius," said James.

"Shut up, it's lucky I do, because otherwise I wouldn't have bought any on Hallowe'en wouldn't I? And then where would we be now?"

"Sirius learnt this great permanent sticking charm," said Peter.

"I used it to stick a load of Gryffindor stuff in my room last summer, the look on my mum's face was pure gold."

"I see where you're going with this, I must say I'm impressed."

"Don't sound so surprised Moony! We can do subtle can't James."

"We sure can Sirius, so what we'll do is..."

"Stick the dung bombs to Snape and the other Slytherins?"

"You got it," said James.

"And we're going to charm a load of flies to fly around their heads," said Peter, "that was my idea," he added proudly, "there's this old man in the village I live in that always walks around with flies flying around his head, he's stinky... and kind of scary."

"Yeah, that was quite a stroke of genius on Pete's part," said Sirius.

"Always the tone of surprise," Peter laughed, "anyway, what do think Remus?"

"It sounds great guys!"

"That's 'cause it is great Moony!" said James, "oh and I'll come and get you from the Hospital Wing in the morning yeah?"

"Oh no you don't have to..."

"It's cool, I'll bring the Cloak, that way no one will see where you came from and they'll think you just came down from the dorms with us."

"Oh, nice idea, thanks James."

"No problem Moony."

"Well thanks anyway, I'm going to finish off that History of Magic essay if that's alright," he wanted to finish all his homework tonight so he wouldn't have to do anything for the next two days.

When Madam Pomfrey woke him the morning after the full moon the first thing Remus did was feel his face, to his relief he didn't seem to have cut himself there, his other wounds didn't matter, they'd be easy to hide. It was still dark outside, the Scottish winter was certainly upon them now, but Madam Pomfrey cast Disillusionment charms over herself and Remus anyway, before taking him gently around the shoulders and leading him to the side door that lead directly from the grounds into the Hospital Wing, the door had been built especially when Remus came to Hogwarts so that he would not have to walk all the way through the school after his transformations. Once inside she healed his wounds as much as possibly, covering them in an orange ointment before bandaging them, and he drank all the potions that would allow him to stay awake and relatively functional all day.

"Now, are you sure about this," she said, for about the billionth time.

"I'm sure, it's the only way to stop people finding out."

"Fine, but if you need anything don't hesitate to come back here, and I want to see you at the end of the day to make sure you're alright, yes?"

"Yes Madam Pomfrey."

Just then there was a knock on the door, Madam Pomfrey went to answer it and though the Hospital Wing was empty Remus pulled the curtain round him, but he needn't have because he soon heard James's voice echoing slightly through the silent castle. It was still very early so most students probably weren't up yet.

"Is Remus here yet? Is he okay?"

"He's here, come in."

Remus was suddenly conscious that he still didn't have his shirt on, and was still buttoning it up when James swiped away the curtain.

"You alright mate?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Remus, hurriedly doing up the last few buttons, he didn't want James to see his wounds, it was bad enough when he, Sirius and Peter caught the occasional glimpse of his scars.

"We've still got half an hour 'til breakfast, I wasn't sure if you'd want to go back to the dorm first or anything."

"Nah, it's ok, I brought down all my books and stuff last night," said Remus, on the one hand it might be a good idea to be seen leaving the dorm as if he'd been there all along, but it still sounded like a lot of walking, and with the weaker pain reducing potion his legs and back still felt incredibly achy, and besides they had the Invisibility Cloak so no one would see them leave the Hospital Wing.

"Oh, alright, do you want to like, go to sleep or anything then?"

"No, I don't think I could, the potions remember?"

"Right, yeah, are they working?"

"I guess so, I don't feel tired or anything, just kind of weird you know?"

"You did seem kind of buzzing on the train."

"Yeah, it's strange, it's like a huge adrenaline rush or something."

The two boys talked for a while before Madam Pomfrey insisted on checking Remus over one last time, then they were allowed to leave for breakfast. As soon as the door to the Hospital Wing closed behind them James whipped his Invisibility Cloak out of his pocket and draped it over the both of them, as both boys were still quite small and skinny it covered them easily. Once they were in the entrance hall they took the Cloak off, relying on the crowd of students to let them do this unnoticed. They soon found Sirius and Peter already sitting at the Gryffindor table.

"How are you feeling?" said Peter.

"Great," said Remus, sitting down next to him, just about managing not to wince as his muscles screamed into protest, he was not lying though, apart from the pain in his body he felt miles better than normal, he felt like he wanted to go and run around the Slytherin table yelling insults or jump in the lake or something, if only he wasn't so sore "so, all set for the prank then?"

"Yep," said Sirius, "all set, we're going to have to take them one by one, but that should be fairly easy."

And so the boys spent breakfast discussing the finer points of their plan, Remus didn't feel like eating much, but managed to have a small bowl of cereal. Sirius would easily be able to stick a dung bomb to Regulus without it looking too suspicious, for the two brothers were forever seeking each other out for no other purpose than to insult each other. And James was sure that Snape would approach _them_ before long once he saw Remus, and since the Slytherins seemed to go everywhere in packs Mulciber and Avery would probably be with him. Then it would just be up to James and Remus to distract them while Sirius and Peter would do the charmwork. At the end of breakfast Sirius broke away from the other boys to intercept his brother, returning just as the bell rang for History of Magic.

"One down, three to go," he whispered.

"Did you do the fly thing as well?" asked Peter.

"Yup, he didn't even notice, man I wish I could be there when he does."

James's prediction came true sooner than expected, as the Gryffindor boys met the Slytherins on the way to Transfiguration Snape stopped dead in his tracks.

"L... Lupin?!" he stuttered.

"Yes?" said Remus, raising an eyebrow and doing his best to look confused.

"Wh... what... nothing," he said.

"Cat got your tongue Snivelly?" said James, seizing the moment.

"Shut up Potter," said Snape drawing his wand, Avery and Mulciber mirroring his movements

"Now, now my greasy friend," said James infuriatingly patronisingly, "I'm sure we all, even you three, can behave like civilised human beings and just..."

"What even that?" he spat, flicking his wand towards Remus.

"Even what?" asked James, turning round to look past Remus, dramatically craning his neck to see what Snape was talking about.

"Even that filthy half-breed friend of yours."

Remus laughed, it caused a sharp pain in his rib cage but he found he couldn't stop laughing, the three Slytherins stood staring at him transfixed, Sirus nodded to Peter and they seized their opportunity.

"I'm a filthy half-_blood _not a filthy half-_breed _you idiot," he said, pulling himself out of his laughing fit, which he was sure had something to do with one or more of the potions he'd taken, "Merlin you guys are going to make the worst Death Eaters in the world, at least use the right term of abuse if you are going to insult me, I mean, otherwise you'll just look stupid."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that you disgusting..." said Avery stepping forward, Remus noticed that he now had a column of flies whirring above his head, "do you want me to hex you?"

"Not particularly, and I would rather you don't stand to near me either to be honest, I mean, to put it frankly Avery, you stink."

"How dare you..."

"Err, mate," said Mulciber, "sorry to say this, but you do kind of smell, and erm... well, you've got flies buzzing round your head."

"What? I... hang on, you have too, and you Severus."

"What the hell did you do to us Potter?"

"Nothing," said James, holding his hands up in the air, "it's probably just your refusal to ever take a shower finally catching up with you."

"I had a shower this morning you filthy mudblood-lover."

"Are you sure, because from here it smells like you're the one that's filthy."

Just then Professor McGonagall arrived.

"If someone has been letting dung bombs off again then... boys may I ask why there are flies following you around."

"It was Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, Miss," said Snape.

"But how could it have been, we were having a lovely conversation about whether or not my friend was a filthy half-blood and I was a mudblood-lover, surely you would have noticed if we'd somehow made a load of flies start buzzing around you."

"Mr Snape, I have warned you before about using language like that, 10 points from Slytherin for all three of you, now for heavens sake go and do something about those flies, I'm sure Madam Pomfrey will be able to get rid of them."

The three Slytherins boys stalked off with of murmer of "this isn't over".

"Now, you four, those flies clearly got there somehow, and I for one don't believ that you had nothing to do with it."

"It was me Professor," said Sirius, "he started Remus and I just lost it, I'm sorry."

"10 points from Gryffindor Mr Black, while Mr Snape, Mr Mulciber and Mr Avery thouroughly deserved to be punished for using that foul language it is not up to you to administer that punishment. Are you alright Mr Lupin," she added, with a look that clearly showed she was referring to more than just being insulted by Snape.

"Yes Professor."

"Good," she said, lowering her voice, "now I know that that kind of charm must have been premeditated," she said to the four boys, "and therefore I should have been much harder on you, but Professor Dumbledore told me about the situation with Mr Snape, so if you knew he would approach you like that... look, I know that sometimes you have to make a move before someone makes a move against you, but let it be known that in any other circumstances I will not be so lenient."

"Yes Professor," said the boys solemnly, though they were mentally high fiving each other and screaming 'we got away with it!'

By the end of lessons Remus's potions were starting to wear off, he took care to stand up slowly this time at the end of defence, for once grateful for their current teacher's aversion to practical lessons, preferring what the students of Hogwarts had come to term "the Binns approach". James must have noticed this for he grabbed his arm and said in a low voice:

"Are you ok? Do you need to go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yeah, I think I'll just go and get a pain potion or something," Remus muttered, much as he didn't want to seem weak or anything he knew Madam Pomfrey would hunt him down if he didn't go to see her, so he might as well go now so that he could get something for the pain, that way he might be able to sleep for a couple of hours before dinner.

"Come on, I'll come with you, we'll use the Cloak."

"Thanks, will you let go of my arm though."

"Oh, sorry," said James, releasing Remus, "hey, Pete, Sirius, Remus isn't feeling too well yeah so I'm going to take him to the Hospital Wing, see you back in the common room in a bit."

"We'll come too if you want," said Sirius.

"No, we're going to use the Cloak, you and Peter go on up."

As soon as they were out of sight James once again pulled the Cloak over himself and Remus, whose eye's, he noticed had glazed over slightly. He took him by the shoulder as they made their way down stairs, and took Remus's unusual lack of struggle as a sign that he was thankful for it, suddenly he heard a voice he recognised and froze, a second later, Lily Evans emerged from a small corridor arguing with a now fly-free, but still smelly Severus Snape.

"...I don't know why you don't just drop this, I mean you are so clearly wrong. It was the full moon last night, you said so yourself, so surely if he was a werewolf he would be in school today would he?"

James grinned at Remus, who smiled weakly back.

"I'm telling you this proves nothing."

"Yes it does! Today was the test, you said so yourself, you _swore _to me that today you'd prove to me he was a werewolf and you haven't so all you've done is prove yourself wrong. He didn't even have the right symptoms according to what you've been reading."

"He could have easily taken a load of potions to cover up his symptoms and make him well enough to come to class, he's friends with _Potter_ after all, I bet they knew, I bet they saw it coming so they..."

James saw a pained look cross Remus's face that he was sure was not wholly due to physical suffering, the boy bit down on his lip, he was shaking ever so slightly.

"Honestly Sev, do you really think that if he was a werewolf but could just take some medicine and be fine on one full moon he wouldn't just do it for every full moon? Honestly you're so busy trying to make the details fit that miss the huge massive things that are staring you right in the face. I mean come on, how likely is it that a werewolf would even be allowed into Hogwarts?"

James saw even more colour drain from Remus's face, and he decided they'd best get moving, while it'd be useful to hear their theories now was not the time. He nudged Remus gently and they set off again together, moving awkwardly, impeded both by the Invisibility Cloak and Remus's shaky legs. Finally they arrived at the Hospital Wing, James whipped the Cloak off them before they opened the doors to find it empty save for one hufflepuff fifth year who seemed to have gotten on the wrong end of a badly performed furnunculus curse. Madam Pomfrey left the fifith year and hurried over to Remus, taking his over arm and she and James help him onto a bed.

"I'll be back in a minute," she said, "I'll just fix Mr Abbot up and then I'll see to you okay?"

James nodded on Remus's behalf, knowing that that was her way of saying, 'let me just get rid of him'. Remus gratefully drank the pain reducer he was given, sighing with relief as it took effect. He was so tired, he just wanted to fall asleep in this bed, but he couldn't.

"Dinner," he said sleepily.

"Are you hungry?" asked Madam Pomfrey.

"No... but I oughtn't miss it... maybe I should head back up to the dorm."

"Don't be daft," said James, "why don't you just stay here? We'll wake you in time for dinner, I'll stay with you if you want."

"You don't have to," Remus mumbled, letting his drooping eyelids close.

"It's fine I don't mind," said James, when no reply came he realised his friend was fast asleep, he turned to the matron, "did you give him a sleeping draught?"

"No, he doesn't normally need one, he's worn out poor thing, once he's had the pain potion he can sleep fine, that reminds me..." she reached in her apron pocket and pulled out a small phial filled with more pain reducing potion, "he'll be wanting another dose tonight, this'll save you coming back here after dinner... do look after him won't you?"

"Of course," said James, pocketing the potion, "we all do, Peter and Sirius too."

"Good boy, you needn't stay you know, he'll be alright, he always is, I kind of admire him really, he's the toughest little boy I've ever met in a way."

James looked at the pale sleeping boy lying on top of the covers of the hospital bed.

"Yeah," he said, "he's a true Gryffindor alright."


	8. Firewhiskey

hey- still not JK- haven't got round to the stage of assimilating her DNA yet- "evil plans- we are making evils plans!" (oh yeah and i don't own starkid either just in case you were wondering) thanks to the reviews again- no plans to stop writing anytime soon- this fic's gonna continue into first Order years, and i've aslo got some stuff line up for Remus/Tonks (plus Sirius) etc coz ideas just come to me randomly like that, anyway i think i'm doing a pretty good job keeping things in chronological order- i'm sorry i skipped through some the first year- have already written a sorting flashback thingymagig but gonna have to wait 'til seventh year for that- yeah i know my mind doesnt make sense. Oh god i'm turning into on of those people who write really rlong rambling disclaimers- i NEVER rad these things so i don't give a toss if you don't- I'll keep 'em shorter from now on i swear.

* * *

"So," said James, flipping open the lid of a golden griffin flask who's contents were smoking ominously, "who's first... Peter?"

Peter moaned but reached out to take the flask.

"James, you can't just dump everything on Peter all the time," said Remus.

"Do we have a volunteer Mr Moony," asked James, raising his eyebrows.

"No fricking way I've got a medical condition," said Remus holding his hands up and taking a step away from his friends.

"Yeah the last time I checked werewolves can still take aging potions," said Sirius.

"Yeah but this is an aging potion brewed by _us_ and when I say us I mean you Mr Perfect over there, so by rights it should be one of you two doing the honours," Remus smirked.

"James," said Sirius, waving his hand as if to introduce him onto a stage or something.

"And why the hell should I do this and not you?"

"You've got less to lose," shrugged Sirius.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Well look at me... and then look at you... this is for the good of the Marauder's you understand, any group has got to have a certain amount of glamour in it and since most of it come from me... it's just too great a risk for my liking."

"You've got to be kidding," said Remus, "you've done way riskier things than this, you get off on it!"

"I do not! And anyway I've never risked anything of this value before have I?" I mean, look at hair," he said, pulling at a glossy black lock, "we can't risk that getting stuck all Dumbledore can we?"

"I don't know, I reckon that might be a good look for you," said James.

"Nah, you'd make a way better old dude than me James, come on Remus, Peter, don't you think James'd make a way better oldie than me... might even be an improvement... Ow! You slap like a girl!"

"Yeah well you act like one... _not my hair! My precious hair! My lovely luxuriant locks!_"

"Oh shut up!"

"Fun as it is to laugh at Sirius's obsession with his hair," said Remus, "I really don't want to be standing out here all day, if we wait much longer Sirius's get seen, and he's not even supposed to be in Hogsmeade let alone with an illegally brewed aging potion standing outside the questionably location of the Hog's Head, so if that happens we can kiss any chance at of trying firewhiskey au revoir."

"Never knew you were such an alcohol fiend Moony," said Sirius, "I'm impressed."

"I'm already a druggie, might as well go the whole hog," joked Remus, "but quit stalling, just drink the bleeding potion."

"Our potion is not bleeding," said James, feigning insult.

"Well if you have such faith in it why not go first?"

James looked at the flask the way he looked at a game of wizard's chess he was just about to lose, Remus smiled.

"Fine... fine... there's nothing wrong with it, you'll see, I mean honestly guys, you call yourself Gryffindors do you? And you Sirius? Where's your sense of pride in your own concoction?"

"You've got enough pride for all of us mate, now drink up, chop chop!"

James looked at the potion for another second before lifting it to his mouth as quickly as possible, so there's be no time to back out, and taking a sip, they only needed to be about ten years older, so that would be enough. The other three boys watched as James, face screwed up in pain, grew almost a foot and sprouted a layer of stubble on his cheeks and chin, they were all waiting for something to go wrong, and when nothing did they all burst out laughing.

"What? What?! What's so funny?" asked James, his voice coming out much deeper than expected, this only caused Peter, Sirius and Remus to laugh harder, "I'll bet you guys look funnier!"

James thrusted the flask towards Sirius, who took a swig from it and passed it along to Peter, and then Remus, who braced himself before drinking it, and then waited for the pain... but it did not come. He burst out laughing again as he felt himself growing taller, it was the strangest sensation... it didn't hurt at all... He looked up from his laughter to see his three friends rubbing various body parts in discomfort.

"I wasn't expecting it to hurt," said Peter.

"Me neither," said James.

"Do you think we made a mistake?" asked Sirius.

"Huh? I didn't think it hurt at all... I was expecting it to though, I mean you're bones have just stretched the amount they'd normally grow in ten years in the space of about ten seconds."

Peter squirmed at the description, while James and Sirius just looked at Remus awkwardly, almost apologetically, it was only then that Remus realised what he must have sounded like, he blushed.

"Sorry, I guess I've just got a high pain threshold because of... and things always seem better if you're expecting..." he stopped talking, he was making it even worse, the awkwardness was turning into pity.

"Mate, I'm sorry," said James, "I didn't think, blimey... of course that's be a million times worse... I'm so sorry."

"Why? No! There's no need to be?" Remus laughed awkwardly, "_I'm_ sorry, _I _didn't think, I forgot you're not used to... I should have warned you it might be a bit painful, I just kind of thought it was obvious, since you're... transforming into something else."

"Nah, it should have been obvious," said Sirius, "and you're right it wasn't that painful, I just wasn't expecting really."

"Yeah, it just kind of took by surprise," said James.

Remus noticed James flashing a brief look towards Peter before he too said "yeah".

There was another period of lip-biting silence before Remus finally said "well come on then, what are we waiting for, we've only got an hour before this wears off, and you can't keep an alcoholic waiting this long you know" he added laughing.

The other three boys laughed along with Remus, with relief more than anything else, they dropped the subject of transformations, aging potion induced or otherwise, and entered the Hog's Head with a tingling sense of mischief and trepidation. Remus and Peter went to find a table, while Sirius and James, being the more confident pair approached the bar. The bar man raised one eyebrow slightly as they ordered four firewhiskeys in what perhaps a fair too cheerful, boyish tone, but served them anyway. They carried them over to the table and plonked one each down in front of themselves, and one each in front of Peter and Remus.

"So, what are we drinking to then?" asked James, picking up his glass.

"To the one eyed witch," grinned Sirius, they boys grinned back, they had finally found the secret passage to Honeydukes a couple of weeks ago, this time sneaking Sirius out had been a lot easier without the trouble of getting past Filch.

"To Old Sluggy's store cupboard," said Remus, "to which we owe so much."

Everyone looked to Peter, who seemed not to notice for a few moments before stuttering "oh... er... to mates."

Remus smiled at him, though it was simple he thought it was a better toast that either his or Sirius's.

"To Mischief Managed!" said James and the four of them knocked back their shots in one, before coughing and spluttering and generally attracting a lot of attention.

"Jesus!" exclaimed Remus, wiping his watering eyes, reverting back to one of his mum's muggle phrases.

"Bloody hell that stuff's strong," said James.

"It really does burn your throat doesn't it?" said Sirius, sounding absolutely delighted, "who wants another?"

"Do you really think it's a good idea to turn up at dinner drunk?" asked Remus.

"Oh lighten up Moony, we're not getting drunk we're just having one more, what harm can it do," said James.

"I'll have another one," said Peter, seeing that James was also on board with the plan and not wanting to be left out.

"Fine, four more firewhiskeys it is then," said Sirius getting up from his seat, pulling James with him.

"Three!" Remus corrected him, but he had obviously chosen not to hear him for when the two boys returned they had four more shot glasses with them.

"Fine but I'm not paying," said Remus, "what are we drinking to this time?"

"Who cares, we don't need to drink _to_ anything, cheers!" said Sirius, knocking his back before the others even had time to grab their glasses.

There was another, shorter round of coughing followed by the blinking and wiping of watering eyes.

"This is so bloody surreal," said Sirius.

"What? Are you already so drunk you're hallucinating?" joked James.

"Piss off. No anyway, I mean seeing you three all... old."

"We can't be that old," said Remus, "no more than mid twenties."

"It's still weird though, d'you reckon we'll really look like this in ten years time?"

"Well according to what we read the potion replicates the biological aging process pretty precisely, but of course it can't replicate the effects of outside influences on our bodies," supplied Remus.

"Speak English not textbook-talk will you Moony," said James.

"Our textbooks are _written_ in English Jamie, god did you take a bludger to the head in that match against Ravenclaw?"

"Haha very funny, and don't call me Jamie."

"Why not? You get to call me Moony."

"Yeah well that's a cool nickname, and it's a mates nickname you know, Jamie is what my _mum_ calls me."

"Anyway all I was saying was that the potion obviously can't be one hundred percent accurate as it can't predict what will happen to us in the future, so say for example if one of us loses an arm in the next ten years the potion wouldn't show that," explained Remus, deliberately avoiding using himself as an example, though he could not help thinking about how much worse for wear he'd really be looking in ten years time.

"So this is what we'll look like in ten years time so long as nothing happens to us?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, I guess you could put it like that," said Remus.

"So we won't look like this then," said Sirius, although it was not a question Peter seemed to think it needed a response.

"We could do, s'long as nothing happens to us right?"

"Yeah well stuff is going to happen to us Pete," said Sirius, "there's going to be a war, isn't there?"

"But... but we'll be alright won't we, I mean, no one's going to come after us will they?"

"Well maybe not us," said James, "we're pure bloods, we're safe, but not Remus," he said his mouth twitching uncomfortably, "even if he wasn't a half-blood, there's still his furry little problem to consider, they'd be after him, wouldn't they?" he finished, seeming to be speaking to himself as much as to Peter.

"Blimey you two are miserable drunks," said Remus, forcing a laugh, "I mean cynical humor kind of works for Sirius, but you James, you're meant to be the young carefree Quidditch star, our very own walking talking fountain of optimism."

"But it's true though, and it's not just you, it's other people too, it's Ev... it's everyone."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance, though Peter had missed it the two of them had both picked up it, James never stuttered, in that look Remus saw that Sirius too had a sneaking suspicion that James had not originally intended to say "everyone" but rather someone in particular.

"But anyway, even if they don't come after us," said Sirius, "we're going to go after them, if there's a war coming we're going to fight."

"That's right," said James, "we're Gryffindors after all, we're born warriors, and we're certainly not cowards, I couldn't live with myself if I knew they'd got any of my friends and I hadn't even tried to stop them."

"Let's make a pact," said Sirius, placing his hand in the middle of the table, "I Sirius Black do solemnly swear that I will fight against these Death Eater blokes."

"I James Potter so also swear to fight against the Death Eaters," he said placing his hand on top of Sirius's, "and may I also add that by forming this pact, we the Marauders do also agree that on this day in ten years time we will all meet again in this very pub and drink ten shots of firewhiskey... each," he added looking pointedly at Remus.

"I Remus Lupin do solemnly swear to fight against the Death Eaters, and to meet here with my fellow marauders in ten years time... and drink ten shots of firewhiskey," he added cracking into a grin at James's loom of approval.

Peter hesitated for a second before placing his hand on top of Remus's and saying "I Peter Pettigrew swear to fight if there's a war... w... which there is going to be... and I swear to meet here in ten years time with you guys and drink ten shots of firewhiskey?" he finished, his pitched raised as if he'd asked a question, he looked to James and Sirius for confirmation that he'd said enough and received it in the form of a pair of twin Maraudering grins.

Ten years later to the day, Remus Lupin sat in the Hog's Head with a full shot glass of firewhiskey in front of him, it was his ninth and he felt that if he drank it he would be at serious risk of throwing up all over Aberforth's bar, but he had promised himself (for want of anyone else to make a promise to) that he would not leave until he's finished not only his ten, but also ten each for each of his lost friends. He stared into the golden liquid and shuddered as a fresh wave of that sea of memories of that day in Hogsmeade ten years ago washed over him, he thought he would surely drown in either one or the other. Though he had not shown it he had been reticent about entering into that pact, not because he didn't want to fight... he knew even back then that he _had_ to fight, unlike poor Peter, he needn't have gotten involved in any of that at all, he needn't have died... but anyway it was the second half of the their promise that had made Remus so hesitant. Out of the four of them he had always assumed he would be the first to die, he had never even considered the possibility that it might be him left mourning the deaths of his three best friends... no, Sirius wasn't dead, he had to stop telling himself that it was the easy option, it was so much easier to believe that Sirius had just been another victim of the long wand of Lord Voldemort. But no, Sirius wasn't dead, Sirius was lost in an entirely different way, and he was also the reason his other two friends were lost as well. Sirius was not dead, but he mourned him none-the-less, the Sirius he knew was dead, and the _other_ Sirius, as he thought of him, would soon be as good as under the influence of the Dementors. He had been reluctant to enter into a promise that he was not certain he could fulfil, and not, as James had suspected, because he would not be able to handle ten shots of firewhiskey. Looking back on it the irony of it being James of all people to add the second oath caused him physical pain, despite what he had said that day James still thought he was invincible, and yet he had been the first to die. Yet it was he and he alone who was still here, fulfilling it, not just for himself but for his three (no two!) dead friends. He downed the eighth the glass in one.

* * *

Okay- what the hell happened to my lighthearted chapter? i honestly don't know the wrackspurts must have stolen it out of my brain- i scare myself sometimes with the amount of doom and gloom i am able to write- i really am quite the optimist in real life- but oh well so was Murphy and he gave us "the light at the end of the tunnel is the the head lamps of an oncoming train" so hey. (btw i'm not him either- god i hate disclaimers)


	9. Sisters and Sorrow

Hi- still not JK- thanks for the reviews- keep reviewing- etc etc (see i'm keeping it short and sweet this time)

* * *

"Hi Remus."

Remus jumped, he had been completely absorbed in his thoughts as he watched the owl carrying his letter fade away into the distance and he hadn't heard the door to the Owlery open.

"Hi Lily," he said, turning around, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to creep up on you or anything, I was just going to send a letter to my sister."

"Yeah, I was just writing to my parents, they worry if I don't write," after every full moon, "you told me about your sister didn't you? She's called Petunia right?"

"Yeah," she said sadly, "I like it in here, it's so quiet, and their airs so cool and fresh, it really helps clear your head you know?"

"I know what you mean," said Remus, Madam Pomfrey always offered to send his letter for him every month but he always turned her down, coming here gave him a chance to be alone for a while before returning to school, he looked over to Lily, who was tying a letter to one of the school owls, her green eyes shone more brightly than usual and were oh so slightly rimmed with red, "are you... are things alright with you and your sister? I mean, not that it's any of my business it's just... you look kind of sad."

Lily looked at him and sighed, "We had a big fight over Christmas, I've been trying to make up with her but she just won't listen, she hates me because I'm a witch and she's not."

"Is she jealous?"

"I don't know, I don't know, she was when I got my letter, though she'll never admit it, but now... when she looks at me... oh it's worse than hatred Remus, it's almost as if she'd scared of me, her own sister."

Remus didn't know what to say, he knew that look all too well and it was horrible, she was right it was worse than hatred. He so wanted to comfort her, to tell her something from his own experience to let her know she wasn't alone in feeling that way, but he couldn't.

"I'm sure you'll sort it out," he said instead, "she is your sister after all."

"I suppose," she said looking out of the window, suddenly she turned back to Remus, "do you have any brothers or sisters? I can't believe we've been friends for nearly three years and I still don't even know that, whenever we talk we always seem to end up talking about me, like just now," she laughed.

"I don't mind, I don't really like talking about myself, I'm not very interesting."

"Of course you're interesting Remus! But no, I suppose you're not Potter, but come on, you haven't answered my question."

"James isn't that bad, sure he's a bit of a show-off but he'll grow out of it, but no anyway, I don't have any brothers or sisters," said Remus, trying to hide the twinge of sadness and regret in his stomach, more children was yet another thing he had robbed his parents of with his stupid lycanthropy.

"Hmm, you don't seem like an only child, you're not half as spoilt as Potter, but I guess those stereotypes aren't everything are they, I mean, I was so surprised when Black's brother came to Hogwarts last year, I'd assumed he was an only child as well."

Remus stayed silent, Sirius hardly ever spoke of his relationship with Regulus with his closest friends, so he knew he would not like him to be gossiping about it with Lily Evans.

"But anyway we've gone off topic again haven't we, you're meant to be telling me about yourself but you keep sending me off on tangents... go on then," she added when Remus didn't speak, she sat down on the Owlery floor, disregarding the layer of bird excrement and patted the spot next to her, gesturing for Remus to join her. In truth he was not quite sure how to start, he didn't want to talk about his dad, he could tell her about his mum, but he decided better of it when he remembered that it would probably prompt questions about her health, he'd used the 'sick mother' excuse one too many times as a cover for his monthly absences. In the end he decided to talk more about siblings even though he didn't have any, that's what she wanted to hear after all.

"Well I always wished I had a brother or sister, in fact when I was little I had a pretend sister called Persephone, well Seph I used to call her, that's what my parents would have called me if I was a girl, my dad has this thing for Roman mythology."

"Hence Remus," smiled Lily.

"You know the legend of Romulus and Remus?" asked Remus surprised.

"Yeah, we studied roman mythology in muggle primary school, it was one of my favourite projects, I liked those stories."

"Oh, I didn't know muggles had those legends as well, I wonder if they're the same or are they different, in the version my dad told me Romulus and Remus were wizards, raised by an animagus who could turn into a... a wolf and then Romulus killed Remus with a severing charm."

"Well in the muggle version their not wizards, and their raised by a wolf not an animagus, and Romulus kills Remus with a sword not a severing charm... do you find it odd that you parents named you after the one that got killed," she asked tentatively.

"It's a bit odd I guess, my dad wanted to call me Romulus but my mum said Romulus Lupin sounded weird so I ended up being called Remus instead. But if you think about it Persephone isn't much less weird, I mean she was taken to the underworld and all that, like I said, my dad's just a bit mad. Hey, you won't tell anyone about this will you?"

"What, about why you're called Remus?"

"No about..." he blushed, "about how I used to have a pretend sister."

"No, of course not! It's not that unusual for kids to have imaginary friends anyway, I mean, I didn't because I had Tuney and Sev, but you said yourself that you didn't really have anyone to play with when you were little."

"When did I say that," said Remus, panicking a little, damn Lily and her singular ability to make him open up like that.

"Back in first year, you were trying to make me feel better because I was worried about making friends in Gryffindor after Sev got Sorted into Slytherin."

"Oh."

"I bet you really wished Seph was real didn't you."

"Yeah," mumbled Remus, "but I have got real friends now, James, Peter and Sirius are like brothers to me, and there's you obviously."

"That just sounds like you added me in there as an afterthought," laughed Lily.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Jesus Remus, I was only joking... I know we're friends, you always know what to say when I'm upset and I can't talk to Sev about it."

"Can you not talk to Severus about your sister then? If you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine, I mean, I don't mind... it's just always difficult to talk to Sev about Tuney, he thinks I should just forget about her."

"But that's horrible, I could never forget about my... I mean if any of my family ever started hating me," Remus caught himself before he could let anything slip, he had almost said Grandparents, his dad's parents who had doted on him as a toddler, who had turned on him when he was bitten.

"See what I mean, you always understand... I guess that's why I thought you must have had siblings, you always understand about me and Petunia. It must be awful to hear me complaining about my sister when you wanted one so badly."

"It's not."

"You're too kind for your own good Remus," Lily laughed but there were tears in her eyes, "Oh Remus I just don't want to lose her! We were such good friends as well as sisters, and now it's like all of that is falling apart! And now Sev... oh god it's just like everything was so perfect and now everyone's turning on each other... I just don't want things to change."

Remus took Lily's hand and squeezed it. "It'll be alright, it seems bad now but I'm sure Petunia will come around, she just needs time... everyone changes, it's just part of growing up."

"But she's had years! She's known I was a witch even before I got my Hogwarts letter! Sometimes I just don't want to grow up, things were so much simpler when we were children weren't they?!"

Remus nodded, though in truth he could barely remember a time when things were simple for him. Yet he understood how Lily was feeling, he had been forced to grow up, much like her, at the age of four, and he knew how painful it could be, all the people and things and feelings in your life are torn apart at the seams, and then they rearrange themselves into something alien to you, and no matter how hard you struggle against it you can't stop it, and the struggle hurts you deep inside, it stretches your heart strings to breaking point. Growing up, thought Remus, was really just another transformation.

"We should get going if we want any breakfast," said Remus, though in truth he felt as if he'd never be able to eat again, and not because of the lingering nausea caused by the full moon.

"I suppose," said Lily, wiping her eyes, "listen to us, we're talking about me again, you don't want to hear my problems, I'm sure you've got problems of your own."

'You don't know the half of it,' thought Remus.

"Not really," said Remus, standing up stiffly, his joints still hurting a little from his transformation.

"Rubbish," said Lily, "you're just one of these people that bottle everything up inside them, that's why you always avoid talking about yourself, and you're damn good at it too," she added with a small laugh.

"Years of practise," smiled Remus, offering Lily a hand up, which she refused, laughing as she stood up, he was glad to see he could still make people laugh like that in spite of what he was.


	10. A Boring Day in February

Hey- i'm not JK- btw i apologise for the overuse of dot dot dots in the previous chapter, my english teacher always told me off for that- she also told me off for calling the "dot dot dots" apparently they're "ellipses" which i said i thought was just a stretched circle- but anyway only a short chapter today- just a bit of Snape vs Marauders.

* * *

It was Sunday, and the worst kind of Sunday at that. It was the end of February, so it was still a cold winter's day, only without the only good bit of a cold winter's day... snow. By now it was too warm to snow, but still, as Sirius had put it "bloody-arse-freezing-cold", so it rained instead. Driven inside by the "bloody-arse-freezing-rain" the four Marauders had found refuge in the little corridor outside Slughorn's office, whose wall the Marauders (minus Remus because he was "not that fricking stupid") were not throwing flobberworms at to a) see if they stuck, and more importantly b) piss of the potions master. But there is only so long one can pursue such an activity before supplies of both interest and flobberworms begin to dwindle. Boring cold, boring rain, boring flobberworms, boring Remus going on about how stupid and pointless it would be to get a detention just for the sake of throwing flobberworms at a teacher's office... yep, James Potter was bored.

"So... what d'you wanna do?" he asked.

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?"

"I don't know, what do you wanna do?"

"Oh don't start that again!" exclaimed Remus, James and Sirius could keep at it like that for hours if they were bored enough and he had found it was best to nip it in the bud.

"But Moony, we're bored!"

"Not anymore Sirius, I know what I wanna do."

"Cool, what d'you wanna do?"

"Don't..." started Remus.

"Annoy Snivellus," said James, so James, nodding his head past Sirius, who turned to see their target, who was walking towards them reading over his potions homework, apparently oblivious to their presence

"Aren't we a bit too old for..." Remus protested feebly.

"Oi! Snivelly!"

Snape looked up.

"Apparently not," he sighed, standing up with his three friends in case anyone needed restraining.

"What do you want Black?"

"Nothing."

"Then why don't you, Loopy, Mr Piggy and Mr Perfect just piss off before I hex you."

"I am rather perfect aren't I?" said James.

"That was sarcasm Potter."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit Snape," said Remus, he couldn't resist it.

"No one asked for your opinion Loopy, and even if it is it's still lost on Potter here, and as for Piggy Pettigrew I bet he lost track of this conversation at Black's extremely articulate 'oi'."

"I am very articulate aren't I?"

"SARCASM BLACK!"

"Like I said..."

"Shut up Loopy."

"Oh you're just begging to be hexed aren't you."

"Give it your worst Potter."

"Oh come on guys, let's not resort to wands," said Remus.

"No," said Sirius, drawing his too, "if Snivellus wants a duel he'll a get a duel."

"Fine, fine, whatever, just don't come crying to me when you end up in detention and/or the Hospital Wing."

"Two on one is not a dual Black! Some Gryffindors you are, you're just cowards the pair of you, you never take anyone on unless you've got your whole _pack_ with you!"

"At least we don't pick on first years just because they're muggle born! You're the coward here!"

"I am _not _a coward Black! That mudblood was asking for it."

"Does Evans know you use words like that Snivellus?!" demanded James, thrusting his wand up against Snape's throat, "Answer me!"

"What... you... Lily's my friend, and you haven't a chance in the world with her Potter! You can't win you know, if you hex me she'll only hate you even more!"

"And who says I care what she thinks?! Densaugeo!"

"Jou'll bay for dif Botter!" spat Snape as his front teeth started growing at an alarming rate, and then he ran off toward the Hospital Wing trying and failing to cover his protruding teeth."

"I hate to say it mate," said Remus, "but he's right, Lily's only going to hate you more now when Snape tells her about this."

"Like I said to Snivellus, I don't care what she thinks!"

"Oh come on! You sulked for weeks after she turned you down for that slimy git on Valentines Day," said Sirius.

"Hey, she did not go on a date with Snape, she said so herself, she thinks Valentines Day is just about material goods and not true love so she doesn't believe in it, and I happen to agree with her. So she did _not_ go out on a date with Snivellus, and the only reason why she didn't want to go out with me was because it would go against her principles."

"Yeah her principle of not going out with big-headed jerks."

"Shut up Sirius, I wouldn't expect you to understand but I happen to like a woman with principles, and as a man of virtue I will not force any woman to go against those principles."

"_Man of virtue? Woman with principles?_ James, you're thirteen!"

"I'm almost fourteen _actually_ Remus."

"'Almost' being the key word in that sentence."

"Shut up Moony. Anyway you're the one who was telling me to be more mature and all that crap."

"Oh and you rose to that challenge _brilliantly_ didn't you, the way you handled that situation, that situation, which, if I remember correctly, you caused, was just _so_ mature, wasn't it Peter?"

"Err..."said Peter, he hated being called upon to take sides in an argument like this.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," smirked James.

"Oh shut up James."

* * *

btw- i do not subscribe to this stupid idea to Remus Lupin is boring and i hope he didn't seem like that in this chapter. he just doesn't want to get detention of pointless activities with flobberworms and doesn't like violence for obvious reasons (well that's my take on it anyway- but as i said, i'm not JK). anyway please review :)


	11. More Sibling Worries

Do we have to do this everytime? oh well- here goes: if i own harry potter then hermione can draw- hope you enjoy and keep reviewing :D i wasn't too happy with the last chapter- hopefully this one's a bit better.

* * *

"May I ask," said Professor McGonagall calmly, "whether you four boys actively seek out trouble, or whether you were born with the uncanny ability to attract it wherever you go?"

"The second one Professor," said James, "I assure you."

"That was a rhetorical question Mr Potter as you well know. Mr Black is in the Hospital wing because of you four you could at least show a little remorse."

"Actually I'm right here Professor," said Sirius cheerily.

"Don't give me cheek Black. I know that you and your brother have had your disagreements but a muggle pub brawl in the middle of the Great Hall is something I will not stand for."

"He was asking for it Professor! He was the one that attacked those two muggle borns last week, he admitted it!"

"So you took it upon yourself to _avenge_ those students?"

"Yes," said Sirius defiantly.

"Mr Black, it is not your duty to give out punishments, if what you are telling me is true then you should have alerted a teacher."

"Yeah fat lot of good that would do! You don't understand Professor, people like that don't care about losing points or getting detention, they're twisted little bast..."

"I do not tolerate swearing Mr Black."

"We're sorry Professor," said Remus.

"I accept your apology Mr Lupin, but I cannot accept an apology from you on the part of your friends."

"I'm sorry Professor," mumbled James and Peter.

"I'm not," said Sirius, meeting McGonagall's glare with one of his own, "I sorry Professor but I'm not. You wouldn't want me to lie to you would you? I know what I did was wrong but I don't regret it."

"I appreciate you're honesty Mr Black, and I respect the fact that you stand by your beliefs and your actions, but nevertheless two wrongs don't make a right. Now, twenty points from Gryffindor for each of you, and a further ten from you Mr Black for your lack of remorse, and you will all be serving a week's detention starting tomorrow, Mr Lupin we will rearrange your last two detentions for some time after the full moon."

"Thank you Professor," mumbled Remus, looking at his feet.

"No problem Mr Lupin, I know I am harsh but I am not unfair. Now, I am sure you all have homework to do, report to my office tomorrow evening at seven o'clock sharp."

"Yes Professor," they boys chorused, and they filed out of the room.

"Damn, a whole week's detention," grumbled Peter.

"It's a price worth paying," said Sirius shortly, "and I'd do it again even if she threatened to give us a month. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to land you guys in it, but I wasn't just going to let him get away with that, I couldn't."

"It's alright mate," said James, "Marauders will always willingly take a detention for a fellow Marauder."

"You don't need to blame yourself for what Regulus does you know," said Remus.

"I'm not blaming myself," said Sirius.

"Yes you are, I can tell."

Sirius locked eyes with his friends for a second, it was long enough to see that denial was futile.

"Damn you Moony, how did you get to be so perceptive."

"You're not exactly hard to read," said Remus.

"About as easy as an open book," said James.

"Almost as easy as James," said Remus with a sly grin.

"Hey!" James protested, Sirius laughed, momentarily forgetting about his idiot of brother, but only momentarily, his wide grin soon faded once more into a scowl.

"It's not your fault how he's turned out," said Peter.

"I should have done more for him, I could have saved him."

"Nah you couldn't have mate," said James trhown for a second by his friend's choice of words 'saved from what?' he wondered, "some people are rotten to the core, and if they are there's nothing you can do for them, don't beat yourself up about it."

"Shut up James! Don't talk about what you don't understand, everything's so black and white for you isn't, everything's a simple choice between right and wrong, well we can't all be like you alright?! We can't all be James Perfect Potter, for the rest of us mere mortals the world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters! He could've been saved James but I was just... I just wasn't good enough."

"Sirius... what... you can't say..."

"I can say what I bloody well want to James!"

"James," said Remus quietly, "just leave it alright, you'd better go and explain why you missed Quidditch practise anyway, Peter you go with him."

"But I don't play..."

"Just go Peter," said Remus, still engaged in a silent battle of wills with James.

"Come on Pete," said James, finally admitting defeat, Remus watched as they vanished from sight round a corner.

"Thanks mate," said Sirius, "I know I shouldn't have shouted at James like that, it's not his fault my brother's a complete..."

"Idiot?" offered Remus.

"I was going to say something much worse but I suppose we can settle for that. I just couldn't take James right now you know? I really admire him and his family for how they can just always somehow do the right thing and never ever have to question themselves, but sometimes it just makes me feel... it's just not that simple for me, no matter how hard I try I know I'll never be like that, you understand don't you?"

"I know what you mean, it's like James never has to choose the lesser of two evils like most of us do, and that can really make you feel bad, but don't let him get to you, or Regulus for that matter, I stand by what I said earlier, you shouldn't blame yourself for what he does, he may be your little brother but he's old enough now to be responsible for his own actions."

"I know, I know... but that's what's worst about it, I've missed my chance now haven't I? It's too late to save him now isn't it?"

"I don't think so," said Remus, he didn't need to ask what he meant by 'save him', though he had seen how the metaphor had perplexed James, "I reckon people can always redeem themselves."

"I really, _really_ hope that's true Remus, I really do," said Sirius with a rarely seen pained look on his face.

"It's what James said about some people being rotten to the core isn't it?" Remus took his friend's silence as a 'yes', "I doubt he believes that, I certainly don't, I reckon everyone has the potential to be good. Come on, you know how James is, he's just careless with his words sometimes you know, a bit like you really, he just thought it'd make you feel better."

"How could it make me feel better? How could he think that? Doesn't he understand that if Reg is rotten to the core then that means I am as well?!"

"Of course not. This is James Perfect Potter we're talking about here, of course he doesn't understand," Remus laughed kindly, "look, he meant well..."

"I know."

"...and he had a point, however poorly made."

"There are some things even you can't understand Remus, some things you can't understand unless you've got a little brother or sister. I _could_ have saved him from them Remus, but I was just too busy try to escape myself that I forgot about him, I left him behind Remus... I'll never be able to forgive myself for that."

"I can see that," said Remus sadly,"even if I can't understand it. But just take a step back for a second Sirius, you had to get out didn't you, you had to save yourself, if you didn't then you'd have had no chance of saving Regulus. And so what if you haven't succeeded yet? There's still time Sirius, he's still only a second year."

"Do you really believe Remus? Because I don't, I wish I did but I don't, I reckon you've got one chance in life and if you blow it you blow it, once you've started down that route there's no coming back... Regulus lost his chance, and I lost mine, when he got Sorted into Slytherin."

"Your Sorting isn't the be all and end all of everything you know, look at your cousin Andromeda."

"Reg is no Andromeda, Andy never hexed muggleborns half to death just for the sake of it."

"Maybe not, but she _did_ get put in Slytherin didn't she, and look at her now."

"Disowned for eloping with that Tonks bloke," grinned Sirius, "you've got to admit she's got style, what a way to go eh? I've got a lot to live up to haven't I?"

"What d'you mean?"

"Well, when I finally get blasted of the family tree I want to go out with a bang don't I? But I don't think I'm the eloping type really, I couldn't hack all that forbidden love lark, I'll have to think of something else... preferably something involving a lot of explosives."

"We'll have to get onto that at the next Marauders' Meeting, we'll make it item number one on the agenda."

"Item number two," Sirius corrected him, "item number one is saving Regulus... if you really think it's not too late."

"It's never too late Sirius."

"Man I hope you're right Remus."

"I usually am," smiled Remus.

"You're a good friend you know Remus... and so are James and Peter, I shouldn't have shouted at him like that, we need at least one person to be the moral compass of our group."

"If James Potter is the moral compass of our group that would probably explain why we spend so much time in detention!" laughed Remus, and to his relief Sirius laughed too.


	12. Saving Regulus Black

Blah blah blah- disclaim disclaim disclaim... etc. etc. As you can see i names all my chapters- that's actually because i had a name for this one but i couldn't _just_ naem this one cause that would look stupid so most of the names are and will be, rubbish. anyway, enjoy and please review.

* * *

"Hey, Reg."

"What do you want blood traitor?"

"I want to talk to my brother MacNair, and the last time I checked I didn't have the misfortune of being that closely related to you."

MacNair looked away frowning, evidently trying to work out whether Sirius Black had just insulted him or not, he was about to hex him just be sure but Regulus laid a hand on his wand arm.

"I'll deal with this," he muttered, before turning to face his brother, "what do want Sirius?"

"To talk to you, can we go somewhere else though? I think if I stand here much longer I may die of over exposure to Slytherins."

"If you insist on saying things that antagonising you may well end up killed long before that happens," said Regulus, disguising his warning as a threat, his elder brother always seemed to think he needed looking out for but Regulus often thought _he_ was the one who couldn't look after himself, "come on then, but this had better be good, I don't want to be late to charms."

The two Black brothers attracted many stares as they left the Great Hall together, normally the siblings couldn't be in the same room for five minutes before they started cursing lumps out of each other.

"I don't like this," muttered James, watching from the Gryffindor table, "I reckon we should follow them, I've got the Cloak."

"We should give them their privacy James," said Remus.

"Privacy's all well and good Moony, until Regulus decides he's had enough of talking and draws his wand on him instead."

"Sirius could beat Regulus easy in duel," Peter pointed out.

"I still don't like this," said James, "we should be out there backing him up, I hate not being able to do anything."

"But we _can't_ do anything James, this is between Sirius and Regulus, he'd only feel threatened is all four of went along."

"Fine, I suppose you're right, but the slightest sign of trouble and I'm going out there alright, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Remus mildly with a subtle roll of the eyes.

It didn't take long for the brothers to find a deserted classroom.

"This'll do," said Sirius.

"Right, what's this all about?" said Regulus, the youngest Black was softly spoken at the best of times, but now that they were alone he had dropped any pretence of bravado entirely. His tone was calm, earnest and to the point, and for some reason Sirius was reminded forcibly of Remus. He pushed that thought from his mind.

"Reg, I'm worried about you," Sirius said, Regulus sighed, "no, listen to me, just promise to hear me out alright?"

"Promise."

"Good, ok well... look you've got to stop all this."

"All this what?"

"All _this!_" said Sirius gesturing frantically, "I mean, do you really believe any of it, because I don't think you do, not really."

"All of what?"

"All this blood purity bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit, think about it Sirius, out magical abilities _do_ make us superior to muggles, so why should we have to live in secrecy, we have a right to rule, we need to overthrow the muggle government and put those filthy muggles back in their rightful place."

"You sound like mother."

"Why do you always have to anger her and father?"

"This isn't about me, this is about you. Regulus, I know it must be hard for you surrounded by all those Slytherins..."

"They're my friends."

"... if only you'd been in Gryffindor with me, or even Ravenclaw, you'd have made a good Ravenclaw."

"Sirius, I _chose_ Slytherin, the Hat considered Ravenclaw but I chose Slytherin, why is that so hard for you to understand? If you want to make anything of yourself then it's _the_ house to get into, especially with Sluggie as our Head of House, he says he's going to introduce me to one of his past students at the Ministry to talk to me about a career in Magical Law. You haven't given your future any thought at all, you didn't even think about your subject options last year."

"Yes I did, I picked the ones I thought would annoy mother and father the most."

"Exactly, I mean honestly Sirius, _Muggle Studies? Care of Magical Creatures?_ What were you thinking, the only worthwhile subject you chose was Arithmancy and you only chose that because your friend was doing it."

"Actually I only chose it partly because James was doing it, partly because father wanted me to take Ancient Runes, and I wasn't going to take Divination because that's just a load of bollocks so Arithmancy was the only one left."

"Divination is not bollocks, the Black family has Seer blood in it, you should have taken it, you'd stand a much better chance that all the half-bloods and muggle-borns."

"And we're back to blood purity and prejudice."

"It's not prejudice, it's a fact, some magical abilities, or some would argue all magical abilities are passed down by blood, there have been studies into this Sirius."

"Yeah, funded by bigots like our Grandfather to promote pure-blood supremacy!"

"I've heard enough of your conspiracy theories Sirius, if you carry on at this rate you'll end up turning down a shining career at the Ministry in favour of some sort of anarchist rebellion, though I suppose you can't expect any more from a Gryffindor."

"Better an anarchist rebel than a Death Eater, and don't pretend you don't know that that's what your so called 'friends' want to be, look, I don't care if you never listen to anything else I have to say, just don't get involved with that sort of thing Regulus, go and have your career in Magical Law, go and marry a pureblood and have pureblooded brat babies and be the perfect Black son... just steer clear of the Death Eaters."

"But I want more than that Sirius, I want freedom for our people, I want an end to all this hiding from the muggle world, and there's only so far you can go to achieving that through the Ministry. Listen, I regret what happened to those two muggleborns, when I get to the top I will put an end to unnecessary violence, but for now I have to prove myself, and if we succeed in ceating a better world for wizarding kind, then the ends justifies the means doesn't it?"

"No, Regulus, it doesn't, come on this isn't you, you're not Bella, you hate violence, you were always much more like Cissy or Dromeda."

"I am _not_ like Andromeda Sirius, we shouldn't even be speaking of that blood traitor."

"But she was your favourite cousin too, don't lie you always said so. I guess if she managed to get out you'll be able to too, I'll help you alright, even if you are in Slytherin there's still hope for you."

"I don't _want_ to get out Sirius!" screamed Regulus, his measured tine finally cracking into the high pitched scream of an unbroken twelve-year-old's voice, "this is my _choice_! I want this! You think what Andromeda's happy now, with no family!"

"She is happy Reg, she told me so, she still writes to me and I still write to her. She has got a family Regulus, she's married for Merlin's sake, and she's still my cousin, even if she's not yours."

"Mum would kill you if she found out."

"And that's why she's not going to, right?"

"I won't tell, you know I won't. But Sirius, if you ever try to interfere with my life again I might well think about it," said Regulus, returning to his infuriatingly calm tone as closed, but not slammed, the door behind him, leaving Sirius utterly distraught in the empty classroom.

He ran his hands through his hair and slumped down onto a desk, looking up when he heard the door creak open again. James, Remus and Peter were standing in the doorway, smiling but concerned.

"You were wrong Remus," Sirius said, "I was too late to save him."


	13. Fogging up the Future

In spite of all my efforts- i still do not own harry potter, please R&R :)

* * *

"How's the Divination homework going Moony?" asked James, "anything interesting going to happen to you any time soon?"

"Oh Merlin I don't bloody know," said Remus, not looking up from his astrology chart, "I can't make head nor tail of this. It's a load of rubbish anyway, the only bloody thing in bloody space that has any bearing on my bloody life is the fricking moon."

"I see the moon earned 'fricking' there," laughed Sirius.

"The moon deserves it."

"I don't know why you don't just make something up Moony, that's what Marlene said she's doing?"

"I didn't know you were friends with Marlene James," said Peter.

"He's not he was just trying to get her to convince Evans to go out with him," said Sirius.

"Hey, I was not, I do have friends other than you guys you know."

"Yeah, yeah, we know you're the most popular guy in school," said Remus, "what's new?"

"You're the one that's meant to seeing the future."

"You look at this fricking star chart then, you try and tell me why I should care that Saturn is making an acute angle with Mars and Pluto."

"Did the star chart get an upgrade, it's on a par with the 'fricking moon' now."

"Well I'll just have to think of a stronger adjective to describe the moon then won't I Sirius."

"I could think of several," Sirius said.

"I'm sure you could," said Remus, "none of which I would feel comfortable using."

"What is it with you and swearing anyway," said James, "I mean, even Evans swears occasionally."

"Only at you," smirked Sirius.

"Shove off," said James, "but seriously, I mean, I guess it's good that at least one of us still has some sort of innocence about us, but it's a bit odd all the same."

"I don't know, it's just habit really, my mum always said you should save swear words for a really desperate situation," Remus shrugged.

"Did you swear when you got bitten?" asked Peter, James punched him hard in the shoulder for his question but Remus merely raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well no, I was four," he said.

That stunned the three of them into silence for a while, quite an amazing feat when you think about it, Remus thought, but it was making him uncomfortable and he was glad when James finally spoke.

"Four?!" he echoed, "Merlin."

"No, I'm Remus," Remus said, trying to diffuse some of the tension.

"How come you never told us?" asked Sirius.

"You never asked," shrugged Remus.

"Would you have wanted us to ask?"

"No," said Remus tonelessly, not if answering would be this awkward and uncomfortable, besides the momory of it in itself was quite painful, "I mean, I wouldn't mind," he added, looking apologetically at Peter, he didn't want James and Sirius to leap down his throat for being insensitive, "but there's not much point talking about it is there?"

"Four," said James again, "bloody, flaming Morgana."

"I'm not her either, but flaming's a good one actually James, thanks for that, I hereby upgrade the moon to the 'flaming moon', now, back to these fricking planets, honestly you'd think we do enough of this in Astonomy."

"So... erm, you're fed up with Astronomy too then?" asked Sirius, taking Remus's lead and bringing the subject back to abusing school work."

"No, I like Astronomy, it's not the planets I don't like, it's the whole predicting the future thing."

"So, er... no offense but why did you take it if you didn't want predict the future? I mean, that's sort of the whole point of the subject isn't it?"

"Well I wanted to take three subjects because I was thinking I need as many qualifications as I can get, that way even if something disastrous happens and I have to leave before I get my NEWTs I'll still have a decent number of OWLs to fall back on, and besides Arithmancy and Ancient Runes I wasn't going to take Muggle Studies because I know loads about muggles already from my mum, and besides it's considered a bit of a soft option..."

"I wish," said Peter, checking his textbook and crossing out something in his essay on muggle kitchen appliances.

"You actually find it hard Pete?" said James incredulously, "I think it's a right doss, I only took because you two took it, and Sirius only took it to annoy his parents."

"Guilty as charged," said Sirius, "Reg had a go at me for that the other day. But honestly James we all know you took it to impress Evans."

"Hey, for all you I might actually have a genuine interest the ways of our muggle brothers, that's what makes me and Evans so compatible."

Remus and Sirius snorted simultaneously.

"Yeah right," said Remus, "I'm sure that's why the last time you spoke to her she called you a conceited toss pot."

"Don't worry James, I'm sure you win her heart eventually, I'm sure she'll swoon for you when you dazzle her with your knowledge of electric kettles and you'll end up married with a house, a cat, a dog and two and half kids," said Sirius, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well someone's not going to be invited to the wedding," James retorted.

"Hey, that's uncalled for mate, I'm being your best man!"

"Okay... but if you get to be best man at my wedding you have to promise to make me sound totally awesome in your speech."

"Deal! Anyway, Remus, I get why you didn't choose Muggle Studies, but surely Care of Magical Creatures would have been better than Divination."

"It's my favourite subject," piped up Peter, the others ignored him.

"Well like I said, back at the end of last year, the subject has slightly less appeal if you are a magical beast yourself, it was bad enough when we were studying werewolves in Defence, I just always feel like the teacher's going to let something slip you know. Though Divination's not turning out to be much better on that front."

"What d'you mean?" asked James.

"Well, you know how you said everyone just makes stuff up in Divination, well it's not just the students, the Professor is about as much a Seer as I am, he can't really predict what's going to happen to anyone in the class, except for me obviously. So in order to try and convince everyone that he's not a complete fraud it's always my tea cup or palm or whatever else you can apparently tell the future with that he decides to read, and all he has to do is say that something bad's going to happen to me of the day of the full moon and the whole class thinks he can actually predict the future!"

"Oh 'cause that's not going to draw attention to your furry little problem or anything is it?" Sirius said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You should say something," said James.

"Like what?"

"Like 'pick on someone else for once you old fraud!'"

"I can't do that! He's still a teacher, you've got to show him some respect even if he doesn't deserve half of it. Besides, it's just make it more suspicious, especially if he actually listened to me and tried to do other people's horoscopes instead, then people would see that the only thing he can predict is I'm going to be ill at the full moon and any idiot could predict that once they know what I am."

"You could just drop it," said Sirius.

"No, like I said, I need all the qualifications I can get, on the other hand I'll probably fail my OWL so it could all be for nothing."

"Hey, even if you do it's not that bad mate," said James, "my dad failed his Divination OWL and he's head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. In fact he said only three people passed in his whole class, and he knows for a fact that one of them cheated because he was bragging about it afterwards."

"Ha! I'll tell Regulus that, he's under the impression that he'll be great at it just because he's pureblood."

"He's taking Divination?" asked Remus, "I'm kind of surprised your parents are happy with that, I mean, surely they know he'll most likely fail miserably and _bring shame upon the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black_."

"Ah but remember at least Divination is a respectable ancient magical art, unlike Care of Magical Creatures which is for peasants who need to do manual labour for a living, or Muggles Studies which... well you can imagine."

"Too right," said Remus, "what else is he taking."

"He's taking all the same subjects as you actually Moony."

"Godric help him."

"Is Ancient Runes nightmare as well?" asked James.

"Sounds like a nightmare," said Peter, "I can barely understand what they're on about in our Defence textbook with all the difficult words they use, I mean, it's like their purposefully trying to make things sound more complicated than they actually are so they can sit in their... wherever they write the textbooks and have a laugh at us, so I can't imagine trying to do an exam in some ancient language."

"Right," said Sirius, "well aside from Peter's textbook conspiracy theories... is Ancients Runes really that bad Moony?"

"No, it's fascinating actually, and really useful if you think about it, I mean imagine if we'd lost the art of translating runes, think of all the important historical documents that would be completely lost!"

"Yeah, yeah," said James, "you and Pete should get together and write a book... 'The Textbook and Historic Documents Conspiracy'."

"Oh come on James," said Sirius, "if Pete can't even read his Defence textbook it'd probably cause a minor explosion in his brain if he tried to write a book!"


	14. My Perfect Cousin

Hi- i own nada by the way- including the deathly hallows quote

* * *

Sirius Black noticed two things about the owl that had just almost landed in his plate of bacon and eggs, number one: it was rather small and scruffy, like a school owl or a cheap post office owl, not the kind of owl that would be owned by a member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, number two: the letter it was carrying was not bright red and smoking.

"Hey this must be for one of you guys," said Sirius, passing the letter along to Remus, who was sitting next to him, without bothering to read who it was addressed to.

"No it's for you," said Remus, checking the letter, "it says 'Sirius Black' on the envelope."

"For me? Wonder who it's from then, it can't be from my family because they only ever send me Howlers," said Sirius opening the envelope and pulling out a piece of neatly folded parchment, and he unfolded it he saw that it was written in the same slanting calligraphy he had been taught to write in as a child.

_Dear Sirius,_

_It is I, Narcissa, Regulus tells me you are in touch with Andromeda, don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone, I just want to talk to you. Meet me by the girls bathroom on the second floor tonight at quarter past ten sharp, come alone, don't worry I'll be alone too, Salazar knows I can't be seen talking to you, let alone about Dromeda. Please come Sirius, I just want to know that she is alright._

_Your cousin_

_Cissy_

"You trying to catch flies there Sirius?" asked Remus.

Sirius closed his mouth, which he hadn't even realised was open.

"Flies?" said James, "you could catch a bloody Hippogriff in there!"

"Who was it from Sirius?" asked Peter.

"Narcissa," said Sirius, still staring at the letter in disbelief.

"What does she want?" asked James, Sirius handed him the letter, who read it, with Peter reading over his shoulder, before passing it to Remus.

"Do think it's a trap?" asked James.

"That's the thing, I don't think it is," said Sirius, "I mean, I know it could be, but somehow this just really seems like something Narcissa would do. She's like Reg, she cares about her friends and family, Andromeda especially, so she wants to make sure she's alright. But like Reg she's also a coward, she's scared of what the family, Bellatrix especially, will do if they find out she still regards Dromeda as her sister, once you're disowned nobody in the family is meant to have any contact with you, that's why she wants to go through me. Her fear of Bella and our parents outweighs her love for Andromeda," Sirius finished with a snarl.

"But why send an owl?" asked Peter, "Surely if she wanted to talk to you she could just come over here couldn't she, it's be much less hassle."

"Are you joking! Like she said herself she can't be seen dead talking to me, yes it's the lesser of two evils fraternising with me instead of fraternising with Andy, but it's still not exactly the sort of thing she wants to be seen doing."

"Are you going to go?" asked James.

"No! If she wants to find out how Andy's doing she can bloody well write to her herself the coward."

"It's strange though isn't it," said Remus, "I mean, arranging to meet after curfew and everything, she's risking an awful lot just to find out about Andromeda isn't she."

"Ha! Yeah right, I know what she's up to, she's a prefect isn't she? She's obviously got a patrol tonight so that's the perfect cover isn't it, if anyone comes along she can just pretend to have caught me out after curfew, the only one at risk of getting into any sort of trouble is me. That's just Narcissa through and through, let the one who's already going to get disowned take all the risks, she's spent the last three years trying to cut herself off from me and now that I have something she wants she's come crawling back, well I'm not going to give into her that easy, I'm going to make her pay for how she's treated me and Andromeda, I'm going to... you think I should go don't you."

"That's not for me to say," said Remus.

"But you do though, you don't need to say it, I can see it in your face."

"Well, obviously it's your decision, it's none of my business what goes on between you and your family, but I just think it's the right thing to do, just because she's being selfish and cowardly it doesn't mean you have to stoop to her level. You're a better person than that, and who knows, maybe this could help Narcissa become a better person."

"You know," sighed Sirius, "in a way you remind me a lot of Regulus... I mean, you're nothing like him," he added quickly, "it's just the way you talk you... you're so damn reasonable and level headed, you're impossible to argue with."

"I'm sorry."

"See! That's exactly what I mean. You should probably be really offended by what I just said, I know I would be if someone compared me to my brother, but you're not, or even if you are you're not showing it."

"I guess I'm just not that easily offended, people have said and will say way worse things to me, people waste so much time getting offended, I don't really see the point."

"What if I asked you," said Sirius.

"What?" said Remus, confused.

"What if I asked for your advice, as a friend, what would you tell me to do."

"Honestly? I'd say meet her, I'd say don't walk away from a chance to do something good. But I'd also advise you not to listen to my advice, I was wrong about Regulus, I'm probably wrong about Narcissa too, you understand your family better than me."

Sirius's face was completely unreadable as he stared into the middle distance, his features were set in stone and his eyes were empty, he stayed like that for almost a minute, forgetting completely about his half eaten breakfast before he brought himself back to reality.

"I'll do it," he said, "I'll talk to Narcissa, what's the worst that can happen eh? Moony's right if there's even a small chance that something good can come of this then I should do it shouldn't I? I'm a Gryffindor not a Black, and this isn't like when I tried to talk to Regulus, this time she's coming to me, so I know she'll listen... I doubt I'll be able to make he suddenly change her views on blood purity or anything, but I don't know, maybe something I say will make her think twice before she follows Malfoy and Bella into the Death Eaters."

And so, that evening, at twenty past ten sharp (well he had to keep her waiting long enough for her to appreciate what he told her didn't he?) Sirius arrived at the girl's bathroom on the second floor, alone. His friends had offered to go with him, but he declined, just like he had when they offered to talk to Regulus with him, his family was his problem, he had to deal with it himself.

"You're late," hissed Narcissa.

"Oh, so I am," said Sirius lightly, looking at his watch.

"Never mind," said Narcissa, her tone softer now, "you're hear at least, I wasn't sure if you would come."

"Neither was I," said Sirius, there was a long moment where the cousins simply stared at each other, each Black equally defiant, neither willing to admit defeat, and broach the subject first.

"What was it you wanted to know?" asked Sirius emotionlessly, finally, Narcissa broke.

"Oh just tell me she's alright, tell me she's happy, tell me she isn't suffering in poverty."

"She's over the moon Cissy, and who could blame her, she's finally managed to escape the nest of vipers that is the Black family."

Narcissa bit her tongue.

"She's had a baby," said Sirius, sensing the temporary truce his cousin was offering him.

"Oh really!" Narcissa's face lit up, "what is it?"

"Err..."

"Girl or boy?" clarified Narcissa.

"A girl."

"And what did she call her?"

"Nymphadora," said Sirius, wrinkling his nose.

"Aww, that's so pretty! Does she look like her, have you any photographs."

"Well that's a good question actually, she can look like whoever she likes, she's a Metamorphmagus."

"A Metamorphmagus, really, I suppose that must have come from our side, Tonks being a mudblood and all."

"Don't use that word Narcissa."

Narcissa paused for a second and bit her lip before muttering, barely audibly, "Okay."

"What was that?"

"I said okay, I won't use that word, do you have a picture?"

"One."

"Can I see it?"

Sirius considered refusing, but something, maybe her agreeing not to use the word 'mudblood' made him change his mind.

"Okay, I'll send it to you by owl."

"Thank you, use your owl, only Reg will recognise it, everyone else will just think one of our other relatives is writing to me, if you use a school owl people might think I'm contacting the wrong sort of people."

Sirius swallowed his resentment of his cousin's snobby ways and instead.

"I still think of her as my sister you know, I know I'm not meant to but I can't help it. She may have been stupid but..."

"What she did wasn't stupid, it was about the smartest thing I've seen a Black do in a long time, smarter than what you and Reg are getting yourself into at any rate, and as for Bella, well..."

"Listen, I know Bella and Reg are being reckless getting that openly involved with these Death Eaters, Mother and Father always said that the Blacks were above such desperate unlawful action, but the road you and Andromeda are going down is a far more dangerous one. Sirius, can you promise me that you will not make yourself a target of these people, just don't be a fool and start shooting your mouth off about mud... muggle-born rights in public okay?"

"I can't promise you that Cissy, I'm a Gryffindor, Gryffindor's stand up for what is right. But can you promise me one thing Narcissa? Can you promise me to look after Regulus, please try and stop him joining the Death Eaters."

"I would do so anyway, even if you had not asked me, he is not like Bella, he couldn't handle it."

"Thank you."

"And thank you Sirius, this arrangement could work well for us, you look after my sister, and I'll look after your brother."

"Deal," said Sirius, offering his cousin his hand, it was not a sign of friendship, it was simply a peace offering, she shook it.

By the end of the second war Narcissa Malfoy wasn't sure of many things anymore, but if she was sure of one thing it was that she loved her family. She loved her sisters, both of them, she loved her parents, she loved her little cousin Regulus and she wished she could have saved him, Merlin if she really thought about she could even bring herself to care for her other cousin Sirius. He was stupid, he was headstrong and he was careless, that was why he was dead, and why he had screwed up his life so badly, in that way he was just like Regulus. She often saw Sirius and Regulus as two halves of the same person, somehow she always thought that together they could have be a half-way decent person like herself, if she had protected them... but she had failed at that, just like she had failed to protect Andromeda. Just as she had failed to protect her daughter, whom she loved though she had never met, it had caused her physical pain to learn that Nymphadora had married a werewolf, clearly she had inherited her mother's reckless taste in men, she would not pay too dearly for her mistakes. The news had grieved Bellatrix too, though in a different way, she only cared that further shame had been brought onto the noble and most Ancient House of Black, because disowned or not, flesh and blood ties could not be severed that easily, and what one Black did was a reflection on all the others, Narcissa knew this, that was why she was careful. Even though she was the youngest Narcissa had always been the sensible sister, and now, in the Forbidden Forest, that side of her took over, she had to protect what was left of her family, she had to protect her husband, she had to protect her son, no matter what the cost. And it was this sentiment that caused the moment's deliberation, as she knelt by the body of The Boy Who Lived, and heard the tell tale breath that proved that he still lived up to that name she had a choice, The Family or The Cause... the choice had really been made long ago.

"Is Draco alive? Is he in the Castle?"

"Yes."

She told herself that all she was doing was making sure she got to the Castle as quickly as possible, but of course she knew she was doing more than that, she didn't want what happened to Regulus to happen to her darling Draco, if this was it, if this was her chance to stop all this... no matter what the cost, she had to take it. The Family had to take priority over all, even over The Cause, it had always been that way.

* * *

just want to say that i find all the black family dynamics really interesting- narcissa and reg in particular are pretty minor characters in the books but you can tell from their small parts like that bit i referenced just now in deathly hallows that they were a lot more than just stereotypical blacks, i reckon even shiny-white narcissa had some secrets- anyway please review :)


	15. The Ultimate Cover Story

hey- anyone recognise the title of the last chapter form anyway- it's a song by the undertones- give it a listen if you dont know it- anyway i just think it fits so well. anyway- like i am not, and will never own harry potter-thanks for the reviews guys, keep 'em coming

* * *

It was a glorious day, one of those rare days where the sun comes out makes the hills and the lake sparkle and you think, 'wow, there's such a thing as summer in Scotland!' As the four Marauders walked out onto the grounds James was doing his best to look cool, Sirius was managing it without even trying, Peter was trying to remember the five exceptions to Gamps Law of Elemental Transfiguration for their test tomorrow, and Remus was trying not to limp, he had severed a tendon in his right leg during his last transformation and though he was now otherwise fully recovered his leg still hurt when he put weight on it. Madam Pomfrey was an excellent Healer, but since werewolf bites were cursed wounds she could not simply heal it by magic, she had wanted to keep Remus in one more day but with end of year exams upon the Remus was adamant that he would not miss more school than strictly necessary. All he had to do was try not to show he was injured, that would be bound to raise difficult questions, it was the last full moon of the year, he had gotten this far and now all he had to do was...

"Oi Lupin!"

Damn.

"Yes Snape?" Remus sighed, turning around, "Was there something you wanted or do you just like saying my name?"

"Don't flatter yourself Loopy. I wanted to know how you hurt your leg."

"I would thank you for your concern Snape," said Sirius, "but we all know that you're really part Dementor and you're incapable of any human emotion."

"Yeah, what's it to you Snivellus?"

"Getting a bit defensive are we?" asked Snape, ignoring Sirius's insult.

"Well if you want to know that badly Snape, I'll tell you. I just didn't know you cared so much for me that's all," said Remus, theatrically placing one hand on his chest and using the other to wipe away a non-existent tear.

"Shut up Lupin."

"Sure, if you don't want to hear how I hurt my leg, it's quite a funny story actually."

"You don't have to tell him anything Remus," said James, giving his friend a pointed look, he was all for taunting that Slytherin git but he knew if they came up with too many far-fetched lies it would jus make it easier for him to prove he was lying, and he knew Remus knew this.

"No, no James, let's tell the story, when Evans hears about it she is going to be so angry with you I might actually take pity on you forgive you."

"Come on mate, that's uncalled for," said Sirius, cottoning on, "he's already said he's sorry."

"Yeah but he stopped me going to the Hospital Wing so now I have to wait for it to heal the muggle way."

"I'm sorry mate, I really am, but that was for your good too you know, imagine all the points I'd get docked, you want Gryffindor to win the house cup too don't you?"

"Yes, but right now I want to get revenge. D'you want to hear the story Snape?"

"Of course," said Snape, forgetting that he was probably being bullshitted, dirt on Potter was even better than dirt on Lupin.

"Well, you remember how I had to go to a funeral a couple of days ago? Well, when I got back James had the smart idea that there was nothing better to cheer me up than a bit of Quidditch. Of course really he just wanted someone to Keep for him because Peter's a bit rubbish and Sirius refuses to do it."

"Well I need to practise don't I? It'll all be worth it when we win the Quidditch Cup."

"I'm not that bad," said Peter, he wasn't quite sure what was going on but he didn't like being brought into it, was it all a big joke on him? He was the butt of a lot of James and Sirius's jokes, but not Remus's.

"I know Pete, but compared to James Perfect Potter we're all terrible. But anyway, I was understandably reluctant to do this, I mean, we've got revision to do afterall, but if there's one thing you can't take away from James it's that he's doesn't give up, sorry mate," he added, turning back to James, "but you are the most persistant bugger I have ever known. So in the end I decided it would be easiest just to give into him, oh I cannot tell you how much I regret that decision now."

"Like I said, I'm really sorry, it's not really my fault of you think about it."

"You were the one that let that bloody bludger escape! Honestly you're meant to have good reflexes James, you played Seeker last year for Merlin's sake."

"Yeah well I did warn you."

"You didn't warn me, you just yelled my name, what kind of a warning is that?"

"Well a bloody bludger was hurtling towards you, I didn't exactly have time to say 'excuse me Remus but you really ought to move out the way of that bludger if you don't want to fall off your broom'."

"Alright, alright, I forgive you anyway... now that I've had my revenge. You really ought to have jkust let me go to Madam Pomfrey, then this whole thing needn't have happened."

"Yeah, yeah, alright, I've learnt my lesson, don't mess with a pissed off Moony."

Remus and Sirius both flashed their eyes at James for his careless use of his nickname in front of Snape, but luckily Snape didn't seem to have noticed.

"Oh you wait Potter, I can't wait to what Lily does to you when she hears about this! You know I never thought I'd actually be thankful that she's friends with you Lupin, I myself can't see why, but who am I to complain if I get to watch Potter be hexed into oblivion at dinner tonight," said Snape, before turning on his heel, no doubt in search of Lily Evans.

"Alright, what the hell was that for?" asked James, "I mean, I know you had to say something, but you didn't have to get old Snivelly to set his girlfriend on me."

"Yeah, I'm sorry James, I really dumped you in it didn't I, but you see it wasn't all lies Jamie. The key to a good lie is that it must have a core of truth to give it that ring of authenticity."

"What d'you mean, I didn't do anything?"

"Oh really? May the 15th? Ring any bells James? I know it was you that made that book attack me."

"Ok, it did not _attack_ you, it was only trying to snog you!"

"That's even worse, and I did not appreciate the sound effects either, I couldn't walk the corridors for a fortnight without people laughing at me."

"Wait, and you didn't say anything?" asked Sirius, "you just let us blame it on the Slytherins?"

"I was biding my time," shrugged Remus.

"Ooh you are an evil man Remus Lupin," said Sirius, grinning like a fool.

"It comes from being a dark creature," smirked Remus.


	16. Family Reunion

hiya- yup you guessed it, still don't own harry potter (damn!) anyway here's the next chapter- hope you like it

* * *

"SURPRISE!"

"Aunt Wendy!"

The young woman with glossy brown hair who stood in the doorway opened her arms wide, Remus ran into her and let them envelope him

"How's my favourite nephew? Merlin you've grown so much since I last saw you! But I guess you would have done wouldn't you, you're a big Hogwarts student now eh? You're letting the side down though, cub, I thought you'd be joining your Auntie in Ravenclaw for sure."

"I thought so too, or Hufflepuff like mum, but the Hat said there was only one place for me and that was Gryffindor."

"Yeah, just like John then."

"Mmm," Remus didn't trust himself to elaborate on is non-commital grunt, he didn't want to ruin this wonderful reunion by saying anything that would widen the wedge between him and his dad.

"No," said John gravely, coming to his son's rescue, "Remus is kind enough to be in Hufflepuff and clever enough to be in Ravenclaw, I just got put in Gryffindor because I was neither of those things."

"Oh, don't be saying stuff like that about yourself John," said his wife, "come on let's get inside, there's no point standing out here waiting for the grass to grow."

"Right you are honey," said John, giving his wife a peck on the cheek before the four of them made their way inside.

"Oh Lord, look at the time," said Mary, upon seeing the clock in the hall, "I'd best be getting dinner on."

"Do you need any help mum?"

"No, no you go and sit down Remus darling, you and Auntie Wendy have three years five years worth of catching up to do."

Remus obediently joined his dad and his auntie in the living room, he hadn't see his aunt since he was nine, and he really didn't expect to arrive home to find her here. She said she was staying with them for a week, Remus's grandparents thought she was going to Italy with her friends for two weeks, but she was actually only going for one. This was the reason it had been five years since Wendy had last seen her brother and her nephew, her parents had 'forbidden' her from seeing them when they found out their grandchild had become a werewolf, she had told them that she was twenty years old and could do what she liked and gotten into a massive argument with them but John had told her that there was no reason for her to ruin her relationship with their parents for the sake of his stupid mistake. So now she only saw them in secret, she never told anyone she still saw her brother and his family, those close to the Lupins all knew, they all remembered when it had happened, and she knew the consequences could only be bad if people found out she was still in contact with her so called 'halfbreed' nephew.

Wendy listened with glee as Remus told her all about his friends at Hogwarts, how they were still friends with him even though they'd found out about him being a werewolf, she was so happy that her 'Cub' was being allowed to have a shot at a normal life, and had met some decent, kind hearted people that would stick by him despite his condition. Remus was so happy to see his Auntie again, for years Wendy had been his closest thing to a 'friend' even though her visits had been rare they had been packed with Wendy's fun and enthusiasm for life, something that his parents, who were both quite a bit older than her, and much more downtrodden, lacked. They talked until dinner was ready, as he watched them John marvelled at how his little sister could make his normally quiet son come to life, he didn't deserve any of them, his sister, his wife, his son... he had hurt them all so badly and to this day could not figure out how to go about making it up to them.

For dinner Mary made a delicious lamb stew, afterward Remus and John did the washing up before joining the women in the living room again. Mary and Wendy had always gotten on like a house on fire despite the nine year age difference, probably because they were both the kind of people that loved to live and loved to loved, no matter what life and love decided to throw at them. Between the two of them they could brighten any room no matter how much their brother and husband tried to darken it. They talked for hours, before Remus started to get tired and betrayed himself with a yawn, so his mother sent him to bed, he had gotten into his pyjamas and brushed his teeth when he realised he was thirsty, so he had just crept back downstairs for a glass of water when he heard the adults talking in the living room so, maybe because three years of mixing with James and Sirius had rubbed off on him, or maybe just because he knew that there were still things his parents would never talk about around him, he stopped by the door to listen.

"So you're really telling me there's no one Gwendolyn."

"Don't you Gwendolyn me John, I may be your little sister but I am not a baby. How on Earth did I get stuck with a name like Gwendolyn anyway when you got away with John."

"I guess our parents became more imaginative in the twelve years between me being born and them having you."

"Gwendolyn's a lovely name anyway, it sound so glamorous, I remember when I first came to Hogwarts and everyone had all these weird and wonderful names I really wished I could be called something other than just Mary."

"Oh but Mary suits you, Gwendolyn doesn't suit me at all, I could never be glamorous enough to live up to it, that's why I shortened it to Wendy, or Gwen even, but Wendy Lupin sounds better than Gwen Lupin."

"And are you ever going to stop being Wendy Lupin?" John asked, Remus wondered what he meant.

"No, for the last time John, honestly you're getting as bad as mum and dad, I don't want to get married."

"Well sure, let the girl be John, there's no sense rushing into something like this, listen Wendy, you wait until you find the right man before doing anything like that. Christ woman, you're only 27! You've got your whole life ahead of you."

"You got married to me when you were 22, and I was only 25," John reminded his wife.

"Yes, but things were different back then, it's the seventies now John, some woman don't even get married at all," said Wendy.

"So you never want to get married? Have a family?" said Mary, surprised.

"No... no, if you have a family all you do is worry about them, I already worry myself sick over you guys, especially Remus, I'd much rather stay free from all that, or as free as I ever can be."

Remus felt a sinking sensation in his stomach when he heard his name... he had already stopped his parents from having more children, and now he had prevented his wonderful Aunt from ever wanting any herself.

"But if you love your family enough," said Mary softly, "then you'll love worrying about them, you'll love caring for them when they need you... I worry about Remus twenty four hours a day, but I wouldn't give him and John up for anything."

"I know, but you're the best mother I've ever met Mary, I could never be like you."

"You're brilliant with him," said John, a touch of bitterness in his voice, "I was watching you earlier, he loves you more than anyone in the world except Mary, you'd make a great mum."

"I'm sure Remus loves you a whole lot more than me John, you're his dad after all," said Wendy, Remus cringed at the emptiness of her words, he did love his dad, he had to, it wasn't a matter of choice, but sometimes he wondered whether given the choice he would still love him. He doubted he could ever love his dad as a person and not just as his father in the way that he loved and respected his mum and Wendy for who they were.

"But the point is Gwendo... Wendy, that you are exactly the type of person that would make a wonderful mum, obviously you should wait until you find the right person to settle down with but..."

"No John, I never want to have children, if you have children it just means bad stuff can happen to them, the best way to avoid being a bad parent is never to be a parent at all."

"Listen Wendy, I know I have been a terrible father to Remus, but that's..."

"Don't say that John, you've been a great dad to him," said Wendy, "there's a lot of people out there that would have given him up as soon as he got bitten."

"It was my fault he got bitten in the first place! I ruined his entire life, when he was four years old. It's my fault that he's a monster."

Remus felt warm tears well up in his eyes.

"I have told you before about using that word to describe our son," said Mary quietly, but Remus recognised that tone of voice, the way each syllable was pronounced very precisely, and he knew that on the other side of the door his mother was glaring at her husband with eyes that could burn through solid steel.

"I'm sorry Mary, you know I... it just kills me you, every single day it kills me, every morning I wake up and it just creeps right back up on me and stabs me again. The fact the I know there's nothing I can do, that I can never make amends so I can never be forgiven... all I can hope for is that by feeling all this I can somehow feel son fraction of his pain."

Remus was crying in earnest now, biting his lip to prevent himself from sobbing audibly, he wished he could forgive his dad, he hated causing him this much pain, but in the back of his mind there was still that lingering voice that said 'he deserves it, he was stupid and he ruin your life as well as mum's and Wendy's, this, the fact that he is suffering so much, is _just_.'

"There are thing we can do John," said Mary, her tone back to it's normal softness, "we can support him, and care for him, and help him get an education, just like we're doing now. Who knows, he could end up doing well for himself, so long as keeps working hard and getting marks like he's getting at the moment he could actually make something of himself."

"I suppose that's all we can do really, but you don't understand Mary, you're muggle born, you don't know the kind of prejudice Remus will face once he..."

"I have been the mother of a werewolf for nine years now John. I have been fired from my job at St. Mungos because of it, I fought for years with Armando Dippet just to try and get him to allow Remus to attend school, I have been with him to the hospital and to the werewolf registry office at the Ministry and I have experienced first hand the way those people treat werewolves adn anyone associated with them. I may not work for the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical creatures John but I think I think all of those nine years more than qualifies me to know how werewolves are treated in our society."

"Of course Mary, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry to you to Wendy, you shouldn't have had to hear all that."

"This is why I don't want a family," said Wendy quietly, "I can see you two love each other, and I can see that you love Remus with all your hearts, but it's destroying you. I don't know whether it's just awfully selfish of me, but I would much rather just stay on my own and be happy, I have you, I have my friends, I have mum and dad, I think that's enough people to love and to worry about for me. This way I get to be the little sister, the youngest daughter, the fun auntie, the best friend... but I never have to be the one with all the responsibility."

"You've got to grow up some time Wendy."

"But do I really John? Completely? Do we ever _have_ to do anything? I don't think we do, that's just what people say, it's just another form of prejudice really... That's why I always liked being called Wendy you know? You've probably heard of Peter Pan right Mary?"

"Sure, it's a muggle book after all, I'm surprised you know about it though, most pure blood witches and wizards don't have a clue when it comes to the muggle world."

"Yeah well me and John aren't exactly pureblood, we're just a whole mix of everything, our ancestors stopped keeping track a long time ago, but anyway Peter Pan was my absolute favourite story as a child, well, once I'd outgrown Beedle, I always wished I could go and live in Neverland and never have to grow up."

"Yeah, well this isn't Neverland is it?" mumbled John.

* * *

so- what did you think of it? what did you think of wendy? she was originally just in there cause i really liked the name Wendy Lupin and wanted to use it, but yeah please review!


	17. The New Dark Arts Teacher

Hey- guys, I DISCLAIM! Anyway, before we start, a note on 'Aunt Wendy': thanks for the reviews, while obviously she is completely made up and therefore not strictly canon I don't think it would be realistic for Remus to have no family apart from his mum and dad so I think the existence of such a character would be plausible. Believe me I am not one for chucking pointless OCs into the main story, I think the characters JK's given us are rich enough already, but there would have been some minor characters that play a role in the Marauders' lives, but don't worry I don't plan on writing about many of them. Also about the long rambling sentences- yeah I know, all my english teachers have always told me off for that, if you'll bear with me I'll try to break them up a bit more. And yeah I kind of wanted to write more about Remus's reactions to what he overheard but I also needed a good place to stop so that I wouldn't just trail off. But thanks for reviewing guys- keep it up :)

* * *

At the start of the new term there was only one question on the lips of every Hogwarts students "What do you think the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher will be like, so far the Marauders had had three different teachers in the subject, James and Sirius were always saying that the post was cursed. At first Remus had thought they were just trying to scare Peter but by now he was starting to think there might be some truth in it, especially since their last Defence teacher had died right in the middle of a NEWT class when a demonstration involving an erumpent horn had gone badly wrong. At the start of term feat many theories had been bandied about as to what this newest recruit might be like as a teacher who had been introduced Professor Whitstein, but of course all they had to go on was the book lost and his physical appearance, neither of which were particularly remarkable. Now however, on their second day of classes, the Marauders were about to find out.

"Silence!" was the first word he spoke to the group of fourth years assembled around him, never a good sign, "Come on, everyone find a seat and get your books out, hurry up."

There was a lot of shuffling and whispering from the class as they sunk into their seats thinking simultaneously that they were in for a long year.

"Alright? Are we finally ready? Good. No wonder you all did so appallingly last year if it takes you this long to start every lesson."

There was a lot of indignant muttering from the class at this comment, they had all passed their final year exams, in fact the majority of them had actually done very well. Lily Evans was staring daggers at the Professor and grinding her teeth to stop herself from saying anything. Remus thought she looked fit to explode, James thought that it was nice to see her get this angry at someone other than him, it quite suited her...

"Anyway, you can't change the past, but this does mean we've got a lot of catching up to do, so to start off with we're going to be recapping werewolves."

Remus's stomach clenched, was he just imagining things or did the Professor's disapproving gaze linger on him ever so slightly longer than was natural? Were they really simply recapping all of last years topics, and just happened to start with werewolves? Either way the idea was evidently too much for Lily Evans.

"But Sir we all passed with the equivalent of an OWL A grade at _least _on that unit, and that's way above the expected minimum grade for third years. In fact six of us got full marks on that unit."

"I have been provided with a record of your grades thank you very much Miss..?

"Evans Sir."

"Ah yes, Miss Evans, let's see..." he picked up a piece of parchment perused it for a second, "ten points from Gryffindor."

"What?!" said James indignantly, Remus sighed as he heard his chair clattering to the floor as he stood up.

"Sit down Mr..?"

"Potter, James Potter."

"Sit down Mr Potter, and another ten points from Gryffindor for disrupting my class. Just because you, Miss Evans, Mr Black, Mr Snape, Mr Pettigrew and Mr Lupin," Remus noticed the extra venom in the teachers voice as he pronounced his name, "received full marks in your werewolves unit last year that does not mean that this class is adequately equipped to be able to recognise a werewolf when they see one."

Remus swallowed, his heart beating in his throat and his stomach churning uncomfortably, he had been dreading this since his first year at Hogwarts, at Defence teacher that would do everything within his power to expose his secret. He would be found out this year for sure.

"Sir?" asked Lily Evans, tentatively raising her hand.

"Yes?"

"Well, I was just wondering... can I just ask how long we'll be doing revision, only I really think most of would be ready to start fourth year topics and..."

"That is not for you to decide Miss Evans, whether or not we move on from werewolves will be decided by a test when we have finished recapping what you have learnt last year. Now, quills out, I want you to take careful notes."

"Blimey, he's got in for you hasn't he?" whispered Sirius from behind Remus's back.

"Huh?" said Peter, who was frantically scribbling notes, even though he probably didn't need to seeing as he had already passed the previous year's unit on werewolves with flying colours, it had been enough to let him pass the end of year test despite his mediocre-at-best performance in all the other modules.

"Well it's obvious he's just doing it to try and expose Moony you idiot," said James.

"Don't worry mate, when Dumbledore hears about this he'll put a stop to it," said Sirius.

"I'm not worried," Remus lied, "it's fine, I'll just keep my head down and..."

"Detention Mr Lupin! Tonight, 8 o'clock. And twenty points from Gryffindor."

"Twenty?!" said James, "but Sir you only docked me ten for talking before, and you never gave me a detention either, and besides we were talking as well, he was telling us to be quiet."

"You're fierce defence of your friend is admirable Mr Potter, very well, if it pleases your highness you, Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew may join Mr Lupin in detention, and I'll take twenty points from each of you. My, my, Professor McGonagall will not be pleased to hear that her fourth years have already lost her... 100 points before we're even half way through our first lesson. Now, the Ministry keep a record of all known werewolves, of course many remain unregistered, living in packs in the woods and participating in criminal activities, often using their ability to infect humans with their vile disease as a weapon against others. But there are a great many who register in order to take advantage of the excessive support services given to them at the Ministry, for those werewolves who do not turn to crime invariable live off the state, scrounging off of Ministry funding that could be better spent elsewhere..."

Remus stopped writing, his fists clenched, his right threatening to break his quill. 'What support services?' he thought, 'what funding?' Remus could never remember an occasion where his parents had not had to pay for medical treatment, and as for the Werewolf Support Services, well they were practically non-existant.

"...It is fairly easy for employees of certain Ministry departments to access these records, such as the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, but also many offices of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and..."

Rage was vying for place against sheer panic inside Remus's heart. He was trying to get people to ask their parents to look at the Werewolf Register! He had to do something, but what could he do?

"Mr Lupin! Why are you not taking notes like the rest of the class? Unless you think you know enough about werewolves to pass my test already without even studying for it?"

"No sir, sorry Sir," Remus mumbled, dipping his quill in his ink and resuming his notes, his quill nearly tearing the parchment as he wrote about where records of werewolf attacks could be found, how a werewolf could be recognised from sight and from it's habits, the werewolves' historic allegiance with dark wizards... By the end of the lesson Remus would have sworn that he'd been grinding his teeth so hard they'd have worn down to stumps.

"It'll be alright mate," said James, clapping him on the shoulder as they left the classroom, "we'll go and see Dumbledore and tell him..."

"Not here," Remus muttered.

"Remus!" Remus turned around and saw Lily Evans running after them, Snape glaring at them from a safe distance, "Are you alright? He was being so unfair to you, if he'd have known the class at all he's have known that it was Potter and Black doing the talking," she said, as if 'Potter' and 'Black' weren't right beside them, "and even if you were talking, Potter actually argued back to him and he only got docked ten points, he simply can't give you a detention for that."

"He can Lily, he's a teacher, and I _was _talking, so he can do whatever he likes."

"Well he's clearly an incompetent teacher if he thinks we need to revisit last year's units when we really should be getting on with the new stuff if we want to finish all the topics in time. I think you should go to Dumbledore and tell him what happened."

"Yeah, maybe, thank Lily," Remus smiled at the ginger girl, who gave him a pat on the arm, a much softer pat than James's.

"Well, bye then," she said.

"Bye," said Remus.

"Bye Evans!" said James, flashing a winning, Quidditch star smile.

"Go brush your teeth Potter!" said Lily, turning on her heel to go back to Snape.

"Have I got something in my teeth?" asked James.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "urgh yeah, it's all green and rank, it's just there, no no wait, left a bit, no, my left..."

"No you haven't James," sighed Remus, James scowled at Sirius, who simply winked back at his best friend.

When they reached the end of the corridor Remus and Peter turned right, because that was the way back to the Gryffindor common room, James and Sirius, however, turned left.

"Have you two been confunded, or are you really first years in disguise?" asked Remus.

"Neither," said Sirius, "we're going to see Dumbledore aren't we?"

"No," said Remus.

"Yes," said James and Sirius together.

"No! Look it's no big deal, alright, we'll be finished this stupid 'revision' stuff in a couple of weeks maximum, and there isn't another full moon for three weeks and..." he consulted his mental calendar, "two days. So chances are no one will notice anything."

"But he's telling people where the bloody werewolf records are!" said Sirius.

"Come on, who's actually going to bother looking them up, nobody cares that much about school work."

"I can think of a couple of people who might," said James.

Remus could too, no doubt Snape would jump at the chance to get 'proof' of his Remus-Lupin-is-a-werewolf theory, and he could easily imagine Lily Evans doing every bit of extra research any teacher suggested.

"Look, let's just leave it for now alright? Chances are we'll be stuck with him for a whole year, I don't want to give him any more reason to hate me than he already has..."

"But he hasn't..." started Sirius.

"...If this hasn't all blown over in a couple of weeks then we'll go to Dumbledore, okay? For now all I can do is try not to give him reason to just tell the whole school or something."

"He'd get fired if he told the whole school," said James confidently.

"I know, I guess... let's just go, please?"

"Fine, have it your way then," said James, "but you've got to stand up to these people Remus."

"It's called choosing your battles James."

Detention that night was gruelling work, they had to clan all the bed pans in the Hospital Wing. The one benefit of needing to go to the Hospital Wing so often that you became friendly with the matron was that after about an hour Madam Pomfrey took pity on Remus and his friends and cleaned a substantial share of the remaining bed pans with a wave of her wand.

"When I heard you'd got a detention on your second day Remus I could help but wonder what it was for," she had said, "I mean, I know you're normally a sensible lad, even if you get into some mischief with your friends," she moved her eyes disapprovingly over James, Peter and Sirius, "so I asked what you'd done and Professor Whitstein said that you'd been talking in class. Now while I really think you should be applying yourself in class rather than gossiping like a bunch of old woman I hardly think that crime is proportionate to this punishment do you?"

"What do you mean Madam Pomfrey?"

"You know nothing of this Mr Lupin, _Scourigify!_"

"Wow, thanks Madam Pomfrey!" said James.

"Not a word to anyone, you understand?"

There was a murmur of "yes Madam Pomfey" and "thank you Madam Pomfrey" and they boys carried on with their work with their spirits lifted slightly. It was still almost ten when they finally finished, they were made to wait while Madam Pomfrey used floo powder to call Professor Whitstein. When she returned the foul tempered Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was with her.

"Well, I hope you've learnt you lesson, one more toe out of line in my class and this will seem ike a holiday camp you understand?"

"Yes Professor," mumbled Remus and Peter, Remus looked round to see why James and Sirius hadn't chanted the universal response to such questions and saw them both standing looking defiantly up at the teacher.

"We know why you did this Professor," said James.

"James, stop," whispered Remus out of the corner of his mouth.

"Well, I'm glad," said Professor Whitstein, "at least you know what you've done wrong even if you show no remorse for it."

"We didn't do anything wrong, and neither did Remus," said Sirius.

"Now boys, don't argue back to your teacher," said Madam Pomfrey warningly.

"But Madam Pomfrey, he was only picking on Remus because he's a werewolf, I'd been talking before he was and I only got docked ten points, then when Remus talked, actually to tell us to keep our heads down and be quiet, he got given a detention and docked twenty points!"

"It was clear that taking points was no deterrent to trouble makers such as yourselves in that class," snapped Professor Whitstein, "Mr Lupin was just unfortunate that he was the next person to step out of line, so he was made an example of, simple as that."

"Yeah right!" said Sirius, "and I suppose none of this 'revision' rubbish is really just an excuse to as good as tell people Remus is a werewolf."

"Clearly, any class that cannot recognise a half-breed when they see one, is in severe need of a recap."

"Don't you dare call Remus that!"

"Mr Potter," said Madam Pomfrey calmly, "under no circumstances are you to talk to a Professor like that."

"But he..."

"No buts, would you, Mr Lupin, Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew return to your common room please."

"But..."

"Come on," said Remus, seeing the pointed look from the Matron, "we don't want to be caught out after curfew," he added, grabbing James and Sirius by the arms and all but dragging them out of the infirmary.

"How can you let people walk all over you like that Remus?!" demanded James as soon as the the doors had closed behind them.

"You can't get anywhere with that kind of person by arguing with them James, didn't you see what Madam Pomfrey was trying to do, she was trying to get us out of there so that she could give him a telling of for calling me a half-breed, and now no doubt she's going to go to Dumbledore as well... honestly I thought you must have planned it like that."

"No, we planned it to end with us forcing him to apologise to you," said Sirius.

"Well, much as I appreciate the sentiment Sirius this is probably the best way, it's what you wanted this morning isn't it? Going to Dumbledore?"

"I guess so," Sirius said, "Pomfrey's alright actually isn't she?"

"She is really nice," said Remus.

"She's scary," said Peter.

"No she's not," said Remus.

"She is! Did you see the way she was looking at Professor Whitstein. I wouldn't like to be on the other end of one of her glares."

"Bet you Whistein's getting a battering," grinned Sirius.

Temporarily relieved that at least his friends had found something to think about rather than revenge plans or confrontations with the Headmaster, Remus followed his friends up the many flights of stairs to Gryffindor tower. However he couldn't help thinking that this year was going to be a rough one, he didn't need to be a Seer to know that much.


	18. A Good First Impression

Hi- okay so this chapter is the follow-up from what happened in the last one, so sort of a 'two-parter'. thanks for the reviews- i dont rely to rviews as a rule unless i've actually got something to say but i always take advice on board- so keep reviewing! thanks!

* * *

"Mr Lupin," called Professor McGonagall as Remus, Peter, Sirius and James were leaving Transfiguration, "could I have a quick word please."

"Is it about what happened in Defence yesterday?" asked Sirius.

"The last time I checked you're last name was not Lupin, Mr Black."

"Oh didn't you know Professor, I changed it over the summer, I was sick of being a Black so Remus said I could have his name."

"I take it this wasn't a straight swap right Sirius, I very much doubt that the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black would be very happy with a filthy half-breed tainting their name," said Remus.

"Language, Mr Lupin!"

"But Professor, I was only insulting myself."

"Nevertheless Mr Lupin, I will not tolerate it, and you shouldn't make a habit of either."

"Sorry Professor."

"That's quite alright, now, Mr Black, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew will you please run along and let me talk to Mr Lupin about his... spat with Professor Whitstein."

"See you Remus."

"Bye Moony."

"See you."

Professor McGonagall waited for the door to close behind the three boys before turning her attention back to the young werewolf in front of her.

"Sorry," said Remus for no reason in particular, by now it was just his default opening line with Professors.

"What are you apologising for Mr Lupin?"

"Er, for what happened with Professor Whitstein yesterday, I was talking and not taking notes and... erm... I lost a load of points for Gryffindor and got all my friends in trouble."

"True," said Professor McGonagall, "but you have already served your punishment for that, and Professor Dumbledore and myself agree with Madam Pomfrey that that particular punishment was far too harsh for a simple matter of talking in class. Now, Professor Whitstein assures the Headmaster that he was simply trying to set a precedent, to prove that future troublemakers would not be dealt with leniently. However Madam Pomfrey, and from what she tells me about the confrontation that took place last night in the Hospital Wing, your friends too, believe that you were being unfairly treated because of your condition."

Remus stayed silent, he knew his Head of House was seeking some sort of confirmation or denial of these accusations however he was not going to be forthcoming with one until explicitly asked.

"Would you say that any of this is true Mr Lupin?"

"Perhaps."

"It has also been brought to our attention that Professor Whitstein is not teaching you the material for the fourth year course, but is instead revisiting certain aspects of the third year material, the unit on werewolves."

"He says our third year grades weren't up to scratch, that we needed to do some revision before we move onto fourth year work."

"Do you feel your third year Defence grade was up to scratch?"

"I think so Professor, but maybe some of the other students..."

"I am trying to help you Mr Lupin. As it happens we received another complaint on the subject of Professor Whitstein yesterday, from Miss Evans."

"Lily's very bright, she got full marks last year, she said about how she thinks we should be moving onto fourth year stuff if we want to finish the course in time."

"And she is right, however she also made a comment about how unfairly Professor Whitstein seemed to be treating you, of course she had no idea why that may have been."

Again Remus remained silent, refusing to answer an unasked question.

"Professor Dumbledore is going to talk to Professor Whitstein later today to ask him to proceed with the fourth year material instead of recapping a unit which the entire class passed well last year. He would like you to be there."

"But why?"

"Professor Whitstein is your teacher, he will have to learn to put aside his prejudice against werewolves if he is going to be able to teach your class effectively, the Headmaster feels the best way for him to do this would be for him to talk to you, if you would feel comfortable with it."

"Okay," said Remus, not feeling entirely comfortable with the prospect of having to somehow convince the new Defence teacher that he was not some vile slathering monster, at least not most of the time.

"Thank you Mr Lupin, come to the Headmaster's office at four o'clock, the password is 'droobles'."

"Thank you Professor."

"Good bye Mr Lupin."

"Bye Professor."

When Remus left the room he was not at all surprised to find James, Sirius and Peter waiting for him.

"You know you guys are late for History of Magic right?"

"Who cares?" said Sirius, "Binns didn't even notice his own death, I doubt he'll even look up when we go in."

"Yeah, he always goes into some sort of impenetrable trance when he's lecturing us on Goblin rebellions," James added.

"Yeah but Evans or Snape might tell on us," said Peter.

"Let them, we'll just say we were talking to McGonagall with Remus," said James, "what did she want anyway, it was about Professor Whitstein wasn't it?"

"Yeah, she wants me to talk to him."

"She what?" said Sirius.

"Talk to him? Why?" said Peter.

"I don't know, she and Dumbledore seem to think that if I talk to him he won't care that I'm a werewolf."

"I suppose it's worth a try," said Sirius sceptically, "what's the worst that can happen."

"Yeah, once he talks to you he'll see you're just a normal kid," said James, "well, not quite normal, one that pays an abnormal amount of attention to his studies."

"Yeah Moony, I bet he'll really like you," said Peter

"Yeah, hopefully," said Remus half-heartedly.

From then on Remus's friends abruptly switched from abusing Professor Whitstein to constantly trying to reassure Remus that he'd forget his prejudices once Remus just talked to him. Remus wasn't reassured at all, he wasn't sure what he found more disconcerting, James's over-confidence, Sirius's 'you've-got-nothing-to-lose' remarks or Peter's generic snippets of encouragement. What he really needed was someone to tell him what in the name of Merlin he was meant to talk _about_. How on Earth was he, a fourteen year old werewolf, meant to undo a life time of being told that werewolves are savages who enjoys biting and killing people. He still had no ideas when he reached the stone griffin that guarded Dumbledore's office.

"Droobles," he said.

"Same to you too," said the gargoyle, leaping aside.

Brilliant, even the castle seemed to be laughing at the utter ridiculousness of the task Remus had been set. Once at the top of the spiral staircase Remus took a moment to compose himself, he remembered what his mum and dad had always taught him, the First Rule: make a good first impression, good manners cost nothing but have great value. He knocked on the door.

"Come in," called the Headmaster.

"Good afternoon Professor Dumbledore," said Remus opening the door, "good afternoon Professor Whitstein."

"Good afternoon Mr Lupin, take a seat," said Dumbledore, conjuring another chair with a swish of his wand.

"Thank you Professor," Remus sat down and shifted his gaze uncomfortably between the two Professors.

"Now," said Dumbledore after what seemed like a millennium, "you two seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot."

"I'm sorry Professor Whitstein," said Remus, I know I shouldn't have been talking in class, and I do normally always take notes, I'm sorry."

"So long as it doesn't happen again," said Professor Whitstein tensely.

Remus noted the way he had to swallow before he could get the words out, the way he was sitting as far away from Remus as possible in his chair, it was more than dislike that Professor Whitstein held for the fourteen year old sat beside him, it was fear. Remus opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again when he realised he still had no idea what to say. The longer the silence lasted the more the tension mounted, until Remus felt the very air in the Headmaster's office could shatter at any moment. Professor Dumbledore raised his eyebrows towards Professor Whitstein.

"And I am sorry too," he added, "I believe I may have judged you on the reputation of your kind as a whole."

"Thank you Professor," said Remus quietly, "I understand why you did, the only time people ever hear about werewolves is when they attack people. I promise I am not like Fenrir Greyback or the like."

Remus looked pleadingly at Dumbledore, he always had the strange feeling the Headmaster could read minds, he wouldn't be surprised if he could seeing as he was such a powerful wizard, he hoped that he could read his now. 'Was that the right thing to say?' he thought desperately, 'Have I done enough?'

"I know, I know that the school lock you up at the full moon so you are not a danger to anyone."

"Yes Sir, and even before I came to Hogwarts was always locked up, I've never bitten anyone I swear. I couldn't bear it if I ever did."

The DADA teacher obviously didn't know what to say to this, he knew how to deal with a werewolf attacking him, but his studies had never taught him how to deal with a werewolf pleading with him. Now it was his turn to silently beg the Headmaster for mercy.

"Well, I'm glad that's all sorted out then," said Dumbledore, "Professor Whitstein may I have a word with Mr Lupin alone please?"

"Certainly Headmaster," said Professor Whitstein, jumping at the chance to escape.

"Thank you Remus," said the headmaster once Professor Whitstein had left, "I know it is not fair that you should have to prove yourself to grown adults like that, but hopefully it will make your life a lot easier from now on."

"Yes Professor," said Remus, because he didn't think he should ask the question burning on his mind.

"Is there something you wish to tell me Remus," said Professor Dumbledore, as once agin reading Remus like an open book, "or ask me perhaps?"

"I... I was just wondering how on Earth I am supposed to make people less... scared of me," it seemed slightly ridiculous to say it out loud, "I mean, my parents always told me about being polite, and smiling and being kind and everything, but sometimes it's like that's just not enough... and now James and Sirius are telling me I should stand up to people more, but how can I do that without making them even more afraid of me?"

The Headmaster surveyed the boy sitting on the chair in front of him, it seemed slightly absurd that anyone could be afraid of pale skinny teenager who was fidgeting with his hands, scowling down at them as if they were covered in something disgusting.

"Alas, these things take time Remus, I am afraid I cannot say much else to help you apart from repeating your parents' advice."

"It's not fair," muttered Remus.

"I know, but all you can do is rise against the challenge Remus, and I must say you are doing so admirably."

"No, I didn't mean for me Professor, I meant for Professor Whitstein. He shouldn't have to teach something he's so afraid of."

"You're capacity for compassion never ceases to astound me Remus, more than once I have heard Professor Sprout claiming that you should have been Sorted into her House. Professor Whitstein is an adult Remus, we all have to overcome our fears sooner or later Remus, especially our irrational ones."

"But having a fear of werewolves isn't irrational, it makes perfect sense really, look at all the damage we can do... I know I'm afraid of us. I'm afraid of myself more than anything else in the world, how can I expect other people not to be?"

"Are you afraid of yourself as a human Remus?"

"No, what..."

"No, you are afraid of what you become on the full moon, aren't you?"

"Yes, of course, but..."

"The important thing Remus, is for people, and most especially yourself, to be able to separate these two things. Professor Whitstein will learn to do so in time, once he sees how different they are, until then I must ask you to forgive him."

"Forgive him? I was never angry at him. Well, I suppose I was while he was saying all that stuff about werewolves, but then I thought there's no point in being angry because it's just conforming to the stereotype. Besides, I hate getting angry, you lose control, it's like something else takes over you... do... do normal people get that, or is just because of what I am."

"Everyone feels like that sometimes Remus, everyone can act like a monster when they get angry."

Remus nodded silently, in his head he felt reassured but his stomach still felt unsettled and his heart still felt heavy inside of him. Nevertheless he forced a smile onto his face and thanked the Headmaster. He owed everything to the silver-bearded man with the twinkling blue eyes and the half moon glasses, he only wished that one day he might repay his immense debt to him, but somehow he thought he never would. Dumbledore would remain forever on the list of people he must be grateful to. The list had started when Remus was seven, when his mother had lost her job at St Mungo's, it was then that he realised for the first time how much of a burden he was on his parents. For years the list, which only ever existed in Remus's head, had only included his mother, his father, his Aunt Wendy, and a few of his mother's relatives that had stuck by him and his parents despite his lycanthropy. But since he had been accepted into Hogwarts it had grown to include the Headmaster and all of the teachers, as well as James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily. If being polite was the first rule Remus led his life by then this was certainly the second, Remus John Lupin Must Always be Grateful to Those Who Stood By Him.


	19. Girl Talk

Hi guys, so- now for a Lily chapter, quite a short one though- this is one of the chapter that I had prewritten and was just waiting until she was old enough that I could use it. I hope you like it! Please R&R.

* * *

"Hey Lily, if you could go out with any boy in our year who would it be?"

"None of them," Lily said simply, since the start of the year Marlene seemed to have decided the boys were the be all and end all of everything and it was starting to get on her nerves.

"What are you, a nun or something? Let me rephrase that for you _Sister Lily_, if you _had_ to go out with one boy in our year who would it be?"

"I don't know... Remus maybe?" said Lily unblushingly, not looking up from her novel.

"Remus?! You could have anyone in the year and you choose Remus?!

"Well if it was a completely free choice I wouldn't go out with anyone at all. I'm fourteen for crying out loud! I don't need a boyfriend. Anyway what's wrong with Remus?"

"Nothing... if you're into that sort of thing."

"What _'sort of thing?'_"

"You know... sort of awkward, pale, nerdy."

"Pale and nerdy? You could be describing me there Marly, maybe we be a good match," laughed Lily, hoping Marlene would get that she was joking, "But this isn't real right?" she added for good measure, "I'm not actually going to go on a date with him or anything you know."

"Changing your mind?"

"No, but like I already told you I don't want a boyfriend, not yet at any rate."

"Suit yourself," shrugged Marlene, idly turning a page in Witch Weekly, "But anyway you're ginger, you're meant to be pale, it looks nice on you. Remus just looks kind of... sickly."

"Don't be mean Marlene, I think he is actually sick. Anyway he has a nice personality, he's kind, he's funny and he respects women. I bet you'd go for one of the 'pretty boys'."

"I'd choose Sirius Black."

"Exactly."

"Hey! He's not just a 'pretty boy', though I won't deny that he's a damn sight hotter than Remus Lupin. But anyway he's actually really clever and funny as well."

"Oh yes, hilarious, jinxing people for no reason is the best punchline to any joke."

"Whatever Lil, I don't know what your problem with him is. But don't tell him or anything, it'll just make things all awkward."

"Or it might make him ask you out," Lily suggested.

"No way, he's way out of my league."

"Huh! I don't think anyone's out of his league from what I've heard."

"Ok so let's just pretend you said 'of course he's not Marlene! Any boy would be lucky to have you.'"

"Sorry Marl."

"Forget it Lily, I was only joking. Anyway, how comes not Snape?"

"What?"

"If you could choose any boy in the year, how comes it wouldn't be Snape?"

"What, you think Sev would be a better choice than Remus?"

"Well no, but I thought you liked him."

"I do! I mean, we're friends, but I don't like him like _that_. And for the record I don't fancy Remus either so don't you go telling him that he'd probably never talk to me again."

"Of course, this is girl talk Lils, what is said in the dormitory doesn't leave the dormitory. But seriously, you've never thought you might like Snape as, you know, more than a friend, you guys seem so close."

"Well... ok actually a year ago I probably would have said Severus at the drop of a hat, even though we've been friends since we were little so it might be a bit weird. But now..."

"Now..?" prompted Marlene.

"I don't know, it's just that recently he's been hanging out much more with Mulciber and Avery and that lot, and since then... I think he's changing Marly."

The word that came to Marlene's mind first were 'well Lily, he is a Slytherin' but she knew better by now than to say such things aloud in the presence of Lily Evans.

"Everyone changes Lily," she said instead, "you've probably changes too, maybe you're just growing apart?"

"But I don't want to grow apart," said Lily, her green eyes glistening.

"Hey, listen Lils, not many of us kept our friends from before Hogwarts. Everyone has to grow apart from the friends they had as children eventually. You can't stay nine forever, you've both got to grow up, and you can't be expected to grow up in exactly the same way can you? Don't cry Lily."

"I'm not crying."

"No, but you're about to."

"It's just that we promised to be friends forever, no matter what."

"Yeah, when you were how old?"

"But that shouldn't matter! A promise is a promise Marlene."

"Well then listen, if he doesn't keep his promise then he's not worth having as a friend then is he?"

"But the worst thing is Marlene, that I know it's not just him breaking the promise, I'm breaking it too. I'm breaking it just by talking about him like this! Sometimes I still think that if only I'd been in Slytherin..."

"Now don't start that again!" said Marlene, "he could have asked to be in Gryffindor, or even Ravenclaw if he wasn't brave enough for Gryffindor. He should have known that the Sorting Hat would never put a muggleborn into Slytherin."

Lily laughed.

"Yeah, I had a fierce argument with the Hat on that point, it was actually that that flipped the scales and made it decide on Gryffindor, it was erring between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw before that."

"So that's why it took so long to Sort you," laughed Marlene, "because you were arguing with it. Oh Lily I knew there was a reason I loved you. Come on, let's see some of that Lily now okay? Give us a smile Lils."

Lily smiled, remembering her Sorting, it was the first time she had been able to look back on it like this and laugh.

"_Hmm, _very_ bright this one... strong willed too, ooh this is going to be difficult... you could excel in Ravenclaw but..."_

"_Come on, please Slytherin, please Slytherin, please Slytherin."_

"_Slytherin? Oh Merlin no! Put a muggleborn in Slytherin, never could I do such a thing."_

"_Why not? Just because I'm a muggleborn that doesn't mean I'm any less ambitious or intelligent. Sev told me that some people think muggleborns are worse than other witches and wizards, but I never expected that kind of prejudice from a smelly old hat!"_

"_Smelly old hat? You wound me dear child. But what wound's me more is that you somehow think that I make me decisions based on human prejudice, we smelly old hats are above such things you know."_

"_Well what's stopping you putting me in Slytherin then, Sev told me all about it and it's the best House by far, and he told me the kind of people it accepts and it fits the bill exactly."_

"_I'm afraid you do not by dear."_

"_What? Because I don't have the correct blood status?"_

"_Partly, but partly because you're conscience would hold you back in Slytherin, you would be far better placed in Ravenclaw, or maybe even Gryffindor... I think we can rule Hufflepuff out, you are kind hearted yes, but you're brains would be wasted in that House."_

"_Gryffindor! That's where those oiks from the train wanted to go, no way am I going there! Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad I suppose, but Sev said if you really wanted to go far then Slytherin is the only house for you. I want to make a difference in the world, if you put me in Slytherin then..."_

"_Desire to better the world is far more of a Gryffindor trait than a Slytherin one, you have ambition yes, but of a different Sort. Come now, see sense, it would be hell for you in Slytherin. My vision may not be clouded by prejudice but other people's is."_

"_I don't care! They can think what they like of me, that's their problem. I'm here to learn magic and Slytherin is the best house for me to do it in and I'm not going to let you, or anyone else stop me from doing so. I'm going to sit on this stool until you put me in Slytherin, I don't care if I even become a Hat Stall, I'll sit here forever and a day if I have to."_

"_You fight your corner well young lady, and it would be very brave of you to enter into Slytherin as a muggleborn."_

"_I'm not afraid of my future Housemates."_

"_No, no I see that you are not. Most muggleborns who know anything about the school are somewhat terrified of the Slytherins when they arrive, but you are exceptionally courageous Lily Evans. I see now that there is only one place for you..."_

"_Slytherin?"_

"_GRYFFINDOR!"_

* * *

For the record I don't ship RemusxLily I just think that at this age, with the options she had (that we know of) this what she would have said. I love Lily, from what little JK has written about her you can see she is such a strong woman, and her and Snape are fascinating to write about (even though I don't personally like Snape- just because he was 'good in the end' I think he was still a fundemantally selfish and judgemental person- bet I'll get some flamers for saying that :/) Anyway while we're on the subject of pairings I just want to let you know that there will be no RemusxSirius, I just think their relationship in the books, while close, is so obviously platonic that I just can't imagine them ever having a romantic relationship. Thanks for reading, and once again please review!


	20. Breaking News

Hi again. So before we start I just want to clarify that I have an ENORMOUS amount of respect for Snape, especially for his bravery, but respecting someone is a completely different thing to liking them. But yeah- next chapter... please review!

* * *

"Must be something interesting in the Prophet," remarked Sirius.

"Must be something really interesting if their leaving their breakfast," said Peter.

It was true that many students had abandoned their breakfast in order to gather round copies of the newspaper. However James, Sirius and Peter could not see what it was that could possibly warrant such behaviour as none of them had a subscription, Remus did, but he was currently in the Hospital Wing, probably unconscious.

"I don't how the Ministry can let them get away with it!" a sixth year girl said to her friend, "They have a special team to catch them and everything."

"I tell you Azkaban's too kind for them, they should be put to death!" said a fourth year boy loudly, he was met with fierce agreement from most people in the vicinity.

"Something must have happened," said James.

"I wonder what," said Sirius

"I guess we'll find out when we go and visit Moony," said Peter.

"Screw that!" said James, "Oi Evans! Evans!"

"What do you want Potter?!" snapped the red-head, not looking up from her copy of the Daily Prophet.

"Can I see your paper? Please?"

Lily looked at James hard for a moment, seemingly scrutinising his request for some hidden intention. However she must have found none because she eventually did give over her paper. James didn't need to look for the article that had prompted so much outrage among his fellow students, it practically jumped out of the page and smacked him in the face:

'TRIPLE WEREWOLF ATTACK! TWO DEAD ONE INFECTED, URGENT MINISTRY ACTION DEMANDED BY FAMILIES.'

"What is it James?" asked Sirius, James just shook his head and handed the paper to Sirius.

"Holy shit!" said Sirius, earning himself a wide eyed stare from a first year sitting next to him, "oh grow up!" he snapped at her, causing her to flinch, "...demands harsher restriction to be placed on werewolves... poor Moony."

"We've got to stop him seeing this," said James.

"Why?" asked Peter.

"You know what he's like, he get himself all stressed out over it. We'll tell him obviously, just not so soon after the full moon."

"Yeah, probably wise James," said Sirius, "Pomfrey normally gets his mail sent to Hospital Wing for him, we'll have to nick it."

"Easy, come on, let's get it before he wakes up."

And with that Sirius chucked Lily's paper down onto the table, narrowly missing the first year's cereal, Peter picked up the rest of his bacon sandwich, and they headed off to the Hospital Wing. When they arrived Remus was still unconscious and Madam Pomfrey had not yet finished Healing his wounds, so the Matron refused to let them see him.

"Oh come on, please, we just want to see if he's alright."

"It's lovely that you care so much for your friend Mr Pettigrew, but what Remus needs right now is for me to heal his wounds before he loses any more blood. He may be awake by lunch time so you are more than welcome to come and visit him then but right now I need to ask you to leave. I assure you that he will be okay, and as a trained Healer my word should be good enough for you."

James nudged Sirius and raised his eyebrows momentarily. Though the two of them didn't have any sort of code or anything they were somehow always able to communicate non-verbally, so Sirius knew straight away that what the small gesture meant was 'distract her, I'm going in'.

"Oh Madam Pomfrey please," begged Sirius as James started to edge around the Matron, "come on, please please please?! Pretty pink please with a cherry on top?! I want to be a Healer too when I grow up you know, I want to see him, I need to see him. It's all because of him that I want to go into Healing, I just really want to help him. Can I watch you, please? I'll be really quiet and I won't get in the way I swear I..."

"Not now Mr Black! I'd be more than happy to talk to you about a career in Healing some other time when I don't have urgent patients to treat."

James emerged from the white curtain clutching a newspaper and gave Sirius the thumbs up.

"Ok, sorry Madam Pomfrey," said Sirius turning leave, "bye."

When Remus awoke he was greeted first by the usual tight pain in all his muscles, second by a sharp pain in his abdomen as he tried to move them, and third by three smiling faces and a gentle hand on his shoulder when he opened his eyes.

"Hi guys," he murmured.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" asked James, it was his hand on Remus's shoulder, and through the haze of his still half-asleep brain he realised that it was there to stop him from trying to sit up.

"Just grand," said Remus, closing his eyes again.

"I'll go and get Madam Pomfrey," said Peter.

When Remus heard Peter returning with the Matron he felt he was awake enough to try and raise himself up on his pillows, however the wound on his stomach must have been worse than anticipated because it stung so badly Remus couldn't stop himself wincing.

"Lie down Remus," came the soft voice of the Matron, "try not to move around too much or you'll open the wound again. Hold on there a moment and I'll give you your potions."

Remus let himself fall back into his bed, as he did so he felt heat spreading from his wound, he knew what that meant. He pressed a hand to the place where it hurt and sure enough when he took it away it was red with blood."

"Madam Pomfrey," he heard Sirius call, "he's bleeding again."

"Sorry," mumbled Remus, as the Matron carefully peeled away his bandage and started muttering spells to close the wound again before rubbing a stinging ointment into the cut.

"Right, you need to take your potions," said Madam Pomfrey once she'd changed his dressing, "easy now, nice and slow," she said as she raised his head and shoulders slightly and tipped each potion down his throat. When he had drank the last of them she patted him softly on the arm and left him with his friends.

"Did you get my post?" asked Remus, his mum had written to him after every transformation since he's started school, and though he wouldn't admit it he still liked to read her words when he was lying in the Hospital Wing the day after. He had also taken out a subscription to the Daily Prophet, with more and more people disappearing and being attacked he hated not knowing what was going on in the outside world.

"Yeah, here you go," said James, passing him a letter from his bedside table, Remus decided to read it later when his friends weren't there.

"Did my Prophet arrive too?"

"Erm... no, no it wasn't with the letter anyway," said James.

"Oh, right... I'll ask Madam Pomfrey if it came."

"Oh don't worry about it Remus," said Sirius, "we saw Lily's at breakfast, there was nothing much in it to be honest."

"Nothing much in it? It's the news Sirius, are you telling me nothing at all has happened in the entire wizarding world in the last twenty four hours?"

"Well, nothing much," said Sirius, "the Holyhead Harpies won their game against the Wimborne Wasps, but that's hardly news is it? Everyone knew they'd flatten them."

"The Harpies aren't that good," said James, "you just fancy them all."

"Hey, what's wrong with that? It's better than mooning after Evans all the time. Anyway, it's not about how good the Harpies are, it's about how pathetically bad the Wasps are. Come on Divination Boy, you'll back me up on this, anyone could have seen this coming."

"Oh Merlin, please never call me that again Sirius. Anyway funnily enough we waste our time predicting Quidditch matches in divination."

"What, so you're actually enjoying it this year?" asked James.

"No, it's still a waste of time, we just waste it in more imaginative ways."

"Like what?" asked Peter.

"Like pretending to see things on each other's hands. Even the teacher's still doing it, you'd think he'd have ran out of ideas after however many years he's been teaching here. Apparently I was going to suffer a 'tragic loss' yesterday, all I can say is I'm glad it's only loss of blood not loss of limb," Remus laughed.

"Can that happen?" asked Peter, wide-eyed.

"I was only joking Pete, I mean, I guess it _could_ happen, but you'd have to be really unlucky."

"Well, good thing you've always had such good luck then!" said Sirius sarcastically, "mate, I promise we'll be able to help you soon."

"Guys it's been almost two years, you could just give up you know."

"No way Moony!" said James, "Gryffindors never give up. Anyway we're almost there now."

"Tha... thanks," Remus yawned, he was starting to feel drowsy again.

"Oh, are you tired mate?" asked Peter, "we'll leave if you want, Pomfrey'll kick us out and tell us to get to class in about five minutes anyway."

"Yeah, you shouldn't miss class because of me, I'll be back to lessons tomorrow anyway."

"Only if you not still bleeding whenever you move," laughed Sirius, "no, but in all seriousness, and Sirius-ness for that matter, you don't need to come to class if you're not well enough yet, we'll let you copy our notes."

"Thanks Sirius."

"And we'll come back and see you after school too," said Peter.

"Thanks, see you."

"Bye Moony," said James, "get better soon or else yeah?"

"Will do Cap'n."

Once his friends were gone Remus vaguely considered once again the notion of asking Madam Pomfrey about his Daily Prophet, but he decided it could wait until he's had some more sleep and could actually sit up in bed without re-opening his transformation wounds. Meanwhile his James, Sirius and Peter were congratulating each other on how smooth the whole operation seemed to have gone. They assured themselves that their swift use of diversionary tactics had thrown their drugged and drowsy werewolf friend entirely off the scent of the missing paper. What they had forgotten, however, was their Remus Lupin was the inventor of the Marauders' diversionary tactics, and some of his best work had been done when he was drugged and drowsy. As promised James, Peter and Sirius returned after lessons were finished to visit their fallen comrade, but Remus slept right through their visit, only waking up after they had gone to dinner.

"Oh, you're awake," said Madam Pomfrey, "good, hold still a minute while I check your wound, it should be almost healed up by now. It'll never fully heal of course so you'll have a rather large scar but..."

"But what's one more in a sea of thousands," joked Remus.

Madam Pomfey bit her lip, she always seemed to take it as a personal offense that there were still wounds that could not be healed and diseases that could not be cured. It is the curse of a Healer to never be able to just accept misfortunes as they come. Remus knew this all too well, he had watched as the very same curse destroyed his mother. On the one hand it was funny how Remus's curse seemed to bring curses upon everyone around him, but on the other hand it wasn't funny at all.

"What time is it? Are lessons over?"

"Oh they finished ages ago, you just missed your friends actually. I told them to go to dinner a short while ago, they put up a darn good fight but they went in the end. Same thing happened this morning actually, their lovely boys, you can tell they really care about you, even if the way they show it is a little odd. Though I still can hardly believe that Mr Black's sense of caring would extend to a career in Healing."

"Oh god," said Remus, imagining the scene, "Sirius is a great friend but I think it'd be practically suicidal to let treat me."

"Well, you never know, people surprise you all the time. Although I must say he surprised me enough this morning just telling me he wanted to be a Healer."

"He said he wanted to be a Healer?" asked Remus, this was certainly a surprise, Sirius and James had been going on since first year about their joint ambition to become Aurors.

"Yes, just this morning when him and the others came in here wanting to see you, seemed quite passionate about it."

"Hmm," said Remus, he smelled something fishy.

"Hmm?" replied Madam Pomfrey.

"Oh nothing... by the way did my Prophet arrive this morning?"

"Yes, I think so... yes I remember putting it on the table with your mum's letter."

"Oh," said Remus, something was definitely wrong here, he'd have to ask Peter what was going on after dinner, he'd be the easiest to crack if those three were in some sort of bizarre paper-hiding conspiracy against him.

"Hmm... well it's healing up okay but I doubt you'll be ready to go back to classes tomorrow, too much chance you'll just tear it open again."

"Oh please, I'll be careful," said Remus, he hated always being behind on work every month, and since the start of this year many teachers had upped the workload in preparation for their OWLs next year.

"I know _you'll_ be careful, it's others I'm worried about."

"If you mean Sirius, James and Peter..."

"Oh no, not them, I'm sure they'll not be too rough with you, but if people don't know you're injured they're not likely to do the same are they."

"I can't tell people I'm hurt!"

"I know, I know, that's why I think you should stay here another day."

"Can't we just see in the morning?" asked Remus hopefully.

"Hmm, okay, but I'll need to give you another healing potion, and I'm giving you a sleeping draught as well."

"What? But I've only just woken up, I need to talk to James, Sirius and Pete when they get back from dinner."

"What you _need_ to do is rest young man, unless you want to spend another day here, and even then I'm not making any promises okay?"

"Okay," groaned Remus, he knew better than to argue with the Matron.

To be continued...


	21. Fenrir Greyback

hi- i still own nothing at all- here's the continuation of the chapter then. i just want to say thank you to all those who reviewed, especially the grammar nazis out there, what would we do without you. anyway hope you enjoy, and even if you dont i still wanna here about it.

* * *

"WEREWOLF ATTACKS BLAMED ON FENRIR GREYBACK," read James from another commandeered Prophet the following morning, "Fenrir Greyback, leader of largest werewolf pack in Britain, is most likely behind the attacks of two nights ago... believed to be in league, like most werewolves, with the so called 'Death Eaters' a criminal blood-purist organisation... famous for his open demands that werewolves be given hunting rights... Ministry criticised by families of victims for failing to catch the criminal part human... many fear that if a serious crackdown on werewolf activity is not implemented many part humans will follow Greyback's example..."

"Blimey you'd think they'd have moved on by now," said Sirius.

"Well, it was quiet big news Sirius," said James fairly, "and now they think they've found the guy behind it..."

"But they haven't found him have they," said Peter nervously, "he's still out there somewhere just waiting 'til the next full moon."

"Yeah and all the Hit-Wizards and Aurors are too bloody scared to go out and look for him so they bundle the job off on the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures," said James.

"Yeah, and then they go and pass a load of useless legislation that does nothing to help catch this Greyback fellow and just makes life hell for..." James coughed loudly, stopping Sirius mid-sentence, "oh.. right, sorry."

"D'you reckon we can get away with stealing the paper again?" asked James

"We're going to have to aren't we," said Sirius, "come on Pete."

However by the time they got to the Hospital Wing it was already too late, they pulled back the white curtains to find Remus sitting up in bed, fully clothed and reading the front page of the Daily Prophet with a horrified look on his face.

"Remus?" said Peter.

"There was another article yesterday wasn't there," said Remus, "and you stole it didn't you, you wanted to stop me ever hearing about this."

"We were going to tell you," said James, "we just didn't think you should be reading about that kind of thing when you're still sick that's all."

"What? You think me not knowing about it will somehow make it better? That it'll somehow make none of this real?!"

"Remus, listen, I know you must be worried but Dumbledore won't let them kick you out or anything you know that," said Sirius.

"You know what," said Remus, unnervingly calmly, "my mum sent me another letter this morning saying the exact same thing. For some reason all of you people seem to think that that's the most important thing here, two people have died Sirius, and one person has been cursed for the rest of their life, and all you can think about is whether some silly law is going to be passed or not."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean... of course I care about the people that got attacked but you're my friend and..."

"This isn't about me! I've been a werewolf for ten years now and I'm dealing with it, there's nothing that can be done for me now, but there are still things people could do to stop anyone else from having to deal with this if only they would stop messing around passing useless legislation and writing sensationalist articles and only looking out for their friends!"

"That's what we were saying, all they're doing at the moment is victimising people like you. It's outrageous but people like Dumbledore won't stand for it."

"What did I just say James? This isn't about me! They can pass all the laws they want, they could bloody lock me up in fricking Azkaban and I wouldn't even care if it'd stop that... that _bastard_," Remus took a deep breath and appeared to be counting to ten in order to calm himself, "now, I am going to Tranfiguration, and don't even think about trying to talk to me until you've all sorted out your priorities."

The three of them watch in stunned silence as their friend picked up his bag and marched out the door. Remus never swore, they had teased him about it countless times, but now they had seen him get angry enough to swear they knew they never wanted to see it happen again. There was something terrible in the his eyes seemed to flash as he cursed this Fenrir Greyback, something wild and feral, almost lupine.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked Lily, who was waiting outside the Transfiguration room with her friend Marlene when Remus arrived.

"I'm fine, I've just had a kind of stressful few days, family emergency, I don't really want to talk about it."

"I'm so sorry," said Lily, "I should've known, it was the twenty eighth a couple of days ago wasn't it?"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus, she hadn't worked it out had she?

"Oh of course!" said Marlene, "I'm so sorry Remus, was it... was it someone very close to you?"

Remus breathed an internal sigh of relief, he had completely forgotten about the 'tragic losses' he was meant to have experienced on the eve of the full moon.

"I really don't want to talk about it Marlene," he said, "but thanks for asking."

"Oh Merlin!" said the girl, suddenly raising both hands to her mouth, "it wasn't to do with the werewolf attacks was it?!"

"Oh no, no nothing to do with that," said Remus quickly, keen to get off the subject.

"Oh thank god," breathed Marlene.

"You shouldn't be relieved! Three people were still attacked! Just because we don't know them it doesn't change the fact that it happened, it doesn't change the fact that it will happen again because the Ministry is too darn stupid and afraid to actually stop the bastards that do this sort of thing!"

"Remus, I'm sorry, I..."

"You being sorry doesn't change anything! Nothing changes anything! Nothing..."

"Mr Lupin," came a stern voice from behind him, Remus turned around to see Professor McGonagall, "I must ask you not to shout at your fellow students, Miss McKinnon is not responsible for the events in the Prophet."

"Sorry Professor, sorry Marlene, I didn't mean to shout."

"Well just don't then," said Marlene, "I know you said you've been petty stressed out recently but there's no need to take it out on me."

"I'm sorry, I really am, please forgive me."

"Ok."

"Right, Miss Evans and Miss McKinnon will you tell anyone else arriving that I will be with you in a minute, I just need to have a word with Mr Lupin about the work he's missed."

"Yes Professor," said the girl.

"Thank you, come with me Mr Lupin, I my notes for you in my office, I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Yes Professor," said Remus, following the Transfiguration teacher away from her classroom.

"Take a seat Mr Lupin," said McGonagall, "would you like a biscuit?"

"No thank you Professor."

McGonagall sighed and sat down into her own chair.

"Mr Lupin I understand that you must be very anxious at the moment, and I want to assure you the Professor Dumbledore and myself, all the staff actually, are here for you. But I cannot allow you to take your feelings out of other pupils."

"I'm sorry Professor, I know Marlene didn't do anything, I just... lost it."

"An understandable reaction, when did you find out."

"This morning, my friends stole my paper yesterday."

"I am sure they thought they were doing right by you, I would have liked to discuss the situation with you before you left the Hospital Wing, I was actually just on my way there by I ran into Mr Potter, Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew and they told me you had already left. Madam Pomfrey was rather annoyed, she wants to see you later."

"I'm fine... I'm sorry, I'll go. But what is there to discuss, there's nothing anyone can say that can change anything, it's over now."

"It is by no means Mr Lupin, no matter what legislation the Ministry tries to impose I am sure the Headmaster can persuade them to let you remain in school."

At this McGonagall was surprised to see Remus Lupin leap out of his chair and groan in frustration.

"Are you alright Mr Lupin?" she asked.

"I'm fine!" said Remus forcefully, though he was clutching his hand to the side of his stomach, "Why does everyone seem to only be thinking about me? Mum and dad, James, Peter and Sirius, Marlene and Lily and now you too! I'm not the one who's just died, or just been bitten, or just lost a husband or daughter or brother or something! There are people out there in _real_ danger and all anyone can seem to think about is some stupid law the Ministry's trying to pass."

"We're only trying to help where we can Remus, like you said, there is nothing we can do for the people who died, and very little we can do for the man who survived, but we can still help you if you let us. I'm sorry if we have been insensitive, of course we all know what the biggest problem is, but for now there is nothing we can do."

"There'll never be anything I can do. I could help them catch him, I could help them pass some laws that would actually make a difference rather than just creating more antagonism among werewolves. But they'd never listen would they? Because I'm one of them, but they don't understand that they _need_ one of them. I'll never be able to stop it will I? No one ever will!"

"You may be able to do far more than you think Mr Lupin, you have already broken through many barriers no other werewolves have over managed to. Do not give up hope Remus. And I am sorry, I must say I rather overlooked your own personal relationship with Fenrir Greyback."

"I wouldn't exactly call it a relationship Professor, he just bit me one night and buggered off."

"But you are still angry at him aren't you."

Remus stayed silent.

"It is perfectly natural for you to be angry, he has caused you a great deal of suffering."

"There's no point even thinking like that," said Remus, almost to himself, "all that matters is that he's still out there and he will cause a great deal more suffering if nothing is done about it. That's what no one seems to understand."

"I understand Remus, and there will come a time when we can do more about it, but for now we have a Transfiguration class to get to, if you're up to it."

"Of course I'm up to it!" said Remus indignantly, subconsciously feeling his wound to check it was not bleeding again, "I'm sorry for shouting Professor."

"You are forgiven Remus," said Professor McGonagall.


	22. Stairway to Lilyland

now- i know what you're thinking, two chapters in one day, this must be the apotterpocalypse! Actually this is another chapter i've had written for a while and i just needed to wait until they were old enough to use it and i figured now was a good time since we need a nice lighthearted chapter after all that angst. oh and by the way in the space of the last few hours i've magically procured the rights to harry potter! NOT! :( Anyway, please R&R

* * *

"Hey Evans, is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?"

"Neither Potter, and even if I did have a ladder in my tights you'd be the last person I'd let climb it you filthy git."

"Must be her time of the month," James stage whispered to Sirius lound enough for everyone on the vicinity to hear, "you should talk to Remus about it Evans, he has a certain amount of experience in these matters."

"She's right you know," said Remus, "you really are a filthy git."

"Blimey you as well? You can't move round here for someone biting your head off."

"Give me a couple more days and I'll be willing to prove just how right you are James."

"There only reason you're not currently applying to join the Headless Hunt, Potter," called Lily, "is that someone would probably choke if they tried to bite off your head it's that big."

"You've got to admit that girl has some brilliant come backs," laughed Sirius.

"Yeah well if I wanted my come back I'd wipe it off her mum's face."

"You really are gross you know that?" said Remus, "where do all those stupid little sayings come from anyway?"

"Muggles use them, I found them in a book. Don't you raise your eyebrows at me Mr Moony."

"Yeah, Moony's eyebrows should be classed as an offensive weapon," said Sirius.

"You want a taste of my eyebrows too Black?"

"No! For the love of Merlin spare me!"

"From what?" asked Peter, looking around

"Why so sceptical anyway Remus, I have been known to open a book from time to time."

"Only when trying to impress Evans," said Peter.

"You know I think I like you better when you can't think of anything to say Pete."

"Ooh, I think you hit a nerve Pete," grinned Remus, "but anyway James, I really don't think learning a load of frankly disgusting muggle chat-up lines is the best way to convince Lily to go out with you."

"And since when have you been such an expert Moony?" said James, a little annoyed now, Remus liked winding James up, it made a nice change.

"I never claimed to be an expert James, you're the one who said that."

"I said you were an expert of being a woman not asking them out."

James and Sirius laughed loudly, Peter laughed too but he didn't really look like he got the joke, probably because it reference something said more than five seconds ago. Sometime Remus pitied the poor boy's attention span.

"Ooh, you walked right into that one Moony," said Sirius, theatrically wiping a tear from his eyes, Remus narrowed his, it hadn't been _that_ funny.

"Don't make me raise my eyebrows to you Black."

"Why are you starting on me, it was James who said it. Man you are like pre menstrual..."

But Sirius couldn't finish his insult because his roll of parchment he was meant to be writing his Herbology essay on was now wrapping itself around his head.

"Mmm! Mfft mwoooffdt!"

"Let him go Moony," said James lazily, "I think a werewolf adds enough colour to our group, we really don't need a mummy as well."

"Fine," sighed Remus, "_finite_. But you know James, you could just try being nice to Lily."

"Nah, you're the nice one, and no offence but it hasn't exactly worked for you has it?"

"It works very well actually, you may have noticed that I at least am on speaking terms with Lily. I just don't want to go out with anyone, you know why."

James rolled his eyes.

"Look," Remus persisted, "if you're incapable of acting like a civil human being, which I'll admit was always a long shot, you could always just... and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but you could just take a leaf out of Sirius's book."

"Now there's an idea," said Sirius with an evil grin.

"What?! Tell me Sirius, when have you ever had a relationship that lasted longer than a month?"

"Don't need to my good friend."

"See what I mean," said Remus, "he just doesn't care at all does he? That's why he has to always keep his food away from girls so they don't slip a love potion in it."

"You two are different though, you're both just abnormal creatures who don't want anyone."

"On the contrary Mr Potter, I want them all! However social convention dictates, like the dictator it is, that I can't have them all at the same time, so I'm working my way through them you see. They only reason our lovely Lily is safe is that you'd hex my balls off if I went within twenty yards of her."

"Not to mention she wouldn't touch you with a barge pole," said Remus, "she thinks you're as bad as James, so I doubt you'll be 'climbing her ladder' anytime soon either."

"What's a barge pole?" said James.

"You're not the only one who knows muggle sayings James, muggle born mum remember?"

"Mine are better though."

"No they're not, but anyway forget what I said about taking a leaf out of Sirius's book, he's even more revolting than you are."

"What? That's my brilliant master plan you're insulting there Moony, a work of genius of you ask me. It's better than hopelessly going after one girl for years on end anyway."

"I am not 'hopelessly going after her' Sirius, I'm playing the long game. You're not the only one with a master plan you know."

"Well I'll leave you two geniuses to it then," said Remus.

"Why? Where are you going?" asked Peter, meaning 'please don't leave me alone with these two, without you here they'll just pick on me even more.'

"Lily said she's help me with my potions essay," said Remus, grinning as he walked off.

There was nothing romantic between him and Lily, but it annoyed James to no end that he was on friendly terms with the love of his life while the only time she ever spoke to him was to insult him.

"Hi Lily, would you mind explaining that stuff about antidotes to me please?"

"Oh sure," she said, flicking her hair over her shoulder like she always did when she was about to explain something or tell someone (usually James or Sirius) off, "well most antidotes are based on one primary ingredient like a bezoar or something with similar properties. But then to make an antidote effective for a specific poison..."

She trailed off, her eyes narrowed at something over Remus's shoulder. Following her gaze Remus saw what had distracted her, Sirius was vigorously snogging his current girlfriend, a pretty third year brunette. Meanwhile James was loudly asking her friend, who was sat awkwardly in the seat Remus had recently vacated, who she would choose if she had to snog either Remus or Peter. The girl, with her best friend otherwise engaged eating Sirius's face, was looking somewhat stranded and kept glancing around the room as if looking for an escape route.

"Why are you friends with them?" Lily asked Remus

"They're not bad people or anything, they just sometimes don't know when to stop," he replied, as James tried to get Peter and the unidentified third year to kiss.

"Look at her, poor girl, I'm going to go and rescue her. Come with me, I don't want to deal with them on my own. They are your friends after all."

"Fine," sighed Remus, really not looking forward to the prospect of taking James's playthings away from him, less so trying to prise Sirius's lips off a girl's face.

"Back so soon Evans?" said James, flashing a smile at her with admirable boldness, "we were just having a little party over here, care to join us? See Moony, I can be nice."

"No thank you Potter, I only came over here to stop you leading younger students astray."

"I am not leading her astray! I'm educating her in the ways of love."

"'_The ways of love?'_ You've never even had a girlfriend Potter."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Yours for being such an undatable prick. Come on... what's your name?"

"Elizabeth."

"Well, come on Elizabeth, I'm sure your friend can manage quite well on her own."

"Bye Lizzie!" said James, "hey knock it off Sirius, don't you two ever need to resurface for air," he added.

"Blimey now you're the one biting my head off," said Sirius, emerging from a mass of brown curls, "see you later baby," he said, smacking the third year's arse.

"I think you'll find she was the one biting your head off," said Remus as the girl walked away blushing.

"Very funny Moony, think you might have arrival?"

"Trust me, when I bite your head off it will be much less enjoyable. I'm going to bed."

"It's only ten," pleaded Peter.

"Yeah but I've got to stay awake all through History of Magic tomorrow," said Remus, this was a difficult enough feat at the best of times and by tomorrow the full moon would be almost upon them and that would make it ten times as hard.

"I don't know why you bother myself," said Sirius, "if I was you I'd use to catch up on some valuable sleep."

"You already do use it to catch up on sleep," Remus pointed out, "and you don't even have the excuse of losing a night's sleep every month because you're too busy trying to rip your own guts out."

"Yeah well everyone sleeps in Binns's class except for the likes of you and Evans."

"Huh?" said James, who had been absorbed in his own thoughts perked up at the mention of his fantasy girlfriend.

"Well she is a geek mate," said Sirius, "I mean she is pretty and everything but she's still a geek."

"Right, yeah," said James, clearly not paying attention to anything his friends had just been saying."

"You're going to have a tough job getting any coherent response out of that one for a while now," said Remus, "he's gone to Lilyland."


	23. The Dream Diary

Hi- here's the next chapter then, remember to review when your done reading it. By the way there's about one and a half sexual references in this chapter but if you're too young to be reading that sort of stuff you probably wont get it anyway, just thought i should warn you.

* * *

"Any of you guys had any dreams recently?" asked Remus.

"I had an amazing dream last night," said James, "well it started off amazing, but then it became quite disturbing.

Remus, Sirius and Peter laughed as James's expression suddenly changed from one of dopey satisfaction, to one of mingled disgust and horror.

"Let me guess," said Sirius, "it was about Evans again wasn't it?"

"Yeah," said James, once again grinning like a fool, "we were kissing."

"And then..." prompted Sirius.

"And then Slughorn came in."

"Oh dear Merlin, please do not tell me you and Evans had a ménage-a-trois with The Slug."

"Wash your mind out Sirius Black! No Slughorn just came in and told me it was against the rules for me to snog Evans and he put me in detention."

"You had a nightmare about detention!" yelled Sirius, "you are a disgrace to the name of the Marauders."

"I had a nightmare about detention once," said Peter, "it was really scary, Mc Gonagall was there and she was making me try and catch all of these doxies that were flying round the Great Hall. There were loads of them! And they kept biting me and pulling my hair and getting all in my face and everywhere, I felt all itchy for days after that."

"You had a night mare about detentionand _doxies!_" exclaimed James, "Merlin how you ever got into Gryffindor I have no idea."

Neither James nor Sirius noticed the way their friend seemed to deflate at that comment, but Remus did.

"You can't control your dreams Pete, it's being brave in real life that counts. Oh and about the itchiness, I'm pretty sure you have those two buffoons to blame for that, not imaginary doxies generated by your subconscious."

"How is it you know even know about that?" said James, "we purposefully did it on the full moon 'cause we knew you'd suss us out otherwise!"

"Easy, I know how you and Sirius think James, when Peter was complaining about being itchy and you and Sirius kept looking at each other, or your mouths kept twitching and things like that it wasn't hard to work out. Face it James, you're very predictable, like how Sirius was able to guess within about two seconds that your dream was about Lily."

"I am not predictable!"

"You are a bit mate," said Sirius, "but anyway you never told us what happened after Slughorn gave you detention."

"Well, he gave me a detention, and then he said that for my detention I'd have to kiss Snivellus to make up for kissing Evans."

"And did you actually kiss him?" asked Sirius, "What was it like? Slimy?"

"Very," said James, "all his grease got in my mouth and there was so much of it I started to choke, I couldn't breathe, it was like I was drowning or something. And I could feel Snape's tongue wriggling around inside my mouth, and then I felt it go down my throat and I could feel it slithering about inside me. And Evans and Slughorn were still there, and they were both just laughing at me. It was horrible!"

"And you told me to wash my mind out!"

"Hey, it's not my fault. It's like Remus said, you can't control your dreams, all that matters is that in real life I'd murder myself, or even better murder Snivellus before I went anywhere near him."

"Whatever, somewhere in your subconscious there is a part of you that entertains the idea of snogging Snivelly-pants, that's enough for me to never be able to look at you the same way again," said Sirius, "was there a point to any of that by the way Remus? Or is it just your latest form of entertainment to subject is all to the deranged fantasies of James Potter?"

"I would never subject _myself _to James's deranged fantasies for entertainment Sirius. That'd be like a family of chickens going for a nice day out to the slaughterhouse. No, I just need to do this stupid dream diary thing for Divination."

"Err... aren't they kind of meant to be your own dreams Remus?" asked James.

"Yeah, you just made us sit through that torture for nothing!" added Sirius.

"Well don't really dream, and I ran out of ideas for made up ones. I even put a couple of blantant joke ones in there just because I figured something was better than nothing?"

"Remus Lupin handing in joke answers?! Blimey, even in divination I'd never expect that," said Sirius, "is that it, can I see?"

"If you want," shrugged Remus, handing him the piece of parchment that sat in front of him on the table.

"Twelfth of January," Sirius read, "Last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow. Interpretation: At some point in the near future (one to two weeks time) my pillow is likely to go missing."

James laughed, but Peter didn't seem to understand what was so funny.

"Is that really what that dream meant?" he asked, frowning.

"It wasn't a real dream Peter," said Remus kindly, "it was a joke. You know that joke that goes 'last night I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, I woke up and my pillow was gone'?"

Peter just blinked at him.

"Merlin you're thick Peter!" said James, "even three year old get that joke."

"Well it could have been a real dream," said Peter, "I had a dream I was trying to eat a giant chocolate frog once."

"Trying to?" asked James.

"Well it got away," shrugged Peter.

This sent all three of his friends, even Remus who mostly tried not to laugh at poor Peter, into hysterics.

"What?" asked Peter, "that wasn't a joke, it was a real dream!"

"I'm sorry Peter, I'm sorry," said Remus.

"I'm not!" said Sirius, "I am grateful though, that is the best image I've had in my head for a long time, it's even obliterated the image of James snogging Snivellus!"

"Err, thanks," said Peter, "but do you really never dream Remus? Ever?"

"No, not really."

"Oh, that's odd," said Peter, "what about those couple of times you woke up in the night and I asked you what was wrong and you said you had a bad dream?"

"Yeah well I suppose I do dream, I just never remember them."

"But surely you'd remember a dream if it was so scary it woke you up," said Sirius.

"Not necessarily," said Remus, "sometimes you just sort of remember that it was something scary but you can't remember what it actually was. But anyway what does it matter? Has anyone had any dreams I can use for this stupid diary that don't include kissing any of our classmates?"

"You could always use my dream about that detention with all the doxies," said Peter, "or the one about the giant chocolate frog."

"Don't be ridiculous Pete," said James, "the only interpretation he could get from that is that whoever dreamt it was a glutinous wimp, and Remus, unlike you, is neither."

"Don't say stuff like that about Peter James," said Remus, "his dreams would be a lot more useful to me than your twisted fantasies about Lily and Snape."

"Please Remus, have mercy," said Sirius, "I'd only just managed to wipe that image from my mind."

"Well just go to sleep and have your own dreams if mine aren't good enough for you. I'm sure there's probably a potion that helps you dream, or at least remember your dreams better."

"Oh and where would I get such a potion Mr I-Have-A-Simple-Answer-To-Everything?"

"I dunno, Slughorn's cupboard."

"I'm not stealing from a teacher just for the sake of some divination homework James."

"Fine, just ask then."

"What, ask Slughorn? Are you joking? The man hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," said Sirius, "no teachers you."

"Except Git-stein," said James, using a nickname he was proud to say he had thought up himself for this year's DADA teacher.

"Yeah, well as his name suggests he's a git," said Sirius.

"Except that that's not his actual name is it Sirius?" said Remus.

"Are you sticking up for him? After he purposefully sets a load of extra work for us around the full moon so you have even more to catch up on."

"I'm not sticking up for anyone," said Remus mildly, "I'm just saying you two really need to think of more imaginative nicknames, I mean I thought 'Moony' was bad but 'Git-stein' is just terrible."

"Oh and 'Mr Perfect' is just so imaginative isn't it Remus," said James.

"I didn't think of that, Lily did."

"Ooh, she thinks I'm perfect now does she."

"Sure James," said Sirius, "I'm sure that's why she humiliatingly rejects you every single time you ask her out."

"Whatever Sirius, she'll come around when she finally sees the truth in her own words."

"Never then."

"Shut up Black you filthy son of a boggart."

"My mum would make a good boggart, she's certainly one of my worst nightmares. Do you really never dream Remus?"

"I thought we'd settled this!" snapped Remus, "No, I don't really dream that much, get over it."

"That much?" asked Sirius

"At all, I don't dream at all, ever, happy?"

"Alright, hold on to your Thestrals," said Sirius, "you going to ask Slughorn for that potion James was on about then?"

"No, of course not. Firstly, this is just some potion James 'reckons probably exists' so it might not even be real. Secondly Slughorn doesn't like me, he may not hate me as much as he hates you two because I at least don't wreak absolute havoc in his lessons and victimise his two favourite students."

"I do not victimise Evans," James protested.

"She begs to differ," said Remus, "Anyway even if he doesn't think I'm as bad as you two he still thinks I'm just some idiot part human who's not worth teaching."

"Yeah well who cares what that old slug thinks anyway," said James, "anyone who doesn't recognise _my_ brilliance obviously needs to get their head checked out."

"I know who you could ask," said Sirius, "Pomfrey."

"Pomfrey?"

"Yeah, it's so obvious it's a wonder why Mr Perfect didn't think of it. She loves you, and she's a Healer so she has access to all sorts of potions."

"She has access to dream_less_ sleep potions Sirius. Come on what medical purpose would this stupid made up dreaming potion serve?"

"Helping a poor unimaginative werewolf with his Divination homework," said James in a sickly baby voice.

"Ha ha ha, I can hardly breathe for laughing," said Remus, "anyway you calling someone else unimaginative is rich considering you were the mastermind behind such travesties as 'Moony' and 'Git-stein'."

"Have you really never had a dream Remus?" asked Peter.

"No! For crying out loud Peter, what part of 'I don't really dream' do you not understand?!"

"Someone's touchy," said James.

"Yeah, and it's not even that time of the month yet," added Sirius.

"Thank you for that input Sirius, if you are going to make fun of me because of my medical condition I'd appreciate it if you at least thought of a few new jokes every now and then."

"Merlin, sorry mate," said Sirius, "you know I don't mean any of it."

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This stupid Divination lark is just winding me up and I'm taking it out on you guys, I'm sorry."

"That's alright mate, come on we'll you make up some dreams that don't involve Snape's writhing tongue or a giant escapee chocolate frog shall we?"

The boys had so much fun doing homework, James and Sirius soon found themselves locked in fierce competition over who could think of the most bizarre off the wall dream ideas. Remus joked that if they ever put this much effort into their own homework teachers might actually like them. But James pointed out that technically all they were actually doing was giving creatively wrong answers which you would never be able to get away with in a subject other than Divination. Remus felt mildly bad for a moment, wondering whether he should actually be in the library reading every single book on divination to try and improve his inner eye instead of wasting his valuable education by not even trying to improve. Then he remembered that even the teacher of the subject made everything up as they went along and he went back to thoroughly enjoying teasing madder and madder ideas out of Sirius and James. Peter offered his input every now and again, normally in more recounts of dreams he once had, which according to James and Sirius all foretold that he was going to have some horrible misfortune. Remus reassured him that they were lying, and that all this business of telling the future from dreams was probably nonsense anyway, but nevertheless Peter seemed rather frightened by a lot of their made-up prophecies. Once they had finished Remus's dream diary for the entire month James announced he was going to bed as he had to be up at six am for Quidditch practise the next day. Peter was as quick as ever to follow him but Sirius said he wasn't tired yet and wanted to stay in the common room for a while longer. Remus was just about to follow James and Peter upstairs when Sirius caught him by the arm.

"Ok so what is you're dreaming about that's so bad you can't use it in your Divination homework?"

"I don't..."

"Don't mess with me Remus, no one would get that defensive just about not having any dreams. I understood you might not have wanted to talk about it to James and Peter because Peter's worst nightmare is apparently getting bitten by doxies and James's is having to kiss a greasy Slytherin, but you can talk to me right? Is it something to do with... you know?"

"Yes," said Remus reluctantly, "so now do you see why I can't use them in my dream diary? It's be a dead giveaway if I have dreams about being a werewolf nearly every bloody night."

"How come you didn't just say that?"

"I didn't want to creep you out."

"Why would it creep us out?"

"They creep me out," said Remus quietly.

"Tell me," said Sirius, "I'm not letting you go to bed until you tell me."

"Well, there's two kinds. Sometimes I dream about Greyback, about the night he bit me, or him attacking someone else, normally my dad. Those ones aren't so bad though, it's the other kind that really creep me out, even when I wake up and I know they're not real."

"They must be bad if reliving the night you got bitten is better," said Sirius, "what happens in the other kind?"

"In the other kind... I'm in werewolf form. And I'll... I'll attack someone, sometime loads of people. I've attacked my mum, my dad, you guys, Lily..."

"No you haven't," said Sirius sternly, "they're just dreams. It's like you said earlier, you can't control your dreams can you?"

"But it could happen though," said Remus, "I could kill someone, or worse. I'm a monster."

"No you're not. And if those dreams are making you feel like that then maybe you should get some of that dreamless sleep potion off Pomfrey."

"No, I can cope with stupid dreams Sirius, I'm that bloody weak."

"I never said you were, I you're stronger than any of us just for going through that once a month, you shouldn't have to relive it every night."

"Well that's actually the one saving grace of the werewolf transformation, at least I can't remember it the morning after. Well I can sometimes remember bits of it, but more... smells and sounds and stuff, not proper human memories. That's what creeps me out so much about these dreams, because I've got my human mind, I still recognise the people I'm attacking, but I still can't stop."

Sirius placed a hand and Remus's shoulder like you would do if someone was crying. Remus wasn't crying, nowhere near, but he had a look on his face that Sirius recognised. It was a look he'd often wear before or a after a full moon, it was a look that said 'I'm hurting like hell but I'm not going to say anything because I deserve every bit of pain I am feeling right now'.

"There's no point beating yourself up about something that happened in a _dream_ Remus. Honestly if I did that you'd never hear the end of me complaining about how much of a terrible brother I am."

Just as Sirius expected Remus snapped out of his reverie immediately at the mention of someone else's problems.

"You have nightmares about Regulus?"

"Only occasionally. I have other bad dreams, where I'm getting attacked by Bellatrix or my parents or someone, or sometimes I dream that Andromeda and the baby or attacked or killed, but the ones about Regulus are the worst."

"What happens in them?"

"Everything I worry about in real life, he joins the Death Eaters, I can't stop him, he ends up either killing someone or getting killed himself."

"I'm sorry," said Remus.

"It's nothing to be sorry about," said Sirius, "they're just dreams, same as yours are, and neither will ever come true, right?"

"Right," said Remus, but he could tell Sirius didn't quite believe the words he was saying.


	24. Pride and Prejudice

Hiya! back at school now so wont be updating as much, but will do when i'm procrastinating (like today) so don't worry. anyway i think i forgot to state the obvious last time, the obvious being that i do not and never will own harry potter. keep the reviews coming! :D

* * *

"What's got you looking so happy?" grumbled James as Sirius literally bounced into the common room.

"_I_ just got myself a date," grinned Sirius, slipping into the seat between James and Peter, forcing the latter onto the arm of the sofa.

"Well good for you Sirius, all you need now is a signed Hogsmeade permission form."

"And what on Earth would I want with one of them Moony, I can use the one-eyed witch passageway like we normally do."

"And what do you plan to do when the teachers realise you've been sneaking into Hogsmeade for the past year and a half?"

"Claudia won't tell."

"Claudia?" asked Peter in awe, "that really pretty sixth year!"

"Oh yes," smirked Sirius, "and she's not a grass so we'll be fine."

"I thought you knew what girls we're like Sirius," said Remus, "even if she doesn't grass she'll still gossip, and once word gets out that you've been to Hogsmeade the teachers will find out one way or another."

"You over-think things Remus."

"You would count any sort of rational thought process as over thinking Sirius."

"If that is a veiled insult regarding my intelligence..."

"It was hardly what I'd call 'veiled' Sirius," laughed James, "even Peter could see he was taking the piss out of you."

"What?" said Peter.

"Oh, apparently not," said James, "but trust me there was no veil Sirius, Moony put it out there for all to see."

"Put what out where?" asked Peter, "why does no one ever explain things to me?"

"Because Peter, if we did we'd never get anything else done," said Sirius, "and Remus let me remind you who got best in the class in that charms test last week."

"Lily," said Remus.

"Yeah but who got second best?"

"You," Remus sighed.

"I rest my case."

"Hey, doing well in one charms test does not completely negate all the idiotic things you do on a daily basis."

"I have done well in more than one test Moony, I do better than you in Potions and Transfiguration and I don't even study."

"Yeah well you're some sort of medical miracle that can be insanely clever and then dangerously dim-witted at the flick of a switch."

"Remus Lupin has been flicking witches?!"

"Switch, James. Come on haven't you learnt about those in muggle studies?"

"Probably but who listens in muggle studies? I'll just learn it all the night before the exam, it worked last year."

"Do you two not value your education at all? I mean, you're obviously both really intelligent."

"Yeah, so that means we don't need to bother about studying and we can focus on the more important things in life," said James.

"Yeah, like snogging hot girls two years older than us," said Sirius.

"Alright don't rub it in Sirius," said James.

"Says Mr My-Head's-So-Big-I-Have-To-Wheel-It-Along-On-A-Trolley."

"I am not big headed Sirius, I'm just honest. It's a fact that I am awesome at school and Quidditch without even trying so why lie to hide it?"

"To make Lily stop thinking you're a prick," said Remus.

"Lily will come around, I've still got three days to go 'til Valentine's day, that's ages."

"Yeah because if she hasn't 'come around' in the last three years she'd really going to come around in the next three days," laughed Sirius.

"Hey I could have any girl I wanted..."

"Except Lily."

"... but I, unlike you, have standards. I'm not just going to ask out any old girl just for the sake of it, it will devalue my relationship with Lily when she does finally say yes."

"_If_ she ever says yes," corrected Sirius, "and anyway I have standards, did I not mention that Claudia is insanely pretty, _and_ in sixth year."

"You are so superficial Sirius," said Remus.

"See, Moony's on my side."

"I'm not on anyone side, I'm just here to point out all your faults so that your heads don't explode and the rest of don't get covered in brains."

"You said we were intelligent a minute ago," said James, "how does that figure into your plan for saving the castle from our exploding brains?"

"It was a calculated risk," said Remus, "I thought a compliment might actually go some way to making you see the importance of your education, but apparently I was mistaken."

"Yes you were," said Sirius, "you're too serious Remus."

"No you're Sirius," smiled Peter.

"Shut up Pete, that joke is so old it could be Dumbledore's Godmother."

Peter sank back down into his chair looking dejected.

"But you are too serious Remus," said James, "I mean look, what are you doing now?"

"I'm talking to you."

"No I mean that," said James, pointing at Remus's quill that was in his hand.

"Oh this? Arithmancy homework."

"See, you're not really talking to us, you're studying."

"It's called multitasking James."

"Multitasking's for girls."

"No you're just being sexist... against yourself as well!"

"Yeah well you're allowed to be sexist against yourself, it's like how you're allowed to make werewolf jokes but we're not

"You make werewolf jokes all the time."

"Yeah but you know we don't mean it," said Sirius, "we laugh at your furry little problem the same way we laugh James's obsession with Evans."

"Yeah... wait I'm not obsessed."

"You are a bit, but right now we're not talking about your stalking tendencies, we're talking about Remus's tendency to take everything too seriously."

"I do not take things too seriously."

"Oh come on, name me one thing your haven't done in the past month that hasn't been serious," said James.

"I made Lucius Malfoy and your wonderful cousin start snorting when they were kissing in that entrance hall."

"That was you!" said Sirius, "why didn't you tell us?"

"I figured it would be funnier for you to think that that was what they actually sounded like when they got a bit too... enthusiastic. Everyone else certainly laughed."

"Too right they did, that was bloody funny! Now I remember why you're a Marauder, how come you don't let the evil genius side of you show more often?" asked Sirius.

"I'm only an evil genius when the mood takes me, and when I haven't got a truck load of homework to catch up on."

"Ah come on, I'm sure you can just leave that 'til tomorrow," said James.

"It was due in five days ago."

"Yeah well you we're a bit busy getting bits of broken rib pulled out your lungs and what not five days ago."

"Which is why I'm doing this now James," said Remus, as if he was talking to a three year old.

"Oh you're no fun, I'm going to find Lily."

"Because getting rejecting again in front of the entire Gryffindor House will be so entertaining," smirked Remus.

"It will be for us," said Sirius.

James responded to the taunts with no more than a warning flash of the eyes and strutted over to Lily and Marlene, who she was helping with her homework.

"I still don't get it Lil, what difference would it make if you just used a normal bloody knife to cut the roots, why does it have to be silver? I mean, it's not like the knife's going in the potion is it?"

James cleared his throat, the two girls ignored him.

"Because any metal other than silver will cause the ends of the root to wilt and shrivel and that means their essence won't properly infuse into the potion."

James cleared his throat again.

"Oh, okay. But then this next bit here..."

"Evans?"

"It's rude to interrupt Potter."

"It's also rude to ignore people, I waited for a break in you delightfully boring conversation but you just plain ignored me. I must say I am disappointed in you Evans."

"Disappointed in me? Are you hearing yourself?!"

"Loud and clear my lovely Lily! As clear as a mountain stream, with water lilies swaying in the current."

"If the stream's got water lilies in it's not going to be clear is it James?"

"Ah but that is where you are wrong Evans. You see the beauty of the Lily is that she is so bright and colourful yet so clear at the same time, just like your eyes, green and glistening but clear as still pools of water."

"I thought it was a stream."

"Same difference."

"Clearly the wizarding education system is in sorry need for some geography lessons if you really think that's the case."

"You're so caught up in the literal Lily you fail to appreciate the pure poetry of my words."

"If by poetry you mean utter hogwash."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, no other flower is lovely as you."

"I am not a flower Potter."

"You could be, you could be a flanimagus."

"That's not even a real thing."

"Yes it is, it's a wizard that can turn into a flower."

"You just made that up."

"At least I have an imagination, you couldn't write a poem if you tried."

"Oh yes I could. Boils are red, ectoplasm is blue, but both of those things are more lovely than you."

"Ectoplasm didn't really fit into the rhyme scheme but I'll let you off since you're only an amateur."

"Will you also let me get back to conversation with my friend."

"Not until you agree to go to Hogsmeade with me, come on, I'll take you to Puddifoots."

"No you will not take me to Puddifoot's, I will never in a million years go out with you James Potter, when will you get that through your thick skull. You're a stuck up sadistic excuse for a human being, and besides, I've already agreed to go with Severus so that's that. Better luck next year hedgehog-hair."

"You... you're going with Snape?!"

"Yes, me and Sev always spend Hogsmeade weekends together, it's one of the few times we can have some peace and quiet together away from you and your gang of hooligans."

"Marauders Evans, we're Marauders not hooligans. And I am telling Remus you called him hooligan, he's going to be very upset with you, he might not want to be your study buddy anymore."

"Remus knows I don't mean him, if I was referring to him too I would have said 'your gang of hooligans plus the sane one'."

"Remus is more of a hooligan than you think Evans, it was him that made Lucius Black and Narcissa Malfoy start snorting when they were snogging in the entrance hall."

"Well that's harmless! It's not like the stuff you do, that boy you used densaugeo on had to go the Hospital Wing for crying out loud!"

"He was fine, anyway he was only a Slytherin."

"That doesn't make him any less of a person Potter, that's exactly the same as saying I'm 'only a muggle born'."

"No it's not! Slytherins are the ones that think that kind of thing in the first place, I was just putting them back in their place, they think their above people like you and they need taking down a peg or two."

"Reminds me of someone else I know."

"Do not compare me to a Slytherin Evans. I don't care how many times you turn me down but do not compare me a Slytherin. You know I'm not a prejudiced arsehole."

"The definition of prejudiced James, is someone who makes a judgement before getting to know who or what they are judging. You assume that because I am female I will automatically worship at your feet, you assume that because people are Slytherins they will be prejudiced towards muggleborns. It's all prejudice James, now excuse me but I am going to my dorm before I come out in some horrible rash from having stood so close to you for so long."

James watched as Lily stormed up the stairs, her hair swinging from side to side in it's long ponytail, Merlin she was so beautiful, but how dare she accuse him of being prejudiced, one of his best friends was a werewolf for Merlin's sake!

"She'll come around," said a female voice, pulling James out of his trance, he had completely forgotten that Marlene was still sitting right next to him, "she loves you really, that's why she can never sand to be in the same room as you."

"Yeah," he said, not reassured in the slightest.


	25. Another Unimaginative Nickname

I DISCLAIM EVERYTHING! Ok glad that's over with, first off apologies, in the last chapter I did mean Narcissa Black and Lucius Malfoy, I'm always making stupid mistakes like that even when I'm just talking :/ so please never hesitate to point them out, I'll fix it at some point but for now here's the next chapter, I hope you like it, but even if you don't please review!

* * *

"You've been standing there like that for hours, why don't you just give it a rest?" said Remus.

"No," said James, turning to his friend who was lying on his bed writing an essay looking rather green, "we've taken all the potions, we've performed all the spells in ourselves and everything so now we should be able to do it if we can just CONCENTRATE!"

"You're all red in the face James, you too Sirius, and Peter you look like a tomato with face drawn on it. I think if you concentrate any harder you might explode."

"We're not giving up Moony, it's the full moon _tonight_, we want to help you."

"Do you really think I would let you anywhere near the Shrieking Shack tonight when it takes you hours on end to transform?! Look just leave it for tonight, you never know you might be able to do it by next month."

"No! I've had enough of seeing you lying in the Hospital semi-disembowelled alright? We're finishing this tonight," said James.

"Even if you did manage it tonight I wouldn't let you, it's be far too risky if you've only managed it once before. I've managed on my own for ten years I'm sure I can manage one more month, you sound like my mother."

"I'd take that as a compliment if I were you James, Mrs Lupin is very pretty lady."

"Sirius this is not the time to be coming onto your friends mum," said James, "now concentrate!"

"James, much as I appreciate you stopping Sirius from perving on my mum I must ask you again to just stop, for now at least. I mean honestly, you're going to kill Peter if you keep him at it much longer."

"No... I'm... going... to... do it," grunted Peter.

"I have no doubt that you will Peter, but just not tonight. I need to go now so I'll see you tomorrow I guess?"

Remus swung his legs round off the bed and use the bedside table to pull himself up, although his muscles hadn't started to twitch and spasm yet they were still aching fiercely.

"You're not getting off that easily mate, we're coming to the Hospital Wing with you," said Sirius

"I've told you before you don't have to _'see me off'_, it'll just look suspicious if all of you lot come with me."

"What are you on about?" said James, "it'll look _less_ suspicious if we're with you, if you're on your own people will see that you look like a banshee with a bad back and will want to try and help you, but if you're with us they'll ignore you 'cause they'll we've got a hold of everything."

"Flattering description James," muttered Remus.

"You're just bitter 'cause I out-logicked you."

"That's not even a word."

"It probably is," said Peter, "most things are words aren't they? And even if they're not then words have to come from somewhere don't they? Someone had to make them up somewhere along the line so why can't we just make up our own words?"

"You should tell McGonagall that next time you had in an essay with a billion spelling mistakes in," laughed Sirius.

"I don't have a death wish Sirius!"

"D'you remember her face when you spelt her name MgGonagool?!" said James.

"Bloody hell I'd forgotten about that!" laughed Sirius.

The three boys were so caught up in their hysterics that they didn't notice the door open and close, it was a good ten minutes before they realised Remus was gone.

"Are we terrible friends?" asked James.

"Nah," said Sirius uncertainly, "we just got distracted, and if Remus had said something we would have stopped messing around and gone with him right away."

"We'll make it up to him," said Peter.

"Damn right we will," said James, "come on, get up. We're finishing this bloody animagus thing if it kills us."

Remus told himself that he didn't feel at all put out that his friends had managed to forget about him while he was standing right next to them. In a way he was actually quite thankful for some solitude and quietness as it allowed him to clear his head a bit, it also meant he didn't have keep up the charade that he was feeling fine any longer. In truth he wasn't actually feeling that bad, comparatively speaking. His legs, though sore and stiff, weren't too shaky and the only time he got dizzy was when the staircase he was on decided to change and he had to stop for a minute and hold onto the banister. He had certainly felt a lot worse before the full moon, he hoped this was a sign that tonight wouldn't be too bad, comparatively speaking.

In a Remus was right, to a boy so used to serious injury a broken wrist a dislocated shoulder and several flesh wounds could certainly be classed as 'not too bad', he only wished it had been his left wrist instead of his right so that he could at least get some homework done while waiting for it to heal.

"Your friends are here Remus," said Madam Pomfrey, opening the curtains drawn around his bed, "do you want to see them?"

"Yes please."

"See I told he needs his friends not _'rest'_," said a voice from the other side of the curtain, as if the idea of resting after a night of biting chunks out of your own flesh was the most ridiculous idea in the world, Remus smiled to himself as James Potter tore open his curtains, followed closely by Sirius and Peter.

"Finally," smirked Remus, "I think I'd die of boredom if I had to _rest_ any longer."

"We're sorry about last night," said James, ignoring everything Remus had just said.

"That's alright, I kind of liked being alone for a bit."

"No, it was completely selfish of us, what if you'd like... collapsed or something."

"I think I'm more offended by that than by you forgetting about me James, when have I ever collapsed?"

"We didn't forget about you," said Sirius, "well, only for a bit. We're sorry mate."

"Yeah," said Peter, "it was my fault, I just had be stupid and choose that moment say my stupid thoughts. I'm sorry."

"You're thoughts aren't stupid Peter, and it wasn't your fault. Look, everything's forgiven alright? You're the best friends I could ask for, most people wouldn't even voluntarily stay in the same room as me once they found out what I am."

"Yeah but we're Gryffindors, more than that we're marauders, we don't go by other people's standards," said James, "and that is why we've got something to show you."

"It's not something explosive is it? Because Pomfrey will chuck you out before you can say Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans if it is."

"Why is it you always assume we've got our pockets lined with fireworks or dung bombs or something?" asked Sirius.

"Don't you?"

"No!" said Sirius and Peter, all three of them looked to James.

"I've just the one," he shrugged.

"No need to look so shame faced Jamie, I've actually got two dung bombs and packet of miniature firecrackers."

"I knew you were lying," said Remus, "honestly you two would give Guy Fawkes himself a run for his money when it comes to pyrotechnics."

"Who's Guy Fawkes?" asked Peter.

"Is he any relation to Dumbledore's phoenix?" asked James.

"No James, since Guy Fawkes was a human being I highly doubt he was the great great grand uncle of Dumbledore's pet phoenix."

"Who is he then?" asked James.

"He was a muggle who tried to blow up the houses of parliament because the muggle government was persecuting Catholics."

"Oh," said James, "anyway forget about that, we've still got something to show you, and it isn't explosive, watch."

James screwed up his face in concentration, balling his hands into fists, his eyes going strangely vacant. And then, so smoothly Remus hardly noticed the transition from man to beast, James was nowhere to be seen, and standing in his place was a majestic stag with a tuft of messy hair between it's antlers and markings around the eyes that gave the impression of a pair of glasses. Remus gaped, all this was so sudden, so unexpected, so overwhelming. He had so many questions he wanted to ask and yet he couldn't seem to find his voice.

"Me and Pete can't do it yet," said Sirius apologetically, "but then again James is the best at transfiguration so I guess that's only to be expected. I think I'm almost there though, I think I started to transform once but I freaked out and lost concentration."

"I'm nowhere near," said Peter miserably.

"I'm sure you're closer than you think Pete," said Remus, not taking his eyes of the huge deer making it's surreal intrusion into this typical infirmary scene, "So are... are you really an animagus now?" he asked, he knew it was a stupid question but it all seemed so impossible to him that he needed some sort of confirmation.

The stag nodded. Remus laughed out loud at the sight of an animal making such a human like gesture.

"I can't believe it, you managed that last night? How late did you stay up?"

"Late enough," said Sirius, "oi James, quit showing off and transform back again before Pomfrey comes and finds you like this, it'd be a right waste of time if you finally manage to transform and then get locked up in Azkaban before we can even help Moony trough one full moon."

The stag gave a little sideways nod of the head and then transformed back into a lanky fifteen year old boy.

"It's awesome though it's it?" he said, "what d'you think Moony?"

"It is pretty cool."

"His antennas are awesome!" said Peter, the other boys burst out laughing.

"Antenna?!" said Sirius, "they're antlers you idiot!"

"Yeah I'm not a beetle!" said James.

"Well it's a long word," said Peter defensively.

"It's got two syllables Pete," said Sirius.

"Yeah well... it's still tricky to remember."

"Oh you want a one syllable word for them do you? If you like you can just call them prongs," laughed James.

"Like on a fork?" questioned Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"Prongs is a better word for them, I reckon the people who make up words make them too hard to say," said Peter.

"Oh Merlin not another one of your crazy theories Peter," said Sirius, "Remus's right, a prong sounds like something you'd stab a sausage with."

"Yeah 'antlers' sounds much more impressive," said James, puffing out his chest.

"On second thoughts I like 'prongs'," said Remus, "someone needs to take a prong to his overinflated ego, I fact from now on I might only address you as Prongs seeing as you always call me Moony."

"And you said we were bad at thinking up nicknames," said James, "that's just as unimaginative as Moony, Git-stein and Snivellus."

"No it's not, I'd like to see you think of better nickname for yourself."

"You don't think of a nickname for yourself Moony, that's just sad."

"Fine then, you can think of a nickname for Sirius when he manages to do it, and I'll think of one for Peter."

"You're on, whoever thinks of the best nickname wins a galleon."

"Wait of their money riding on this we'll need an impartial judge."

"Sirius."

"No, James, they have to be impartial, I was thinking more along the lines of Lily."

"Lily? You just know that she'll choose your one because she likes you the best."

"Well if you're worried about that then we won't tell her who came up with which one."

"Alright, deal, let's shake on it then."

Remus extended his left arm.

"What are you a communist?"

"Oh so you do know some bits of muggle history."

"Don't look so surprised, I do take muggle studies after all."

"He heard Lily talking to Mary about some wall in Birmingham and this guy called Starling and did a load of research about it to impress her," Sirius helpfully supplied, "not that it worked of course."

"It's the Berlin Wall to the Birmingham Wall you idiot, and they communist guy's called Stalin, a starling is a bird."

"Oh Merlin, please don't go all political on us James, Peter's mad conspiracy theories are bad enough."

"So long as he doesn't start reading Orwell we'll be fine," laughed Remus, "anyway I'm not a communist, I broke my right wrist and I don't really fancy you breaking it again before it's even healed properly."

"Fair enough," said James, "communist hand shake it is then."

James extended his left hand this time and shook Remus's undamaged wrist with such ferocity that Remus was extremely glad he hadn't offered his injured hand.

"Couldn't have picked a better place to try and bite off really could you?" said Sirius, "you won't be able to do any homework."

"That's not a good thing Sirius, It's bad enough that I have to miss a good two or three days of lessons every month but now I can't even catch up."

"Ah you'll get let off," said James, "well, Git-stein won't let you off, and Slughorn, and probably not McGonagall either, she's been working us into the ground recently for some reason."

"Oh I wonder why that could be James? I mean it can't possibly be due to the fact that our exams are in two months time."

"Yeah exactly, we've got two whole months left before exams! We don't need to start studying yet."

"Well if you're not going to be studying I might just make you write my essays for me."

"I'm becoming an animagus for you Remus but even I draw the line at doing homework for you, Peter can do it since he owes you for all the times you've practically done his homework for him."

"Yeah I'll do it!" said Peter eagerly.

Remus smiled at Peter but groaned inwardly at the thought of turning in an essay that looked as if it was written by a five year old.

"Thanks Peter, I'll tell you what to write and everything, you can copy if you want just not word for word."

"Thanks," said Peter, "you don't need to help me just because I'm rubbish you know."

"You don't need to help me because I'm a werewolf, but you are anyway because we're friends, friends help each other. And anyway you're not rubbish, everyone had different strengths and weaknesses that's all, we can't all be perfect like James here."

"But I am rubbish! I'm so rubbish I won't be able to help you with your transfigurations because I won't ever be able to do this animagus thingy."

"You will Peter, I've got faith in you."

"Yeah Pete, we'll all help you with it as well," said James.

"I don't deserve you guys as friends."

"You know I would have thought you'd know better by now than to say things like that Pete," said Sirius, "haven't you noticed that when Moony says stuff like that we hit him."


	26. The Enigma

Hey- not really sure how i feel about this chapter- let me know what you think of it, it started off as one things and then just sort of went into another, but thats how i write all the time so yeah... anyway please review! Also I have a question for any americans out there willing to answer- i was reading this other fanfic and it kept mentioning care packages- are they just packed lunches or what? anyway, hope you like the chapter.

* * *

"Maybe you should go to bed Remus," said Lily.

"Huh?"

"I said maybe you should go to bed, you look worn out."

"No, I still need to read four chapters in by tomorrow if I'm going to stay on schedule."

"You'll need your sleep if you're going to do well in Transfiguration tomorrow."

"No, I need to learn all this if I'm going to do well in transfiguration tomorrow. Sleep can wait until exams are finished."

"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound Remus? Honestly, you can't expect to pass if you fall asleep in the exam can you? I mean you're obviously getting sick again and sleep deprivation isn't going to help is it?"

Remus sighed, yes the full moon was approaching again, but not until after the last exam so he'd have plenty of time to recover afterwards without having to worry about falling behind on his revision. So all in all he was willing to put up with a bit more pain and illness in the short term if it meant he'd get better grades, which might do him some good in the future.

"I'm fine Lily," he said, "let's just get on with this alright."

Lily was about to say something else but at the look of determination on Remus face she dropped the subject. However she couldn't help but notice how her friend would often not turn a page in his textbook for minutes on end, or the yawns that he tried and failed to stifle. Poor boy, thought Lily, she felt so sorry for Remus sometimes, and she wished there was something she could do to help him, but how could she help him if he wouldn't even let her in?

"Okay so do you want to go through it one last time then, I'll test you then maybe you can... oh," Lily look up from her Transfiguration notes and saw that Remus had fallen asleep with a book on his knee, a piece of parchment in one hand and his quill almost falling out the other.

Lily sighed and took the quill and parchment out of his hands and set them on the table along with his Transfiguration textbook. She was just wondering whether to move him into a more comfortable position when James, Sirius and Peter came thundering into the common room.

"Oi James, your girlfriend's killed Moony," yelled Sirius.

"I am not his girlfriend Black, and I have not killed Remus either, he just fell asleep."

"He looks pretty dead to me," said James, "I told him studying kills."

"He's not dead Potter, just overtired, I did tell him to go to bed a while ago but he refused."

"Lily Evans telling someone to stop studying?" gasped Sirius, "never!"

"I'm all for being studious Black, but I'm not some sort of fanatic. I do draw the line somewhere, namely at the point where you're so exhausted you need to keep your eyelids open with cocktail sticks."

"He didn't try and do that did he?" asked Peter.

"No Peter," sighed Lily.

"Hey Pete, did you they've taken the word 'gullible' out of the dictionary?" asked James.

"Really?"

"No they haven't Peter, Potter's just making fun of you because he's a complete arsehole even to his friends."

"I am not an arsehole Evans, ask Moony, he'll tell you how much of a great friend I am."

"One thing Potter, 'Moony' as you call him, is currently sleeping like a log."

"Oh yeah, d'you reckon we should move him? He can't be too comfy with his neck hanging to the side like that."

"He'd probably wake up if we tried to take him to the dorm," said Sirius.

"We could just lie him down where he is?" suggested Peter, what should have been a statement coming out as a question.

"Yeah, that's probably best," said James, gently pushing Remus's sleeping form to the side so his head was leaning on the arm of the chair.

Lily looked at the three boys thoughtfully, just a moment ago she had called James Potter an arsehole, and he was being an arsehole making fun of Peter like that, but now, just at this moment, she couldn't find a way to hate the boy. The thought unsettled her. It was strange, that such a loud, bullying, arrogant boy could change so drastically into this kind considerate human being in a matter of seconds. It was clear that if nothing else James Potter really did care for his friends, no matter how much he made fun of them. And for that moment Lily respected Potter, maybe she would never actually like him, but at times like this she could at least bring herself to see him as a worthy adversary, Lily did always like a classic villain.

"Earth to Evans, do you copy?"

"What?"

"Well it's just that you're oggling James almost as much as he's oggling you and it's slightly unnerving," said Sirius.

"I was not oggling James Potter thank you very much, I have never been so insulted Black."

"Me neither, you know I hate being called 'Black' Lily."

"Well I don't believe we're on first name terms just yet so it's either 'Black' or 'Long-haired Buffoon'."

"I think I'd prefer 'Long-haired Buffoon', at least that doesn't associate me with people who think a nice subject for the dinner table is 'what is more disgusting, a muggleborn or a squib'."

"You know I can't figure you and Potter out at all Long-haired Buffoon."

"Well I admit I am a bit of an enigma, it's one of the many things that makes me irresistible to the ladies. But to be honest there's nothing much to figure out about Potter, he pretty much does what it says on the tin."

"Is this the tin his parents bought him in? What does it say?"

"It says 'Grow your own Chaser, just add water: warning excessive watering may result in swelling of the head'."

Lily laughed.

"Hah! I made you laugh! Victory for the Marauders!"

"What?"

"Oh nothing, it's just that Remus is always going on at James about how he'll never get your attention with stupid practical jokes."

"Well he's right."

"Is he? That's a shame, but only to be expected really, he's usually right."

"Is that what it says on his tin?"

"Nah on his tin it says 'Fragile, do not up-end', and on Peter's it says 'Damaged product, seventy five percent off, no refunds'."

"And now you're back to taking to mickey out of your friends."

"You weren't complaining when I was taking the mick out of James."

"Yeah well taking the mick out of James is one of my favourite pastimes, what does it say on your tin anyway, 'Warning, flowing locks liable to catch fire due to hot air which is routinely spouted from the oral orifice'?"

"Oi Sirius! You trying to chat up my girl?!" called James as he marched back over to the pair.

"I am not 'you girl' Potter, please do not refer to me as such."

"Aw, she likes you really James, she thinks you're an enigma."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I think I'll take it as one anyway."

"I was just wondering how you can be such a bullying narcissistic dipstick most of the time, and then turn around and act so... _caring._"

"Stop it, you're making me blush!"

"Well if you're going to just go back into gobshite mode then I might as well stop talking to you."

"Oh please don't, I'll tell you my secret if you want."

"James, she really doesn't want to know about your shrine to here next to your bed."

"I do not have a shrine to you Lily, I'm not that much of a creep, Sirius is just even more of a gobshite than me."

"If I hadn't had the misfortune to meet him I wouldn't have thought that possible."

"I am still here you know."

"I know, I'm very painfully aware of it," said James, "I'm trying to show Lily my caring side and you just keep ruining the moment."

"This was never a moment Potter."

"Well it would have been if Sirius wasn't constantly trying to spoil it. If it weren't for him you wouldn't be able to keep your hands of me since you think it's just so sexy that I care so much for my sick friend."

"Do you think he'll be alright for the exam tomorrow?" asked Lily peering over James's shoulder at Remus.

"Yeah he'll be fine, he always manages," said James.

He was a bit put out that at the mention of Remus Lily had forgotten about him altogether, were his friends conspiring against him or something? Between Remus and Sirius James could never seem to have an encounter with Lily that didn't either involve shouting or being ignored completely.

"And a moment ago you were Mr Caring," sighed Lily, "Oh well, I knew it was too good to last, I think I go to bed before my loathing of you and Black pushes all that Transfiguration I've just revised out of my head."

"Oh come on you don't loath us."

"Not at the moment, that's why I kind of want to leave it on a high don't you? Sometimes it's best to quit while you're ahead Potter."

"True that, you're a wise woman Evans. I think I'll turn in too, or Pete, give me and Sirius a hand with this lump would you?"

"You could probably carry him on your own James, he weighs less than on of Peter's legs," said Sirius.

"You carry him then, I'll take up his stuff."

"You sure you don't want to show off your caring side some more," smirked Sirius.

"Shut up, it worked didn't it, she said I was ahead."


	27. The Rumour

hola! salut! and hi! fist off thanks for clearing up the whole care package thing, and thanks for all the reviews in general, please please please keep it up because it will help me to keep you all happy. anyway next chapter coming up...

* * *

"Who's the chocolate for Lily-pie?"

"Please don't call me 'Lily-pie' Marlene."

"Alright Tigerlily, but you still didn't answer my question, it's clearly not for yourself as you would have cracked into it by now so it must be for someone, and I have a sneaking suspicion that this someone is a boy."

"Yes, they are a boy, Marlene, nice deduction work there Sherlock, your 'sneaking suspicion' is no more than a fifty-fifty guess."

"And am I right an assuming that this boy is one James Potter?"

"No! Why on Earth would you even think that Marlene, why the Hell would I be buying Potter chocolate?!"

"You tell me, he said you had an intimate moment on the night before the Transfiguration exam."

"That lying gobshite! Well you can tell he's got a very dull love life if being told he's not an arsehole all the time counts as an intimate moment for him."

"You love him Lils, admit it."

"He's a complete jerkoff."

"And you love him for it, honestly you guys have the most classic love hate relationship."

"Have you been reading those stupid magazines again?"

"Witch Weekly is not stupid! You're just trying to change the subject! You still haven't told me who the chocolate's for."

"Well I got a bit distracted by the shameful and unfounded allegation that I had an 'intimate moment' with the Wizarding World's biggest prick!"

"Who you're buying chocolate for."

"Don't be ridiculous, the chocolate's for Remus, he was feeling too sick to come to Hogsmeade today so I decided to bring him back something since he has to miss the end of exams treat."

"Poor guy, he gets sick an awful lot doesn't he? And his family too, he's always off visiting his mum or someone."

"Yeah well he's probably got some sort of condition that runs in the family then."

"What sort of illness can't be cured by magic though?"

"Magic doesn't hold the answer to everything, there are still plenty of diseases we haven't got a cure for. I found that odd at first, being muggleborn I kind of always had the idea that magic was the answer to everything, but then you see that it causes as many problems as it solves really."

"So you'd rather just be a muggle like your sister?"

"Oh no! No I love magic, I just mean that just because we can use it to help solve problems it doesn't mean that the problems will just solve themselves, I think that's what I want to do when I leave Hogwarts."

"What? Be a professional problem-solver?"

"Well obviously that wouldn't be the job-title Marlene. But yeah, there are so many problems to solve so why shouldn't I try to solve them?"

"And how do you plan to solve all the world's problems exactly?"

"Oh I don't plan to solve all the world's problems Marlene, I'm not Potter, I'm not that arrogant. But it would be good if I could like, maybe invent a potion that could treat a disease or something."

"I bet you could do that, you're amazing at potions, you're a borderline genius! Hey maybe you could come up with a cure for whatever Remus has got?"

"Maybe," said Lily, for some reason she didn't want to tell Marlene that that was probably the problem she would most like to solve, it just seemed like something to personal.

"There's not... you know, something going on between you and him is there?"

"Between me and Remus? Oh no! No, whatever gave you that idea?"

"Well, the chocolate for one thing, and you have been spending a lot of time with him over the past few weeks."

"Well of course, we always revise together when it comes to exam time, I mean he can't exactly form a study group with the likes of Black and Potter can he?"

"So you were just helping out a friend then?"

"Yes, what's so unbelievable about that?"

"Nothing, except that I can't believe you really aren't attracted to any boys at all."

"I could be a lesbian."

"Nah, you're not a lesbian."

"How would you know?"

"Because if you were lesbian you'd just come out and tell Potter when you catch him staring at your boobs in Herbology instead of just hexing him."

"Hey, Potter thoroughly deserved that, he had just hexed Severus for absolutely no reason at all. Anyway with some people a good jinking gets your point across a lot better than a well reasoned argument."

Marlene raised her eyebrows and chuckled to herself.

"What?" asked Lily.

"No, nothing, you just remind me of someone that's all."

"Of who? Oh no you don't... if you're saying I'm like that pillock then I'll..."

"Hex me into the middle of next week? How Potter-like, you never know one day that might become your surname too."

Marlene paid dearly for that comment of course, as if to prove that she wasn't as wand-happy as James Potter Lily had resorted to the traditional muggle tactic of hitting one's assailant over the head with the nearest object one can find.

"Sorry the chocolate's a bit broken Remus," Lily said in the Hospital wing later, "I was forced to use it as a weapon."

"Oh it doesn't matter, it still tastes the same, thank you. Who were you forced to use it as weapon against, James? Sirius?"

"Marlene actually."

"Oh, so James's claims that you've warmed to him actually have some basis then?" smirked Remus.

"Remus, if you were not ill you would be getting the same treatment as Marlene right now."

"Don't worry, no one actually believes him, people just like pretending to around you because you hate him so much. Around James everyone makes it quite clear that they don't believe a word."

"Well good, he certainly doesn't need any encouragement."

"He's not nearly as bad as you make him out to be."

"You just think that because you don't have to be on the other end of his perverted obsessions."

"True that, but I don't think he's actually a bad person, just immature and a tad spoilt."

"A tad?"

"Okay very spoilt. But it's not as if he'd a Death Eater or anything, he's a good friend."

"Sometimes, to you and Sirius clearly, that's one thing I don't suppose I can take away from him, but to Peter? He picks on him almost as much as Severus."

"I know, I do try to stop them but they just don't seem to understand that what they find funny might genuinely hurt some people. They think it's all just banter."

"But they're actually really smart, that's what I don't get, how can him and Sirius be top of the class without even trying and yet have to social skills and self-awareness of a gnat."

"You're top of the class Lily, but I know what you mean, I guess people are just smart in different ways."

"I wish I had your levels of tolerance Remus, I really do."

"I just think that you should always give people a chance, because you never know when you might need one," shrugged Remus, his face twisting slightly in discomfort as he did so.

"I guess you're right, and really that's all I did the night before the Transfiguration exam, but then he goes and tells the world and it's mother that we shared an 'intimate moment'."

Remus laughed tiredly.

"What actually happened? I've only heard James's version of events and I doubt it's one hundred percent reliable."

"Oh I just basically admitted that he wasn't a complete knobhead all the time, and seems to actually care about some things rather than just wandering through life thinking it's all one big joke."

"What things?"

"Well, you for starters, all his friends I guess really, even Peter but not as much as you."

"If there's one thing you can say for James is that he'll defend his friends fiercely, to the point of being overprotective sometimes."

"Yeah, I don't know why it came as such a shock when I saw how concerned they were about you when you'd fallen asleep into your revision, I already knew that your four are thick as thieves, I guess I just didn't expect James Potter to have a caring side."

"Moony!" called a voice as Lily and Remus heard the door swing open and crash onto the wall, "wake up mate we come bearing gifts!"

"Or maybe I spoke too soon," muttered Lily.

"I'm awake James," called Remus.

"Good because... oh hey Lily," James winked the red-haired object of his affections (though some would have said obsessions).

"Now you listen to me Potter," said Lily standing up from the chair beside Remus's bed, "you had better stop spreading rumours about me or I will shove your wand somewhere where the sun don't sun, understand?"

"Rumours? What rumours?"

"You know what rumours I'm talking about, Potter."

"I was just..."

"No. I am not standing here and arguing about it. Goodbye Remus, get well soon but take all the time you need okay? We're not doing anything important in lessons so don't worry about missing too much school yeah?"

"Thanks Lily, and thanks for the chocolate too."

"You're welcome Remus, bye Peter."

And without a word to either James or Sirius she walked swiftly our of the hospital wing, her hair swinging from side to side as she went.

"What was Lily doing here?" asked James.

"Bringing me chocolate."

"But why?"

"I don't know, I didn't ask her to come, she just turned up, I guess that's only to be expected when I tell people I'm sick instead of telling them I'm going to a wedding or a funeral or what have you."

"Was she talking about me?"

Remus looked at his friend for a long moment before sighing and admitting that yes, she was.

"Having a good old chat about me behind my back were you?"

"I was trying to convince her you're not all that bad actually, she seems pretty peeved that you've been telling everyone you had a 'moment' the night before the Transfiguration exam. She did admit that you actually had a caring side so you could see that as progress, I just wouldn't go shouting about it if I were you that's all, it'll just make her go back to thinking you're just an arrogant little sod."

"Oh great advice Moony, shame it's several days too late."

"Hey lay off him James, I doubt your girl troubles were exactly top of his priority list the last few days don't you?"

"Yeah you're right, I'm sorry mate, it's not you, it's her. She just drives me insane, I don't know what she wants, and I know that you try to tell me, and I do try and follow your advice but... she just seems determined to hate me!"

"She doesn't hate you James, she just doesn't understand you, and people find it hard to tolerate what they don't understand."

"Moony the philosopher," smirked Sirius.

"You know as well as I do that it's true."

"Suppose I do, eleven years surrounded by people spouting muggle-hating bullshit taught me that much," said Sirius.

Remus too had of course been speaking from experience, but it wasn't like him to say so, he didn't need to anyway.


	28. A Grim Prospect

And another one! i had actually started this before i started ch26 and that's why I'm uploading two chapters in one day, i guess I could keep you waiting so that my uploads have some sort of a regular time schedule, but I think that's just mean. also I just cant wait to get MORE REVIEWS! (siriusly though i love reviewers- not in a creepy way) also i keep forgetting to disclaim, but you all know I'm not JK Rowling anyway and with the current technology that's not likely to change.

* * *

"That's awesome! I mean, not as awesome as mine but still pretty damn cool!"

"It's kind of scary, you look like the Grim!"

"You do actually! Oh please come to Divination with me like that tomorrow, you'll scare the living daylights out of everyone. But anyway Peter if you think he's scary you're going to in for a shock when you see me transform, you can still back down if you're having second thoughts."

"No! I want to do it! James and Sirius are doing it so I'm going to too."

"Well thanks Pete, this means so much to me you know. But I should probably tell you that I'm about a billion times scarier than that."

The large black dog standing in the middle of the boys' dormitory gave Remus a look that said 'oh you think so do you?' and a moment later launched itself at Peter.

"Ah! Sirius! Get off me! James! Remus! Help! Tell him to stop!"

"Get off him you eegit," said Remus, James was too busy rolling on his bed, doubled up with laughter to say anything.

The dog stop play fighting the plump boy and instead started licking his face."

"Urgh Sirius that's gross! Gerroff!" Peter protested, trying in vain to push the animagus off of him.

"You do realise that what you're actually doing is kissing him don't you?" said Remus, at those words the dog leapt back and immediately transformed back into a human.

"Urgh, that's disgusting! Blegh! How could you let me kiss _Peter _Remus?!"

"It's your tongue not mine, how am I supposed to control where it goes?"

"Yeah yeah... Oi Prongs, are you going stop laughing like an idiot and think of a nickname for me then?"

"In a bit, it's going to take me a while to stop finding that funny."

"Well that galleon will be mine if you have to forfeit due to uncontrollable hysterics."

"Hey I don't have to think of one until you do, and you don't need to think of one until Peter manages to transform and that will be in about six hundred billion years."

"Hey! I think I'm almost there actually."

"You probably are Peter, you just need one final push," said Remus kindly.

"I'll be able to do it really soon, I promise."

"If you lot come round to my house over the summer we can work on it," said James, "when's good for you?"

"Whenever my parents let me out of the house," said Sirius, "or at least take their eye off me for long enough so that I can get away."

"I'm going to Germany for the first two weeks to see my big cousin Jack and his kid," said Peter, "but I'm free after that."

"Well I'm not going away anywhere, but it's the full moon on the Wednesday of the third week into the holidays so I won't be able to come over for a couple of days after that, it depends on how much my mum's fussing."

"And how many bones you break of course," said Sirius with all the tact of a bludger.

"And that," said Remus.

"Okay so fourth week in then? You can stay for as long as you want because we're staying in England this summer, my dad's got a load of work to do with all this Death Eater activity."

"Well I'll have to go home for the August full moon, but I can stay until then if your parents won't mind."

"They won't mind, I've told them all about you, they think you're a good influence on me."

"I wish, the only way I could ever have any sort of influence over you is by putting you under the Imperius curse."

"Too right, but I wasn't going to let my mum and dad know that was I? They think I'm hanging out with the intellectual crowd."

"I take it you haven't told them about me and Pete then," laughed Sirius.

"Oh I've told them about you two as well, I just haven't told them _all_ about you, but there are certain things you just never tell your parents right?"

"James, you are talking to the King of lying to parents right here."

"D'you reckon you'll be able to convince them to let you come over?"

"Hmm, it depends, if nobody's coming over then they'll probably be delighted to get rid of me, but if the Lestranges and the Malfoys and everyone are coming round again they'll want me to be there so they can show off their son and heir."

"What even though you're a filthy blood traitor?" asked James.

"Especially because I'm a filthy blood traitor, they have to put on some sort of a show that they're keeping me on the straight and narrow, they wish," Sirius scoffed.

"Well at least you've got a bargaining chip then," said Remus, "I mean, you could act like a good little prejudiced so and so in front of your parents' guests for a couple of weeks, on the condition that you get to go round to James's afterwards."

"That's not a bad idea Moony," said James.

"What so you expect me to make pleasant conversation with my cousin in laws about how muggle hunting should be legalised for three whole weeks?! I couldn't do that Remus."

"It's not like you'd mean it or anything, you'd just have to go along with it for a couple of weeks and then you'd come over to James's with and you could forget all about it."

"Well obviously I wouldn't mean it! But that's exactly the point, I'd be going against everything I've ever said or done since starting Hogwarts if I start shooting my mouth off with their blood purist crap."

"You wouldn't really though, you'd just be pretending," said James.

"Do you even understand what you're asking me to do?! You try sitting there and agreeing with Abraxas Malfoy as he rants on about how werewolves should be rounded up and put to death! If you can honestly tell me that you could sit through that without wanting to punch the bastard in the face then I'll give you all the gold in Gringotts."

"Yes, I'd want to punch him in the face Sirius," said James, "but you'll just have to repress that urge if you want to be able to come round. And the whole point of you coming round is to help Peter so that we can all help Remus. So so what if you have to nod along to the ramblings of Abraxas Malfoy if you're doing it to help a friend?"

"Oh get off your high hippogriff James! As if you could do what you're asking me to do? Come on Remus back me up here, you can't expect me to stand by and do nothing while my father's planning to get more anti-werewolf legislation passed?"

"I understand that it will be difficult for you Sirius, and if you would rather not go through with this plan then that's fine, we won't think any less of you. But know that we won't think any less of you for paying lip service to your parents' ideologies for a couple of weeks either. You've got to choose your battles Sirius, I'm not going to make the choice for you but I advise you to think carefully before you choose."

Sirius looked at Remus, the honesty and goodness in his brown eyes cutting through him like a knife. He would never understand Remus, if he had to take as much bigoted claptrap as he did he would have exploded by now, and yet Remus just took everything lying down. Sirius could never do that, 'choose your battles' Remus had said, but to Sirius every battle had to be fought, because if you don't fight, you can't win, and Sirius never lost at anything without putting up a good fight.

"You want me to be like you," muttered Sirius.

"No, just want you to consider all your options, I know that this will go against your principles but isn't it the lesser of two evils?"

Sirius was strangely flattered by this comment, it was the first time anyone had ever recognised that he had principles. Finally he felt as if someone understood, and whilst that didn't make him feel better about going through with this at least he knew now he'd have someone somewhere that would understand what he was putting himself through and why he had to do it... he had to do it.

"Okay," he said.

"You'll do it?" asked James, "cool so everyone can come then! Oh it's going to be so much fun, we can play Quidditch, two a side or penalties obviously, we can camp out in the woods, we can..."

Sirius nodded along as James planned their entire month together, but really his talk of all the fun stuff they'd get up to just made him feel guilty about giving into him and Remus. Was he just being selfish? Was he doing this for all the wrong reasons? He looked over to Peter, he was supposed to be doing this so that he could help the boy become an animagus, but Peter didn't see him looking, he was too busy drinking in James's word with rapture, awe and excitement sparkling in his watery blue eyes. Then he looked to Remus, who he was surprised to find was staring back at him, as they mad eye contact his friend's concerned face broke into a small smile.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and that was all Sirius needed to hear.


	29. Mr and Mrs Perfect Potter

Witches and Wizards, Goblins and Elves, I am proud to present another chapter of Completely Loopy! I'm_ still_not JK Rowling, as you can probably guess. Hope you enjoy the chapter, please R&R etc. etc.

* * *

"Terrible business, just terrible, more attacks on muggles and muggle borns by the day, and to make it worse most people at the Ministry don't even see the connection between the attacks on muggles and these ruddy Death Eaters."

"Charlus," said Mrs Potter in a warning tone.

"What Dorea?"

"I have told you before about discussing work at the dinner table, and besides, James has guests round, I'm sure, Sirius, Remus and Peter don't want to listen to this."

"Yes we do!" said Sirius, "I do anyway, I've been trapped at home for three whole weeks with my only channel to the outside world being either my lying blood purist relatives or my disowned cousin who can't write to me while I'm at home due to the risk of being hunted down and killed by her own parents and sisters."

"It is important that they know what is going on in the world Dorea."

"And it is not our responsibility to tell them Charlus, tell James if you must I am fed up with arguing with you over that point, but as for Remus, Peter and Sirius it is up to their parents..."

"With all due respect Mrs Potter," said Sirius, "My parents _agree_ with these people who go around attacking people just because they're not pure bloods, I don't think they really count as responsible parents."

"Maybe not, but I just don't feel comfortable with it. And what about you Peter? Remus? Have your parents discussed any of these matters with you."

"No," said Peter, James made a small exasperated gesture across the table, "I mean... maybe a little."

"Hmm, well what about you Remus?"

"My parents have discussed it with me," said Remus quietly, "they wouldn't be annoyed if your husband tells us about his work, my dad always says that people have to know what's going on."

"See Dorea, other parents tell their children what they need to know, I don't see why we should keep our own in the dark, I expect they get the Daily Prophet at school anyway."

"Erm, no actually dad," said James, "but Remus does, and he tells us what's going on."

"Well I'm glad at least one of your four has your head screwed on, though I'm disappointed in you James, I'd have thought you might take more of an interest in what could possibly turn into the biggest war the Wizarding World has ever seen."

"Well I'm not, I tell you Charlus all this is just scaremongering, the Daily Prophet is notorious for it."

"Would you rather our son go out into the world completely ignorant?"

"They are still children Charlus."

"Not for much longer Dorea, Remus's parents seem to understand that, I know John Lupin from the ministry and..."

"You... you know my dad?" asked Remus, "sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"That's fine, oh yes I know your father, not well mind you, but I know pretty much anyone who is anyone in the Ministry."

Remus frowned, he wasn't aware that his father was 'anyone' surely is he was they wouldn't have to buy second hand books and they would be living in a big house like James's family.

"Oh," he said eventually, at a loss for what else to say.

"Yes, well I suppose he's not such a prominent figure anymore," sighed Mr Potter, reading Remus's confused face, "But back in the day he was very important in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He's a brave man your dad, principled too, it doesn't surprise me that he can see through the lies of the likes of old Abraxas Malfoy, men like your dad are the pillars the Ministry stands on. It was despicable what they did to him after the whole Greyback affair, a scandal!"

Remus, who had been listening with a mixture of interest and scepticism suddenly felt the blood drain from his face and experience a horrible sick feeling like a clammy hand was squeezing his stomach... what if Mr Potter remembered? What if he knew?"

"Are you alright Remus?" asked Ms Potter, "Charlus! Look what you've done know, why did you have to go and mention Greyback in front of Remus, surely even you would know better than that!"

"I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to upset you, are you alright?"

"Yes... fine... I... I'm sorry."

"Whatever for?" asked Mrs Potter.

"He's just like that mum, Remus always apologises when he doesn't need to. It's um... I think it's actually who should be apologising, I didn't think to tell Remus you knew he was a werewolf."

"James! You're as bad as your father! What have I always told you about making sure your guests fell comfortable in our house?"

"Sorry mum, it just slipped my mind."

"You let me into your house," mumbled Remus.

"Sorry Remus, I didn't quiet catch that," said Mrs Potter, turning away from her son.

"Nothing, I just... I'm sorry I tried to lie to you, you let me into your house and everything."

"Well of course dear, all of James's friend are welcome here, we don't buy into all this ridiculous prejudice most witches and wizards seem to have against... people with your condition."

Remus just stared up at the aging woman sitting across the table, he knew the polite thing to do would be to say something, to thank them somehow, but he couldn't find the words to do it.

"You know I wondered," said Mr Potter, "as soon as James wrote home in first year and told us about his friends, whether you were John Lupin's son. I dismissed the idea as mad at first, in my time a werewolf would never have got into Hogwarts, there was one factor I forgot to take into account I suppose, Albus Dumbledore. You know the proudest I have ever been of James was when he told me about you, and about how he was still going be friends with you despite your condition."

"What? Not when I scored twelve goals in the Quidditch final last year and we won 310 to 40."

"Surprisingly enough James that moment probably comes third, after when you were Sorted into Gryffindor. But you see Remus, not everyone is like the people at the Ministry who drop your father like a hot cauldron after you were bitten, some of us still understand what to be in Gryffinor really means."

"And Slytherins aren't always bad either," said Dorea.

"Oh yeah, I always forget we're kind if related aren't we?" said Sirius, "I guess it's because I always picture James as being red and gold through and through. I guess you're a bit like my cousin Andromeda."

"Ah, I think Andromeda is probably considered a bit more of a blood traitor than me, all I did was marry a Gryffindor, she went the whole hog and married a muggle born, I didn't get disowned at least."

"I never see you and any of those stupid functions though," said Sirius.

"Yes well, I think you can understand better than anyone why I would want to avoid such things, I doubt you'd be attending them if you had a choice."

"Too right, as soon as I'm seventeen I'm getting out of there!"

"I don't blame you at all Sirius, though it'll be hard. In a way girls have it easier in a family like that, we at least can marry out of it. But if you ever need a place to stay if it all gets too much for you, you know you are welcome here."

"Wow, thanks Mrs Potter," said Sirius.

"Think nothing of it Sirius, I hate to think of anyone being trapped in that family against their will, and you Remus, and Peter, you will always be welcome in our house you understand?"

"Thank you Mrs Potter," chorused the two boys.

After dinner the four Marauders traipsed up to James room, whose walls were plastered with Quidditch posters as well as a photo of the Gryffindor Quidditch team with and banner that read "Go Lions" in the background.

"Nice room mate," said Sirius, "I've been jazzing mine up a bit too, but I needed to use a permanent sticking charm to stop the ruddy house elf taking it all down."

"Well you can have the Gryffindor banner if you like," said James.

"Really?"

"Of course, anything to piss of your parents mate, that's what friends are for after all," laughed James.

"I can't believe I forgot your mum was a Black you know," said Sirius, "you just wait 'til I tell everyone in school, you won't be Mr Perfect Gryffindor Potter anymore."

"See if I care, she'd hardly a proper Slytherin is she, if she was she wouldn't like Remus so much would she?"

"I still can't quite believe it," said Remus.

"What's so hard to believe, I've always told you my parents are dead against pure blood supremacy?"

"Yeah well being against pure blood supremacy is one thing, be proud that your son's friends with a werewolf is another thing altogether."

"Oh he just thinks that it shows I'm a true Gryffindor," said James, "mum was a bit... unsure at first, but dad won her round. And I you did I suppose when she saw how mature and responsible you are, I reckon she thinks you'll be a good influence on me."

"I'd like to see him try," laughed Sirius.

"That's what my dad said, he thinks a lot of your dad doesn't he?"

"Yeah, I can't think why though."

"Dad always thinks highly of people who stick to their principles," said James.

"Hmm, yeah well there's sticking to your principles and then there's just being down right idiotic, it's people like my dad who give Gryffindors their reputation for being reckless eegits who think with their wands."

"Gryffindors don't have a bad reputation," said James defensively.

"They kind of do, not as bad as Slytherin by any means but there are a lot of people who think Gryffindors are all a bunch of idiots, I used to."

"But your own dad was in Gryffindor."

"Exactly, and my dad's Gryffindor boldness got me bitten so you can kind of see why I'd think that."

"You don't still think that do you?"

"No."

"Hah, we've convinced him!" said Sirius.

"No, Lily's convinced me, you three are as idiotic and reckless as they come."

"You'd really have preferred to be in Hufflepuff like your mum than Gryffindor?" asked James, still trying to fathom the idea in his mind.

"Yeah, well I actually wanted to be in Ravenclaw, but Hufflepuff would have been my second choice, they only one I would have wanted less than Gryffindor was Slytherin."

"You're mad," said Peter, "I literally begged the Hat to let me be in Gryffindor."

"Yeah but your parents were pushing you to get in, mine were just thrilled I was even allowed to go to Hogwarts remember."

"True," said Peter.

"Anyway enough of this serious stuff," said James, "it's the holidays guys, let's play Exploding Snap."

"Yeah because holidays are the only time we sit around playing games instead of being productive," laughed Remus.

"Oh come on, are you saying you'd rather do homework?"

"I've done all mine, so I'm free for the rest of the holidays, whereas you three will no doubt being doing yours on the train again."

"You know us so well Moony, hey Prongs, bet you five galleons Moony gets made Prefect."

"Sure I'll take that bet."

"Really? That's just gambling suicide mate, you might as well just pay up now."

"Hey I never back down from a challenge."

Remus coughed loudly and said something that sounded remarkably like "idiotic reckless Gryffindor", James shot him a look.

"Oh come on, who else would it be?" asked Sirius.

"Me?" said James.

"You?!" scoffed Sirius, "as if, me and you probably hold the record for the most detentions in Hogwarts history."

"Yeah but everyone knows I'm just plain awesome, even the teachers can't argue with that."

"He's probably Sirius," said Remus, "no one in their right mind would make me a Prefect."

"Yeah well Dumbledore isn't in his right mind is he? So I think my five galleons are pretty safe."


	30. The Prefects' Compartment

Hi! back again, 'so soon?' you ask, 'procrastinating like a weasel' I reply 'do weasel's procrastinate?' you ask, 'probably, it was just the first thing that came to my mind' I reply. anyway I don't own any HP stuff. btw I've written a one shot about remus and his mum set when remus is five it's called the trials of motherhood (lame name i know but hey) so please give it a read and tell me what you think. anyway one with the chapter, please R&R.

* * *

"Um, hey Lily, is this where we're meant to be meeting McGonagall?"

"Remus!" Lily spun around and, much to his surprise, flung her arms around Remus, why did girls hug so much? "you're a Prefect too? Congratulations! I knew it would be you."

"Sirius did too," said Remus, "he won five galleons out of it."

"What idiot took that bet?"

"James."

"Huh, well that figures, bet he thought it'd be him didn't he?"

Remus said nothing.

"That boy honestly, is he here or could he not get onto the train this year because his head couldn't fit through the door?"

"He's in a compartment with Peter and Sirius."

"Right, well I have to say I'm really glad it is you not one of them, can you imagine Potter or Black trying to enforce rules rather than breaking them?"

"Yeah, that would probably end in disaster, Pete wouldn't be too bad though."

"Yeah but he'd always cave into them, you know what he's like around them, he'd let them get away with murder. Dumbledore probably picked you because you're probably the only person who might actually be able to restrain them a little."

"Wish me luck," said Remus, "I'll need it."

Just then Professor McGonagall opened the door.

"Is everyone here, good, come in. First let me congratulate all of the new Prefects, you have been chosen for this important and prestigious role because of your maturity and I expect you to live up to our expectations of you. I also want to congratulate our new Head Boy and Girl, Frank Longbottom and Alice Dearborn."

There was a round of applause as well as a couple of 'whoop's from people who knew Frank and Alice.

"Last year we had Narcissa Black as Head Girl," a Ravenclaw sixth year whispered to Lily, "this year's going to be so much better with no Slytherins in the Head team."

"Alright, alright, settle down now. The hard work is not being chosen as Prefect or Head, but making sure that you live up to your title, failure to do so _will_ result in being stripped of it. As a Prefect your duties will include patrolling the corridors to make sure nobody is breaking curfew, helping younger students, especially first years, and enforcing the school rules in the corridors and in your common rooms. Prefects have to power to confiscate forbidden items and to refer students to teachers to be disciplined, they do not have to authority to dock points or give detentions. Any sign of you abusing these powers will likewise result in you being stripped of your badge. But I am sure that such action will not be necessary. A full rota for your corridor patrols will be posted in each of your common rooms and I advise you to make a note of when it is your turn so that you don't forget. For today I am going to patrol the train in groups of four, with the two Prefects from fifth year and sixth year of each House patrolling together, that will give the fifth years an induction into your duties as a Prefect and a chance to ask any questions you may think of. Will Ravenclaw please patrol now, Hufflepuff at two o'clock, Gryffindor at half past three and Slytherin at five o'clock. If anyone has any queries will they please stay behind now, and if you find yourself struggling with your duties at a later date do not hesitate to contact a senior Prefect, one of the Head Students or your Head of House."

"You coming Remus?"

"In a minute, I just need to ask something."

"Okay, see you in a bit."

"Bye," said Remus, and then he waited for everyone else to leave the compartment before making his way over to Professor McGonagall.

"Professor?" he asked.

"Yes Mr Lupin?"

"Um, I er... I just wanted to ask what I should do if one of my patrols is scheduled for the full moon."

"None of them are Mr Lupin."

"Oh, okay, thank you Professor."

"It was no problem Mr Lupin, we have tried to accommodate your needs as best we can in the rota, though of course if it so happens that you are ever too ill or too injured to do a patrol allowances will be made."

"Thank you Professor," said Remus, and he turned to walk away but then turned back again, if he didn't ask now then he never would, and the question would be burning on his mind for the rest of his time at Hogwarts, "why did you pick me?"

"Because you are a responsible, approachable student, and the only person, I might add, who a certain Mr Potter and Mr Black ever seem to listen to."

"But if you had to rearrange the whole patrol rota because of me then wouldn't it have just been easier to pick someone else?"

"It may well have been easier, but it would not have been a better decision, the Headmaster and I are confident that you are the right man for the job."

"But what if I'm not Professor, what if I'm a terrible Prefect, would I be able to resign and let someone else do it?"

"Are you worried about being able to cope with the extra workload Mr Lupin, because if you are then just say and we can discuss the matter fully later. But if you think you can manage it I would definitely advise you to rise to this challenge. It will serve you well in later life."

And there it was, just as Remus had feared, he had been made a Prefect because Dumbledore and McGonagall had thought that he _needed_ it most. Yes, it would definitely look good when he was applying for a job, and Remus needed all the help he could get on that front, but it just felt wrong that he would be chosen for a position of responsibility out of pity on the part of his Professors.

"Are you alright Mr Lupin?"

"Yes," said Remus quickly, unaware of how much time had passed since he'd last spoken, "Do... do you really honestly think, forgetting how good this will be for me, that I will be able to do a good job on this? Because if you don't then I'll resign if you want me to, then you can choose someone better."

"Ah, you believe I am offering this position to you as some form of charity, don't you?"

"Um..."

"Remus, I have every confidence that you will make an excellent Prefect, partly _because_ you understand how valuable an opportunity this is and I know you will make the most of it in the same way you have made the most of your education so far that you almost missed out on. Your condition, whilst terrible, has made you a sensitive, responsible and dedicated person. I know that you will through yourself into this role and try to get the most out of it that you can, am I not right?"

"Yes, of course, I won't slack off or anything."

"That is good enough for me, so it should be good enough for you. If you do find yourself struggling to keep up with your duties as well as your school work then by all means come and see me, and it will be no slight on you to do so. But I have every faith in you Remus, now go and get back to your friends, it's probably unwise to leave black and Potter unsupervised for any extended period of time," finished Mcgonagall, her thin mouth cracking into what could almost be called a smile.

"Ok Professor, thank you," said Remus, as he opened the door to find Lily Evans still standing there.

"Oh hi Lily, no one's in there now if you needed to see McGonagall about anything."

"Oh no I just thought I'd wait for you, I needed to tell you that we've got to meet the sixth years Penny and Gordon at the other end of the train for patrol."

"Oh, okay, thanks."

"Did you get whatever it was all sorted out?" asked Lily.

"Yes, it's all sorted, it wasn't anything important really, I just wanted to check something."

"Oh, that's alright then. And um... if you ever need me to cover for you on patrol this year, if you're like... sick or anything, then just ask okay?"

"Okay," said Remus uncertainly, she didn't know did she? She couldn't, she'd have said something by now if she did, "and um, same for you."

"Cool," said Lily, "well I'm going to find Sev, he was pretty cut up about not being made a Prefect you know."

"Oh yeah, I didn't notice he wasn't in the compartment with us, I'd have put five galleons myself of him getting the badge, he's in the Slug club and everything after all."

"Yeah, I was quite surprised too, but I guess maybe Dumbledore wanted to for someone who was less... you know."

"Less involved in... that kind of thing?"

"Yeah..." Lily sighed, "it's such a shame because he's so bright he could really put his brains to good use if he weren't caught up in that crowd."

"Hmm," was all Remus said, he never felt comfortable discussing Snape with Lily.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like talking about this."

"I just don't know enough about the situation to be able to say anything insightful, so I just figure it's probably best not to say anything at all."

"You've given me good advice before though Remus, you've made me feel better anyway."

"You can only ever really speak from experience though, and I've never had a friend who seems to be going over to the Dark side. If you two weren't mortal enemies I'd suggest you talk to Sirius, he's probably the only person in school who can really relate to how you're feeling."

"Is Sirius really capable of having a serious conversation though?" asked Lily, "and don't you dare make some stupid joke out of that."

"Sirius can be serious when he needs to be, not pun intended I swear. He still cracks the occasional joke and stuff but that's just his way of trying to ease the tension and cheer people up. He's actually a really good person to talk to if you've got a lot on your plate and you just need to talk through your worries a bit."

"You always talk about them like they're these ideal friends that normally only exist in stories."

"They're the best friends I could have hoped for," shrugged Remus, "and you too Lily. Look, don't worry about Severus alright? I'm sure he'll come around eventually, and even if he doesn't you've still got Mary and Marlene and the others. I know you're not as close to them as you are to Severus, and they kind of leave you out sometimes, but I'm sure they'll be there for you if you really need them."

"And I'll still have you right?"

"Sure, I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," said Lily.


	31. The First Marauding Night

Buenos Dias my supermegafoxyawesomehot readers, so here it is, the chapter I always knew I'd have to write eventually, fifth years going to be an exciting year! to answer that inevitable question no i do not own harry potter or anything in it, however I do own that odd copy of philosopher's stone with the random brown haired wizard with a goatee on the back where dumbledore should be (?) i still don't know who that guy is. but anyway, please read and review :D

* * *

Tonight was the night. Peter had finally managed to transform a week ago and now that the moon's cycle had reached it's peak tonight would be the true test of whether they had succeeded. For now Remus Lupin was sitting in the Shrieking Shack shaking with nerves and feeling sick to the stomach at what his friends were about to do, though part of that was probably a natural side effect of the advent of his transformation. He heard the trap door creak open and spun around to see his friends emerge one by one. He gave them a small twitch of the mouth by way of a smile, it didn't seem right to smile at the people who would be risking their lives to help him in the coming hours.

James returned Remus's grimaced with a huge marauder's grin, but his face fell when he drew nearer and could see his friend in a better light. He had seen him just two hours ago but in that time his condition seemed to have deteriorated much more rapidly than he ever would have expected. He was looking pale as a ghost and very green around the gills, but he was also sweating and shaking as if he had a very bad fever.

"Are you cold Remus?" asked Peter, who was also looking at Remus with concern, "you're shivering."

"Not really, well yes and no... it's like... you know when you're ill and you're hot and cold at the same time?"

"No," said James, Peter and Sirius simultaneously.

"Oh, well forget it then."

"I didn't realise it got this much worse," said James.

"It'll get an awful lot worse when I actually transform," muttered Remus darkly, "listen, I'm really grateful for you doing this and everything, but promise me that if it all gets too much you'll just get out of here right?"

"We're more than a match for a werewolf Moony," said Sirius, "Have you seen the size of James and me when we transform?"

"I know... just promise anyway, please, it'll set my mind at rest," said Remus, rubbing his forehead and running a hand through his hair.

"Alright," said James, "but don't worry nothing bad's going to happen, you couldn't infect us even if you did gives a little nick here and there."

"A little nick here and there?! You could still be seriously injured, you could still bleed to death, I could still swallow Peter whole!"

Peter's eyes widened, he clearly hadn't considered that prospect.

"Relax Moony, you're scaring Peter," said Sirius.

"He should be scared, the reason he's scared is that he's the only one out of the three of you eih his head screwed... argh!" Remus was suddenly cut off by a harsh cry of pain as he doubled over clutching his sides."

"Are you okay Remus?" asked James, "is it starting?"

"No, we've still got about ten minutes, I just sometimes get these sharp pains before I transform, they're not too bad, they just catch you by surprise a bit."

"Well it can't be helping getting all stressed out like this can it? What do you normally do until the moon rises?"

"Get changed out of my robes and put them in that reinforced wardrobe so they hopefully don't get ripped to shreds. Then I just sit down and try to distract myself really."

"Well that we can help with," laughed Sirius, "you're always telling us how distracting we are in lessons, well now we can finally put that talent to good use."

"Yeah, I'd rather not help with the other part though," said James, "Lily might think I'm gay if word gets out that I've been undressing men."

"I don't see how that can possibly make her any less likely to want to go out with you mate," said Sirius, "it'll probably increase your chances if anything."

"Oh don't tell him that Sirius, Prongs would do anything to get Lily, including trying to strip all my clothes off and... spank me or something."

"Oh Moony! You have a filthy mind," said Sirius, "I like it."

"Oh lord, when the filthiness of one's mind impresses Sirius you know you ought to be ashamed of yourself."

"Who are you talking to?" asked Peter.

"Myself," said Remus, James sniggered, "got a problem with that Prongs?"

"First sign of madness, talking to yourself."

"I spend one night a month howling to flaming moon and I am known throughout the school as Loony Loopy Lupin, I think we've past that point."

"Fair enough, you go and get undressed then, but like cover yourself with a sheet or something, I seriously don't want Lily to think I'm gay alright?"

"Word's not going to get out James," said Sirius, "honestly can you imagine Moony discussing this with Evans over a potions essay? 'So I was in the Shrieking Shack about to transform into a werewolf, you know, as you do, and then James started feeling up my arse...' I just can't picture it can you?"

"It doesn't matter James, even if you were gay, or even a girl I'd use Avada Kedavra on myself before letting you anywhere near my bum."

"Why does everyone suddenly think that I want to go anywhere near Remus's arse? I mean, no offence mate, I'm sure it's lovely but..."

"Probably because you keep saying things like that," said Sirius.

"Wait I'm confused, who wants to look at Remus's bum?" asked Peter.

"James," said Sirius.

"No one," said James.

"That's nice," said Remus.

"Ah come, I'm sure there are plenty of girls, or guys, out there just itching to get a sneaky peek at your bum," said James.

"I was joking James, like I said I don't want anyone _ever_ to see my naked, trust me it is not a pretty sight, all these gross scars everywhere..."

"Some girls are into that sort of thing though," said Sirius, "Like I dated this one girl Patricia or Patsy or something like that who thought that scar I've got an my back from when my dad used a scalding hex on my that one time was really sexy."

"Just because you've dated all the nutters in Hogwarts..." started Remus.

"Hey my girlfriends have all been perfectly sane."

"What? Even the ones that sent you poems?"

"There's nothing wrong with poetry," said James, thinking of his own failed attempts to woo his one true love by the power of verse.

"No, Moony's right on that one," said Sirius, "there is definitely something wrong with poetry."

"Hey you're just..."

"Amusing as watching you two fight like an old married couple, I'm going to go and get out of my robes before the moon comes up alright?" said Remus, gritting his teeth as he got up out of the armchair he had been sitting in.

"Cool," said Sirius, "tell us when you're decent and we'll come in."

"Okay," said Remus, trunching into the next room and closing the door behind him.

He would never normally leave it this late to get undressed before a transformation, and now he remembered why, he quickly lost balance when trying to disentangle legs from trousers one at a time and fell with a loud thump that did not fail to catch the attention of his friends.

"Are you alright in there Remus?" called James.

"Fine," Remus called back, and finished getting undressed sitting down on the bed, a slower but safer process.

Once he'd put his clothes in the wardrobe and wrapped one of the bed sheets around him he called for his friends to come in.

"How long now?" asked Sirius.

"Not long, a few minutes maybe," said Remus, who could feel the burning pain in his bones steadily increasing, "listen, when I actually... you know... transform, could you do me a favour?"

"Anything," said James.

"Anything except get the hell out of here and abandon you," said Sirius, "because we've already had that discussion about a billion times and the subject is closed.

"No, no it's not that it's... can you just... not watch?"

"What?"

"Can you please not watch, please?"

"Well it'll be a bit hard to keep you calm as a werewolf if we can't even look at you mate," said Sirius.

"No, no, just while I transform, please just do this one thing for me, please."

"Well of course, if you want us to," said James, "but why?"

"I don't know, it's stupid I just... I just don't want you to see me like that."

"Like what? What happens?" asked Sirius.

"Well I'm not quite sure, I never remember much but I think... I think I might have some sort of a fit or something and when I transform it's not smooth and easy like when you transform into your animagus forms, it's slow and painful and I just don't want anyone to see me like that," Remus said very quickly, not looking any of his friends in the eye.

"Hey," said James, "you've got nothing to be ashamed of mate, we're your friends, we won't think any less of you because we've see you transform."

"I know, I know it's stupid, just please let me have this one thing, alright?"

"Okay," said James, "we won't watch."

"Thanks, I'll tell you when it's about to start so you have plenty of time to transform and then you can just, I don't know, turn your backs or something?"

"Sure," said Peter, he, unlike Sirius and James, understood what it was like to feel shy or ashamed "whatever you want."

"Thank you Pet..." Remus stopped again, hissing in pain as if someone had rammed a knife into his back.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked Peter

"Is there anything we can do?" asked Sirius.

"No, no yet, but perhaps you should transform now, it's going to start any minute," said Remus, closing his eyes as a second wave of pain coursed through his body, so intense that it made him feel like he was going to be sick.

"Okay," said Sirius, and he, James and Peter transformed into their animal forms and turned around to grant their friend his wish.

James tried to ignore the muffled cries of pain and respect his friends wishes but he found it exceedingly difficult, and when he heard the sound of Remus falling to the floor and throwing up he couldn't bear it any longer. When he turned around he saw that while before Remus had been shaking he was now convulsing violently, his head banging repeatedly into the floor, his pupils dilated so that none of the brown iris was visible. And then his whole body contorted at unnatural angles, his shoulder bones forcing their way up and out of his arched back, his arms and legs lengthening and sprouting a thick layer of fur. A tufted tail forced it's way out of his lower back and his nose and mouth stretched and fused together to form a snarling muzzle. And then it was clear that the beast that stood in front of James had no trace of the boy he knew left within it.

The wolf did nothing for a moment, it just stood there breathing loudly and staring at the stag with wild wary eyes, and then without warning it threw it's head back and gave almighty howl that shook James to the bone. Hearing the howl Sirius and Peter turned around too, Peter cowered behind James for some form of protection from the enormous monster, but took a cautious step towards the animal that had replace his friend. The werewolf growled a warning at him, bearing his teeth and bending it's legs ready to pounce, but Sirius just lowered the front half of his body to the ground and wagged his tail. James mentally laughed at his friend, but the werewolf seemed less amused, after briefly cocking it's head to one side it decided the best course of action would be to attack the unknown animal, who was almost like one of it's own kind but not quite, it launched itself into the air with it's powerful hind legs and tackled the dog to the ground. James sprung into action immediately, headbutting the werewolf and using his antlers to fling it off of Sirius. He hoped he hadn't hurt Remus in doing so, they were meant to be here to help him not to injure him even more but he knew that Remus would go beserk if he found out he had seriously injured one of them. But before he had time to check whether the wolf or the dog was alright Sirius had darted over to the wolf and began to tease it into chasing him, occasional jumping on it and forcing it to the floor, and then rolling over and letting the wolf do the same to him. James's stomach lurched whenever one of the two had the other pinned to the ground, Sirius always released the werewolf before he could get to frustrated and lash out and eventually Remus seemed to start doing the same. James could hardly believe his eyes, this werewolf, this senseless bloodthirsty beast, was _playing!_

Many hours later Remus awoke to the sound of voices.

"...scariest bloody thing I've ever seen."

"I know, I was so scared when he transformed."

"Yeah, I thought he was going to..."

"Sorry," said Remus quietly, using all the energy he possessed to open his eyes.

"You're awake!" said Peter, "thank Merlin!"

"What are you saying sorry for anyway?" asked Sirius.

"For scaring you."

"You idiot Moony," said James, "we were scared for you not of you, you numnut! We're Gryffindors remember, we don't get scared of silly things like werewolf trying to attack us."

"I attacked you?!"

"Nah don't be silly," said Sirius, "you just wanted to play that's all, granted it took you a while to understand the rules of the game but you got it in the end."

"Do you remember anything?" asked James eagerly.

Remus closed his eyes and rubbed them, racking his brains."

"A little, did I have Sirius pinned to the ground at one point?"

"At several points," laughed Sirius, "it was part of the game," he added at the loom of alarm that flashed across Remus's face.

"How are you feeling?" asked Peter.

"Much better than usual," answered Remus truthfully, feeling his arms and chest as if to make sure they were still there, it was only then that he realised that his friends had drape his robes over him to preserve his dignity, or whatever remained of it after last night.

"Did you... did you say that you saw me transform?" he asked, remembering the short snippet of conversation he had overheard as he retuned to consciousness.

"Er, yeah sorry that was me mate," said James, "I heard you fall over and throw up and I just turned around out of instinct you know, and then I just... I just sort of froze, I couldn't look away."

"So I did scare you then, oh Godric I bet that was awful to have to watch, I'm so sorry James."

"Oi shut up, it can't have been nearly as awful to watch as it was to actually go through it," James replied, "you just started shaking, and you're eyes went all funny and then your whole body was twisting in these weird ways, you looked like you were in agony."

"I didn't want you to see me like that," muttered Remus, closing his eyes again, he was in less pain than normal but no less fatigued, and his will to stay awake was being slowly crushed by a huge weight of tiredness.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to look, I was just... transfixed you know? I promise I'll keep my back turned next time. It's just hard to stand by and ignore your friend when you know that they're just a few feet away from you transforming into a bloody werewolf. That was the scariest thing about it Remus, I've never had to just stand by and do nothing before, if you know what I mean. Normally if someone's in any sort of trouble I just help them, but I couldn't do anything to stop you transforming, I couldn't do anything," finished James, looking uncharacteristically spaced out.

"You did help though James, I haven't hurt myself hardly at all, and that's all down to you three, I owe so much."

"You don't owe us anything Moony," said Sirius in a bored voice, "well actually you still owe Pete a nickname."

"Or you could just forfeit," said James.

"No chance," said Remus, "Pete's nickname is going to be ten times better than 'Padfoot'."

"I like 'Padfoot'," said Sirius, "it's better than 'Pawfoot' at any rate," he added smirking at James.

"Well even 'Pawfoot' was better than no nickname at all," said James, coming to the defence of his first idea.

"Yeah well I'll think of one when I'm not so tired," said Remus, "you had over two months to think of 'Padfoot'."

"And it'll be two months well spent when I win that beautiful golden galleon."

"You'll still be four galleons down," said Sirius, reminding his best friend of his foolish prefect bet.

"Yeah well I always pride myself on my sportsmanship Padfoot, I am not a sore loser so I always leave my defeats in the past."

"Didn't you hex that Hufflepuff first year when you lost to them in Quidditch?" asked Remus.

"He was giving me cheek, he was being a... a sore winner, an arrogant little prick face."

"A miniature version of you then," said Sirius, dodging the fist that came soaring his way a second later.

"Anyway you guys better go before Madam Pomfrey arrives," said Remus.

"Sure, we'll come and visit you later yeah?" said James

"Yeah, thanks," said Remus, pushing himself into a sitting position with one hand and using the other to keep his robes strategically in place.

"Bye Moony," said Peter.

"See ya, mate," said Sirius, and one by one the disappeared down the trapdoor.


	32. Winning

Hi, sorry haven't updated for so long, had a hectic time of it lately applying to uni and all that, but half term now so should update a couple of times in the next week or so. I really want to get this fic finished before PoA comes out on pottermore cause JK written a whole bio of Remus and much as I am going insane with excitement that's mean it'll turn out that hardly any of my ideas are canon so I'll feel wrong writing it. Anyway, I'm obviously not JK, so just read the chapter and see I you like it and offer your reviews to a humble fanfiction writer.

* * *

"You know this year hasn't been as bad as everyone says it is," said Lily, looking up from her Herbology homework, "so far anyway."

"So far," agreed Remus darkly, "but you'll be fine, you're already getting Os in everything."

"I am not getting Os in everything Remus," said Lily blushing.

"Oh yeah, you got that one E transfiguration."

"And a P in Divination!"

"Yeah but that was still the highest in the class, I got a T in that test."

"I should have listened to Sev when he told me not to bother with that one and take Arithmancy instead."

"Arithmancy's good, quite boring but it'll be useful later on, and I'm better at it that Divination at any rate, I just know I'm going to fail that one."

"How are you coping with the workload so far anyway, Arithmancy people always seem to have their head bent over some complicated number table."

"I'm managing," shrugged Remus, "I mean, who isn't a bit behind on their work, apart from you of course."

"Well it's hardly your fault you're always behind on work, since you have miss school so often. You haven't missed so much this year though have you?"

"No," said Remus, "the first time I had to go it was only for my cousin's wedding so that didn't take too long, and then when I got sick that time I recovered quite quickly."

Madam Pomfrey had been amazed at how quickly Remus had recovered from his last two transformations and how few injuries he had after each one. Remus had told her that was starting to be able to control himself more in wolf form, which he supposed wasn't actually a lie. He only hoped that she wouldn't tell too many people, the last thing he wanted was for the Healers of the world to come knocking on his door thinking he could offer them some new way of controlling lycanthropy.

"Well it's good that you're getting better," said Lily, "I was quite worried about you at the end of last year, did you go and see a Healer?"

"Umm, no... no I just, I guess I'm just getting better as I get older," said Remus, casting his mind around for some change of topic, thankfully one soon arrived in the form of James, Sirius and Peter.

"Thought we'd find you here," said Sirius.

"I told you I'd gone to the library," said Remus.

"Yes and that's why we thought we'd find you here," grinned Sirius.

"Nice deduction work Sherlock," said Lily.

"Why thank you Evans, we deduced that you would be here to."

"Yes," said Remus, "because I told you."

"Shut up Moony," said Sirius.

"Is there a reason for your visit Black or do you and Potter really have nothing better to do than to disturb those who actually want to pass their OWLs this year?" asked Lily pleasantly, though her eyes were flashing dangerously.

"Oh believe me Evans we would not enter this god forsaken place unless we had a very good reason indeed," said Sirius.

"Yes," said James, "me and Remus have a little bet going you see, and your are to be the one to decide who wins."

"Oh I am, am I?" asked Lily, folding her arms.

"Hey don't be like that, it was Moony's idea!" said James, dramatically pointing towards Remus.

"I'm sorry," said Remus as Lily rounded on him, "I didn't think you'd mind, it's nothing bad I promise it won't take a second."

"Fine, if you promise to make your friends clear off straight away afterwards."

"Oh don't worry, we don't want to stay here longer than strictly necessary, the tense atmosphere stifles our creativity," said James.

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Go on then," she said, "what is it you want me to do? And if it's anything dangerous, disgusting or down right stupid I reserve the right not to participate."

"All you have to do is say which nickname you like the best," said Remus, "Padfoot for Sirius, or Wormtail for Peter."

"Padfoot or Wormtail?" asked Lily raising her eyebrows, "and may I ask how the hell you came up with those nicknames?"

"No," said all four Marauders simultaneously.

"Oh I suppose it doesn't matter, but Peter if they were making you eat worms or anything you you can report them to a teacher, or you could just tell me or Remus, we are Prefects after all, that's what we're here for."

"They weren't making me eat worms," said Peter shaking his head.

"Right well it's still not a very nice nickname, it sounds like something one of you two would come up with," she said, pointing between Sirius and James, "Padfoot's better, even if it doesn't make one iota of sense, and you can shorten that to Paddy or Pads which both sound alright."

"You can shorten Wormtail to Wormy," said James, making Peter wrinkle his nose.

"Nope, that's decided it, Wormtail is definitely worse, Peter obviously doesn't even like it, do you Peter?"

"Err, it's alright," said Peter, not sure whose side he was meant to be on.

"So you think Padfoot is definitely better?" asked James.

"Yes I suppose so."

"Ha! Yes! In your face Moony! Ha!"

"Always the gracious winner," murmured Remus, "what do I owe you then, a galleon?"

"You actually thought Wormtail would be a better nickname?" asked Lily shocked.

"More than that," said James, "he was the one that thought of it, who's unimaginative now Moony?"

"Well I never said unimaginative, I only said that it wasn't very nice, who wants to be called something with the word 'worm' in it? Anyway Remus weren't you going to get rid of the three wise monkeys once you'd settles this stupid bet thing?"

"No way I want to stay and gloat!" said James.

"Oh I'll just go Lily," said Remus, "he'll leave me alone after a couple of days but until then it'll be like having an extremely annoying conjoined twin and I wouldn't want to inflict that on you too."

"Oh god I do not envy you Remus, will you be able to get work done at all?"

"I'll manage," shrugged Remus, as he lead his annoying conjoined twin and the two remaining wise monkey's out of the library.

"So Moony, how does it feel to lose eh?"

"Terrible, I think I might just go and throw myself of the astronomy tower," said Remus sardonically.

"Oh please don't, then I won't be able to rub it in your face."

"This is you we're talking about," said Remus, "I'm sure you'll find a way."

"Yeah he'll turn up at your funeral and and sing 'na-na-nah na-nah nah' to your corpse," laughed Sirius.

"That would be mean," said Peter.

"I wouldn't really Wormy," said James, "don't worry Moony, if you do pop your clogs on us we'll all be devastated and cry bucket loads at your funeral."

"Wow, what a comforting thought," laughed Remus.

"You should find it comforting," said Sirius, "If I'm the first one to snuff it I want you all to be reduced to snivelling wrecks at my funeral."

"What? Compromising our manliness?" asked James.

"What manliness?" countered Sirius.

"Oi shut it! Alright I promise to cry like a baby at all of your funerals, unless I'm the first one to drop of course, in which case I fully expect the same in return. But for now I believe we have another deal to fulfil, don't we Moony."

"I know, I know, I'll give you the galleon as soon as we get back to the dorm, hopefully then you'll shut up about it."

"I wouldn't count on it," muttered Sirius.

"Nope, I won fair and square and I am making the most of it," said James.

"But you win all the time, don't you ever get bored of gloating?" asked Remus.

"No way, gloating is my favourite pastime, except for Quidditch and hexing Snivellus, you should try it sometime Remus."

"Oh yeah? And what would I gloat about?"

"You could have gloated when you got made Prefect," said Sirius, "it would have done James a bit of good if you ask me to have someone else rubbing it in his face that they beat him for a change."

"Yeah like you didn't rub it in my face enough Sirius."

"Yeah well you deserved it for thinking that Dumbledore would choose _you_ over goody-two-shoes Remus."

"I'm not that much of a goody-two-shoes, the only difference is I don't shout about my rule breaking in front of the whole school."

"Blimey, who's side are you on Moony? You've got to admit that you were the obvious choice for Prefect, you'd have had to be mad to beat five galleons against you."

"I would have bet against me," shrugged Remus.

"Yeah but that's because you're a modest so and so with a bunch of insecurities about your furry little problem who thinks the whole world is against you," said Sirius.

Remus had no come back for that, so he just told him to shut up, and with those two words Sirius knew he had won.


	33. Misfortunes Always Come in Threes

Hey, so here's another chapter, it's actually the first I ever wrote, but I changed a bit before uploading so it's probably also the first chapter I can claim to have proof-read and edited (yay!). Anyway I don't own anything as you all already know. Hope you enjoy the chapter, come on one more review and we'll be into triple figures!

* * *

They say misfortunes always come in threes, Remus's mum had always said so anyway. Remus had never believed that, if you asked him he'd probably say that misfortunes come in billions they just sometimes like to arrive at regular time intervals, like once a month for example. But anyway, today Remus was having a terrible time of it because of three unconnected misfortunes, firstly it was winter, secondly it was the day of the full moon, and thirdly they were brewing a dizzying draught in Potions. And those three things are never a good combination.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked Peter as he added powdered unicorn horn to the cauldron Remus was stirring.

"Yes... fine," said Remus, though really his head was swimming.

"Woah, Moony you don't look well," said James, spinning round from the bench in front.

James and Sirius normally sat right at the back of the classroom, making Remus and Peter sit in front of them in order to hide their wide variety of illicit activities from the teacher. But in potions they sat second from the front, and Remus and Peter sat behind them, there were two very simple reasons for this, the first was named Lily Evans and the second Severus Snape. Whenever the Gryffindors had to share a class with the Slytherins there was always a visible divide down the centre of the room. This invisible battle line was normally only crossed by various missiles, except in the case of Lily and Severus. These two students would sit right at the front of the room opposite the teacher's desk seemingly oblivious to the mutinous whispers from both houses and completely absorbed in the lesson. Lily didn't care what other people said about her, in fact all the whispers only made her more determined to prove everyone wrong and show the whole world that a Gryffindor, and a muggle born at that, _could_ be friends with a Slytherin. Severus did care what other people said about him, it was important if you were to survive to be perceived in the right way, but there were some things that were more important and Lily was one of them. Lily was the most wonderful, fascinating, kind intelligent, beautiful person he had ever met, so long as she smiled every time she looked at him he knew he would be able to take anything else that came his way, be it from his Slytherin friends or from that scumbag Potter and his cronies.

"I'm alright," answered Remus.

By now Sirius had noticed that his best friend had abandoned his vigilant staring contest with the back of Lily Evans's head so he decided to turn around to see what all the fuss was about, letting all the horned slugs he was hovering above Snape's head fall, adding even more grease to his hair.

"Wow, that must be pretty good potion you got there Moony," he joked.

"Too good," muttered Remus, the corners of his mouth twitching into a slight smile.

Snape picked all the slugs out of his hair and turned around to glare at, or better yet hex Black and Potter. But when he turned around all thoughts of hexing Black were forgotten, well postponed at least, this may finally be the proof he needed.

"Ignore them Sev, I've told you before not to rise to the likes of Potter and Black," said Lily, not taking her eyes off their cauldron.

"You're going to want to see this Lily, look at Lupin."

Lily looked around to see Remus saying something to his friends, he was looking very pale and his eyes were all glazed over. He was using the hand he wasn't stirring the cauldron with to grip to edge of the desk like it was the only thing preventing his from falling off the surface of the earth.

"You're right, he doesn't look very well, he must have added too much hellebore to his potion, that can make the vapour too strong."

"I don't think it's the potion Lily, do you know what day it is today?"

"Stir the potion Sev, I'm going to see if he's alright," said Lily, she knew all too well what her best friend was hinting at but she ignored him.

"Are you alright Remus?" she asked when she reached the boy's bench, completely ignoring the three apes he called his friends.

"I'm fine," he said, but Lily noticed how he gripped the desk even tighter, causing his knuckles to turn white.

"No you're not, you need to get away from all these fumes, come on I'll take you to the Hospital Wing."

"Lily what are you doing leaving Severus to finish your potion on his own?" asked Slughorn jovially, meanderingover to the huddle of students.

"Remus isn't feeling well Professor," she replied.

"Ah, yes," bumbled the Potions master, looking over to the pale boy next to his favourite student, "yes, yes... sometimes the fumes... too much hellebore I suspect..."

"Professor, he needs to go to the Hospital Wing, or at least get some fresh air," said Lily, she liked Old Sluggy, but he could be pretty useless sometimes.

"Yes, of course, I'll take him. Come along m'boy, some fresh air is what you need."

Remus nodded and obliged, using the benches to steady himself as he made his way out of the stuffy dungeons. Once out in the corridor Remus made his way over to the nearest window and opened it, the cold air was an enormous relief. He leant his feverish forehead against the cool glass and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

"Are you alright there son? Do you need to see Madam Pomfrey?"

"No, I'll be fine, thanks. I think it was just the fumes from the potion getting to me, I made it too strong."

"It's the full moon tonight isn't it?" Slughorn asked awkwardly.

"Yes Sir, but it's not normally this bad until later, even in winter when the days are so short, it was just that combined with the potion fumes, but I'll be fine in a minute."

"Take as much time as you need, it's a good thing Lily noticed I suppose, I bet she knew what you'd done as well, with the hellebore I mean. Maybe you should get her to tutor you a bit, you might even be able to get an E with her help, and she'd be more than willing to, such a kind girl Lily, and that's quite rare with the smart ones..."

Remus ignored the teacher's ramblings, he knew he was just trying to diffuse the awkwardness of the situation. Professor Slughorn had always been about uncomfortable about his lycanthropy, but Remus was very grateful that he at least managed to not show any overt prejudice against him in front of his peers.

"Yes, I already get Lily to help me with my homework sometimes," he said finally, "I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks Professor."

"Do you want to go back in or just call it a day?"

"I'll come back in please," said Remus.

As Slughorn opened the door Remus was met with a scene of utter mayhem, flashes of light everywhere and people screaming left right and centre. Right in the middle of it was James, Sirius and Snape, with Lily standing to the side of them yelling for them to stop.

"Oh for goodness sake, _protego!_" she screamed, casting a shield charm between the three of them, "Sev go and sit down let me deal with this."

"And you seem to be doing a fine job of it," said Slughorn, shuffling into the epicentre of the chaos, "but I'll deal with it from here, now what happened here then."

"They attacked me two on one!" shouted Snape.

"Only because you hexed me from behind you filthy bugger!" yelled Sirius.

"Alright calm down boys, I don't care who started it. Twenty points each from the three of you, I don't like taking points from my own house Severus but I'm afraid if you were fighting I have no choice. But ten points to Gryffindor for you Lily for keeping a handle on the situation. Now is anyone hurt?"

There was a general murmur of "no Sir".

"Good good, right well it's almost the end of the lesson anyway so you can all leave early. But I want two feet on dizzying draughts by this time next week. Severus, Potter and Black you three can stay here and clean up this mess."

Remus filed out with Peter at his side, after everyone else had left the two of them stayed to wait for Sirius and James, Lily lingered too, evidently waiting for Snape.

"I'm sorry for what James and Sirius did," said Remus, earning himself a wide eyed look from Peter, both boys knew that James and Sirius would probably not appreciate being apologised for.

"It's not you who needs to apologise really," huffed Lily.

"What actually happened?" asked Remus, looking between Lily and Peter.

"Well Severus _did_ hex Black from behind," Lily admitted, "but frankly he was asking for it, hovering those slugs over his head all lesson, not to mention all the other foul things those two have done to him over the years."

"I'm sorry I didn't stop them, I'm a lousy prefect."

"No you're not, you weren't feeling well, hell knows I wouldn't want to have to deal with those two when I'm sick."

"But all the other times, I know I shouldn't just let them do things like that."

"Well no, and I've told you that before, you're their friend they'd probably listen to you more than me. But I wouldn't expect anyone to try and control that pair of bludgers when they're sick, how are you feeling now?"

"A bit better, I think I might be coming down with something though, that's probably why the fumes got to me so much, I might go and see Pomfrey later."

"Well I hope you get better soon, I think there is something going round actually, it's that time of year isn't it."

'That time of the month more like,' thought Remus, but he jumped on the excuse Lily was offering him without a moment's hesitation. Fortunately he didn't have to keep up the facade for long though because after a couple of minutes James and Sirius emerged from the dungeons, Severus Snape hot on their heels.

"Did you get detention?" asked Peter.

"Yeah," grumbled Sirius.

"Well to be perfectly honest I don't really know what else you expected," said Lily, "starting a fight the minute the teacher leaves the room. I'm talking to you too Sev, I've told you before not to sink to their level, you only end up getting into trouble..."

The Marauders could hear Lily lecturing her friend until they disappeared down the corridor that lead to the library.

"Are you alright now Remus?" asked James, "sorry, I didn't get a chance to ask you when you came back in."

"Because you were too busy trying to hex the living daylights out of Snape?"

"Oh Merlin you're not going give us an Evans-lecture on that are you?" asked Sirius.

"No, I'm too tired for that, anyway James would probably become aroused if I did."

"True that, he'd probably start trying to hump your leg or something."

"Oi you're the dog Padfoot not me! Us stags have dignified mating rituals I'll have you know."

"What? Hexing you desired mate's best friend? Drooling hopelessly over her every potions lesson? Using those fireworks you charmed yourself to write "Oi, Evans, go out with me will you?" in the sky at the end of last Quidditch match?" laughed Sirius.

"Hey that was a pretty spectacular feat if I do say so myself."

"Sort of backfired when she wrote her reply though didn't it?"

"Yeah well that's not the point."

"What was it again? Oh yes, 'I don't go out with arrogant rat-bags who miss easy goals because they're too busy lusting over their classmates with their eyes hanging out of their sockets, you'd be able to see his boner from here if it weren't so pathetically small'."

"Yeah well I'm not insecure about my body thank you very much so that didn't bother me at all."

"Really, even though all the girls that would normally be gossiping about how hot you are and how good you are on a broom started giggling when you walked past and making comments about your _other_ broomstick."

"I don't care what they think, anyway are we going to stand here all night discussing my broomstick or are you finished?"

"Almost, I just have one more question, do you polish it regularly?"

"Padfoot, please spare us from anymore talk about Prongs's broomstick," said Remus, "anyway we'd better not stay here all night or it might get kind of ugly in a couple of hours."

"Fair enough, come on let's dump our stuff in the dorm and then get some dinner before we have to go yeah?"

"I think I'll skip dinner, moonrise is pretty early this time of year and I'm not hungry anyway. I'll just head down to the Hospital Wing when you guys go to dinner, but remember to get to the Shack well before nightfall yeah?"

"Don't worry we will, actually it might be better to just swing by the kitchens on the way back to the dorm if we want to avoid The Slug," James said to Sirius.

"Oh yeah, didn't think of that," replied Sirius.

"Why are you avoiding Slughorn?" asked Peter.

"He gave us detention for tonight," said Sirius lazily.

Remus tried his best not to look crestfallen, he knew it was selfish to be thinking of himself when his friends were the one who'd got detention but couldn't help being disappointed that he wouldn't have his friends with him for this transformation.

"It's alright Moony we're not going," scoffed James, waving the idea away with his hand.

"What? You're just not going to turn up?"

"Well we've got prior commitments haven't we?" said Sirius, clapping Remus on the back.

Remus gritted his teeth against the pain.

"Oh sorry mate, I still forget, it's a habit you know," said Sirius, "here d'you want me to take you bag?"

"Nah it's fine."

Sirius took his bag anyway.

"Merlin Moony! What have you got in here bricks?"

"Books."

"Books? I never bother bringing mine."

"I've noticed, and several teachers have too, I believe that's why you had detention with McGonagall last night."

"Yeah well if I don't do any work I don't see why I should cart the stupid book around all day."

"And I wonder why McGonagall didn't accept that excuse?"

"Don't get sarky with me Moony or I might have to write to your mother."

"And if you did that Padfoot then I would have to write to your mother."

"You wouldn't dare, that would be conspiracy to murder! You can go to Azkaban for that!"

"It would be a pretty crazy thing to do, but then again I'm Loony Loopy Lupin, and I tend to get even more crazy around the full moon so I'd advise you not to underestimate me."

"Advice taken! Even a conversation with the lovely Mrs Lupin isn't worth the risk of a letter home to mother dearest."

"What is your obsession my mother Padfoot?"

"It's not an obsession, what James has with Lily is an obsession, I just like her hair, and the way she calls you a 'big eejit' and you get all sheepish, and the way she smells."

"Have you been smelling Remus's mum?!" asked Peter.

"No, but I imagine her to smell like lavender and rosemary and roast dinners."

"Please never _ever _try and smell my mum Sirius."

"Oh please, I wouldn't have to get close, I could transform into Padfoot and then I could smell her from miles away."

"Can we just drop this please! How did we even get onto this ridiculous conversation in the first place, a minute ago you were telling me you plan on bunking off to a detention tonight just so you could be with me."

"Well yeah, I'd much rather a night of full moon hilarity than a detention with The Slug," said James.

"And you don't care at all that he'll probably give you a week's worth of detentions for this?"

"No," said James and Sirius at the same time.

"I can't let you get in more trouble for me."

"You've got in trouble for us before, you and Pete took the blame for us last time we hexed my beloved brother," Sirius reminded him.

"That's different..."

"No it's not, Marauder's always help a fellow Marauder, not matter what the consequences for themselves later. And besides we wouldn't want to miss out on the fun would we?" said James, clapping him on the shoulder much more softly than Sirius did.

"So you really do enjoy it then?"

"Of course!" said all three of Remus's friends.

"It's the best fun I've ever had!" said Peter.

"Yeah!" said Sirius, "once we've calmed you down of course."

"But that doesn't take too long," said James, "it's getting easier actually, first time was a bit... manic, but now you seem to recognise us much more quickly."

"Yeah, it really does help... having you there," said Remus, blushing, "I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Blimey Remus, you're never going to let this drop are you? You're repaying us just by being our friend," said Sirius.

"And telling me what kind of flowers Evans likes."

"She still hasn't forgiven me for that you know."

"I'm sure she has, no one can stay mad at a guy who apologises every ten seconds," said Sirius, "hey James, maybe you should try that?"

"Nah, I couldn't pull it off, I don't have the whole 'I'm an adorable little werewolf with a bandaged paw and puppy-dog eyes' look."

"I think you have misunderstood the definition of either 'adorable' or 'werewolf' of you can put the two words in the same sentence James," said Remus, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Are you getting dizzy again Remus?" asked Peter quietly.

"Not really, I'm just feeling a bit light headed that's all."

"Well we're almost at the kitchens now," said James, "then you can sit down and have a nice slab of chocolate cake."

"James, if I eat anything I will probably throw up."

"Hmm, maybe not then," said James lightly and Remus smiled, how on Earth did he manage to find three such amazing people to be his friends.


	34. The Reason

Hi, disclaim disclaim disclaim... can't be bothered to write it out any more, you know the score. Hope you like the chapter, please R&R

* * *

"Hey, look who it is Padfoot," said James, nodding his head towards someone behind Sirius, Sirius turned to see who it was and groaned, he liked Regulus best when he was trying to disassociate himself from his blood traitor brother.

"What do you want Regulus?"

"Why is your name on the list of people staying for Christmas?"

"Because I don't fancy spending two weeks with our psychotic parents and deranged house elf thank you very much."

"Mother and Father aren't psychotic, they're just a bit old fashioned, and Kreacher is not deranged, if you just treated him with a little more respect he might warm to you."

"Well fancy that, a mini Death eater advocating house elf rights," laughed James.

"They make better servants if treated well," said Regulus simply, "and I wasn't aware I was talking to you Potter."

"I don't need your permission to voice my opinion, now go run along back to little Slytherin friends and leave the big boys alone."

"Save it for the Quidditch field Potter. Anyway Sirius, Mother and Father will want you to come home, we're going to have guests."

"They don't own me, I can do what I want."

"You're not of age yet Sirius."

"I'm old enough to make up my own mind about who I want to spend my holidays with, and since my friends are all staying here it's no contest really."

"Christmas is time for family Sirius, and you can't chose your family."

"Yes you can, Aunt Druella and Uncle Cygnus chose to disown Andromeda so I can choose to disown all of you lot."

"If you don't start being more careful Sirius you _will_ get disowned, and you won't be so blasé about it then."

"Why are you so scared of our Mother and Father Reg? You're your own person, and you're a better person by far than they are, still a scum bag Slytherin but then again so was Drommie, and she turned out alright, she's doing great now that she's escaped her parents. All it takes is just a little bit of standing up to them Reg, you don't need to be the person they want you to be."

"I have to Sirius, don't you understand, if you do get disowned I'll be the last Black left, it'll be up to me to carry on blood line and our family's reputation, or we'll end up falling into destitution like so many of the other old families. Did Mother not tell you about what happened to the Gaunts? A perfectly respectable family, descendant's of Salazar Slytherin himself, gone to pot because of generations of recklessness. And thanks to you it's all on me now, while you're off gallivanting with your friends I'm the only one actually thinking about the future."

"Thinking about the future? And by that I suppose you mean getting in with all the future Death Eaters now right? Nice career plan Reg."

"Well someone has to get in with the right people Sirius," said Regulus, bending over so has lips were by Sirius's ear and lowering his voice so no one else could hear, "you and Andromeda, you have no idea why we're doing this, me and Cissy, we're not all like Bella, we're doing this to protect you."

"I don't need protecting!"

"Yes you do!" cried Regulus, abandoning his attempts to preserve some of his family's privacy, Sirius would only tell half of Gryffindor about their argument anyway, "You just stroll through life, thinking you're invincible, never thinking to look over your shoulder every now and again, making enemies for the sake of it, one day you're going to pay for your carelessness! You mark my words!"

"And one day you are going to pay all the muggle borns you've hexed, because I will make you pay for it," said Sirius drawing his wand.

"I don't want to fight you Sirius."

"Too bad, you're making your fair share of enemies too Reg, and guess what, I'm one of them, _Flipendo!_"

"_Protego!_"

"Go away and never speak to me again Regulus, you are not my brother."

The Slytherin opened his mouth as if to say something back to his brother, but he merely bit his lip, turned around and stormed off into the Entrance Hall.

"Regulus!" called a voice from behind him, but not the one of his brother.

"What do you want Severus?" he asked, not turning around, he did not want Severus to see that his eyes were red with restrain tears.

"It's alright Reg, I'm not going to have a go at you for fraternising with your blood traitor brother."

Regulus turned around and saw that Severus's black eyes were filled with sincerity.

"I know it's useless, I know I should just give up and cut ties with him, but he's my brother! I can't help but care for him. My cousin Bella says the Dark Lord only wants those who will give anything for the cause, but I can't be like her, I'm trying but I just can't."

"It's because you're right, you're doing it for a different reason."

"The wrong reason."

"Maybe, but isn't it better than doing it for no reason at all? Look at that buffoon Crabbe, or that complete idiot MacNair, they don't even know why their doing this, at least we have a reason right?"

"You love her don't you," said Regulus quietly, "that mudblood, Evans."

"No I don't," said Severus quickly.

"You can tell me," said Regulus, "come on you know I won't tell Avery or Mulciber or anyone else, we're in the same boat you and me, sort of. We're doing this for the same reason at least."

"She's not like the others," said Severus, staring into space and clearly not paying attention to a word Regulus had just said, "she's different, do you think any else will ever see that? I mean, she's such a talented witch, do you think the others will ever see that she's not like the rest of them? Do you think they'll spare her?"

"It's our job to make sure they spare them. Maybe if we get high up enough, if we earn favour from the Dark Lord himself, maybe he might spare them, for us?"

"Maybe," said Severus, "there's only one way we'll find out."

"I just wish Sirius could see that I'm trying to protect him, do you feel the same about Evans?"

"I've tried to explain to her that this is the only way, but they're corrupted her, being in that blasted House, your brother too. They can't see that sometimes you have to do unpleasant things to get ahead. And that's why we need to protect them, because without us you know what will happen to them don't you?"

Regulus nodded.

"Is she really different from the other mudbloods?" Regulus asked, Severus got even more stick for fraternising with that girl than he did for fraternising with his brother, Regulus sometimes wondered whether it was worth it, he wasn't tied to her in the same way that he was tied to Sirius, he could easily just walk away.

"Yes, she's the brightest in our year, in fact she wipes the floor with most of the purebloods, sometimes I wondered whether she's actually adopted or something, to be that good and come from a muggle family. Look, what you've got to understand Reg, is that I knew Lily since we were both very little, before I was old enough to understand about blood purity, so even though I understand now I can't help but hold onto the way I've always felt about her."

"I suppose that's why I can't bring myself to let go of Sirius," said Regulus, "I know it's stupid, irrational, but there are worse things we could do right?"

"Right."

"Do you promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Of course, and you?"

"I suppose we've each got something on each other, if one of us tells the other will too, and then we'll both go down," said Regulus pensively.

Severus looked at Regulus, here was someone who couldn't possibly betray him, not because of any bond of friendship, or noble pact, but because of something much stronger, the bond of mutual reliance. Here was someone he could trust.

Meanwhile back in the Great Hall Sirius was still fuming, the entire school had gone quiet save for the occasional whisper. All eyes were on the handsome Gryffindor, standing staring out of the double doors with a fire of rage in his eyes.

"Sirius?" said Peter tentatively, tugging at his robes, "sit down Sirius, people are staring."

James however took a different tactic, he stood up and climbed onto the Gryffindor table and then yelled at the top of his voice.

"Oi! Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?! Haven't you got anything better to do?!"

Then he jumped down onto the other side of the table and grabbed Sirius's arm and pulled him towards the door, muttering nothings under his breath to his friend. Peter got up and ran after them and Remus too climbed over the table and followed, expecting a reprimand form Lily or one of the teachers but none came, either everyone had been stunned into silence, or they understood that Sirius needed his friends right now, all of them.

When Sirius saw Snape talking to his brother in the Entrance hall his first instinct was to reach for his wand, unfortunately James had pre-empted that moved restrained his arm, so all that passed between the two brothers was a moment of awkward eye contact, Sirius's eyes livid with anger, Regulus's desperate for understanding.

"Come on," muttered James, as he pulled him towards the staircase.

"What did he say to you?" asked Peter, "when he whispered in your ear and you got all angry?"

Sirius made a noise in his throat that sounded like a growl.

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," said Remus, as James gave an exasperated look to Peter.

"He said that he was joining the Death Eaters to protect me," said Sirius slowly, "he said that I am the reason he is joining them."

"That's not true mate," said James, "he's joining the Death Eaters because he's a nasty little Slytherin rat bag."

This time Remus gave James the look that said 'shut up, you're not helping' so James raised his eyebrows momentarily with a look in his eyes that meant 'you say something then, you're the one who's good at this sort of thing'. Some people found it remarkable that the Marauders were able to communicate like this, if asked about it Remus would always say that it comes more naturally than talking when you know someone so well that you know how they think, he always maintained that they only surprise was that two people who loved talking so much would ever set much in store by such a method of communication. But even James Potter, who could talk for England, knew that sometimes words could ruin a moment, sometimes something more subtle was called for.

Remus put his hand on Sirius's shoulder and the two of them sank down to the floor and leant against the wall.

"It's not your fault," said Remus, "you're not the reason, you tried to save him, but it was you against the world. Everyone else was either trying to lure him into the Dark Arts or had written him off as a lost cause as soon as he was Sorted and so never bothered to try and stop him."

"Why do they even have Slytherin? They should just expel the bastards that get in there! That's solve it, he told me the Hat almost put him in Ravenclaw but he went and _asked_ to be put in that bloody House. I tell you if ran this school I'd just get rid of the lot, any good ones like Drommie would be able to get into another House I'm sure, and that's just leave all the bastards like Snivellus, and then I'd just send all straight back on the Hogwarts Express. If he's have been in Ravenclaw he would have been fine! He was never as bad as my parents or Bellatrix. I just can' believe that he could have got away from it all but he chose to just jump right in and now he can't get out. And if I'm the reason that he did that... then I'm the reason that he hexed all those muggle borns, and if does join the Death Eaters, and he kills people, then I'll be the reason their dead!"

Sirius put his head I his hands and Remus patted him on the back like Sirius did to him when he was miserable.

"Come on mate, you're starting to sound like me," Remus laughed quietly, "not everything comes back down to you, there are more forces at play here, and not all of them are even working inside Hogwarts, can't you see that you've done something amazing just by getting Sorted into Gryffindor and making friends with muggle borns and even werewolves after being raised to think we're all scum of the Earth? If all these lives that are being taken, if all these people being injured comes down to one person then it comes down to this Voldemort guy, not you."

"Well there's only one thing to do then," said Sirius, "as soon as we leave school, we're going to hunt down Voldemort and kill him, and if I can help it I'm taking Bellatrix and Snivellus and Malfoy and Mulciber and all the other people who made Reg what he is with me."

"Definately," said James.

"We're with you all the way mate."

Remus just nodded, but Sirius could tell that that nod meant just as much as James and Peter's enthusiastic words, possibly even more.


	35. Jealousy

Hey-yah! Not sure if it's the longest chapter I've ever written but it's one that's been brewing for some time and then when I went to write it up I had an idea for something to happen in the middle of the chapter and it just seemed to grow from there. Last day of half term and I did this instead of my maths homework so I hope you'll enjoy it. I'm not JK and I don't own anything, especially the ref to the books/films at the end of the chapter. Please R&R

* * *

"Urgh, I better get going then," said Remus, glancing at his watch.

"Going where?" asked Sirius, not taking his eyes off the chess board.

He and James were locked in a fierce game with very high stakes, the winner would get three galleons, while the loser would have to kiss a Slytherin girl of the winner's choice, all Sirius could say was that he was glad all his cousins had left.

"Patrol duty," answered Remus, rubbing his eye, it was the full moon tomorrow and he was already starting to get a headache, it was always worse in the depths of winter.

"I can cover for you if you want," said Lily from a nearby table, where she was sat doing her Astronomy homework.

"No it's okay."

"Are you sure, you look knackered."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine Remus," she said, marching over to him, Remus froze as she raised a hand to his face, "thought so," she said, as her had made contact with his forehead, "you've got a temperature, and it's freezing out in those corridors. Come on, how about we swap, you can do my patrol on Friday, you should be feeling better by then right?"

"Yeah," said Remus, "thanks Lily, you're amazing."

"I'm just doing what any friend would do," she shrugged.

"Yeah well... thanks anyway, don't let me forget about Friday."

"I'll write it on your face if I have to," joked Lily, squeezing his hand, "go and get some sleep or something Remus, I'll see you tomorrow, I don't want to see you up when I get back."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye," replied Lily, flashing one last smile towards Remus before disappearing through the portrait hole, ignoring the other three boys altogether as usual.

"What the hell was that?!" demanded James as soon as Lily had gone.

"What was what?" asked a bewildered Remus.

"Never mind, I'm going to bed," James snapped, stomping off up the stairs to their dorm.

"Okay what the hell was _that_?" asked Remus, turning to Sirius and Peter in the hope of some explanation for that display of extrememly un-James-like behaviour.

"Merlin Moony," Sirius sighed, "I thought you were good at feelings and all that crap, isn't it obvious?"

"No," said Remus indignantly.

Sirius sighed again.

"He thinks there's something going on between you and Evans," he said in a positively bored tone.

"What?! That's utterly ridiculous! You know I would never..."

"I know, _I_ know that. But you what James is like when it comes to Evans, his brain reverts back to caveman mode as soon as she comes within five feet of him. That's why he's always making a prat of himself in front of her, and that's also why he sees you two being friendly with each other, puts two and two together and gets nine billion."

"Well I'm not going to stop being friends with Lily just because it's making him jealous."

"I'm not suggesting that Moony, look just go and talk to him and I'm sure he'll see sense."

"Fine, but you'd think he's be able to see sense by himself seeing as it's standing barely a foot away from him and staring him in the face," he muttered as he stalked off up the stairs after James, he opened the door to find him sitting bolt upright on his bed staring into space.

"What do you want?" James grunted, remaining still as a statue.

"To tell you that there's nothing romantic between Lily and I," said Remus, making an effort to portray more patience than he actually had for his friend, James snorted, "Look we're just friends, we've been friends since first year and we've grown closer this year since we've both been made prefects, what's so hard to believe about that?"

James snorted again.

"Yeah right," he said.

"Look it's not my fault she won't go out with you you know. She won't go out with you because she thinks you're an arrogant son of a boggart not because she fancies me."

"Shut up! Don't talk to me! I'm not an idiot you know, I can see what's going on around here with all the hand holding and the..."

"That's just girls James! All girls are like that with their friends," said Remus.

James snorted again, it was really starting to annoy Remus now. He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, a habit James had caught from Remus, though when Remus did it was only ever a sign of exasperation.

"James, I swear I have never and will never look at Lily in that way, I'll never look at any girl in that way if I can help it, and you know even if I did I wouldn't do anything about it! And as for Lily... I think she just feels sorry me."

"Oh and I bet you love that don't you!" snapped James, springing up off the bed, "'Are you alright Remus?'," he said in a high pitched whiny voice that sounded nothing like Lily's, "'Do you have a fever Remus?'"

James raised his hand to feel Remus's forehead like Lily had done but before he could get there Remus's wand was in his hand and pointing at James's chest. He didn't even remember what curse he had hit him with, the next thing he knew he was marching back down the stairs and into the common room.

"Remus, what happened?"

"Where's James?"

Remus ignored Peter and Sirius and climbed through the portrait hole. He was fuming, he was so angry he couldn't even think, his legs carried him out onto the grounds and into cold night air that did nothing to dampen the roaring flames that were burning within him, and even then he kept walking. Eventually he found himself at the boys' favourite haunt under the beech tree by the lake . He stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. On finding that it was useless he kicked the tree and stubbed his toe.

"Ow! Bloody! Fricking!..."

Once the pain had passed he sighed and sat down in the snow. He leant his head back against the tree trunk and tried and failed to think of nothing. 'James Perfect Potter thinks he's got problems...' 'How dare he!' 'How could he even think that?!' 'Does he really think I like it when people pity me?' He had no idea how long he had been sitting there absorbed in his own bitter thoughtsbefore he noticed he was shivering. With all the adrenaline pumping through his body he hadn't noticed just how cold it was but now that wave of hate fuelled energy had subsided and he was freezing, soaked from sitting in the snow and miserable. The last thing he wanted to do was return to the common room and face James and the others, but he could feel his toes going numb so it would appear that he had no choice. He was just got stiffly up and had barely walked ten yards towards the castle when he heard a gruff voice calling him.

"Oi! Who's there? If you're trying to sneak off into the forest or summit then I've half a mind to get Filch and he... oh it's yeh Remus. What are you doin' out here at this time a night? It's bloomin' freezing as well and you ain't got a stitch on yeh, you'll catch a death!"

"S... sorry," said Remus through chattering teeth.

"It's yerself yeh need to be 'pologising teh not me. 'Ere you aren't lookin' too well in the first place is it...?" Hagrid looked up at the sky and saw the enormous almost-full moon hanging there like a vulture circling a dying beast, "well you defin'tely oughtn't be out in this weather with the full moon so close. Why don't yeh come and 'ave a cuppa, I've got a nice fire goin' yeh can warm yerself up a bit alrigh'?"

"Alright, thank you, said Remus, glad for any excuse to put off his return to Gryffindor tower.

Remus stumbled as Hagrid pulled him into his side with one of his enormous arms and the two of them began to make their way towards Hagrid's hut. It was a little unpleasant smelling being pressed into Hagrid's body but it warm.

"Now you sit yerself down and I'll put the kettle on," said Hagrid, "and yeh can tell me what it is that's botherin' yeh."

"Nothing's bothering me," Remus lied, it was a stupid problem really and he didn't want to admit how much James's words had got to him.

"Now there must be somethin'," said Hagrid, sitting down in the chair opposite him, "You're a sensible lad Remus, and normally you'd never be out and about like this without so much as a cloak on yeh with the moon nearly full, so there must be summit wrong. Come on yeh can tell me lad, is it anything to do with them Slytherin ne'er-do-wells who attacked them kids last week? If anyone's been givin' yeh grief Remus..."

"No, no, it's nothing like that, I just had an argument with James, it's stupid really."

"If it were that stupid it wouldn't have bothered yeh," said Hagrid, "what happened?"

"He's just being an eegit, he thinks I'm going out with Lily."

"And are yeh?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Alrigh' just checkin'. Did you tell him he's got it all wrong?"

"Yes! He knows I don't like Lily in that way. He knows I'll never go out with any woman because no one will want to be with a blood werewolf, but he just can't seem to process that knowledge, all I can assume is that it never made it his brain because it got lodged somewhere in his thick skull!"

"Aye well men can be pretty stupid when it comes to girls," sighed Hagrid, "don't pay any 'ttention to 'im Remus, he's just jealous."

"But that's just it! Why the hell would he be jealous of me? How could anyone ever be jealous of me?! Can't he see that that he's got everything anyone could want? The only thing in the world he can't get is Lily and all of a sudden he thinks he's so hard done by and we're all out to get him!"

"Ah but who ever really thinks about everything they have got? We all focus on what we don't have Remus, even you. I know I do, I've got a great job with a great boss, I've got friends, I've got me pets, I've get me health, me life, and yet sometimes all I can think about is how I'm not allowed to 'ave a wand."

"I'm grateful every single day that I've got friends, even when their being... like this, I'm grateful I was allowed to come to Hogwarts, I'm grateful to my parents, to all the teachers, to Madam Pomfrey, to you. And yeah I'd say I'm even grateful to be alive."

"Only because you almost missed out on all those things, it's like 'ow I'm grateful to Dumbledore for everything 'e's done for me. But really Remus, we're you thinkin' 'bout all those things when you were wanderin' 'round out there, or where you thinkin' of how annoyed yeh were at James."

"I suppose I was thinking about how annoyed I was at James," sighed Remus, taking a sip of his tea, the warm aromatic liquid felt heavenly as it slid down his throat, warming his frozen core and calming his nerves.

"We're all only human Remus, even us filthy 'alfbreeds are still stuck with all the bad bits of humanity," grinned Hagrid, giving Remus a 'gentle' punch in the shoulder that knocked him back into the chair and make him spill his tea, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Hagrid, handing him a cloth to mop it up with.

"It's alright," said Remus, "I suppose that's one way to warm myself up anyway," he smiled, Hagrid's company could always cheer him up.

"Ere' I'll get you another cup, d'you want a biscuit to go with it, I baked some this mornin'."

"No thanks Hagrid," said Remus, in his experience it was always best to find a way to politely refuse any of Hagrid's cooking, "I'm not feeling too well."

"Aye alright then, come on we'd better get you back up the castle, I shouldn't be keepin' you up when you're not well, is it tomorrow?"

"Yes," said Remus, knowing that Hagrid was referring to the full moon, "but thanks for inviting me in, I don't think I would have slept at all tonight if you hadn't, you're right, I would have just stayed awake brooding."

"I may not know much 'bout magic Remus, but I know people almost as well as I know animals."

"I thought I knew people quite well, but obviously I don't," sighed Remus, he stood up but lingered a while, debating whether to ask the questions playing on his lips, "Hagrid? Do I... do you think people think I like to be pitied?" he asked finally, looking down at the floor.

"No one likes being pitied," said Hagrid, "anyone who's ever been pitied knows that, and most who haven't. I've never exactly been pitied before, you don't get pitied when you're my size. I s'ppose that some people may think being pitied is better than being hated or feared, but that's jus' a matter of opinion ain't it?"

"Feared is definitely the worst," said Remus, "but being pitied is a close second, for me anyway."

"And anyone 'ho knows you would know that," said Hagrid, "whatever James said he said 'cause he was angry and he wanted to say summit that would hurt you and he didn't care what."

"Okay, well, thanks Hagrid, and thanks for the tea as well, bye."

"Well seeing as I split most of it down yeh I don't think yeh need to thank me for that,2 laughed Hagrid, come on I'll walk yeh back up to the castle, lemme jus' find summit teh keep yeh nice and warm eh?"

Once Hagrid had found a 'shoulder cape' that came down to Remus's thighs the pair walked back up to the castle. The biting wind froze his face, whistling through his ears and making his headache worse but at least his body remained mostly warm. At the castle doors he thanked Hagrid again, gave him back the cloak and said that he needn't accompany him any further. However he regretted that decision when he rounded the first corner he came to and found himself face to face with Argus Filch.

"Naughty naughty, students out of bed after hours eh? I'll bet you were up to no good as well."

"Oh no, I'm a prefect", said Remus quickly, indicating his badge, "I'm patrolling the corridors, you can check the rota if you think I'm lying."

"Rubbish! Even if you are a prefect you were meant to finish your patrol half an hour ago, you'll have a detention with me tomorrow night."

"Sorry I can't do tomorrow night," said Remus pleasantly, suddenly in a strangely reckless mood where a spot of Filch-taunting seemed like just what he would like to do right now.

"A detention is a punishment, it's not something that can be rearranged for your convenience."

"Fine, suit yourself, tomorrow night it is then, though I should warn you I'll be feeling rather bloodthirsty and may very well lack enough self control to stop myself from following those urges."

"Is that a threat?" said Filch menacingly, taking a step towards Remus, he was now so close he could smell his sour breath that made a cloud of condensation in the cold air.

"No, it's a fact," smiled Remus, "tomorrow night is a full moon, I am a werewolf, so unless disembowelment was what you were going for I'd recommend saving that detention for some other time."

Filch recoiled at the word werewolf.

"Fine, the day after next then, my office at seven, now back to your common room with you."

Filch insisted on walking all the way back to the Fat Lady's portrait with Remus, but kept surprisingly quiet, surprising because the caretaker never usually stopped muttering oaths against the filthy students who were the bane of his existence. Then it dawned on him that he was scared. He hadn't been lying when he told Hagrid that he hated being feared more than anything else, but for some strange reason all he wanted to do now was laugh. Somehow his previous anger had morphed into wild elation, that was until he climbed back through the portrait hole and saw James talking to Peter and Sirius, then suddenly the whole weight of their argument came crashing back down on him. James deserved for Remus to be angry at him, he _was_ still angry at him, despite everything Hagrid had said, but his mad elation tripped him up, the lingering desire to laugh seemed to throw him and he just didn't feel capable of summoning the same level of outrage as he had done before. So when Sirius beckoned him over, instead of storming up the stairs as James had done, he obliged, slumping into one of the arm chairs and shiver run up through his body in the sudden warmth of the fire.

"I'm sorry," said James, looking into Remus's eyes, Remus always respected James for that, he was never one to look away when talking to someone, no matter how unpleasant it was for either party, and now he realised that was what had seemed to off earlier, "I was out of order," James continued, "I knew I was just making stuff up, I can't believe I accused you using your... you know what as a sort of... I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I'm sorry I hexed you, you didn't deserve that."

"I did."

"No you didn't. What did I even do? I sort of lost control, I haven't done that since I was about eight, I could have really hurt you."

"Nah I don't reckon you could have, it wasn't really accidental magic because you were using your wand, just non verbal I reckon, you'll have no trouble next year anyway, we have to learn how to do that for NEWTs. Anyway it was just a stinging hex and I knew the counter curse so no harm done."

"I'm sorry."

"Merlin Moony, you are impossible to apologise to you know tha? You just end up apologising yourself you plonker!"

"Sorry, I mean... Oh shut up Padfoot!" he added at Sirius's laughter, but when he saw James trying desperately to keep a straight face he started laughing too, and then that in turn was the last straw for James and in a matter of seconds all three boys wer bent double in hysterics, leaving Peter looking between the three of them wondering what he was missing.

Remus was the first to recover, all the blood had rushed to his head and it was bringing his headache back again.

"Where did you go anyway?" asked Peter, wanting to move away from the converstion he had obviously lost track of.

"Outside."

"Just in your shirt?!" exclaimed Sirius, "It's bloody freezing out there!"

"Yeah that's why I came back in," said Remus sheepishly.

"Well it took you long enough to realise it," said James, "you must have been out there for at least an hour."

"Well I wasn't outside all this time," said Remus, "I ran into Hagrid while I was out there and we had a cup of tea, and then I ran into Filch and..."

"Filch? Man you broke our record Moony, we haven't been caught breaking curfew since first year!" said James.

"Well sor-ry Prongs, I was a bit distracted being angry and cold."

"Mate that's a pathetic excuse," laughed Sirius, but both Peter and James looked abashed by his retort.

"Did you get detention?" asked Peter.

"Yeah," said Remus, laughing at the memory., which prompted weird looks frombhis three best friends.

"And since when did Mr Moony find detentions so amusing?" asked Sirius in his best impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Well Mr Padfoot, our charming Mr Filch decided to give me a detention for tomorrow night and when I pointed out that I would be otherwise occupied on a mindless quest for human flesh he seemed to think I was threatening him."

"Man I wish I could have seen his face!" said James.

"I do kind of wish I'd had a camera," smiled Remus.

"So, does Mr Filch intend on keeping his appointment with Mr Moony?" asked Sirius.

"No, I've got detention the day after instead."

"But you won't be fully recovered yet by then," said James, "you shouldn't have to do detention."

"Yeah, get Madam Pomfrey to write you a note," said Peter.

"Or better yet threaten the bugger again," said Sirius, "and can we watch this time?"

"I didn't mean to threaten him Sirius! And anyway I'll be fine."

"Well we all know that's a load of old cobblers," said Sirius.

"Look it's not a big deal guys."

"I know what this is about," said James, "this is about you and your stupid pride right?"

"You're one to talk about pride James."

"See, he's not denying it."

"So what? I'm not going to give in to him alright, I just want to show him you know."

"Show him what? What a bloody martyr you are?"

"I am not being a martyr Sirius, I'm not looking for sympathy!"

"Mate if you're still angry about what I said earlier then that's okay but take it out on me, you've got nothing to prove mate," said James.

"Who's being a martyr now?" Remus retorted, "look I'm tired and I've got a splitting headache alright so forgive me if I'm not in the mood for listening to you guys spouting your meaningless codswallop, I'm going to bed. And that was not intended to try and make you feel sorry for me!" he added before stalking off up the stairs.

Remus collapsed on his bed and curled up into a ball, rubbing his throbbing temples. What the hell was wrong with him? He had forgiven James completely and then for some stupid reason when and got all angry again, and now he felt utterly wretched. It was just pride, he knew that, maybe he was more like his dad and James and Sirius and all the other Gryffindors than he thought. But no, he wasn't going to give in to Filch or anyone else, he'd be fine, it was only a detention for crying out loud. He groaned and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, pushing them into their sockets, too much was happening at once. How on Earth had he managed to go from a vague sense of normality to anger to misery to happiness to recklessness to indignation in such a short space of time? One person couldn't feel all these emotions at once, they'd explode, Remus thought to himself as he pulled his pillow over his head to try to block out world which seemed to pressing down on him, exerting so much pressure on his body and mind that he thought one of them would crack.


	36. Advice is better than Apologies

Hola- once again I am not JK Rowling. this chapters just a short one that follows on from the last one since some people wanted to see what happened next and I kind of had the idea that james and remus would a have a conversation like this at some point. but I've got a nice valentines day chapter lined up next (don't worry though for all you people who like me can't deal with too much sap, this will not go the way of the 6th film- I can't do lovey-dovey, it makes me physically ill- it's going to be more humour than actual romance)

* * *

"I'm going to see if he's alright," said James after a while of listening to Sirius and Peter's pointless conversation, grunting whenever his input was called upon.

"When he said he had a headache that meant he wanted to be alone," said Sirius.

"When he said he had a headache it meant he had a headache," said James, "if he wants to be alone then I'll come straight back down but I'm just going to check he's okay."

"James, don't go dragging the whole argument back up again, what's done is done now, he's forgiven you so just forget it and move on."

Sirius didn't understand, James didn't want his apology to accepted this easily, he didn't even get a chance to make a big speech thanks to Remus interrupting with his own bloody apology.

"I won't say anything about the argument, I promise, I'll just check if he needs anything," said James, quickly thinking up and excuse, "he was looking pretty peaky, he might want something to eat or drink, or he might need something from Pomfrey."

"Fair enough," sighed Sirius, "but don't expect him to talk to you, Remus is a brooder, even though he's forgiven you he still needs more time to sulk."

James ignored his friend's final pathetic attempt to make him stay in the common room and vetured up the stairs to the dorm. Upon opening the door he saw that Remus was curled up on his bed, fully clothed and on top of the sheets but with the pillow pulled over his head as if it was protecting him a nuclear explosion. He heard a muffled groaning emanating from the pillow and he hoped Remus wasn't crying, crying was awkward.

"Remus?" said James, closing the door.

Remus tore the pillow from his head and twisted into a sitting position, bearing a miraculous resemblance to a startled rabbit, but no crying. James breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," said Remus, placing the pillow behind him and leaning back on it, "I wasn't crying," he added.

"I know."

"I was just... it was... quieter with the pillow over my ears," said Remus, feeling rather embarrassed that James had found him in such a strange pose.

"Headache still quite bad then?" asked James, sitting down on Peter's bed, which was next to Remus's.

"A bit worse than normal for the day before, but not too bad, I just need to sleep I suppose."

"I'm sorry," said James.

"I've already accepted your apology," said Remus, smiling weakly.

"Yeah but not properly, I just wanted to say that I get why what I said made you so angry, I pretended I didn't when Sirius and Peter, well mainly Sirius, confronted me, but I did, that's why I said it."

James took Remus's silence as permission to go on.

"I'm sorry for saying that you would ever use your condition to your own advantage, I know that you'd never do that. And I know you don't fancy Lily, that Sirius really did have to spell out to me, but I see it now. I guess I was just jealous that if you did like her in that way you could just ask her out and she'd say yes but I've asked her out about a billion and a half times and she's turned me down every time."

"Maybe that's why," said Remus.

"Huh?"

"Maybe if you just try to be more friendly with her, learn to think of her a as a person not just as a girl she'll realise how much you respect her, and then maybe she'll start to respect you too. Oh and it'd probably help if you didn't hex her best friend for sport."

"But that will take years!"

"And your approach hasn't taken years?" said Remus, "look Prongs, I'll help you out with Lily. I'm sorry I didn't before, I can see how that would make you think I wanted something more myself, but really I just didn't want to jeopardise my own friendship with her, which I suppose is equally selfish. But I will now, I guess this is my opportunity to help Mr Perfect out for a change. But you have to promise me one thing James."

"What?"

"Promise to listen to me, I know my track record with women is literally non-existent and so ordinarily you'd be better seeking advice off Sirius, but Lily isn't like other girls, so I think I can actually help you, but only if you take my advice."

"Well you're damn right there, Lily isn't at all like other girls she's not like any other person I know really, she's just so... good? I don't know, she gives everyone a chance, except me of course, but at the same time she doesn't take any rubbish of anyone, especially me, and that's just... really cool."

"She is really kind, she thinks everyone's worth something."

"Even Snivellus. I may not agree with her on that but you've got to give her credit to sticking by him even though all of her friends and his friends don't like them hanging round together. And she's really clever too, and funny, I'm not like Sirius, half the girls he goes out with can barely string two sentences together, but when I'm taking a girl out on a date I want it to be someone I can have fun with you know, not just someone with nice boobs."

"Lily is really good company, hey maybe you could come and study with us some time."

"She'd probably hex both of our balls' off."

"Maybe, but if we can past that barrier, and you don't distract us too much, it might give her a chance to see how clever you really are. Just don't try to show off and act stupid to prevent yourself from coming across too nerdy, just be yourself... only err... toned down a little bit."

"You mean brag less?"

"Yes, oh and don't do that stupid thing with your hair, it really sets her teeth on edge."

"You do that stupid thing with your hair!"

"Yeah well she gets annoyed when I do it to, things like that just get to people it's like how you hate it when me and Sirius crack our knuckles. But anyway I can't help the hair thing, it's just what I do when I'm frustrated, you do it because you think messy hair is cool."

"Well it is."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"All the cool people have messy hair."

"This is one of those times where you're meant to be listening to me instead of carrying on on your own merry way that leads you further away from Lily," sighed Remus, running a hand through his hair.

"Sorry, you do realise you did the hair thing again just now didn't you?"

"Yes, but it wasn't like I consciously decided 'you know what, I don't think I look enough like a scarecrow at the moment' and then did it."

"I was just pissing you off."

"Well you weren't really pissing me off as such..."

"But I was being an annoying prick?" James grinned.

"Maybe a little bit," said Remus, "but it's not you really, I'm just tired and I don't feel very well, it's not your fault, that's probably why I overreacted earlier."

"I figured as much. Sirius said you'd just want to be alone, d'you want me to leave?"

"It's up to you, I'm going to try to get some sleep now so that Lily doesn't have my guts for garters so you'll just get bored up here, you might as well go back down to Peter and Sirius. I am glad you came up here though," he added, sensing that James's question was really 'have I been pissing you off this whole time?'

"Okay, well d'you want me to bring you up anything, from the kitchens, or I could go to Pomfrey..."

"I'm fine," said Remus firmly, "and before you start I'll be fine for that bloody detention day after next."

"I wasn't going to say anything about that," said James, "I understand what you mean about showing you're not weak, I mean I know you're not so don't think you have to or anything but I do get it you know, and so do Sirius and Peter."

"It's the curse of the Gryffindors," sighed Remus.

"Nah the curse of the Gryffindors is being so awesome people get jealous of you," laughed James, "that's exactly the kind of thing that'll make Lily hex me half way to Jupiter isn't it?"

"Yep," said Remus.

"Well if you're sure you're okay I'll leave you in peace then yeah?"

"Night Prongs," said Remus.

"Night Moony."


	37. The Evil Cupid

Alright? Sorry I haven't written in so long. also I know some people wanted more on the detention with filch story line but i felt it was a bit of a dead end, you never know i might go back and write something later but i doubt it. anyway this chapter is part 1 of two that i have already written but just need to type up and edit, should have second bit up shortly. oh and if you haven't already i've written a one shot of remus and his mum when he was little that you might want to read, it's called Trials of Motherhood. please review!

* * *

"James, stop mooning over Lily," sighed Remus.

"You're the only one who's mooning over anything ," said James, not taking his eyes off the red-head.

"Oh, you walked right into that one Moony," laughed Sirius, "you never learn do you."

"What? So I'm not allowed to use any idioms with lunar connotations now? That's discrimination that is," Remus said, feigning offence.

"Alright keep your knickers on Moony," said Sirius, "but really Prongs shut your mouth you're going to get drool on the toast."

"Yeah, and it's not exactly going to convince Lily that you're not an evolutionary anomaly that has resulted in a twentieth century Neanderthal."

James shut his mouth and turned back to his friends.

"I wasn't mooning over her, I was just... watching, and listening you know, to see what she likes to I can talk about it when I ask her out."

"Okay then, what was she just saying to Marlene?" asked Remus.

"That erm... something to do with... Charms?"

"Exactly, you're mooning over her, and she won't appreciate being treated like something that's just pretty to look at."

"Like I said you're the only one mooning Moony."

"Oh hah hah, you know I would have thought it wouldn't be funny the second time but actually my sides are splitting, I am not mooning over anyone.2

"Only because you're too busy mooning over the actual moon," smirked Sirius.

"I know a spell that could literally wipe that smug smile off your face Padfoot."

"Temper temper moony, it's not even your time of the month yet, man we need to get you a girl."

"Seconded," said James, "it's not healthy you know, not liking anyone."

"And mooning over Lily is?"

"What do you mean by mooning?" asked Peter.

"What James does," answered Remus and Sirius simultaneously.

"Hey! I resent that."

"Okay _both_ of you are getting a date this Valentines day," said Sirius, "and Prongs, if Evans says no, which she will, you have to ask someone else."

"No flaming way, I'm not going to be unfaithful to Evans."

"I believe to be unfaithful to Lily you'd have to actually be going out with her," Remus pointed out.

"Shut up Moony, who's side are you on?"

"I'm not on anyone's side, I am having no part in this."

"Oh yes you are," said Sirius, "if you're not going to ask a girl yourself I'll just have to ask one for you. Oi! Mary!" Sirius yelled, Mary MacDonald, who was sitting a little way down the table turned.

"What?" she asked.

"Remus wanted to ask if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with him on Saturday."

"Sirius, please don't do this," muttered Remus, lowering his head to hide his blush.

"How come Remus couldn't just ask me himself," challenged Mary.

"Oh you know our Remy, he's so bloody shy, he's been wanting to ask you out for weeks but he keeps bottling it, and I know you're just as shy as him so I'm taking matters into my own hands and setting you two love birds up."

"Don't call me Remy," groaned Remus.

"Okay Remz."

"That's even worse."

"I don't care," said Sirius, "anyway Mary, how about it?"

"Well okay, I guess," said Mary, trying to get a look at Remus to see whether this was just one big joke.

"Cool, Remus'll meet you in the Entrance Hall at ten, right Remus?"

"Erm, yeah, ten, I'll see you there?" said Remus awkwardly, he knew it would probably be the right thing to do to just tell her it was all Sirius's idea of a joke but her face looked so hopeful he couldn't bring himself to let her down.

"Okay, I'll look forward to it," Mary beamed.

"Wow, you actually accepted!" exclaimed James.

"Well I couldn't exactly turn her down in front of all these people could I?"

"Why not?" asked Sirius, "Evans does it to Prongs all the time."

"Yes well unlike James's Mary's ego is not in serious need of deflating, or better yet bursting entirely."

"Well you're going to be waiting a long time if your still holding out for that to happen," said Sirius, "Prongs's ego is bulletproof."

"Thanks Padfoot."

"That wasn't a compliment James," said Sirius, "see what I mean," he added to Remus, "anyway I'm glad you saw sense and let your uncle Padfoot introduce you to the ways of lurve."

"If you ever say 'lurve' again I will have you castrated. I was just being a gentleman, don't worry I'll tell her it was all a stupid joke in Hogsmeade."

"How gentlemanly," smirked James.

"Oh shut your mouth Prongs, it's the lesser of two evils, and it wouldn't be necessary at all if it weren't for Padfoot and his mad schemes."

"I don't know why you don't just enjoy your date now that you've got one," said Sirius, "come on, if this goes well you'll have had more girlfriends than James and Peter put together. You need to relax a bit Moony, not everything revolves around the bloody moon."

"Oh well done Padfoot, you've finally learnt that the moon goes round the Earth."

"Touchy."

"Piss off. Anyway whatever happened to getting James a date, I refuse to suffer on my own while he gets away scot free."

"Not necessary Moony," said James, "_I_ am going out with Evans."

"Following her and Snivellus around under the invisibility cloak does not count as 'going out with her' you know," said Sirius.

"I am not a stalker Padfoot, you just don't understand romantic gestures."

"Evans didn't find it romantic last time."

"Yeah well that was because you sabotaged my operation, anyway I was only gathering intelligence."

"Well obviously you didn't find any," said Remus, "but if you do can you do me favour and give some to Padfoot."

"Ha-bloody-ha," said James, "Anyway what I want to know is how the hell Wormtail's getting out of this."

Peter froze, mouth full of bacon sandwich, and shook his head frantically, looking at James with pleading eyes, but Sirius just brushed of his worrying.

"Don't worry your smelly old pants off Wormy, even I, the evil cupid, wouldn't inflict you on a girl."

Peter, as it happened, did not know what the word 'inflict' meant, so his joyous moment of relief was not marred by insult. Smiling at the misfortune of his friends, he went back to his bacon sandwich. Sometimes it was good always being ignored, it meant you could enjoy your breakfast in peace.

"And yet you would inflict me on a girl?" asked Remus.

"For Merlin's sake Moony get over it, it's not like your going to transform in the middle of your date or anything," said Sirius, loud enough to make Remus uneasy, he glanced around to see if anyone had heard but the people nearest the boys seemed to be wrapped up in their own conversations about Quidditch, good looking boys and some first year who apparently, whether this was intentional or not no one could be sure, turned McGonagall's hair pink. Satisfied Remus turned his attention back to what Sirius was saying.

"... and before you try to weasel out of it by saying you're too sick or something let me remind you that you're not the only one with a mental lunar calendar and I know full well that there isn't another full moon until the twenty first."

"Oh well," said Remus, "I suppose I'll just have to have a cold then, or dragon pox, or a broken spine, or get mauled by Hagrid's pet manticore, honestly there's a whole list of more pleasant ways I could be occupied on the fourteenth than having to take a girl out on a date and then explain to her that it's not really a date."

"Hagrid has a pet manticore?" asked Peter, swallowing his sandwich quickly.

"Of course, didn't you know that?" said James, dead pan, "he let's it out in the castle at night and it even knows to the password to the Gryffindor common room."

"What?! But..."

"He's lying Peter, Hagrid doesn't have a pet manticore, that's about one of the most illegal things you can keep as a pet, it's right up there with dragons and me."

"Anyway back to the matter in hand," said Sirius, " there is no way you are worming your way out of this one Moony, only Wormtail can do that. And Prongs, I'll let you ask Evans _once_ but when you get rejected I get to choose a girl."

"_If_ I get rejected," James corrected his best friend, "which I won't."

"_When_ you get rejected, which you will."

"_If_ I get..."

"Oh please do keep this up 'til the fourteenth, then you might actually give me a real headache so I'll simply have no choice but to skip this ridiculous date thing," said Remus.

"I don't care if you do get mauled by a manticore Moony," said Sirius, waving a butter knife at Remus, "I'll enchant your bloody corpse to go on that date."

"Oh goody, I've always wondered what it would be like to be and inferius."

And so on the morning of St Valentine's Day, still alive and disappointingly healthy, Remus was dragged to the Entrance Hall by James, Sirius and Peter. James had been inevitably and very publically rejected by Lily so he was going on a date with some Hufflepuff named Celeste whom despite being nice enough in every measurable way, James did not find remotely attractive. But unlike Remus, James thought it would compromise his dignity to back down on what he took as a dare, not to mention to be dragged through the corridors kicking and screaming like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"Let go of me! I'll go alright! I'll go!"

"That's the spirit!" said Sirius, and with an almighty shove flung Remus straight into Mary MacDonald.

"Ahh! Oh Merlin it's you, what on Earth were you doing?"

"I wasn't doing anything, I promise, my so called _friends,_ decided to shove me into you, probably just for a laugh."

Mary looked over Remus's shoulder to see James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew all laughing like hyenas.

"Err... shall we go and get a carriage then?" asked Remus awkwardly.

"Okay," said Mary, and the two of them walked in what Remus thought was a fairly comfortable silence towards the waiting carriages, it was better than conversation at any rate.

"I've always wondered what pulls these," said Mary, just for a way to break the awkward silence that had descended upon them as they approached the carriages.

"Thestrals," said Remus, "they're these big black horses that... well I say black, they're actually invisible to people who've never seen anyone die."

"Oh," said Mary, deciding that in hindsight silence would probably have been more comfortable.

Remus could hear James's voice in his head, 'oh brilliant romantic conversation topic Moony, not even five minutes in and you're already onto the morbid stuff'.

"Err... d'you want to stroke one?" asked Remus, thinking in some moment of madness that that would be the best way to diffuse the tension and instantly cursing himself as Mary's face paled, "they're not dangerous or anything," he said quickly, casting his mind around for some way to back track on everything he had said since the start of their 'date', "they look a bit scary I guess but if you can't see them then..."

"You can see them?"

Damn!

"Err yeah... I erm, saw someone die once so..." Remus shrugged.

"I'm so sorry, was it someone you knew well? Oh god it wasn't your mum was it, you said she was sick! I shouldn't have asked."

"No, no it's fine, I mean it's not fine that someone dies obviously, I'm not that morbid, but it wasn't anyone I knew. I was just in hospital this one time when I was little and one of the other patients died and I saw them."

This wasn't a complete lie, he'd just glossed over the truth slightly so that it didn't involve him lying in the dangerous bites ward with a punctured lung. He had also left out the slight detail that the stranger had been another werewolf, a child of a similar age who had died in the wake of his first transformation.

"Oh, right, well shall we go then?"

"Okay," said Remus, jumping at the chance to move on to a pleasant and pointless topic of conversation, "where do you want to you go when we get there?"

"We could go to Madame Puddifoot's, they do really do really nice hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon and marshmallows."

"That's nice," said Remus, relaxing a little, hot beverages were a safe topic, there was no way even he could get from this to thestrals or werewolves or inferi.

"Have you ever been there before?" asked Mary.

"No, people normally only go there on dates don't they?"

"No, not necessarily, I've been there a few times with my friends. You don't need to be nervous you know, this is my first time on a date too."

Oh Merlin, that just made Remus feel worse, he was going to ruin Mary's first date? He'd make sure he bought her one of those hot chocolates before telling her he didn't actually want to go out with her, she'd take it better that way.

As soon as he opened the door to Madame Puddifoot's Remus was hit by the sickliest perfume he had ever smelt in his life. He braced himself, taking one last breath of fresh air and reassuring himself with the fact that it wouldn't take him long to explain to Mary that it was nothing personal, he just didn't want to go out with her. He lead the way up to the counter and ordered two hot chocolates, when May offered to pay for hers he refused, and the two of them sat down at a table near the window. Remus opened it as far as it would go, which turned out to be only a tiny fraction of the mount any normal window would open, and leant into it taking another breath of the cool fresh air.

"Are you alright?" asked Mary.

"Yeah, it's kind of stuffy in here don't you think?"

"I think it's kind of nice actually, cosy you know, especially since it's so cold outside."

Remus begged to differ, but he didn't say anything, he's already made enough of a fool of himself with the whole thestral thing, so he turned the conversation to school. Mary told him her favourite subject was Charms, followed by Astronomy. Remus told her that his favourite subject was Charms followed by Defence Against the Dark Arts. Mary said that was funny that they liked the same subjects. Remus thought it wasn't since a lot of people like Charms but kept his mouth shut. He knew eventually he would have to break it to her that this would never happen again but it looked like she was having a good time so he just couldn't bear to bring the subject up. But by the time they had finished their hot chocolates whatever perfume it was in that room was making his head ache and he just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"Listen Mary, this has been lovely and you're very nice but I can't be your boyfriend or anything if that's what you were expecting... I... I just thought I should tell you that."

"What after leading me on this whole time? Or now that you've decided you could just do better?"

"No, you're the one who could do better Mary. You're funny and pretty and smart and you could have any guy you want."

"What, except you? I thought you were different Remus, I thought you weren't like other boys, but this whole thing has just been some stupid joke with your stupid friends hasn't it."

"I'm not like other boys!" said Remus, through gritted teeth, the perfume was making his eyes water, "that's why you can't go out with me. Listen, I can't tell you why, just trust me that if you knew the reason you wouldn't even want to go out with me."

"Oh," said Mary, with a look of dawning realisation, "well if you're... I mean, that's alright, but I just wish you had told me before."

"Told you what?" asked Remus, she couldn't know could she? Had he said too much?

"I wouldn't think any less of you because you're gay Remus."

"What?! I'm not gay, I just don't want a girlfriend... _or_ a boyfriend for that matter."

"Well if that's not it then what's this about?"

"I can't tell you, and I don't want to lie to you so I'd really appreciate it if you would just stop asking. There are plenty of other guys, better guys, for you out there. You're an amazing person Mary, I know that's why you'll understand this."

"This is why people think you're gay you know," said Mary, giving a little laugh, Remus noticed that her eyes were slightly teary, the perfume must have been getting to her too.

"Why? Because I'm a halfway decent being who treats girls with a bit of respect."

"Well it sounds silly when you put it like that! But you're friends with Sirius Black and James Potter, you know what I mean?"

"I'm afraid I know what you mean all too well. I'm glad you're not angry with me, I really wasn't trying to lead you on or anything, I just thought I should explain my reasons, or at least assure you that there are a lot of very good reasons, not just reject you at breakfast last week. I'm sure you find a nice guy sooner or later, and 'til then I'll be here to restore your faith in my otherwise despicable sex," smiled Remus.

Mary laughed, a little louder this time.

"Are you offering to be my gay best friend?" she smirked.

"I'm not gay Mary! Oh and please, please don't go telling James and Sirius that, they'll start setting me up with guys as well as girls. At least if they know I'm straight I'll only have to buy hot chocolates for half the population of Hogwarts."

"I'm only joking. I guess all I'm saying is I hope we can stay friends, it won't be awkward will it?"

"It won't be awkward. We can say that this has just been two singles going for a hot chocolate as a sort of Valentine's Day protest."

"Well I should defiantly give you the money for mine then."

"Oh don't worry about it, it's the least I can do after pretending to want to go out with you and making you waste a morning you could have spent with your friends. Hey, since this is no longer a date d'you reckon we could leave? I mean, we could go to the three broomsticks or something if you want, I just don't think I can stand it in here much longer."

"Sure, good thing you don't want a girlfriend then, from what I gather this seems to be the place every single girl wants their boy to take them on dates."

"Yeah, honestly are you girls immune to whatever they pump into the air in here, I can hardly breathe?"

"Oh you should have said something! I don't find it that bad, I actually thought it smelt quite nice to begin with but yeah it does get a bit overpowering after a while."

Remus thought that was the understatement of the century but he was just happy that they were leaving. He was pretty happy in general actually, overall this pretend date could not have gone better.


	38. The Wrath of Marlene McKinnon

Hi again, so here's part II I'm not JK Rowling, just another fanfic writer struggling to think of original ways to disclaim and ask for reviews.

* * *

When Remus and Mary entered the Three Broomsticks they were waved over immediately by Peter and James, a little reluctantly they approached them.

"So, how's the happy couple?" smirked James.

"Happy, but not a couple," replied Mary, Remus mused that she really was the perfect fake girlfriend, "I'll leave you to your friends Remus, I think Lily's on her own somewhere, I'm going to go and find her."

"Alright, bye Mary."

"You are a miracle worker," said James, gaping after Mary as she turned and walked away, "how the hell did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Ditch MacDonald without her retaliating with physical violence."

"I was just honest with her."

James raised his eyebrows in genuine surprise.

"Ok well not completely honest," amended Remus, "obviously. But I didn't lie to her either, and I was just nice to her I guess. I bought her a hot chocolate. But anyway what's this about physical violence?"

"James got punched by a girl," Peter put in.

"Ha ha! Really? Oh wait 'til Sirius hears, where is he anyway?"

"He went off with a couple of Ravenclaws," said Peter, "_two_ of them! And he still left me."

"Oh stop being so clingy Wormtail," said James, "and anyway it wasn't a punch it was a slap."

"Is there a difference?" sniggered Peter.

"Yes, a slap is at least ten times funnier," answered Remus.

"Oh go piss yourself Moony. I don't even know what I did to deserve it, I was just totally honest with her, which is more than you can say Moony, and she just got up and slapped me."

"What did you say?" sighed Remus.

"I just told her I was holding out for this other girl that I actually liked and really it was all a dare and I was very sorry to waste her time."

"You actually apologised then?"

"No, I just thought of that bit now, d'you think it would have made things better?"

"I doubt it, frankly I think you're lucky she went for a slap and not a kick in the unmentionables."

"Well you were the one who was on about honesty and all that stuff. I should have known better though I guess seeing as it was coming from you. We all know the secret to your success is never tell the truth, ever."

"I wasn't lying, I was just being economical with the truth."

"So you were lying then."

"Well what was I supposed to say? 'I'm very sorry Mary but as it turns out I'm a werewolf so we can't really go out for obvious reasons, not that you'd want to of course."

"And we're back to self-deprecation," said James, "honestly Moony, I thought this conversation started with me complimenting you on your skills with the fairer sex."

"Oh yes, so it did. So sorry Prongs, I forgot. It's just so hard to imagine you complimenting anyone other than yourself you see."

"And Evans," added Peter.

"Oh and her of course, though I don't think she takes too kindly to it... Oh look a stray dog," Remus said suddenly, seeing Sirius emerge from a crowd by the bar.

"Returning with his tail between his legs by the look of things," added James.

"You two escaped?! How the hell did you manage that?" asked Sirius.

"_I_ pulled it off rather easily actually," said Remus, "James not so much."

"He got hit by a girl!" exclaimed Peter.

Sirius burst out laughing.

"It's not that funny," protested James, "it's happened to you loads of times."

"Yeah well these things are funnier when you're not on the end of them. Let me guess, you mentioned Evans didn't you."

"Bingo," said Remus, "but enough of that, what happened with you and the _two_ Ravenclaws?"

"Ah well they were nice enough, both of them had enormous..." Sirius trailed off at the look on Remus's face, he didn't want another women-are-not-objects-put-on-this-earth-for-your-own-entertainment lecture so he quickly amended his comment, "intellects, that's the thing about Ravenclaws, always dead good conversationalists."

Remus gave him a momentary flick of the eyebrows but said nothing, he wanted to hear the story.

"But anyway they wanted to go to Madame Puddifoots and I weighed up the pros and cons and decided they weren't worth the torture."

"On that subject Sirius," said Remus, "I've got a bone to pick with you, no James do not crack any stupid dog or wolf jokes," James closed his mouth dejectedly, "why on earth didn't you warn me about that hell hole?!"

"You got stuck in Puddifoot's? With a girl you didn't even like? Man this just gets better and better!"

"Well I'm glad someone is getting some enjoyment out of my suffering."

"Oh quit complaining, it's not that bad. It's worth it if the girl's hit enough but I'm with you on this one, I don't think Mary would have made the cut."

"There's no need to be rude Sirius, you've already forced the girl to waste her entire morning. Anyway what are you on about 'not that bad'? I nearly suffocated from lack of oxygen!"

"Remind me never to take Evans in there," said James.

"Come on, don't try and kid us Prongs, we all know you'd give your right arm to take Evans on a date anywhere, even if it was the dreaded Puddifoot's."

"Not my right arm! I need that for Quidditch. My left maybe, I'm sure I could hold myself on the broom with just my legs when I'm in possession."

"For the record Prongs, I think /lily would find receiving either of your severed arms wrapped in tissue paper and a pretty pink ribbon even less romantic than you incessant stalking."

"For the last time Moony I am not stalking her!"

"Okay don't flip your cauldron lid, I'm just fulfilling my duty as relationship advisor."

"You really think I'd actually be dumb enough to do something like that."

"Yes James, yes I think that would be about your level."

* * *

"Hi Lily," said Mary, approaching the red head who was sitting in a corner of the Three Broomsticks sipping a butterbeer.

"Oh hi Mary, how did it go with Remus?"

"Good, I mean I probably shouldn't think it went well but... I don't know, it was odd."

"Spill," ordered Lily, pulling out a chair next to her for Mary.

"Ok well it started off normal I guess, I'm not really sure because since I've never been out with any boys before I've got nothing to compare it with. He did say some weird stuff about Thestrals but I thought that was just nerves, it was my fault anyway, I asked about what pulled the carriages, I didn't really expect to get an answer. But anyway then we went to Madame Puddifoot's and we had hot chocolate and we were just talking and stuff. It didn't even feel like a date really, it just seemed like talking to a friend or something, it was almost _too_ normal if you get what I mean. And then he said that he didn't want to see me anymore and I thought I'd screwed up or something but then he told me that he didn't want to date anyone and it wasn't anything to do with me at all. I know what you're thinking Lil, you're thinking I've been fed a line and at first I thought so too but the way he said it he seemed so serious, like he really meant it. He looked like he was about to cry... though on second thoughts that could have just been that really sweet perfume they have in there, he said it was getting to him. Oh god I have been taken for a fool haven't I Lily?"

"I'm sure you haven't Mary, did he say why he didn't want a girlfriend?"

"No, he just told me it was something really big and if I knew I wouldn't even _want_ to go out with him. He practically begged me not ask what it was."

"It's probably just something very personal so he doesn't want to talk about it," said Lily.

"So you think there really is a reason, and he's not just making it up?"

"I'm sure of it," said Lily, "Remus wouldn't make up something like that, and you know he's got family problems and he gets sick a lot, that must be a lot o juggle especially in our OWL year _and_ on top of his Prefect duties."

"Yeah, I guess so. Hey Lily, why don't you want a boyfriend?"

"Because men are arse-faces," said Lily simply, taking another sip of her butterbeer."

"Even Remus?"

"No, Remus isn't an arse-face, he's a good friend Mary, in a way isn't it better this way. Think about it, if you did go out for a while and then broke up then you'd never be able to be friends again. It's not worth ruining a friendship for a romance."

"Remus said basically the same thing, I told him that's why people think he's gay."

"Who's gay?" came the voice of Marlene McKinnon as she sat down into the chair the other side of Mary.

"I was just saying that Remus..." started Mary.

"Remus Lupin? Oh yeah definitely, you can tell just by looking at him."

"...is not gay," finished Mary with a sigh.

"Oh yeah and who told you that?"

"He did," said Mary, blushing.

Marlene snorted.

"Very ladylike," said Lily.

"Who are you, McGonagall?" said Marlene, "anyway," she continued, turning back to Mary, "of course _he_ told you that, he doesn't want rumours flying around the school does he, you would not believe the speed a bit of juicy gossip like that would get around."

"Oh we're friends with you I'm sure we can believe that," teased Lily.

"Just because he doesn't want a girlfriend it doesn't mean he's gay," said Mary, "and even if he was what would it matter?"

"Oh it wouldn't matter, it's just goss isn't it, you remember how long that rumour about Wedolina Pike and George Haydock went around, it didn't matter but it didn't stop the whole school from wanting to know."

"But at least that was true," said Mary, "Haydock was bragging about it in the Great Hall for everyone to hear. Remus on the other hand is not gay and would not want people spreading nonsense rumours about him."

"Fine, suit yourself, he could just be a male version of Lily I suppose."

"No, I don't date because of the sorry state of the opposite sex, Remus has other reasons."

"What are they then?"

"We don't know," said Mary, "and even if we did we wouldn't tell you because you'll only tell Bertha Jorkins and her lot and then the whole school would know."

"So he didn't give you any reason at all when he dumped you," clarified Marlene.

"Well no but..."

"Oh let me guess, did he use the good old 'it's not you it's me line'?"

"Err," said Mary, feeling stupider by the minute.

"Alright excuse me a minute while I go and punch the bastard, you're right Lily, all mean are dickheads."

You could say what you want about Marlene McKinnon, people did say what they wanted about Marlene McKinnon actually, that she was a gossip, a slut, an airhead and only won teachers' favour because they still held out some hope that she might turn out like her straight Os older brother Eldritch. But nobody could deny that Marlene would defend her friends fiercely when it came to the crunch. She may have got through a fair amount of boys in her time but the truth was that none of them were up to scratch, that's why she dumped them, but her motto was if you don't try you'll never know so she never let any past failed romances put her off dating ion general. Yes she was a gossip, but she always hated when people tried to take the moral high ground on that front because at the end of the day they all came to her when they wanted to check whether Wendolina Pike had really done you-know-what in Slughorn's cupboard while he was teaching a bunch of first years. She would never dispute the fact that she was an airhead, in fact she regularly received Es and Os and was well set to match her brother's grades but if that got out then that would just ruin her reputation wouldn't it. It's always better to be underestimated. But one thing that Marlene was always very in your face about was what happened if you cross her or any of her friends. Remus Lupin was going to pay.

"Marly wait!"

"Please don't hurt him Marls!"

Marlene ignored Mary and Lily and marched over to where the marauders where sat laughing and joking as if they hadn't just ruined her friend's first date with they're stupid dare.

"Oi! Lupin!"

"Marlene?" asked Remus, turning to face her.

"No it's Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Bloody Stump."

"I'm pretty sure that's not what it's called McKinnon," said James, "those are children's books you know."

"Shut up Potter, I was talking to Lupin. You think you can just palm Mary off with some bloody 'it's not you it's me' line eh? Well not without a bit of pain on your side of the bargain. Mary, kick him in the nuts."

"What? But I don't want to..."

"Kick him in the nuts Mary or I'll have to do it, but really it'd mean more coming from you, and besides I find it very therapeutic."

Marlene raised her eyebrows at Sirius, who's hands subconsciously drifted towards his gentleman vegetables, he had been on the receiving end of one of Marlene's kicks to the balls and it was one too many.

"Mary, I'm really sorry, I thought you were okay with it," said Remus, struggling to think of a way to talk himself out of this, "I did tell you I had a very good reason and I couldn't tell you and you said you were okay with that."

"What a tip Lupin?" asked Marlene, "when you've dug yourself a hole, stop digging."

"I am okay with it Remus, it's just Marlene, she thinks you were just making it up."

"Believe me Marlene, I wish I was making this up, this isn't just some excuse I've invented because I don't like Mary. Mary's great, honestly really fab. Look this thing, I can't tell you what it is but it means I can't go out with anyone. I promise if you ever find out I've been dating someone else I will tie myself to a tree and let you kick me to kingdom come."

"That's a pretty good deal isn't it Marls?" said Lily, moving to restrain her friend just in case she didn't think so.

"Don't go thinking you're off the hook Lupin," she said after a moment's consideration, "I swear to Merlin one whisper that you've been at it with another girl and I'll be taking you up on that promise, and remember that I hear everything that goes on 'round this place so if you think that you can pull the wool over my eyes you are sadly mistaken."

"Of course, I'm not lying I swear, and I wouldn't make a promise unless I was prepared to go through with it."

"Good," said Marlene, "come on Lils, Mary, our work here is done."

"I just need to talk to Remus for a moment actually, I'll be along in a minute," said Lily, and then she added quietly to Mary, "I'm going to give him a talking to that doesn't involve physical assault."

"Okay," said Mary, "come on Marls, let's go she won't be long," she said to Marlene, who looked as if she wanted to stay.

"Fine," said Marlene, and she followed Mary back to they're table which had miraculously not been nabbed by someone else.

"Sorry about Marlene," said Lily, "she gets pretty defensive sometimes."

"There's nothing defensive about a kick in the bollocks Evans!" exclaimed Sirius, "that's the worst thing you can do to a geezer."

"Oh really, clearly you've never been caught on the wrong end of a cruciatus curse then," said Lily, "anyway I just wanted to say, to _all_ of you, that you had no right to toy with Mary like that. Remus I know that you've got your reasons for not wanting to date but you should have made that clear from the off instead of getting her hopes up."

Remus hung his head in shame.

"I'm sorry Lily, I just didn't want to reject her in front of the whole school."

"And you couldn't have found here in the common room at any point between then and now tell her then? You just didn't want to back down on a dare. And you three, daring him to do it in the first place, you're despicable. You can't just use people like that because you wanted a bit of a laugh."

"I wouldn't say we were using her," said Sirius, "I just thought they might be good together."

"And did you check that Remus agreed with you before asking Mary out on his behalf? No, because you already knew he wouldn't didn't you. Honestly if you were he one who'd taken Mary out on that date then you'd be getting two kicks in the balls today Black."

"What? So Remus gets special treatment because you're study buddies does he? Or is it because he's a perfect Prefect?"

"It's because I know that he at least was trying to do the right thing, even if he didn't exactly pull it off very well."

"I couldn't tell her Lily, please believe me, would you rather I'd lied to her, made up some pathetic excuse?"

"I believe you Remus, whatever the reason is I'm sure you at least think it's perfectly valid, even if others may not think so. But please think about it carefully Remus, is it really something that can stop you going out with a perfectly lovely girl?"

"Yes Lily, it is," said Remus sincerely.

Lily looked at him hard for a second, wearing a curious expression on her face.

"Well, if you're sure," she said, and she turned on her heel and went to find her friends.


	39. The Worst Idea in the World

hi all- just so you know I am not JK Rowling, my real name is JRR Tolkien, well no it's not that either really, I'm actually Just Kidding. hope you enjoy the chapter, please keep reviewing :) btw when i was writing this chapter and next one (which I haven't finished yet but will have up soon) i was kind of inspired by the song 'she's lost control' by joy division, so theres a couple of slight references in there. awesome song by and awesome band, it's actually about epilepsy but I've always kind imagine lycanthropy in HP to be a metaphor for that as well as AIDS so for me it fits. give it a listen.

* * *

"...And I know that many of you think it's not worth your while going over the basics but really most of your results on our test on switching spells were frankly abysmal..."

Remus felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Hey Moony," whispered Sirius.

Remus ignored him.

"Moony... Moony!"

"What?" hissed Remus, keeping his eyes fixed on Professor McGonagall as she continued her rant.

He heard the horrible sound of paper sliding across dusty wood as a note slid in front of him bearing one word, _"please"_ and a terrible drawing that was clearly supposed to be a sad looking dog but had turned out more like a hippopotamus.

Remus took up his quill and scratched the word 'no' in two big black capital letters before charming it to float discreetly back towards Sirius.

"Oh come on!" said Sirius, "it'll be great I don't know what you're so worried about."

"I've told you a thousand times what it is I am worried about Padfoot now shut up and take some notes."

"But she's not even teaching," protested James on Sirius's behalf, "she's just ranting, and besides you're not taking notes so why should we?"

"I have two very good excuses for not taking notes Prongs. Firstly, I got one hundred percent in that switching spells test and I already spend at least three hours a night revising and plan to up that next month to five hours and then again to eight hours in April in preparation for OWLs so this ant is clearly not aimed at me. Furthermore I am extremely tired at the moment so I am conserving me energy for potions, a lesson in which falling asleep tends to result in serious burns and/or ingesting half brewed potion. And it is for that same reason that I do not want to waste my energy having this ridiculous argument _again_ with the pair of you and so I suggested that Padfoot take notes as a way to keep him busy but thank you Prongs for ruining that plan."

"Oh come on, he was never going to listen to you anyway," said James, "and besides it's not such an absurd idea."

"It is by far the most absurd, and moreover, _dangerous_, thing you have ever suggested, and I'm including the times when you wanted to lure all the creatures from the forbidden forest into the castle on Hallowe'en."

"But it'll be fun!" said Sirius, "and it won't be dangerous, you can control yourself much better now."

"Yeah and even if you lose it we'll be able to handle you," said James.

"It's not worth the risk," said Remus, "I am not endangering people's _lives_ so that you can have a bit of _fun_."

"Mr Lupin, if you have something to share with Mr Black and Mr Potter then you can share it with the whole class," said McGonagall.

"Sorry Professor," said Remus, mentally cursing James and Sirius for making him and Peter sit in front, he was always the one caught talking.

"Anyway..." started Sirius.

"Oh just bloody shut the flaming hell up I'm not in the mood!" snapped Remus, "sorry Professor," he added meekly to McGonagall.

After the lesson Remus set off to return to his dormitory to dump his books from the morning's lessons and retrieve his herbology and potions books for the afternoon, but he was waylaid by Lily Evans.

"They were annoying you in the lesson again weren't they." Said Lily, it wasn't a question.

"Yeah," said Remus running a hand hard across his scalp, "they are planning the most idiotic prank in the world and no matter how much I argue with them they just won't listen to me."

"Well I'm glad you're trying to assert your authority a bit more," smiled Lily, "but they need a firm hand and to be honest you don't really look up to it right now, I could talk to them if you want?"

"No, it's fine, they won't listen to you any more than me. And I'm fine anyway, my minds just a bit of a sleep deprived mess at the moment what with these bloody OWLs and those three driving me crazy and the last night my dad owled me and told me my mum's back in St. Mungo's so it's like everything's just happening at once you know?"

"Are you going to visit her? Your mum?"

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't be missing school like this every time it happens but if I don't see her and she... it's just... well you never know when it could be the last chance you get to see someone."

"I know what you mean," sighed Lily, "My mum sent me a letter the other week, it turns out my dad's got colon cancer. He's being typical him and refusing to make a big deal about it, insisting it's benign and refusing to see a doctor, saying he can bloody well diagnose himself being a GP. Sorry, that's what muggles call their local Healers."

"I know, my mum told me a bit about muggle medicine," said Remus, feeling suddenly hugely guilty that he was lying about his mother being sick when Lily really was in that situation, "well, I hope your dad gets better," he said, wanting to get away before he ended up spilling the beans in some mad moment of guilt.

"Same to your mum," said Lily, "you know I haven't told anyone else about my dad," she added after a moment's thought, "but I reckon you'll be able to understand. You can talk to me as well you know, not just about your mum but about anything, you know that right?"

"Of course," said Remus, "thanks Lily. I'm sorry but the others are waiting for me so I should get going."

"Wait, Remus, do you want to work with me and Mary in Herbology. We'll probably be working in threes again and Marlene wants to work with her boyfriend and his mate so we need one more person. It'll give you a break from those three and their nonsense."

"That's be good actually," said Remus, "and Peter will be delighted he doesn't have to work with those bossy Ravenclaws again. Thanks."

"Alright, see you after lunch then," said Lily.

"Bye," said Remus.

"You done nattering like an old woman?" asked James as Remus approached his friends, "good, come on we'll head up to the dorm and Padfoot and Wormtail can be on lunch duty."

"Okay," said Remus, decinding to let the old woman insult slide.

It was tradition that on the day before the full moon the marauders would raid th kitchens and eat lunch in their dorm instead of the Great Hall. It meant that Remus did not have to deal with the buzz of people all around him and could use the time to rest, or maybe even catch fory winks if he didn;t feel like eating.

"How are you holding up?" asked James.

"Not too bad," replied Remus.

"So you really are one hundred percent opposed to the idea of leaving the shack tonight?" asked James tentatively, not wanting to be on the end of Remus's sharp tongue, less still another stinging hex.

"Of course I am!" said Remus furiously, "Are you not in possession of any functioning brain cells? Do you not know what will happen if I lose control and bite someone?"

"Yes of course I am, but what are the odds, come on. You can never got free of both me and Sirius when we really try and pin you down, and Sirius is right, you've got much more control now. You never know, it might help, you might actually be better out in the fresh air rather than going stir crazy in that little shack."

"No, you don't understand James. Just because I manage not to rip you three to shreds doesn;t mean I'm in control. Having you there helps but... I'm still not in my right mind you know. When I try to think I can't think like I normally do, I think like a wolf. That's why I can't really understand you and Peter when you try to communicate with me, with Sirius it's a bit easier because I can read his body language and the noises he makes actually mean something to me, but that's just proof that even though I'm now at least aware of what I'm doing my human ming is still very much in the back seat. I'm really little more than an observer. If I smell human flesh I just know that I will bolt, and if you and Sirius are a fraction of a second too slow I will bite someone and then, if they don't perish, they will face the same fate as me and I could never forgive myself for that James. It would make me as bad as Greyback."

"Yes, yes I know but..."

"No buts, the matter is closed James, it's not going to happen and that's my final word."

"Fine," said James, and admitting defeat changed the subject to some story about something that happened in Quidditch practise which both boys knew Remus was not obliged to contribute, or even listen to.

"So? Has Mr Moony given the matter any more thought?" asked Sirius, returning ten minutes later bearing an assortment of sandwiches, sausage rolls and chicken drumsticks.

"Yes he has and the answer's still now," said Remus, "and James has agrred to drop the subject so I advise you to do likewise."

"Oh come on, think of the opportunities, we could..."

"No Sirius! It is not going to happen, and ask me why because you know full well why, I've explained why at least seventy thousand times in the last seven days."

"You're making too much of a big deal out of this..."

"You try out transforming into a werewolf once a month and then say that to me again. I very much think that if I got loose and bit someone that person would think it was a big deal."

"Oh stop being so ridiculous..."

"Me ridiculous?! Are you listening to yourself?!"

To everyone's surprise it was Peter who spoke next.

"Remus, calm down, you... you're going to hurt yourself more tonight if you get all stressed out like this. And Sirius and James please just drop it, Remus is sick and you're making it worse by going on at him like this. We did this to help Remus and at the moment you're not helping at all."

Remus, James and Sirius stared in stunned silence at Peter, who had turned red as a tomatoe.

"Oh piss off Wormtail," said Sirius, "tell me, did it hurt growing a pair of balls and a backbone?"

"Wha...?"

"Nah he's still a ball-less invertebrate," said James, "he's just scared of breaking rules that's all."

"Rules that were put in place especially so that I could come to Hogwarts," muttered Remus.

"Let me finish Moony," said James, "he may be a ball-less invertebrate but he's got a point Padfoot. I'm sorry Remus, we're being really selfish, we'll drop it now, won't we Sirius."

James gave Sirius a meaningful look.

"Fine," said Sirius reluctantly, "right well d'you want anything to eat then. I got some Roast beef sandwiches, don't worry I asked the elves to pick out the rarest bits."

"Do they have horseradish in them?" asked Remus.

Sirius opened up a sandwich and checked it for horseradish.

"Nope," he said after it had passed the inspection, "you want one?"

"Yes please."

"Okay, catch," said Sirius and flung the sandwich at Remus, who fumbled for it before finally catching it just before it hit the floor, much to James's amusement.

"Now I see why you don't play Quidditch," he laughed.

"Oh shut up," said Remus, "no one expects to have a sandwich thrown at them, and my co-ordination's a little off anyway before the full moon, even without the element of surprise."

"I did tell you to catch," said Sirius, "you were the one who decided it would be a smart idea to hit it away with your hands."

"One millisecond is not fair warning Sirius, it's instinct to hit something away from you when it comes flying at your face."

"You are such a girl," smirked James.

"Hey! Throw at sandwich at me at any other time of the month and I swear I'll catch it with ease and finesse," said Remus.

"Ooh, you are going to regret saying that," said Sirius.

"Oh I am aren't I," said Remus, "Oh well you throw stuff at me all the time anyway so what's the odd sandwich here and there?"

"I do not throw stuff at you all the time," said Sirius, "and especially not near the full moon."

"You literally _just_ threw a sandwich at him," laughed James.

"Oh yeah," said Sirius, "sorry about that."

"It's alright, I don't mind, it's that eegit laughing I don't appreciate," said Remus, jerking his thumb towards James, "thanks for the sandwich."

Remus managed a whole half a sandwich and felt a little better for it but he didn't want to push his luck and try to force down the other half. Due to this, and the fact that his friends seemed to have finally given up trying to persuade him to run amok around the grounds as a werewolf, he was in a surprisingly good mood as the marauders strolled into herbology.

"You working with me and Padfoot then Moony?" asked James.

"No sorry, I said I'd work with Lily, Peter can work with you."

Peter's face lit up.

"Fine," said Sirius, "but you're not abandoning us to sit next to her and Snivellus in potions."

"Don't worry, I don't have a death wish," said Remus, "he hates me almost as much as he hates you and James. Anyway, Lily's waiting so I'll see you later yeah?"

"See ya," said James, "alright come on Wormtail, let's see how long it takes you to kill all the plants in the amphibious magical habitat Moony worked so hard on last lesson."

"Hi," said Lily.

"Hi," said Remus, "hi Mary."

"Hi Remus," said Mary quietly, going slightly pink.

Since their, for want of a better word, 'date' Remus hadn't really spoken to Mary. And Although both parties had agreed that there would be no awkwardness between then awkwardness was stubborn and once it decides it rather likes the spot between two people it has a nasty habit of starting up a sort of silent protest when it is asked politely to leave. Remus thought back to what Lily had said about whether he was sure whatever his problem was it would stop him from going out with Mary and he hoped that she had not had any ulterior motive in asking him to work with them. But no, Lily wasn't like that, Lily didn't expect people to justify themselves to her, she always respected people's wishes and trusted them implicitly, surely she wouldn't sink so low as to try to 'set him up', apart from anything else that just wasn't her style. Fortunately it seemed Lily's motives were, as ever, purely benevolent, she even took it upon herself to do most of the talking, Forcing her presence between them as a way of forcing the awkwardness out. The benefits of this soon became two fold as the energy boost he had gotten from his meagre lunch began to wear off and Remus could feel himself flagging.

"Remus... Remus."

"Wha... what?" asked Remus, bringing himself back to reality.

"You're adding way to much fertiliser to the gillyweed," said Lily.

"Oh," said Remus, putting the shovel back in the bag, "sorry."

"Are you okay Remus?" asked Mary, "you were off in your own little world there."

"Sorry, I'm just a bit distracted, that's all."

"Your mum?" asked Lily sympathetically.

"Oh dear, is she sick again?" asked Mary, "I hope she gets better soon."

"I'm sure she will," said Remus, "she's been ill like this plenty of times before, it's just a bit worse this time is all."

"That's the spirit," smiled Lily, "look don't worry too much about this," she gestured towards their workbench, "me and Mary can handle it, you just do what you feel up to."

Remus looked at her for a moment, was that a normal thing to say to someone worrying about their sick mum, to Remus it sounded more like something you'd say to someone who was ill themselves, she couldn't know could she? But then he rememberd that he was speaking to someone who knew what it was actually like to have a seriously ill parent hundreds of miles away, perhaps it was that debilitating? And yet Lily seemed fine, perhaps if you looked close enough you could see a glimmer of sadness in her green eyes but her face was still as loving and full of life as ever. Perhaps James was right, maybe Lily was just perfect. At the end of Herbology Lily and Mary hung back a bit so that they wouldn't have to walk to potions with the marauders.

"D'you think Remus is alright?" asked Mary, "he looked pretty unwell himself."

"It's probably just exhaustion," said Lily, "knowing Remus he probably sat up all last night worrying himself sick over it."

"I always thought that was just an expression," said Mary.

"No," mused Lily, "my dad says that it really is possible. He says that sometimes when little kids come in to the surgery to get their jabs they actually make themselves throw up because they're so nervous."

"Really? I never threw up when I got my jabs, neither did either of my brothers."

"Who was jabbing you?" called the loud voice of Sirius Black, both girls groaned, they thought they had given them enough of a headstart but it seemed the marauders were dawdling today, probably trying to arrive as late as possible to potions, not for any reason in particular, just for the hell of disrupting the class.

"Jabs are injection," Lily explained, "their used a lot in muggle medicine."

"And injection?"

"It's where they use a needle to put some medicine... a bit like a potion... into your body?"

"A needle?!" exclaimed James, "what madman thought up that idea? I bet it was the same guy who invented stitches, actually scratch that, I bet it was a woman."

"You know James," said Remus, "sexism wasn't really on my list of ways to get into a girls heart. And besides, if you think women are worse Healers then I should probably be offended, that's my mother you're insulting there."

"I wasn't being sexist, I was just saying back in the day it was always the women who did all the sewing and stuff, unless they had House Elves of course, but muggles don't have House Elves do they, so statistically speaking..."

"Oh shut up Potter," said Lily, "you've dug yourself into a hole here, want a tip?"

"What?"

"Stop digging."

"Yeah but can't they just make them drink the potion?" asked Sirius.

"Not all medicines work like that Black," sighed Mary.

"Muggle medicine must be rubbish if you have to jab someone with a needle just to make a potion work," James remarked.

"Are you dead set on offending the girl you've been chasing for however many years now?" asked Remus, "honestly first you slag off her entire sex and then you insult her family heritage. Besides, wizarding medicine is hardly perfect is it?"

"Yeah but Madame Pomfrey doesn't stab her patients with her knitting needles does she? I mean come on, if I jabbed you with a needle right now it's make you feel worse not better."

Remus gave James a warning flash of the eyes, fortunately Lily and Mary didn't seem to notice anything off about what he had just said.

"It's not the actual needle that makes you better," he explained patiently, because he knew they'd be here all day if someone didn't, "it's what they put inside it, the _'potion'_ that heals you, but it's the sort of potion that only works if it goes straight into your veins rather than through your stomach. Honestly do they teach you nothing in muggle studies? It's a pretty ingenious idea actually, maybe if wizards explored the area a bit more they'd be able to fix the problem of ineffective potions."

"Speaking of potions," said Lily, "we're going to be late if we stand here arguing any longer, just look it up in a book if you're that interested Potter, come on Mary."

"So you actually think jabs and needles and stitches and all that stuff is a good thing?" asked Sirius as they followed the girls into the castle.

"Well yes, they all work pretty well on muggle illnesses and injuries. I mean, it's the least of two evils isn't it, if..." Remus looked around to check no one was in earshot, "if someone found a jab that could cure lycanthropy, or even treat some of the symptoms then I wouldn't think twice before saying yes. And as for wizarding medicine being all nice and painless let me tell you that some of the so called _'cures'_ my parents tried when I was first bitten where a damn sight worse that taking skelegro."

"I thought there wasn't a cure," said Peter.

"There isn't, but that doesn't mean people aren't trying to find one, or sell dodgy ones."

"But that's just plain illegal," said James.

"Says the illegal animagus," said Remus, "besides who's going to care if they're only hurting and exploiting halfbreeds and they're families. If it even went to court then even the word of the most dodgy criminal wizard would stand against the word of a werewolf."

"You shouldn't say halfbreed," said James.

"You sound like McGonagall," said Remus, "why shouldn't I? It's one of the few perks of being a halfbreed."

"But it's..."

"Don't start James, he can call himself whatever the hell he wants," said Sirius, "now come on we're going to be late, and we can't get detention tonight."

Remus was not in the least bit looking forward to potions. Actually he wanted nothing more than to curl up somewhere and sleep, but he couldn't afford to skip any lessons in his OWL year, especially in a subject he was barely scraping As in. By the end of potions he felt terribly ill, so his friends accompanied him to the Hospital Wing rather than heading back to the dorm or letting him go alone. Sirius took his bag off him at the door and Remus gave them a little half smile as a sort of 'good bye for now' and disappeared inside to find the matron.

"So?" asked James, "Are we ticking to the plan for tonight then?"

"Definatelty," said Sirius.

"But Remus said..." started Peter.

"He'll thank us for it in the long run," said Sirius.

* * *

to be continued...


	40. The First Breach of Trust

Hey, this chapter's pretty short but since it's a two part-er with the last one (which was a pretty long one by my standards) I just wanted to get it up quickly, and besides this aspect of the story cant really move on much more until the next full moon, so anyway here it is, brand new from JK Rowling *cough* _not_ *cough*, please generous with your reviews in the spirit of Christmas!

* * *

It was early morning and Remus was drifting around that blissful no-man's-land between sleep and wakefulness, where although he was vaguely aware of the deep aches in his muscles the bed he was lying in felt so warm and soft that he didn't care. As he lay there his mind wandered that strange rift between dreams and reality, where memories and fantasies become indistinguishable from each other. His nostrils were filled with the scent of frosty earth and wet decaying leaves. All around him he could hear the clopping of hooves, the padding of large paws and the scampering of small ones. He ran to keep up with the pack, the exhilaration of a real hunt pumping through his veins. He thought he scented something, but it was only some sort of small mammal, there didn't seem to be any human prey in the forest.

James, Peter and Sirius watched with amusement as Remus twitched and stirred in his sleep. They couldn't wait to see his face when he woke up and remembered the night before, sure he had been dead against it when they had first suggested it, and when they suggested it again, and again and again, but now that it was all over and no one was hurt he couldn't possibly be angry could he?

Suddenly Remus's eyes blinked open, and before any of them could utter so much as a 'good morning' Remus's fist had made contact with Sirius's face. Sirius yelled and tried to belatedly dodge the blow, however since he attempted this from a sitting position all he achieved was a rather spectacular fall into Remus's bedside table. The inevitable noise brought the matron over.

"Boys! What have I told you about making excess noise while you're in here? His is a hospital wing! And Remus needs his rest the last thing he needs is..."  
"With all due respect Madame Pomfrey," said Sirius, "Remus punched me."  
"Do you really expect me to believe that Mr. Black? You know a well as I do what Remus has just been through so we both know he would not have the energy to..."  
"Well I have a nosebleed that says different," said Sirius.  
"I did punch him Madame Pomfrey," said Remus quietly, "but will you please take my word for it that he thoroughly deserved it, in fact they all do, Sirius just had the misfortune to positioned nearest to me when I woke up."  
"Really Mr. Lupin! Now I know you are ill but that is no excuse to physically assault another student, now show me your nose Mr. Black ill have it fixed up in a jiffy."  
Sirius took his hand away from his nose and let the matron inspect it.  
"there, not even broken," said Madame Pomfrey, "I could stop the bleeding with a spell but it would take ages to locate the wound and to be honest I have more urgent patients than you Mr. black. Here," she conjured a clean white handkerchief from thin air, "put your head forwards, pinch the bridge of your nose and use this to soak up the blood."  
Sirius took the handkerchief and did so with a look on his face that resembled someone who had just eaten an off-milk flavour Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Bean.  
"now, Remus, I checked you over already when I first went to collect you and you didn't seem to have broken anything but do you have any sharp pains anywhere?"  
"No Madame Pomfrey," said Remus.  
"Okay then, I must say you seem to be making so much progress this year, you hardly injured yourself at all last night."  
"yeah," said Remus, ignoring the grins from the two of his friends whose faces were not obscured by bloody handkerchiefs, "yeah I think I'm getting calmer as I get older, I mean when I was little my transformations were a lot worse than when I first came to Hogwarts."  
"Oh don't even say that dear boy, I dint want to think about it. I remember that first time when I went to get you, I thought you'd died!"  
"you just weren't used to it," said Remus, "anyway maybe that new potion you started giving me last year is starting to have an effect, maybe it just took a while to start building up in the system."  
"hmm, I did consider that," said the matron, "but I read in one of the healing journals that Damocles Belby believes that the potion still leaves much to e desired, he says he's trying work on a new potion that will e able to prevent the transformation altogether."  
"How would he do that?" asked peter.  
"oh I doubt he will I'm afraid," said Madame Pomfrey, "he probably knows it himself, you see to do that he would have to find a substance that actually fights the disease of lycanthropy rather than just masking the symptoms, an there's no known substance that can do such a thing. The article mentioned wolfsbane but of course that's been tried before and to none too desirable results."  
"what d'you mean?" asked James.  
"Well, wolfsbane's a poison isn't it," said Remus, "that's why we don't use it in potions until NEWTT level."  
"So... What does it do?" asked peter.  
"Well it was meant to prevent the werewolf transformation but actually it just resulted in severe aconite poisoning, made worse by the fact that werewolves seem to suffer from some sort of allergic reaction to it as well all the usual effects," said Remus.  
"you tried it didn't you," said James.  
"Uh huh," said Remus, "but I was one of the lucky ones, I survived. Many people at the ministry saw the potion as a success really, it certainly reduced the population of werewolves in Britain, if not in the way originally intended."  
"That's horrible," said peter.  
"yes it is Mr. Pettigrew," said Madame Pomfrey, "that is why I would never give Remus anything that contained wolfsbane in it, no matter what Belby claims it will be able to do. I imagine he knows he will fail, he just has to pretend not to to get funding. Anyway Remus drink this and then get some more sleep. I'm sure that nose has stopped bleeding my now me black, let me see."  
Sirius took the handkerchief away from his face and showed his nose t the matron.  
"All fine," said Madame Pomfrey, "now I want you three out by half eight okay?"  
"Yes Madame Pomfrey," chorused the boys as the matron bustled off.  
"You're so pathetic Padfoot," laughed James as Sirius felt his nose, "it was only a nosebleed."  
"He's just being vain," said Remus, "he's worried I made a dent in his pretty little face."  
"Ha! As if you could have, I hardly felt it."  
"Didn't look like it," smirked James, "you were down there with your head between your legs for ages."  
"If you want a harder one I can give it to you," said Remus raising his fist, "and my aim will be better now that I've woken up properly."  
"oh come on you can't still be angry at us can you," said Sirius.  
"Of course I am still bloody angry at you!" hissed Remus, "I couldn't exactly say anything in front if Pomfrey could I?"  
"so you're not going to tell on us then?" asked peter.  
"Of course I am jot going to tell on you Peter," spat Remus vehemently, "I can't can? Or else wed provably all get hauled off to Azkaban!"  
Peter was taken aback, he had seen Remus get angry at Sirius and James before but e had never snapped at him like that until now.  
"It wasn't my idea," he said pathetically.  
"Nothing's ever your idea Wormtail," spat Sirius.  
"I don't know why you're so determine to take all the credit for his Sirius, since the person responsible ought to be locked up in bloody Azkaban!"  
"In not taking all the credit, it was James too."  
"Yeah," said James, "and I stick by that decision. Nothing bad happened did it?"  
"That's not the point James! The point is something could have happened!"  
"You're just being paranoid as usual, that's why we took the decision for you."  
"Erm no! I'm sorry you cannot simply 'take a decision for me' simply because you disagree with me."  
"You weren't thinking straight Moony," said Sirius.  
"I was thinking perfectly clearly and rationally thank you very much, it's you needs to get your head checked out if you think that..." he lowered his voice, "that letting a werewolf run loose around the grounds was a good idea You talk about taking decisions for me because apparently I 'wasn't thinking straight' and yet when I am actually not in my right mind you don't take it upon yourselves at all to act responsibly for a change! I can't even leave you in charge for one night a month without you cooking up some crack pot plan that could easily end in injury or death!"  
"You make it sound like you just popped out to the shop last might," smirked Sirius.  
"Do you want another punch Sirius?! Anger does wonders o speed up recover so I swear I could pound you to the fecking floor right now!"  
This time it was James's turn to snigger.  
"what?!" growled Remus.  
"You go all Irish when you're angry," James laughed.  
"Except strangely posh and English at the same time," added Sirius, laughing as well. Peter's mouth twitched but he didn't dare say anything because Remus's eyes were flashing dangerously.  
"What? You... This... This isn't a time for joking around James! You could have actually killed someone last night! Does that prospect not frighten you at all?!"  
"What is there to be frightened about, it was all under control."  
"No! No it was not, it may seem like that to you, but it certainly did not feel like that for me! I told you, I told you! That even with you there I can't fully control myself! You knew that a wolf I wouldn't be able to say no when you opened that trap door, and you just went and tool advantage of that!"  
"take advantage?!" said James, "you make it sound as if we wanted to harm you or something!"  
"Well you would have done! If you had let me bite someone it would have harmed me! Seeing as you can't bring yourself to care about anyone else at least stop to think for a moment about how I would feel if something happened!"  
"We're... We're sorry mate, we didn't think you'd still be angry once it was over and nothing had happened," said Sirius.  
"we were only trying to help Moony, and it kind of did, you must be better than normal if you've got the energy to be shouting at us like this," said James, "you even had it in you to punch Padfoot."  
"Which I'm still not happy about," said Sirius, "but hey if it it shows were helping you feel better..."  
"Better?! I feel completely and utterly betrayed!"  
"Look Remus we're sorry, we should have waited until we could persuade you," said James.  
"You shouldn't have done it at all"

"Haven't I told you three to be quiet?!" demanded the matron, marching back over to Remus's bed, "Remus is sick and he needs _rest_, something he can't get with you lot around hassling him, come on, out with you! You can come back after lessons have finished."

"No you can't," said Remus.

"What?" said Sirius, "but we need to talk, we need to sort this out."

"If Remus doesn't want you here then you cannot be here," said Madame Pomfrey, "now shoo, all of you."

The three boys slunk out of the Hospital Wing and Madame Pomfrey sighed as she wandered back over to Remus.

"You four had an argument?" she asked.

"Yes," said Remus.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No... thank you but no, they were just being stupid that's all."

"Hmm, well they are that sort aren't they," humphed the matron, Remus knew full well she disapproved of their pranks that so often resulted in students turning up at her door with tentacles for arms or heads blown up to the size of beach balls.

"They can be smart when they want to be," said Remus, "they just seem to be missing the part of the brain that controls common sense."

"Ah well that's often the way with the smart ones," said Madame Pomfrey, "you would not believe the number of Ravenclaws I get in here who've injured themselves in some bizarre experiment. This one boy Flavius Maybrook..."

Remus nodded along as the matron told him stories the many weird and wonderful things she had seen students done to themselves in the quest for knowledge, but he couldn't really concentrate because his thoughts would not leave his three best friends and what they had done last night. He was in a rage, this really was maddest he'd ever been, and yet all his arguments against them were 'if's and 'could have's. Whilst he was of course relieved that the evidence of his friend's stupidity was not occupying the bed next to him he could not help but feel that their success last night would only spur them on, and next time they might not be so lucky.

* * *

Okay so two things, 1- I hope some of you got the starkid reference, I like to slip on in there every now and again, if only for my own amusement, 2- a quick note on wolfsbane and silver and the like and their effects on werewolves: this is just my own speculation but I think since aconite really is a poison and is used in a potions that helps control lycanthropy there must be some sort of link there, I am NOT however in the camp that believes that werewolves in the harry potter universe have some sort of reaction to silver, the reason is simple, lupin lived in Hogwarts for eight years in total and ate with the _silver_ cutlery, and then he lived in grimmauld place for a good part of OotP (again conjecture, but based on strong evidence from the books) and the place is practically made of silver. Of course I do not mean to beat anyone's ideas down, just saying that since I want this story to be canon I will not be buying into this silver nonsense, though I do think there is room for speculation (until JK tells us otherwise) on the subject of wolfsbane. just preempt anyone who dissagrees with me on that subject, in which case i respect your opinion but beg to differ :)


	41. Career Opportunities

Okay- sorry its been so long but you know what its like around Christmas, plus I have January exams to be revising for so it might be a while til the next one as well. I did write a little one shot (which will probably turn into a prequel) set in the marauders first year though so check that out too- its called one stop from barking- I hope you like it. But anyway- after a long period of silence (don't worry- I didn't run into any of the actual Silence though- at least not that I remember :0) here's chapter 41! Brand knew from some random girl in London who's meant to be revising- not jk rowling unfortunately

* * *

"Alright Padfoot?" said James, vaulting elegantly through the portrait hole his face covered in mud and his dirty Quidditch robes under his arm, "alright Wormtail? Alright Moo... you having your own private sorting ceremony over there or something Moony? Which one's Hufflepuff?"

Remus just grunted and put the leaflet he was reading the largest of the of the piles of leaflets in front of him before picking on off the top of another, perusing it for a second and then placing it on top of the first one.

"He won't answer you Prongs," said Sirius, "he's been at it for almost an hour now and he won't even tell us what he's doing."

"Well _obviously_," said Remus irritably, putting a leaflet onto a another, slightly smaller, pile to the left of the tallest one, "I am trying to choose a career, that is why I am reading the _career_ leaflets that were put here specifically for this purpose."

"Well why didn't you say so," said Sirius, "wanna hand?"

"I doubt you'd be able to help me Sirius, even if you could be bothered, anyway you'd probably only mess up the piles."

"Haha!" said Sirius in a sing song voice, "Moony has piles!"

"Very funny Sirius."

"Oh come on Moony let us help," said James, "I need to choose a career as well, I can't decide between Auror, Quidditch player, Unspeakable or Dragon trainer."

"Oh poor you," mumbled Remus, "there are just so many options open to you you can't choose."

"I know," said James, noting Remus's bitter tone with some confusion, "the trick is to think about what you actually really want to do before narrowing down, like see this leaflet here..."

James went to pick up a leaflet entitled "Are you a wizard in the kitchen?!"

"Don't touch that!" said Remus sharply.

"Alright," said James, "but look at it, no one wants to develop domestic spells for a living so you can rule that one out straight away."

"That's the maybe pile," said Remus, "now leave it alone, and don't touch any of them, especially that one because I'm going to have to do a secondary sort on after I've finished reading them all and elimated all of those," he gestured to the largest pile, which was towering over the rest.

"Why would you want to eliminate being a Healer?" asked Sirius, glancing at the leaflet on top of this pile, "that'd be a great job for you, I bet you know loads about Healing from your mum and from... you know, other stuff."

"Yes well it's the 'other stuff' that means it has to be eliminated isn't it," said Remus, "that and the fact that I doubt I'll score highly enough this year to take potions at NEWT level which is one of the key requirements for Trainee Healers."

"So all of these are have been 'eliminated' just because you think people will judge you because of your furry little problem?" asked James.

"Either that or because I'm awful at potions or haven't taken the right OWLs yes," said Remus.

"That's no way to choose a career mate," said Sirius.

"On the contrary Sirius, this is most logical way there is, this method considers all possible aspects of all possible options and once finished will leave me with a handful options I may be able to pursue a career in and then I'll simply choose the one that interests me the most."

"Wouldn't it be better to start by picking out the things you're most interested in though? That way you don't have to wade through all the shite jobs while you're trying to find a job you actually want."

"For you, maybe. For me there is one simple flaw in that plan, I will only ever get a shite job, and that's if I'm lucky."

"That kind of defeatist attitude won't get you anywhere in life Moony," said James.

"Nothing will get me anywhere in life James, not even twenty one Os at NEWT level would get me anywhere in life."

James sighed.

"I know people can be prejudiced arseholes Remus, but not everyone is, we're not are we? And my dad's not, I know he'd employ you at the drop of a hat."

"You do realise that is both patronising to me and unfair to others if you're seriously suggesting that James."

"It was just a thought, anyway what I was trying to say is that there will be people out there who won't treat you any differently just because of your furry little problem. Dumbledore did didn't he?"

"Dumbledore is an exceptionally good person."

"And there will be other exceptionally good people," said Sirius, "you threat too much Moony, we've got ages until we need to apply for jobs and stuff."

"But we've only got a month or so until our careers advice meeting with McGonagall."

"So what? She's not going to expect you to have your whole life planned out is she? The whole point of the bloody meeting is that you go in not knowing what you want to do and come out knowing."

"It's really not Sirius."

"Okay so maybe not quite like that but that's the idea isn't it? Besides, even if you don't come out of the meeting knowing what you want to do when you leave, you've still got two and half years before you'll actually have to choose."

"And how to you propose we choose our NEWT options if we don't have a career in mind by the end of this year?"

"If you're not sure just choose the subjects you like," said Peter, "that's what my mum told me when I asked her about it."

"When did you ask her about it?" asked Sirius.

"Last week, I wrote home and asked this time because they were disappointed when I told them what OWLs I'd chosen, they said Muggle Studies and Care of Magical Creatures would never get me a job. But I think by now they've realised that I'll only ever do well in the 'soft subjects'," said Peter miserably.

"We'll that's something then," said James tactlessly, Remus rolled his eyes.

"Aha!" said Sirius, "I don't know what you did James but you got Moony to cheer up."

"I was rolling my eyes about how completely tactless and ignorant the pair of you are, I wasn't expressing happiness," said Remus, but the corners of his mouth twitched into a treacherous smile.

"Whatever," said James, "you need to take your mind off that rubbish for a while, come on I'll dump these robes in the dorm and then we'll go for a walk."

"And by walk you mean?" smirked Remus.

"A little visit to a certain one-eyed witch?" suggested James.

"Or we could go to the lake?" said Sirius, "throw a few sticks for your favourite dog?"

"You know sometimes I think you were never meant to be human Padfoot," said James, "maybe you should find a way to make the change permanent."

"I think McGonagall might have something to say about that Prongs," said Remus, "can y9ou imagine what she'd do if he turned up to transfiguration drooling with that silly doggy grin on his face and shedding hairs all over the place?"

Sirius grinned a silly doggy grin at the thought.

"Anyway," said Remus, "don't you think it's a bit too cold for that?"

"I don't care, I've got a very think black fur coat," said Sirius, "and Prongs is adapted to living in cold environments."

"Oh I see, so since it's only me and Peter who'll freeze to death it's not important."

"Oh quit your moaning Moony," said James, "you can wear Padfoot's cloak as well as yours and Wormtail can climb in your pocket if he gets cold."

"That sounds slightly weird but okay," said Remus, "let me just sort out these piles first, and we'll come up to the dorm with you, I'm not leaving unless we use the cloak, I am not getting caught by Filch again."

The four boys could not strictly speaking fir under James's invisibility cloak any more, but if Peter transformed and, as James had suggested, curled up in Remus's pocket it could just about cover all of them if the remaining three crouched down slightly. Hidden from sight the boys crept through the castle and out onto the open grounds. They were heading for a secluded place by the lake hidden from view from Hagrid's hut by the edge of the forest where they knew they would be in no danger of discovery.

"Fetch!" yelled James, grabbing a stick off the ground and lobbing it into the water.

Sirius ran, transforming into a dog mid-leap and careened into the icy lake, swimming out to the stick and returning, a look of glee in his eyes, with it in his mouth.

"He must be mad," said Peter, as Sirius shook his whole hairy body, splattering James, Remus and Peter with freezing droplets.

"You only just realised?" smirked Remus.

A second later Sirius had transformed back to his human self, hair still dripping wet and shivering all over.

"Bloody hell that's cold," he said, teeth chattering, "hey give us the cloak back Moony I'm turning to ice here."

"Well that's you own bloody fault for jumping in a lake that was frozen over only last month," said Remus, but he took Sirius's cloak off anyway.

Sirius made to grab it but Remus pulled it out of the way of his grasp.

"Oh come on Moony, don't mess with me here, I could get hypothermia!"

"And that's why I'm not going to let you put the cloak on until you've dried yourself you numnut," said Remus.

"Oh right yeah... how d'you do that again?"

Remus sighed and cast the drying charm.

"Really, you have just about the widest repertoire of hexes and pointless novelty charms of anyone I have ever met and you don't know the simplest everyday household spell."

"Yeah well I don't need to do I? I'm not going to be a housewife," said Sirius, taking the cloak Remus was now offering him and pulling it on hastily.

"Oh yes I forgot, you're going to have a sparkling career hunting down dark wizards and capturing Death Eaters," said Remus, however the renewed melancholy in his voice meant it didn't come off as the sarcastic comment he had intended it to be.

"You're not going to be a housewife Moony," sighed Sirius, pulling his friend into a one armed hug, "for started you're not even qualified, I believe you need a little less going on down here and a little more up here for that job I'm afraid Moony," he said, gesturing from Remus's groin to his chest area.

"If Lily was here she'd smack you for that sexist comment Padfoot," said Remus.

"I know! It is sexist isn't it! It's an utter outrage that in this day and ages half the population are forbidden from following a career in housewifery just because they are deficient in the boob department to the tune of two!"

"Maybe you could be Sirius's housewife," laughed James, "with that mouth on him no woman's going to marry him and he'll need someone to dry him off when he jumps into ice cold lakes and clean up the paw prints he'll leave all over the house."

"I think I'd prefer unemployment poverty and destitution," said Remus.

"You'll be alright Remus," said Peter, "we all will be, we'll all help each other out and stuff like we always do, it won't change when we leave, right guys?" he added to James and Sirius uncertainly.

"Right," they said in unison.

"I just don't want to always be having to ask for help though!" said Remus, "I mean... what if I do want to be an Auror or a Healer or something like that?"

"But I thought you didn't," said James.

"Well... I guess I don't but... but that's just because I know it won't happen see? If I wasn't a flaming werewolf then I would want to do something where I could help other people instead of always having to be helped for a change!"

"You help people all the time," said Peter, "you help me with my homework every day."

"And you helped that first year who got stuck in the trick step last week," said James.

"You even helped Snivellus when we wanted to change his voice so it would come out all high pitched and girly," said Sirius.

"No I didn't," said Remus, "I told you not to do it but you just went ahead and did it anyway."

"Yeah but you tried and that's what counts," said Sirius.

"Yeah, maybe Dumbledore will give me a job as trick stair puller-outer and then I'll never have to leave Hogwarts," laughed Remus quietly, gazing wistfully up at the castle, looking even more magnificent in the starlight than it usually did by day.

"I can't believe we've only got two and bit more years and ten we have to leave," said James.

"Yeah," said Peter, "I wish we could all stay forever."

"Maybe we should just fail our NEWTs so we keep having to retake them," said Sirius.

"You couldn't fail at something if you tried," scoffed Peter, "you and James never do any work and you still get as good grades as Remus, and ten billion times better grades than me."

"I could so fail an exam if I wanted to," said Sirius, "come on Wormy, how much d'you want to bet?"

"Please don't tell me you would trade your education for a handful of sickles Padfoot," said Remus.

"Of course not Moony! How dare you suggest such a thing, I know the immense value of my education and therefore Wormtail I will accept a wager of no less than ten galleons."

"Don't do it Pete," said Remus, "he's actually stupid enough to go through with it."

"I'm only kidding Moony," said Sirius, "believe it or not I do care about my OWL results, I just care about other things as well. There are more important things that books and exam results, friends, fun and hexing Slytherins will always come first in my book. That's why I want to be an Auror, I get to protect my friends, have fun, and hexing people like Snivellus and my crazy cousin Bellatrix and my snotty little brother will be my actual job! How brilliant will that be?!"

"Yeah," said Remus, still staring up at the little lights in the windows of the castle, wishing that he could be as excited about the future as Sirius was. Despite everything it was very rare that Remus was jealous of his friends, and yet sometimes, no matter how hard he tried, it was impossible not to be. He looked over to Peter and he could see that his eyes were filled with sadness and envy, he hoped that the emotion swas not so visible in his own brown eyes as it was in his friend's blue ones.


	42. The Beginnings of an End

Okay- record length chapter by way of an apology for the long wait, I hope this will have quality as well as quantity. Please tell me what you think. (Yeah and I'm still not JK rowling)

* * *

Minerva sighed as she heard the knock at her door. She knew who it was, she was expecting to arrive exactly now.  
"Come in," she called, not letting the slightest bit of her negative attitude show in her voice, that would be the last thing shed need right now, more negative attitudes.  
Remus Lupin opened the door.  
"Good morning professor," he said, "thank you for seeing me."  
"Good morning Mr Lupin, take a seat," said Minerva, she could seem to find a word describe her odd sense of foreboding about the coming conversation. She supposed she just wasn't looking forward to have to feign optimism she did not possess for the next however long it would take to persuade this very bright and hardworking student that it would be worth applying himself for the next three years.  
"So," she began, as she had done with all the other students, "do you have any idea what you may want to do in the future?"  
"No miss , I think I just want to keep my options open so that I don't cut off too many opportunities when it comes to applying to jobs. I think I already made a bad decision choosing Divination over Care of Magical Creatures. My dad did tell me it would be more practical but I just... Well I just though he wanted me to follow in his footsteps."

Minerva pursed her lips ever so slightly, Remus Lupin was not the type for teenage rebellion, however she knew that ever since the boy had been bitten his relationship with his father had been strained at best  
"And you don't want to?" she asked, feeling that it was her duty as Head of House to at least try to address this kind of thing.  
"No professor... But I can't now anyway so there's no point thinking about that," said Remus briskly, clearly eager to get off the subject, "I think at NEWT level I'll probably take Defence, Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Herbology and Ancient Runes, does that sound alright? Do you think I'll be able to get the grades I need to take all of them, I suppose if I don't get high enough in Arithmancy..."  
"It appears from what your other professors have written about you you will be able to achieve Es or Os in all of those subjects. Though if you are trying to keep your options open, to increase your employability as much as possible as it were, then I would sincerely suggest continuing with potions."  
"I'm rubbish at potions professor."  
"No you are not, professor Slughorn has written here that you are averaging an high P to a low A at the moment, Im sure you will be able to get that up to an E by June."  
"I know it would be a good NEWT to have under my belt professor, if I thought I'd be able to pass it then I'd take it without a second thought, but I'm really terrible at it, and since I don't need to take it since I won't be applying for Auror or Healer training of anything like that then I might as well take something I can get a good grade in."  
"There are some who would say that am E or even an A in NEWT level Potions would be better than an Outstanding in Ancient Runes."  
"I suppose your right, I know, I'm sorry, I'm not being practical, I should have listened to my dad back in second year and I should be listening to you now."  
The boy hung his head and his shoulders drooped visibly. Minerva was never set much in store by Divination, but she did believe that some people were meant to be and do certain things, and it was most unfortunate when circumstances forced people into becoming something they were not. She had seen it earlier that day with Lily Evans, giving up her dream of a career in experimental potions to train as a Healer because of the war. But at least Lily Evans would make a good Healer, Remus was clearly not cut out to work in some dead end job in magical maintenance or the like.  
"Do you know what you are?" said Minerva, her mouth twitching slightly, Remus looked up in confusion, "an academic."  
Remus frowned, but then laughed quickly, the slightest suggestion of a blush emerging at the edges of his pale cheeks.  
"I don't think even non werewolf academics earn very much professor," he said quietly.  
"If your condition was no object Mr Lupin, what would you like to do?" asked Minerva, Remus could be difficult, but he never failed to answer a direct question.  
Remus was silent for a second, his gaze fixed somewhere in the middle distance, his mind clearly somewhere a million miles away, in another time, where he was jot a werewolf and there was no war.  
"I'm sorry," he said finally, "but I don't know professor, i normally try not to think like that, it's not practical, I'm sorry."  
"Professor Dumbledore once said to me, that it is not achieving our goals that matters, but what we learn on our journey towards them. Now, if you have no goals in life, you are going nowhere, but if you have some sort of dream, no matter how unattainable it may seem, at least you are striving towards something, at least you are learning."  
"I... I suppose I'd want to do something that would help people, I'm not sure what... I could never be a Healer, even if someone would be willing to overlook my condition, I hate hospitals and I'm dead awful at potions anyway. I know James and Sirius want to be Aurors, I suppose I like the idea of fighting dark wizards and everything, but for that you have to be really good... the best... physically as well as mentally, and Im neither so..."  
"You are overly critical of yourself Remus."  
"I'm just trying to see myself as others will see me so that I can know how best to try to influence their opinion of me."  
"There is nothing that can be gained from resigning yourself to the worst. You were the first werewolf to come to Hogwarts Remus, who is to say that you will not be the first werewolf to work for the ministry? You can't be thinking if throwing away your education like this when it was so nearly snatched from your hands."  
Minerva's words had exactly the desired effect.  
"Oh no professor," said Remus quickly, his eyes wide with what seemed to be genuine panic, "no I really do want to do something with my education, coming to Hogwarts was the best thing that ever happened to me, I wouldn't want to nothing to come of it! I know how much trouble Professor Dumbledore went to to get me here and I wouldn't want to disappoint him."  
"Well then, myself and professor Dumbledore will be more than happy to provide excellent references for you when you leave school, your position as a prefect will undoubtedly ingratiate you to potential employers. If you prove yourself over the next one and a half years you may even be in the running for head boy."  
"Please don't make me Head Boy Professor," said Remus earnestly, "I am truly grateful for the opportunity you've given me as a Prefect. But it wouldn't be fair on the others to make me Head Boy just to give me a leg up, there are much better people for the job. I've been a rubbish Prefect so far, I'll try harder Professor, I promise, but there's only so much I can do, I'm not cut out for this Professor."

"It strikes me Mr Lupin, that you perform all your duties as a Prefect to the highest of standards, except for where your friends Mr Black and Mr Potter are involved."

Remus looked down shame-faced.

"I know Professor, I do try... it's just hard."

"You seem to believe that Professor Dumbledore and myself made you a Prefect out of some kind of charity," said Minerva, "has it not occurred to you that perhaps we bestowed this responsibility on you because we thought, as their friend, you would be in the best position to exercise some control over Black and Potter's antics?"

"They never listen to me Professor!" said Remus, the strain of desperation pulling at his voice.

"So you believe that is a valid reason to stop trying?"

"No."

"It is always important to consider other people's opinions Mr Lupin, but you seem to base every action you take on what other people will think of you if you do it. And I am not just talking about enforcing the rules on your friends, Professor Dumbledore did not secure you a place here so that when you leave school you will do only as other people expect a werewolf to do."

"I... I..." Remus opened and closed his mouth silently, resembling a pale brown haired gold fish. It was clear from the bright sorrow in his eyes that Minerva's words had hurt him, and she regretted that, but she had honestly not meant to cause any offence, and it this was what it took to persuade him not to give up on his life after Hogwarts...

"People expect you not to succeed professionally," said Minerva, thinking she should at least clarify what she meant by suggesting that Remus would be expected to act like other werewolves, "because they assume that because of your condition you will be uneducated and mentally subnormal. Now, I know that neither is the case and I for one will be very disappointed if you do not even attempt to prove the people who hold such opinions wrong."

"I want to Professor! I really want to! But how can I ever prove them wrong if they won't give me a chance. I know what people are like out there Professor, they won't give me a chance! I'm just one person, how am I meant to change how generations of wizards have felt about people like me?!" Remus blinked back tears and swallowed, he ran a hand through his hair, kicking himself for speaking to a teacher like that, "I'm so sorry Professor, I didn't mean to shout."

Minerva remain in her seat, entirely unflapped by her pupil's outburst, in her many years as a teacher suffice to say that she had seen far worse.

"Nobody expects you to overturn all the anti-werewolf legislation single-handedly Remus. But if one ever wishes for something like that to happen then people have to start standing up to the tide of public opinion, even in small ways. Only after years, decades even of many people defying expectation in small ways can those expectations be changed. I know it is unfair that this must be put on you at such a young age, but surely you can appreciate that if it is to prevent future injustice."

"I will do anything in the world to prevent someone having the same fate as me," said Remus, "anything, I just don't know what I _can_ do."

"Simply by working hard, achieving good grades and getting a respectable job you will be doing more to change how people view werewolves than you would even know. And I will do everything in my power to help you do so."

"Thank you Professor," said Remus, "I'll think more about what I might want to do, and I'll try to get my potions grade up as well."

"A wise decision, you should probably start by getting yourself back to Professor Slughorn's class as quickly as possible."

"Yes, thanks you Professor," said Remus, grabbing his bag and hurrying out the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Minerva sighed, at least she seemed to have raised his attitude a bit, if not come up with any definite plan, but to be honest Minerva thought Remus was right to keep his options open at this stage. She checked the clock on the wall, she had plenty of time before her next appointment, and she knew that Albus wanted to here about this particular meeting. She rose from her chair and strode over to the fireplace, taking a fistful of floo powder from the pot and throwing it on the fire, saying "Albus Dumbledore's Office" as she did so. She knelt down and leant into the flames.

"Ah Minerva," said Albus as soon as his deputy's head appeared in the fire, "I trust you're having an enjoyable and productive day?"

"As productive as can be expected when dealing with troubled teenagers," said Minvera.

"Well don't linger Minerva, come on in, I assume that you want to talk about Remus Lupin."

"In part," said Minerva, "though he is not the only student I am concerned for," she added, stepping out of the grate."

"Ah yes, I believe Miss Evans's appointment took place earlier today."

"I believe that talent is being wasted Headmaster, I am sure yourself as well as Filius, Horace and Pomona will share my concern over that."

"I have always believed wasted talent one of the greatest shames in life," said Albus, "though of course I know there are far worse things. I sense this is about more than the difficulties Miss Evans and Mr Lupin will encounter in the form of other people's prejudices."

"It is as if they have given up Albus, even Lily Evans, not quite as totally as Remus has but still... You know how gifted at potions the girl is Albus, Horace raves on about, did he tell you that she had expressed an interest back in second year in a career in experimental potions?"

"Yes, yes he did, does Miss Evans no longer want to persue this dream?"

"She has decided, that in the current climate, he skill in potions and charms would be put to better use in Healing."

"A very prestigious career."

"She is better than that Albus! She should be discovering new cures for illnesses, not administering mediocre ones. She has given up on her dreams because of this war Albus."

"She has answered that call."

"You sound almost as if you think she is right to do this!"

"I believe that what Miss Evans is doing is a great and noble deed, she truly understands what it means to use her talents for the Greater Good."

"The greater good? She's sixteen Albus, she shouldn't be thinking about the greater good. The only truly self-motivated students I have seen this year were Sirius Black and James Potter for Merlin's sake!"

"They want to be Aurors do they not? I would suggest that even they have some notion of where their skills are needed right now."

"And then there's Remus, all I managed to get out of him as far what he might like to do when he left school was that he wanted to help people, but could not see any way in which he could do so. I tried to get him to see the bigger picture, just like I tried to get Lily to see the possible future benefit to others of a career in potions research, but none of them can seem to see past the immediate future of the war that is waiting for them out there. It is not right Albus."

"I know it is not, but think, if this generation want to fight, then yes, they may be cutting their own childhood's short, yes it may mean a few forgotten dreams and wasted talents, but at least maybe in twenty years time this school will be full of pupils who have never known war."

"You want to use them as soldiers," said Minerva, repulsed by the very idea.

"You say that Mr Lupin is at a loss as to what to do after Hogwarts? Well I'm sure that if he knew there was a place for him in the Order..."

"I do not think it would be wise to go around telling fifteen year olds about a supposedly _secret_ society willy-nilly."

"I am suggesting no such thing, but he reaches his seventh year, when he comes of age..."

Minerva tutted.

"Listen to me Minerva, this is for Remus's good as much as anyone else's, we have a duty to all students that pass through this school, most especially those who deal with such terrible burdens as Remus Lupin. Don't you think we have a duty to him to look after him after he finished school, help him find his feet?"

"By sending him to fight Death Eaters? By sending him off to be killed? I am a teacher Headmaster, I am not raising these students like pigs for slaughter."

"Remus is clever, resourceful, and brave in the extreme, I highly doubt that he will be killed."

"You really an eighteen year old will be any match for He Who Must Not Be Named?"

"Oh please don't call him that Minerva, that's just some ridiculous title the Prophet have given him to heighten the hysteria because they know that hysterical people buy more papers. Anyway, my point was that if we do not keep an eye on someone like Remus it won't be long before _others_ get to him."

"Surely you're not suggesting Remus would ever..."

"Remus is a caring boy, and caring people can be manipulated."

"When you say others are you referring to Greyback or... Voldemort," said Minerva, her eyes flickering around the room as if she expected the dark wizard to appear there at the sound of his name.

"Either, it would not make any difference, Greyback and his pack are in league with Voldemort now, and looking for more followers."

"Remus would never join the man who bit him, have a little faith in people for once Albus! People do right of their own accord you know, you don't need to try to control their every move. We're all just puppets to you aren't we, the Order, the students, everyone, can;t you have a little faith in us to use our own judgement for once."

"I trust your judgement absolutely Minerva, and I assure you I find it perfectly impossible to imagine you as anyone's puppet," he added with an infuriatingly mischievous glint in his eyes.

"If you trusted my judgement you would have listened to me about Frank and Alice, and you would be listening to me now."

"Frank and Alice are doing splendidly Minerva, they will make fine Aurors some day soon."

"They're far too young to be fighting a war, it's making them age before their time, they're getting married for Merlin's sake!"

"If they are in love then I see no reason to object to such a move."

"They're too young to know what love really is Albus."

"Now who has no faith in humanity, if there is one thing I believe in it is the human capacity to love."

"You know that I trust and respect you more than anyone else in the world Albus," said Minerva, "but on this issue I think you are wrong, maybe sending these children off to war will benefit society as a whole, but it will not benefit the children themselves. When you approached me to help you found the Order I did not think that my key role would be to recruit sixteen year olds!"

"I am sorry you feel like that Minerva, and I am sorry that we have to recruit people while they're still so young, but who else is going to fight this war? Believe me I would much rather the Order consisted only of experienced witches and wizards, who have had much practise in facing the Dark Arts, but alas..."

"There aren't enough of them," finished Minerva, "I know, good day to you Albus."

"And to you Minerva."

"How was it?" asked Peter, as Remus took his place next to him in potions.

"It was alright," said Remus.

"What kind of stuff does she ask?"

"She just asks about what you want to do in the future, and helps you choose what NEWTs to do ad stuff," said Remus, thinking that that was about all that McGonagall had said to him that would be applicable to any other student.

"Do you know what you want to take then?" asked Peter.

"Sort of, I still want to take the subjects I told you lot yesterday, but McGonagall wants me to take Potions instead of Ancient Runes, says it'll be more useful, and I need to be practical what with you know... stuff."

"I'm dropping Potions," said Peter, "and History of Magic, I'm not taking any subject where the Professor thinks your name is 'Petticoat'."

"I still say that better than 'Lupus'," laughed Remus, "at least a petticoat isn't a disease."

"You guys are lucky," said James, me and Sirius have to do potions if we want to be Aurors.

"Well it'll all be worth it in end," said Remus, "and besides you're actually good at potions, you just always let your cauldron boil over because you're too distracted messing around with Snape and Lily."

"Okay fair enough," said James, "but it's still boring, and I don't see why Aurors have to study it, why would you waste time brewing a poison to use on a Dark wizard when you could just hex them?"

"Were not having this discussion again James," said Remus, "Anyway, you can't let something as little as not liking potions get in the way of getting your dream job."

"Well, McGonagall's certainly changed your tune, you cheered up now misery guts?" asked Sirius.

"I suppose," sighed Remus, wishing his problem was as little as not liking potions, "I still don't know what I want to do or how to go about doing it though so I guess I'm back to square one."

"Square one's nice," said Peter, "I like square one, I don't want to have to choose a career."

"Oh bloody hell not this again," said James, "look we're all going to miss Hogwarts but it's not like everything's going to change once we leave, we'll still hang out and stuff."

"Yeah right, like you and Sirius going to make time for us when you're off Auroring," said Peter sullenly.

"We'll still have evenings and weekends free," said James, "and full moons of course," he added with a nod towards Remus.

"Do you mind not being so fricking obvious?" he whispered, nodding towards Snape and Lily, "but thank you."

"I am going to miss it though," said Sirius.

"Yeah," said James, "the thing that gets me is the fact that after we're gone it's all just going to carry on isn't, nothing here will change."

"Oh I don't know," grinned Sirius, "I'd like to think it'd be a bit quieter round here without us."

"Especially once a month," added Remus in a low voice.

"Exactly," said James, "think of all the stuff we've done that no other student has done before, and no one will probably ever do again. And no one's ever going to know about."

"I'd be inclined to think that's a good thing," said Remus.

"I reckon you've got a point actually Prongs," said Sirius, "I mean, we're the Marauders, we should leave behind some sort of legacy, make our mark you know."

"If your suggesting graffitiing 'Mischief Managed' on the mirror in Myrtle's bathroom I'm out," said Remus.

"Just because she's got a thing for you," laughed Sirius.

"She fancies James more than Remus," smirked Peter.

"That's true," said Sirius, "I think she think you've got a special bond since you're both ugly specky runts."

"You're just jealous because she's the only girl who hasn't got eyes for you," said James, giving Sirius a slightly less than playful shove, "anyway I was thinking we could do a little better than a measly bit of graffiti in the toilets Moony. I was thinking something bigger, I mean, all this stuff we've done, we should find some way of letting other people know about it, like Padfoot said, leave a legacy you know?"

"Any specific ideas? Or are you just going to leave a note in our dorm on the last day?" laughed Remus.

"Shut up, it was just an idea," said James, "you were the one getting all emotional about leaving."

"Yeah well your infinite narcissism never fails to lighten my mood," smiled Remus, "honestly you just can't stand doing something that people will never hero worship you for can you?"

"That is not true I just..."

And so the rest of the potions lesson passed with Sirius and Remus happily teasing James about his attention seeking ways, until Lily turned around and asked them to keep the noise down because some people wanted to pass their OWLs, to which Sirius responded that only people who didn't have any natural talent actually worked in class. When Snape scoffed at this it took Remus and Lily a great deal of effort to prevent a fight from breaking out right under Slughorn's nose, not that he noticed of course. He was too busy chatting idly to Samantha Greengrass about her second cousin's recent promotion, boring the girl with anecdotes from his school days. Remus would almost have felt sorry for her if he didn't know that just by enduring the Potions Master's ramblings she would come out with a career just as successful as her second cousin's ready-made for her in whichever area she may choose.

"Remus, would you hold on a minute?" asked Lily as they were leaving the dungeons, "go on Sev, I'll catch up with you in a bit, I just want to talk to Remus," she added to Snape, who was glaring at Remus as if he had just insulted his mother.

"I'll be in the library," said Snape shortly, after a long moment where Remus felt he was in danger of getting two holed burnt through skin.

"Sorry about that, he doesn't realise you're not that same as Potter and Black," said Lily, neglecting to tell Remus that Severus thought there was something strange and sinister going on with him, that would just stir up trouble.

"It's okay," said Remus, "did you want to talk about something?"

"I just wanted to ask how the meeting went... with Mcgonagall?"

"Oh, yeah... yeah it was err... fine-ish, I suppose."

"That's not an answer Remus," sighed Lily, hitting him softly on the shoulder, "come on, let's go for a walk, you can tell me all about it. Wouldn't it be nice to talk to someone who actually cares about their future for a change?"

"Peter cares about his future," said Remus, springing automatically to his friends' defence, "he's just as concerned about careers and OWLs as I am. And James and Sirius care as well, they just put on a show to pretend they're not because they still want everyone to think they're cool. But they do care, they're just not worried because they have no reason to be, they get Es and Os without even revising and they both know that they want to be Aurors so they're pretty much sorted, they don't need to worry. They're kind of like you in a way," he added after a moment's hesitation in which he weighed up the odds of him getting a slap for daring to say something like that.

Lily did not slap him, but stopped for a moment and fixed him with a livid stare, her green eyes seeming to light up even brighter than usual, physical violence was reserved only for scumbags like Potter and Black, and even then she'd be far more likely to hex someone than slap them, there were just so many more possibilities that way.

"I'm not sorted," she said finally, beginning to walk briskly again, "I'm torn Remus, I don't know what I want to do with myself. I've always wanted to study potions, It's my favourite subject and I know that I'm quite good at it..."

"Quiet good? That, Lily Evans, is the greatest understatement of the twentieth century, you're blooming amazing!"

"Oh shut up Remus," said Lily, blushing as she waved of the compliment, "so anyway, I've always wanted to go for a career in potions research, I mean it's all very well following instructions in a textbook, but wouldn't it be so fascinating to actually design and brew entirely new potions, me and Severus have already been working a bit on improving some of the ones we're brewing in class, and it's so brilliant plus..." she paused for a second, looking at Remus thoughtfully, "plus it's so good that we have something in common again, and it gives him something to do other than hang out with those awful Slytherin boys. So on the one hand I think... you won't tell anyone any of this will you?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Okay, thanks, well I was just thinking that if we both went into experimental potions then it's be a way to keep him from falling in with the wrong crowd you know? It might stop him from going over to... _them_."

Remus nodded, he knew, just like everyone else did by now, who '_them_' meant.

"But then, on the other hand, I know that there is a war coming, the Prophet tries to play down these attacks, making it out to be the random work of a few mad-men, but they're on the rise Remus, so what right do I have to be sitting in some fancy potions lab somewhere while people are dying fighting these people? I should be out there helping them. And that's why I was thinking maybe I should become a Healer instead, that way I can practically help people instead of faffing around over cauldrons hoping that one day I might come up with something that will cure some dreadful illness of something but probably never will. That'd just be selfish. Plus there's this whole thing with my dad, he always wanted either me or Petunia to be a doctor like him. I mean, he's always been happy so long as we're happy, but I know that he'd just be thrilled if I became a Healer, I know he'd be so interested in magical medicine, maybe I could even find something that would help him..."

"Magic can't cure everything Lily," said Remus gravely, placing a hand on her arm, he had to make sure that Lily understood this, "you can't make your life decisions based on what you think will please other people, not your dad, not Snape, no one. You're a wonderful witch Lily and you'll be amazing at whatever you apply yourself to, and either of those options would help people. I daresay you'll be a damn sight more of a help to people than I will."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, like you said, I want to help people, but I have no idea how, there's so little I _can_ do."

Lily remained silent for a moment.

"You're one of the smartest, most hard working people in our year Remus, so I sense this is not to do with what you're academically able to do."

Remus sighed, Lily always gave such good advice, even not knowing the whole truth, so he could not help but imagine how brilliant it would be just to tell her everything and let her help him sort his problems out, but he couldn't, he just couldn't.

"Is it to do with how you're always getting ill?" asked Lily tentatively, "because you know, you'll be able to find something, it won't get in the way all the time, you still manage to come to school don't you? And not only that but actually do better in school than most people who don't need to miss class every month. You'll be able to get a job, it'll just be a case of finding the right one, and it might take you a little longer than other people."

Just then Remus could see why James and Snape both loved Lily, in truth he had to admit that he loved her as well, though not in the same way, he would never love anyone in that way. But he had to admit that the look of kindness on her face, the twinkle in her eyes, made her glow, she was radiant with beauty. If he told her then maybe she'd really be able to help, she'd be able to offer him practical advice that might actually work which was more than McGonagall had done, maybe she would help him do some research which was more than James, Sirius and Peter would ever do? But there was still the possibility that despite all her kindness and benevolence, she would be disgusted by what he was, and leave him forever, and he couldn't bare that. It was better to keep a friends like Lily at arm's length than to lose her all together.

"It's... it's sort of partly to do with that, I guess the main problem is that I have no idea what I _want_ to do, but it's okay, I'll just keep my options open for now, we've still got time to decide. What do you think you'll choose? Healing or Potions?"

"Healing," said Lily, "maybe I can go back and study potions more when I'm older, after the war, it'd be good to build up a bit of experience as a Healer anyway, then I can find out what kind of new treatments and cures people actually need."

"That sounds like a good plan," said Remus.

"McGonagall didn't think so, she was concerned that once I'd began my career as a Healer I'd forget about experimental potions, she said that that's how things tend to happen, you start off doing something as a temporary measure and get stuck in it, she said that's what happens to most adults and that's why they end up just working to pay the bills, she said she thought I could do better than that. But Healing would still be interesting wouldn't it?"

"I'd say so," said Remus, "my mum always liked it, I wouldn't fancy it myself but I reckon you'd be good at it, you're kind as well as clever, patients like that."

"So you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"I think it would be impossible for you to do the wrong thing."

"I'm nowhere near as perfect as you make me out to be Remus, I've been an awful best friend to Severus, and awful sister to Petunia and an awful daughter to my mum and dad!"

"That can't be true," said Remus, "I'm sure we all feel like we're rubbish sons and daughters sometimes, have your parents ever said they were disappointed in you?"

"Well... no, but they wouldn't would they?"

"Some parents would," said Remus, "Sirius's parents do, and my dad doesn't say anything but he doesn't exactly bother to hide the fact that he's ashamed of me. I'm sure you're parents will be proud of you whatever you do. And as for Snape and your sister, well... well they haven't exactly been good to you have they? Now, I don't mean any offence, but really, Snape hanging around with those pureblood maniacs knowing full well that you're muggle-born? Your sister falling out with you just because she'd jealous that you got a Hogwarts letter and she didn't?"

"Severus is only hanging out with them because I abandoned him, just like I abandoned Petunia and my parents. I wanted to have it all Remus, I'm just selfish, I'm a selfish good for nothing brat that's what I am! I thought I could go to Hogwarts and still come home to a loving family every summer and have everyone act like nothing had happened in my absence. I thought that I could be friends with Severus and still have friends in Gryffindor. I thought..."

"Who says you can't have all that? It's not much is it? What should you have done, turned down your place at Hogwarts so you could be with your family, when so few people get offered a place? Beg the Hat to be in Slytherin so that you could be with Snape? You were always meant to be a witch Lily, and you were always meant to be a Gryffindor, if you're friends and family can't accept you for being those things then you shouldn't just try to change," Remus'd stomach squirmed at the hypocrisy of those words, "Look, for what it's worth you've always been nothing but a great friend to me."

"No I haven't," sighed Lily, "if I were such a great friend to you then you would talk to me, you would ask me for help, you would tell me what's going on with you and why you keep getting sick, maybe I could help, if not now then one day."

"When you're the best Healer slash Potioneer in the country?" grinned Remus.

"Well I don't know about that," said Lily, "but yes, in a way. Why can't you tell me Remus? I'm not going to ask you to tell me what's happening but at least tell why you think you can't trust me."

"It's not that I can't trust you," said Remus, wringing his hands and cracking his knuckles in the way that Sirius always said was gross, "I just... I'm not _allowed_ to tell anyone, it's... it's not just my secret to tell."

That was only partly a lie, he knew that Dumbledore would not want the hassle of having to justify his decision to let a werewolf into Hogwarts to anyone yet again, and he knew his dad would not want his own role in the 'Greyback Affair' to rear it's ugly head again. Lily looked as if she were about to say something but then obviously thought better of it, and turned to stare out at the lake instead.

"Potter, Black and Pettigrew know," said Lily.

"No they don't," said Remus.

"I don't mind you being a little economical with the truth Remus but please don't blatantly lie to me, it's patronising."

"I didn't tell them," he said, "they just found out."

"And if I found out," asked Lily, "would you be angry."

"No," said Remus, "but it might ruin our friendship."

"It didn't ruin your and theirs, if they can deal with whatever it is I can too."

"Please, not now Lily, maybe some day I'll tell you but not now, there's too much other stuff going on."

"I wouldn't tell Severus," said Lily quietly, "if that's what you're afraid of."

"I am afraid of too many things Lily, the Sorting Hat may have put me in Gryffindor but deep down I'm a coward. I'm not proud of it, but we all have our faults don't we, please can you let me have this one fault?"

"If I truly believed you we're a coward then of course I would, but I'm afraid I don't. I'll let you have your secret though, just... just make sure you find someone to tell who can actually help you alright, with this career thing because it's obviously bothering you. I'm sorry for prying, I just thought I could be some help."

And before Remus could say another word Lily had turned and disappeared swiftly off up the hill and back into the castle.


	43. Trust Regained

Hello again, it's me, some random person on the internet who is not in any way shape or form JK rowling- btw a couple of chapter ago i forgot to say that I ripped of a song by The Clash in the title- Career Opportunities, I do that a lot. Warning for swearing in this chapter, so under-twelves just imagine that the naughty words are replaced with 'fudging' and 'mustard'. Please read and review! (I never understand why we say that- you'd have to be a right eegit to review without reading)

* * *

"Look I know we we're wrong to do it without your permission Remus, but it all worked out well in the end didn't, please, please just trust us, just for one night a month let us be the responsible ones, we promise we won't let anything happen."

"It's not that I don't trust you James," said Remus, "it's that I don't trust myself when I'm like that."

Throughout the last month Remus's friends had been dropping hints left right and centre that they we're planning to do the same foolish thing they did last month and let Remus out of the Shrieking Shack on the full moon. Remus had thought it best just to ignore these comments when they were made, hoping that in the end they'd get the message and give up, but with the full moon once again upon them he resigned himself to the fact that he'd have to confront them before the moon rose tonight if he were to prevent impending catastrophe.

"Yeah but we'll be there to control you if you get out of hand, I swear, the slightest sign that you're losing control and we'll get you straight back to the Shack alright?" said Sirius.

"No! Look, we we're lucky last time, but this time we might not be so lucky."

"If anything happens we'll take all the blame, we'll explain to Dumbledore that it was all our fault and you told us not to."

"It's not about who'll take the blame Sirius! If I bit someone they would either die, or become infected, all I want to do is prevent that. What don't you understand about that Sirius?"

"Well that's all irrelevant anyway Moony," said James, "because the fact of the matter is that neither of us will let you bite anyone."

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do? Say 'stay down boy' in a stern voice?" asked Remus, his voice rising hysterically, he glanced at his watch, he only had two hours to convince these half-wits of their mistake.

"Look, with all due respect mate, you've never seen yourself transformed, me and Padfoot can easily overpower you."

"I may not have seen myself transformed James but I have seen a fully transformed werewolf before, remember? That massive great beast that bit me and cursed me for life!"

"You were only four then Remus, everything seems massive when you're four," said Peter timidly.

"Oh shut up Peter, you don't even know what you're talking about, you never do, you just go along with those two idiots because you think some of their cool will rub off on you!" snapped Remus, he teeth actually bared as he glared at the short, plump boy with mad glinting eyes, "you'd be saying the same thing if you were in my shoes. Or maybe you wouldn't, maybe you'd still be the suck up you are just let them do whatever the hell they want because you think it would make them like you. But it wasn't you who was bitten, it was me, and a good job too because if it were any of you who were bitten then the entire school would probably have been turned by now! You have no idea of what it is to actually take any responsibility for your own actions, any of you, so forgive me if I'm more than a little hesitant, to let you take a fricking werewolf for 'walkies' around the bleeding grounds!"

Peter's bottom lip was actually trembling now as he tried and failed to blink back tears, Remus felt awful but he had to understand, and maybe if he scared Peter enough he would persuade James and Sirius to back down. That and he just really needed to scream right now, his head was a mess and it was taking all the energy he possessed just to form coherent arguments against these imbeciles he had for friends.

"Oh quit crying Wormy," said Sirius, giving the fat boy a shove.

"No Padfoot, it's Remus who's in the wrong here," said James, "look I know you disagree with us and I know you're in a bad mood 'cause of the full moon but you've got no right to yell at Peter like that, he wasn't even doing any of the proper arguing."

"I wasn't just shouting at him I was shouting at all of you!" shouted Remus.

"No you weren't, you were shouting at Pete because you thought you could win if you went for the weakling," said James, not caring whether he insulted Peter in the process of defending him.

"And so what if I was?! So what if I thought that at least Peter might have sense enough to back out of this madness?!"

"Because if that's true then it means you're already acting like a fucking wolf," muttered Sirius.

"What, did, you, say?" growled Remus.

"I'm just saying that you need to calm down, you're not thinking straight," said Sirius.

"You called me a fucking wolf!" yelled Remus, lunging for Sirius despite the pain in his muscles, "you called me a fucking wolf!"

"Woah, guys stop it, break it up," said James, trying to pull Remus off of Sirius, "Remus calm down he didn't mean it, Sirius don't fight back!"

"Well what d'you expect me to do it someone punches me?" said Sirius, as James, pulled Remus back and shoved him onto one of the beds, "he was out of order full moon or no full moon, you said so yourself!"

"Yeah and you were out of order calling him a wolf," said James.

"Fucking wolf," corrected Remus, making to stand again but being stopped by one of James's arms, "he fucking swore at me the fucking bastard!"

"Look I'm sorry Moony, I said it without thinking alright, Merlin, calm yourself."

"I will not 'calm myself' until you three idiots promise not to let me out of the Shack tonight. In fact don't even come, you clearly think I'm just some fucking werewolf who hasn't got any feelings who'd think it would be a right laugh of he bit one of the Slytherins."

"That's not true mate, I didn't mean it like that, honest," said Sirius.

"How did you mean it then? In the same way daddy does when he draft anti-werewolf legislation? In the same way mummy did when she taught you how to treat us filthy halfbreeds?"

"You know I'm not like my parents Remus, so don't even bring them into this."

"What? You're allowed to call me a fucking wolf because that's what I am, so I'm allowed to call you a fucking inbred blood-purist Black because that's what you are!"

"You will fucking take that back!"

"Oh I'm sorry, forgive me your highness, I forgot I was in the presence the heir the Noble and Most Ancient House of Muggle-Murderers!"

"Right that's it."

Sirius raised his fist, Remus made to bring up his own but was impeded by James's tight lock around his chest.

"Sirius, no!" yelled James.

THUMP!

"...absolute idiot Sirius what if he doesn't wake up in time?"

"I didn't mean to knock him out."

"Well what did you expect?"

"I didn't expect you to be holding him still so he couldn't even duck."

"Hey don't try and pin this on me, you were the one that called him a fucking wolf."

"Gu... guys, maybe we should just get him to the hospital wing, the moon's rising in half an hour."

At the sound of these words, Remus, who had been floating just under the surface of consciousness, blinked his eyes open with a start.

"Ha... half an hour?" he gasped.

"Remus!" said three shocked and relieved voices.

"Oh thank Merlin," said James, "we thought you might not wake up in time."

"Look I'm so sorry, I didn't think people actually got knocked out from just a punch," said Sirius, "I thought that was just something they made up in muggle comics."

"Yeah well never mind that now I've got to get to the Hospital Wing," said Remus, staggering to his feet.

"You think we're letting you go anywhere on your own?" asked James, catching a hold of him.

"I'm not letting you come," said Remus, though he gripped James as a shudder passed through his body and black spots appeared around the dorm, "not if you're going to let me out."

"We won't let you out, we promise, just let us come, please, we promise we won't leave the Shack," said James.

"We solemnly swear," added Sirius.

"Fine," said Remus, "let's just get a move on okay?"

By the time they got to the hospital wing it was only fifteen minutes 'til moonrise and Madam Pomfrey was in a frenzy of worry.

"Remus! Where were you? You we're meant to be here ages ago!"

"I'm sorry, I sort of... passed out," said Remus, throwing a forgiving look a Sirius, "Sirius, James and Peter only just managed to wake me up."

"Oh Remus, you know to come to me if you're feeling like that," said the matron sympathetically but sternly.

"I'm sorry, it just came on all of a sudden."

"Right, well if this ever happens again one of you three boys should fetch me straight away," said Madam Pomfrey, turning now to James, Peter and Sirius. But we've got no time to do this now, you three get back to your common room I need to give Remus his potions and get him to the Willow before moonrise."

"Yes Madam Pomfrey," said the boys, and they hurried out of the hospital wing.

"Bugger, James we've got to get to the Willow before they do if we don't want her to see us, unless you have your Invisibility Cloak by any chance?"

"Nah, forgot it, I was a bit preoccupied by the thought of Moony transforming in the middle of Gryffindor tower to be honest."

"So, I guess we're running then," said Peter.

"We'll transform, then we'll be faster," said James, "Pete, you get on Sirius's back and hold on tight alright?"

"Sure," said Peter, and all three boys transformed into their animagi alter-egos, Peter climbed up Sirius's hind leg and onto his back and then James and Sirius set off at a charging pace down the corridor. The stag rat and dog disappeared round the corner just in time as the matron and her patient emerged from the heavy oak doors of the hospital wing.

The blow to the head certainly did not help Remus feel any less dizzy and he stumbled repeatedly as he and Madam Pomfrey hurried towards the hospital wing. Nevertheless, he ran as fast as he could, bent double in the tunnel, finding that so long as with the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the fear of what might happen if he did not make it on time in his heart, he was able to ignore the throbbing in the head and the stabbing pains in his legs and back. Only when the trapdoor was safely closed behind him did he allow all these sensations to overwhelm him, not caring as his head swam and his knees buckled as he fell to the floor. Except he never reached the floor, because three pairs of hands caught him and pulled him over to the chair in the other end of the room.

"I thought you weren't coming," said Remus.

"What? Thought Padfoot and Prongs couldn't outrun you and Pomfrey?" asked Sirius.

"I don't know, I just thought you wouldn't bother after me yelling at you like that. I'm so sorry."

"Never mind that now, we need to get you undressed before you transform."

"I'll do it," mumbled Remus feebly, but he put up no fuss as his friends stripped the clothes from his body, along with his dignity, it seemed that he was past the point where it was possible for him to waste energy on being embarrassed.

"Thank you," said Remus, and those were the last words he got out before his body and mind were consumed by the transformation.

When Remus awoke the next day he was already in the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey was buzzing around his bed like a diligent wasp. Remus felt ill, but not too injured all things considered, James, Sirius and Peter must have had a hard job keeping him calm last night, he always went crazier when he was under a lot of stress just before a full moon, and Godric knew last night had been stressful. He strained his memory to see if he could remember anything from his transformation, something to indicate whether his friends had kept their promise or not, but it was all a blur of anger and blood-lust. He felt really ill now, he was actually going to be sick. He bent over sideways and threw up over the side of the bed, before collapsing back onto his pillows, feeling marginally better for having been sick, though thoroughly wretched with the shame of it.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Nonsense," said Madam Pomfrey, vanishing the sick in one swift wand movement, "that confirms it, I'm afraid you've got a mild concussion Remus, but other than that you only have a few surface wounds, quite a lot of bruising and a twisted ankle."

"Are my friends here?"

"They're in their lessons, though they were all for skiving off I assure you, said they had something to tell you as soon as you woke up and it couldn't wait, I had to call McGonagall to come and fetch them in the end."

Something to tell him? Something that couldn't wait? They'd done it hadn't they, despite everything he'd said, despite the fact that they'd _promised_ not to, they'd let him out of the Shack. There was no other explanation as to why he had escaped with such minimal injuries after what should have been one of the roughest transformations he'd ever experienced. Who else had he taken out his desire for fresh meat on last night? Remus had to fight back a fresh wave of nausea at the very thought.

"I... I need to speak to them, when does break start?"

"Not long, in about a quarter of an hour, and I'm sure as soon as the bell rings they'll be dashing straight back in here to see you. They've got good hearts those boys, even if they can be a little reckless sometimes."

Reckless was an understatement, what James, Peter and Sirius had done last night was downright stupid. _If_ they had done it, Remus reminded himself, nothing was certain yet. Still, uncertainty did not make things any better, Remus waiting for what must have been the longest fifteen minutes of his life in an agony which had nothing to do with his injuries from last night.

"Moony! You're awake! How are you?" said Sirius, when he finally came bounding through the door, quickly followed by Peter and James.

"Fine, listen, you didn't..."

"We didn't Remus," said James quickly, taking a seat by Remus's bedside, "we promised we wouldn't so we didn't."

Remus visibly relaxed back into his pillows at his friends words.

"Oh thank Merlin," he breathed, closing his eyes as a wave of relief washed over him, before suddenly opening them again and vomiting into a bowl to the side of his bed Madam Pomfrey had placed there earlier.

"Bloomin' heck Moony, are you sure you're alright?" asked Peter.

"I'm fine, apparently I have a 'mild concussion', but I feel alright just a bit... strange."

"Well you're always that mate," laughed Sirius.

"I'd say that's a fair enough assessment," smiled Remus, then a moment later his smile faltered, James edged his chair away just in case he was sick again but he wasn't, instead he turned to Sirius and Peter and said quietly, "I was really mean to you two last night wasn't I? I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, I think I said some pretty outrageous stuff too," said Sirius.

"I'm sure whatever it was you didn't deserve what I said to you, and Pete you didn't say anything at all did you? I can't believe I flipped out like that, what did I even say?"

"What? You mean, you can't remember?" asked Peter.

"Not the exact words, I just remember yelling a lot."

"And erm... do you remember what happened after you yelled at us?" asked Sirius.

"I... Merlin you punched me didn't you! Oh well, I probably deserved it," he added, Sirius stayed silent for a moment, he had half expected Remus to go crazy again, but he had shrugged it off, that could only mean that they had their normal everyday Remus back.

"Well, you did call me a... what was it again Prongs?"

"Fucking inbred blood-purist Black," supplied James, "but he did call you a fucking wolf so I think you're even, and if not then the punch in the face definitely evened things out between you two."

"What about you Peter? What did I say to you? I'm sorry I just can't remember any specifics."

"You... you said that I... it doesn't matter," Peter shook his head sadly

"No, really, it does, if I upset you then it does," said Remus, stretching to grasp Peter's hand.

"You didn't say anything except the truth," muttered Peter, "you said that I just tag along with James and Sirius all the time and suck up to them to try and be cool. And... and you said that if it was me who was bitten then I would bite other people and wouldn't even bother to try and control myself like you do."

"That's not true Peter," said Remus, shocked at the horror of the words that had come from his own mouth, "none of that's true."

"Well why did you say it then? How did you come up with that if you didn't think it was true."

"I was angry Peter, and I was desperate, I thought you we're going to let me out of the Shack again. I just made it all Pete, I swear I don't really think of you like that."

"But it is true! I know all I am is just some useless tag along."

"No it's not, you're my best friend Peter, you all are. You must be an amazing person to stand having someone like me as a friend, and you must be amazing wizard to be able to do, you know... when you're Wormtail."

"I was the last one to be able to do that, even with James and Sirius helping me. And being friends with you doesn't make me some wonderful person, you're a great friend Remus, you help me with my homework and listen to my problems and stuff, I can never do any of that for you."

"I'm not a good friend," sighed Remus, "what kind of a good friend goes crazy at his best friends like that?"

"But that wasn't your fault," said James.

"It was James. I wasn't transformed was I? So I should have been able to control myself. You're right Sirius, I was acting like a wolf."

"I shouldn't even be in Gryffindor," moaned Peter, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the conversation had moved on, "I was scared last night, how ridiculous is that? I was scared of my own best friend! For a moment I thought you were going to..."

Peter trailed off, both James and Sirius were shaking their heads at him.

"Say it Peter," said Remus, "what did you think I was going to do?"

Peter stayed silent.

"Bite you?" Remus asked quietly, lowering his gaze and pulling his hand out of Peter's.

"I know you never would Remus! I know that! I was just being a coward!"

"No you weren't," said Remus, "you were right to be scared of me, sometimes fear is the only thing that keeps you alive."

"In a real situation maybe..." started Sirius.

"No Sirius, last night was real, and I wanted to attack you and Peter, I wanted to hurt you so badly that you would never heal. I am dark creature," said Remus, not in any tone of disgust or self loathing, but rather in the tone of one who had just made a profound realisation, "my most fundamental instinct is to kill and maim and curse. I'm a horrible, horrible... James, move I'm going to be sick."

James picked up the bucket and held it close for Remus to throw up into and Peter rubbed his back as he vomited once more. When he had finished the rolled back over onto his back again, a thin film of sweat covering his face and his eyes watering slightly.

"Maybe you should talk to Pomfrey?" suggested James, returning the bucket to the floor.

"She said it's fine, just concussion..."

"No, not about that, about... about getting angry and... stuff."

"No," said Remus flatly.

"Not that I think you need to or anything just... you know... if you're worried... she might be able to tell you what's normal for..."

"Werewolves," said Remus, "you can say that word around me James it's alright."

"Sorry," said James, "So, do you think you will?"

"Will what?"

"See Pomfrey."

"No, no that's not her job, she's not a bloody councillor, I make her life hard enough as it is. Can we just forget about it please, I mean obviously you don't need to forgive me if you're still angry but..."

"It's alright Remus, I forgive you," said Peter.

"And like James said, we're square," said Sirius.

"And you didn't do anything to me mate," said James, "I thought I got off pretty lightly actually."

"Yeah well I'm sorry to all of you anyway. Thanks for putting up with me, it must be a nightmare having a friend who acts like a total freak month after month."

"Yeah well at least we're not girls, then we'd all be at it," smirked Sirius.

"Oh yeah that's a new one," said Remus, "comparing the full moon to a girl's period like you've never done that before."

"Hey, to be fair I resisted throughout this whole conversation, and there were so many times when I could have suggested you go ask Lily how she copes with her PMT."

"Oh shove off, don't you guys have a listen to go to?"

"Oh bollocks yeah!" said Sirius, glancing at his watch, "see ya Moony!"

"Bye Remus!"

"Bye Moony!"

"Oh and guys," called Remus, the boys stopped in their tracks and turned to face their friend "thank you for keeping your promise. I shouldn't have doubted you, you're more responsible than I give you credit for... I do trust you, you know that?"

"Of course Moony," said James, "you really would need to get your head checked if you thought that you couldn't trust your fellow Marauders," he added with a wink, and he, Sirius and Peter disappeared from sight, leaving Remus shaking his head and smiling.


	44. Loony Loopy Lupin

Okay so this is a nice chapter to make up for all the anger and depression that I've been chucking around lately, it's a bit slow moving to start but that's kind of what I was going for- just tell me what you think :)- I own nothing by the way, just in case any of you are still wondering

* * *

The library was full of people. This was not unusual for a Sunday evening, since a lot of students had a habit of leaving their homework until the last minute before it was due in on Monday morning, but it made Remus let out a soft groan, he would rather not be seen in the particular section of the library he was headed for today. Nevertheless, he had some research to do, a question had been playing on his mind for the last few days, ever since he had got out of the Hospital Wing, and only now had he managed to give his friends the slip, so he had possibly a one or two hour window of opportunity to find the answers he needed. He marched straight through the throngs of students milling about whispering frantic questions to one another about what Bubotuber pus was used for and whether or not Grindylows lived in Britain, straight into the Defence Against the Dark Arts section of the library, moving along the rows until he found the Dark Creatures subsection, and finally stopping when he reach W for Werewolf. He knelt down by the dusty volumes and wondered which one to choose, information on this subject could be so biased and unreliable. He knew Dumbledore would not permit the more extreme anti-werewolf propaganda to assume residence in his library, but even most of the set textbooks talked about creatures like him in disparaging undertones. Oh well, he thought, he wasn't here to be flattered, what he needed now was the cold hard truth of the matter. He picked up three of the largest volumes, thinking that at least if they could not guarantee quality, quantity of information would certainly be covered, and took them to a quiet corner of the History of Magic section, a place he was unlikely to be disturbed since students normally avoided it like the plague. He opened the first one and skimmed down the chapter list until he found something relevant, then turned to page one hundred and twelve.

"Blah blah blah..." Remus muttered under his breath, "_symptoms include_... here we go. _Werewolves often exhibit more aggressive behaviours than that of a normal human being. They are often unable to control extreme emotions and tend to respond to situations in a reflexive rather than rational way. This is because a werewolf's normal thought and feeling processes can be easily subverted by the animalistic instinct of the wolf with which the affected person shares it's body. This was proved in 1843 by Silvanius Bullstrode in a study of several werewolves by recording their responses to various stimuli..._ torture you mean," muttered Remus, and he skipped the details of the experiment, he needed to hear what this Bullstrode fellow's cruel experiment found, "_Bullstrode concluded that the curse of a werewolf bite not only causes the expected monthly transformations, but also significant damage to cognitive ability. Once bitten werewolves are unable to function in a civilised human society and respect it's rules simply because it can no longer understand them..."_

Remus shut the book, grinding his teeth as he did so, then quickly stopping when he realised how animalistic such a gesture that really was. Yet he couldn't help but object to Bullstrode's conclusion that werewolves were of lower intelligence than the average human being, he did well enough in school didn't he? _'Ah but so do James and Sirius,'_ said a leering voice in his head, _'and they don't work half as hard as you do. And then there's Lily and Snape, you could never be as good as either of them, because you're a dirty subhuman beast.'_

"No," said Remus aloud, before quickly glancing around and biting his lip, hoping nobody had heard him.

Oh Merlin he was mad wasn't he? The werewolf bite he had received when he was four must have somehow affected his brain. Talking to yourself? Actually having arguments with an imaginary voice inside your own head? That couldn't be good. He picked up a second book, this one was slightly thinner and less dusty, though the spine was coming off so it had clearly been used more often, probably, Remus reflected, because it was thinner. He found the relevant page and started reading again, forcing himself not to read aloud this time, if he was going mad he's have to find some way of getting this under control.

"_The werewolf transformation exerts an enormous amount of physical and mental strain on the sufferer of this disease. This stress is often exacerbated by the fact that many werewolves receive little or no support in coping with their condition. This can often result in a werewolf becoming irritable and overly sensitive around a full moon. This in turn contributes to further isolating the werewolf from the rest of society."_

Well that sure made sense, thought Remus, or did he just want to believe this explanation because it was the 'nicer' one. This was ridiculous, books were as differing in opinion as people, and with books it was even harder to tell what to believe. It was clear he wasn't going to find any answers here, so he picked up the books and placed them back on the shelves in the Defence section. He was just about to put the last one back when he heard footsteps behind him.

"Hi Remus," said Lily lightly, kneeling down next to him and running her finger along the V section, "I'm looking for that book on Vampires the OWL textbook recommends for further reading," she explained, "just in case we're asked about the history of the subject you know?"

"Yeah, I was thinking I might take a look at that too," said Remus, "hastily putting the last book back in it's gap."

"Revising werewolves huh?" said Lily.

"Uh, yeah," said Remus, "it's been a while since we did any work on Dark creatures so I thought that's be a good place to start my revision, I've already done boggarts, banshees and the various water demons."

"Yeah, I always find it best to start with the basics," said Lily, "you know, there's more stuff on werewolves in the Healing section."

"Really? I didn't even know we had a Healing section."

"It's under wider reading in the NEWT section," said Lily, "I took out a couple of books before that meeting with McGonagall, they were very good."

"Ah, well, thanks Lily."

"It's got a lot of stuff on potions in there as well, I know you've always found that subject the most difficult."

"I might go and check it out then," said Remus, "thanks, bye."

"See you," smiled Lily, "good luck with the revision."

"You too," replied Remus.

Remus decided to take Lily's advice, unbeknown to her she might just have pointed him in the direction he needed to be heading. He didn't think to try to look up the symptoms of his condition from a medical point of view, who knew, something in the Healing section may even be able to give him advice on how to deal with the problem, if there was one. He combed the shelves for something that looked likely and eventually settled on Lycanthropy: A Medical Study, as the title seemed to promise objective, bare-boned facts, and that was exactly what Remus wanted after all that time wasted reading people's pointless ramblings about the place of werewolves in society. He turned to the a section called 'Psychological Effects' and read:

'_Many patients report difficulty controlling their emotions in the period prior to their transformations. There are many theories as to why this is, none of which have been proven. The two most popular of these is either:_

_that lycanthropy behaves in a similar way to possession, or to the muggle disease schizophrenia (nee end note 22) and the infected person's mind is constantly inhabited by a wolf-like being, which, as well as taking complete control under the influence of the full moon, can also influence the patients behaviour at other time of the month._

_that there is no direct link between werewolf bites and psychological changes, but that patients' behaviour can change and become more erratic due to the stressful and traumatic nature of their transformations._

_Note: While the first of these theories has it's foundations in magical science one must treat texts on this theory with caution, as this argument is often exploited by those who argue for werewolf segregation or elimination._

Remus sighed, the book wasn't turning out to be that helpful after all, but at least it was admitting that it did not know the answers rather than speculating and presenting it's theories as fact. He skimmed down a few paragraph until he got to a bit that gave advice to Healers on how to deal with patients exhibiting signs of psychological responses to their condition.

_Since the cause of psychological unrest among werewolves is as yet unknown there is no specific medical treatment. Healers should encourage their patients to follow all the normal guidelines for those suffering from the effects of emotional trauma, avoiding stressful situations, finding appropriate stress-relieving activities to release pent up emotion, and should the patient still find themselves becoming irrationally angry or upset remembering to take a step back and apply simple logic to the situation. It must also be remembered that the physical pain a werewolf experiences prior to his or her transformation can also have an effect on their emotional state. It is therefore recommended that those suffering from lycanthropy seek pain relief whenever possible (for information on dosages and side affects see page three hundred and sixty), especially if the patients experiences headaches before their transformations. This is because, unsurprisingly, pain or tension in the area around the brain can interfere with cognitive function._

Well duh, thought Remus, but he wasn't a wimp, he didn't need to go running to Madam Pomfrey for a pain potion every time he got a headache. The book didn't have anything to say that he didn't know already, so Remus decided to abandon his search, for today at least. What he really needed was advice from a real person, but who could he ask? Not one of his teachers, that would just be embarrassing, Madam Pomfrey would just make a fuss over him and James, Sirius and Peter wouldn't be able to offer him any actual advice. And he most certainly couldn't write to his parents, news that he was having trouble controlling his temper would only alarm them, his mother would insist he come home for the sake of his wellbeing and his father would suggest the same thing, though probably mainly for the sake of the wellbeing of others. Oh well, he's dealt with things like this on his own before, this was just going to be another one of those times. He left the library and wandered over to the nearest window, gazing out onto the grounds and wondering what to do with himself. He knew he should be studying but he'd had enough of dusty old books for one day, he could go and find his friends he supposed, but he didn't quite feel like returning to their company yet. He followed the flight of a Thestral with his eyes as it soared momentarily above the canopy of the Forbidden Forest, before plunging once again into the leafy wilderness behind Hagrid's hut. Hagrid! Of course! It had been Hagrid who had helped him see sense when he fell out with James back in January, and Hagrid would never judge him for being worried, nor for anything else, why hadn't he thought of it before?! Remus took off at once for Hagrid's little hut on the grounds, it was a rather pleasant March day, he air was still cold and crisp but the sun shone brightly in the sky. Remus found that he was already in a much better mood by the time he was knocking on the door of Hagrid's house.

"Remus! Good teh see yeh, come in I've made shortbread."

"Thank you," said Remus, taking a small piece of charred shortbread and nibbling on it politely, "how are you?"

"Ah can't complain," said Hagrid, filling his old tin kettle with water and placing it over the fire to boil, "I love this time of year me, it's when all the animals give birth to their young. One of the Thestral's had a foal actually, you could come down and see 'im some time if you want."

"That'd be nice," said Remus, he had always liked Thestrals in a strange way, he liked the way they seemed to be as oblivious to humans as most humans were to them, it was like they were living in a totally different world, perhaps the world of the dead?

"Ah you should have taken Care o' Magical Creatures Remus, Professor Kettleburn's takin' his OWL and NEWT classes down there to see 'er, Bo she's called, names 'er meself."

"It's a nice name, I'm starting to regret not taking Care of Magical Creatures, Divination's such a waste of time and the subject does seem interesting."

"Oh definitely, but there's no point regretting stuff, what's done is done now, and what you study at school is not the be all an' end all. Look at me, I never even got me OWLs did I, but I've still managed to make somethin' o' meself, not much I'll admit but I'm 'appy."

"Yeah," said Remus, "I guess that's all that matters in the end."

Perhaps Hagrid picked up on the note of sadness in Remus voice, for he said down across from Remus placed and enormous hand on his knee.

"Ah you'll be alright Remus, I know it must be hard for yeh with everyone else thinking out their high flyin' careers and you knowin' there won't be much out there for yeh, but you'll be alright. How are you by the way, I got so excited talkin' about young Bo I forgot me manners," he laughed.

"I'm well, thanks Hagrid."

"Last full moon not too bad?"

"No, better than I expected anyway... Hagrid, can I ask you something?"

"O' course, ask away Remus, I'll just fix the tea."

"Okay, well it's just... lately I've been... you know when I had that fight with James back in January?"

"Aye I remember," said Hagrid, pouring the water into the pot to brew the tea and getting out two enormous mugs.

"Well, a similar thing happened last week, you know, before the full moon. I had a fight with James, Sirius and Peter and I yelled all sorts of stuff at them, stuff that was really uncalled for. Do you know if it's normal for someone like me to... I mean, do you think it's got anything to do with me being... what I am."

"Well I wouldn't know much about that Remus..."

"But you know loads about Magical Creatures!"

"Well I don't know about that, but yeh're different from Thestrals and Hippogriths and the like. You want to talk to a Healer not a Groundskeeper."

"I'm not asking you as a Groundskeeper Hagrid, I'm asking you as a friend. I can ask anyone else."

"Well I'll always give yeh me opinion Remus, s'long as yeh know that's all it is."

"That's all I want," Remus assured him.

"Well I don't know," said Hagrid, "but if yeh ask me I'd say yeh're stressed. Yeh're demandin' too much o' yerself and when yeh get disappointed yeh're takin' it out on yeh're friends."

"But it's not just that Hagrid. I completely lost it on Tuesday, it was like I was the wolf. There was part of me that wanted to _bite _Peter and Sirius."

"I dunno Remus, what were they doin' that was annoyin' yeh that much?"

"Oh just the usual," said Remus, "well, maybe something a bit worse than usual, but it doesn't matter. I told Peter he was just some useless tag along with James and Sirius and I told Sirius that he was just like the rest of his family. And the thing was I didn't even remember what I said to them. I mean fair enough I did have a concussion but..."

"I don't have all the answers Remus, I'm pretty sure no one does. But don't go thinking yeh're some sort o' monster just 'cause yeh're a werewolf now. Everyone gets angry."

"But I wasn't just angry Hagrid, I was livid! What if I am a monster, and not just on the full moon. What if all this, me going to Hogwarts, making friends, what if it's all for nothing?!"

"What d'yeh mean 'all fer nothin'?"

"Well... what if people like Fenrir Greyback didn't go bad because they were wronged and mistreated, or because they were just a horrible person anyway and horrible people make horrible werewolves. What if we all end up like him in the end? Taking pleasure from biting people, because I would have done Hagrid, because I was so damn close and I know that if I had lost control and actually done it I would have enjoyed it! What if we all go bad in the end?"

"That's the most the ridiculous thing I ever heard comin' out o' your mouth," said Hagrid, "getting angry, even to the point of wantin' to 'urt someone ain't the same as cold calculated murder. It's thinkin' like that that makes people go bad, they think that's they way they are an' there's nothin' they can teh change it, when they should be tryin' teh be good, stay on the straight and narrow. Look, I'm 'alf giant, people expect me teh be violent and stupid, but do I jus' accept that? No! I prove 'em wrong don't I? And Merlin knows if there ever were anyone teh prove that werewolves could be kind and intelligent people it'd be you. Look I don't know much about your condition Remus, maybe is harder to you to keep your temper in check than other people, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you try, and most o' the time yeh succeed."

"But not all the time," said Remus, "and what if on one occasion I fail really badly, that'd be all it would take. People like me can't afford to make mistakes Hagrid."

"Everyone's allowed teh make mistakes Remus. Think abou' it, if the werewolf that bit had done it by mistake, if they had done everythin' in their power to keep themselves safely away from other people at the full moon but somethin' went wrong, you'd be able to forgive them right?"

"I suppose so," said Remus, "before I found out it was Greyback who bit me I used to feel sorry for the werewolf that bit me, knowing what it was like and everything."

"Exactly."

"But that wouldn't excuse me biting another person!"

"No, course not. I'm just sayin' that makin' mistakes, even terrible ones, doesn't change the kind o' _person_ yeh are."

"Thank you Hagrid, you're very kind."

"I'm not sayin' it 'cause I'm kind I'm sayin' it 'cause it's true. I'm a mean ol' half giant remember!"

Remus and Hagrid laughed, then Remus growled at Hagrid, who ruffled his hair.

"Y'alright Remus. Yeh're alright."

* * *

Oh yeah- and Bo is a Norse name meaning 'to live'- thought it worked rather nicely as a name for a Thestral ;)


	45. His Greatest Weakness

First off- Polly- thanks for reviewing, I read somewhere that JK Rowling said that Remus's greatest weakness is that he likes to be liked, which is understandable seeing how most of the wizarding world treats him, but it means that he cuts his friends a lot of slack. You'll find out what my theory of how he finally gave into James and Sirius in the next couple of chapters ;) (I'm getting so good at teasing people I should apply for a job at the BBC!) but I'm basically building this part of the story line around what JKR has said.

Anyway this chapter is basically my view what JK meant when she said that- and obviously because I am not JK it is entirely probably that this view is completely wrong, but until the end of PoA comes out on Pottermore and simultaneously breaks my heart and crushes my ideas of what is canon... please just read and review!

* * *

"Come on Moony, exams are still ages away, let's go and do something," said James

"You're more than welcome to," said Remus, "I however, need to finish reviewing these three chapters today or I'll be falling behind again."

"Oh come on, it's not fun without you there..." said Sirius.

"Well this is all very flattering but..."

"Nagging in our ears..." Sirius continued.

"Threatening to go all 'Prefect' on us," added James.

"Like I said," said Remus, "this is all _very_ flattering, but you know that neither flattery nor mild insults will get you anywhere with me."

"Nah, you're right," said James, "Hey Padfoot, what d'you say we pay our greasy Slytherin pal a little visit."

"No, James..." started Remus.

"Nice idea Prongs," said Sirius, "it seems like we haven't spent any quality time with old Snivellus in ages."

"Guys come on I thought you'd..."

"Yeah, top idea Prongs," said Peter, eager to get in on the fun.

"Oh Peter not you too, haven't you grown out of this by now?"

"Nope," said Sirius, "see you later Moony, have fun with," he lifted up Remus's textbook to look at the cover and wrinkled his nose, "Ancient Runes: Deciphering Magic's Mysteries."

He waggled his fingers in what Remus assumes was meant to be a mysterious way as he shuffled backwards towards the door.

"You really that if you threaten to go after Snape then I'll come with you just to stop you?" asked Remus.

"No," said James, "well, yes, but even if you don't it'll still be fun."

"Fine, go and have your fun then, see if I care."

"Evans will be annoyed at you if you don't try and stop us," said James.

"Yeah and Lily will be annoyed at _you_ if you try to hex Snape again, the difference is I am not head over heels in love with her, so for once I have the leverage in this situation."

"In what way do you have leverage?!" laughed Sirius, "if you don't try and stop us Evans will be annoyed at both of you, and if you do, you still won't succeed, so evans will still be annoyed at both of you. And don't pretend you don't care about being in Evans's bad books, I know you Moony, you can't stand being in anyone's bad books."

"You say that like it's a fault," said Remus.

"Well it is, you've got to be prepared to step on a few toes to get what you want in life," said Sirius.

"You sound like a Slytherin," said Remus.

"Well you've got to be prepared to step on a few toes to defend the rights of the meek and the helpless then, whatever you prefer _Godric_."

"Including yours?"

"What?"

"I can step on people's toes when I want to," said Remus "I'll step on your toes right now, I am not going to let you hex Snape again."

"Oh yeah? How?" asked Sirius

"I'll... I'll put my foot down."

"What? On my toes?" smirked Sirius.

"Yes!"

"What literally or metaphorically?"

"Literally!"

"Nah, you're too nice."

"No I'm not I can be a... a right jerk sometimes."

"Only at certain times of the month," muttered James, giving Peter a dig in the ribs with his painfully bony elbows.

"Ooh, are you going to take that Moony?" asked Sirius, "Going to show us some of your super ninja toe stepping moves?"

"Yes!" said Remus.

"Well go on then," said James, offering his right foot out in front of him.

"You really want me to do this?" asked Remus, raising one eyebrow.

"Oh totally, of course," said James.

"Because you really are asking for it now."

"Oh I know I am, I really would love nothing more than a great big stamp on the toes."

"Well that's good because you're going to get it."

"Oh am I indeed, I'm sorry it's just that I wasn't sure seeing as I've been holding my foot in prime position for some times now and you still haven't made your move. I'm even getting pins and needles now, a good hard stamp might bring some feeling back into the poor fellow. I'm sorry Moony I'm going to have to give him a little wriggle. You put your right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in, out, and shake it... Argh!"

James stopped doing the hokey-cokey and hopped around the room on one leg, clutching the other in his hands.

"Oh my god James I'm so sorry! I didn;t mean to do it that hard. Are you alright? Here let me see it, I've got some stuff for bruises in my trunk..."

James let go of his foot and burst out laughing.

"You... absolute... prat."

"Just proving a point Moony," said James, slapping him on the shoulder.

"So, now we're done here you want to go and see how many flobberworms we can fit in Snivelly's pants?" asked Sirius.

"Nah, Evans is hanging out with him today, and she really would get seriously pissed off if we hexed her right in front her own eyes."

"Her luscious green, meadow coloured eyes?" asked Sirius, placing his hands princess style under his chin and fluttering his eyelids with surprising adeptness.

"Oh shut up I only said that like once," said James.

"Saying something like that any number of times is creepy Prongs," said Remus, "and I'm not even going to ask how you know exactly where Lily is at this precise moment in time."

"I just over heard her conversation with Marlene and Mary this morning, Merlin it's not like I know what knickers she'd wearing or anything."

"I bet you'd like to though."

"Well of course, what kind of a bloke couldn't look at an arse like that and imagine it skirt-less."

"And you wonder why she thinks you're a misogynistic prick," laughed Remus.

"Hey I looked that up in the dictionary and I now strongly resent that comment, I think women are great."

"Yeah only because Evans is one," said Sirius, "come on mate, who cares if she gets a bit pissed off, she'd not going to go out with you either way so what does it matter?"

"No, she'll only land us in detention again, come on let's leave I 'til another time eh? I think we've done enough damage to Moony's arteries for one day anyway."

"And since when did you become so concerned about my health?" asked Remus, returning to his pitifully neglected Ancient Runes notes.

"Err, I don't know, maybe since became bleeding animagi to we could play etch with you at the full moon so you wouldn't have to take lumps out of yourself for lack of something better to do?" said Sirius.

"Well, that's true," said Remus awkwardly.

"Oh Merlin Padfoot, look what you did now, you made him go all guilty on us, that's like his most boring mood."

"Sorry," said Remus.

"For the last time you don't need to go feeling guilty about it Moony," said Sirius, "we've told you before, the full moons are _fun_ for us, we _like_ playing with you when you're like that."

"You're a lot more fun than you are normally," joked James.

"Obviously we know it's still not the best time of the month for you," said Sirius, "but that's why you've got us, if distracting a blood-thirsty werewolf happens to be surprisingly entertaining then that's just a bonus isn't it?"

"But you are careful right?" asked Remus, "You do look after yourselves don't you? And Peter, he's so small I could easily seriously hurt him, even if I couldn't infect him."

"Course we're careful, we're always careful Remus. You seem to think we have no concept of where mad and exhilarating becomes down-right dangerous," said James, "but we do. Think about it, when has anyone, Snivellus and Padfoot's little brother excluded, ever actually got hurt from one of our little jokes?"

"Well I now that you say it..."

"And even they've never gotten seriously injured," said Sirius, "I know we've come close sometimes, and most of those times I've come out of it saying I wish we'd come even closer, but really every time something's made me pull back. It's not that I don't think I'd be capable of doing my worst to either of them, I just, I don't know, every time I come that close a little voice tells me that I should wait until they really deserve it."

Remus was stunned, he merely blinked at Sirius, leaving it up to James to break the silence.

"So you are a true Gryffindor after all, if you'd prefer to hex Snape buttocks halfway to Mars defending the rights of the... what was it? The meek and helpless, rather than because Moony's being boring with his Ancient Bleeding Runes."

"Well yeah, wouldn't you?" said Sirius.

"Definately," said James, "Plenty of time for that when we're Aurors though eh?"

"Sometimes I wonder about you two you know," said Remus, finally speaking up.

"Wonder about what? How far into our infinite brilliance stretches into the depths of space?"

"Funnily enough Prongs that wasn't what I was about to say. I was going to say that it will never cease to amaze me, the lengths that you two go to to conceal the fact that you are actually decent morally sound human beings."

"Well, we've got to always have another trick up our sleeves haven't we," said James.

"Has it never occurred to you that this particular trick might actually win you the respect of one Lily Evans.

"It has actually, seeing as you've pointed it out to me about a billion and one times. I have tried actually, but defending the meek and all that, it doesn't work well with an audience see? It just doesn't seem like something to be proud of."

"James Potter not proud about something?" asked Remus, "I think you ought to see Madam Pomfrey mate, are you feeling alright?"

"No, no I mean... Being a totally awesome quidditch player, that's something to be proud of, being the best in almost every class without even trying, that's something to be proud of, discovering more secret rooms and passage ways that probably any other student Hogwarts has ever seen, pulling the ultimate prank of Snivellus... they're all things to be proud of. Being a good person, that's just... well, that _should_ just be normal, shouldn't it?"

"It's not though," said Remus.

"Yeah but that doesn't make being a decent guy something to boast about," said James, "I mean, you know how you're always saying how unusual we are 'cause we didn't react liek dicks when we found out you were a werewolf, well, I would never boast about that, it's just not right. So I boast about all that other stuff instead, 'cause I mean, you've got to let people know you're brilliant somehow right?"

"Nutters, both of you," said Remus, shaking his head, "you know if you'd told me this sooner I might have trusted you."

"What d'you mean?" asked Sirius.

"What you did a couple of months ago, I reckon I would have been less angry if you'd have said something like that rather than just badgering me for days about it then going ahead and doing it anyway without my permission."

"Look like we said," said Sirius, "it's fine if you don't feel comfortable leaving the Shack, we get it, you don't want to hurt anyone, and it's hard to trust us because you know we're immature knobheads."

"But you're not immature knobheads," said Remus, "you've just been bloody acting like you are to make yourselves look cool. And that makes you both complete and utter knobheads for sure, but you're by no means immature. I reckon I've been to hard on you guys. _I_ was acting like a knobhead assuming you would actually let me hurt anyone. I should have trusted you."

"Wait, are you saying..?" started James, before trailing off.

Remus shrugged.

"I'm not going to lie, it was the easiest transformation I had ever had," he said, "and I guess it is true that nothing went wrong. And if you're really, _really_ careful..."

"Are you serious?" gasped Sirius.

Remus shrugged again.

"You've been such good friends to me, you deserve to have some fun while you're at it."

"Oh this is brilliant Moony!" said James, "you won't regret it I swear."

"Wait," said Peter, "I'm confused, are we still talking about hexing Snape?"

"It's better than that Wormtail," said James, "we're going on a full moon adventure!"


	46. A Game of Taking and Giving In

Okay boys- just a small little chapter today, but hey, it hasn't been so long since the last one and they have been pretty long recently so short and sweet might make a nice change. Anyway I'm hoping the brevity of this chapter will be partially made up for by the fact that for the first time since beginning this fic I have actually fully proof read every single line (not just used spell check or skimmed it to make sure it was passable as something vaguely resembling English). Aren't I good to you my dear readers, I know to the average person this is just standard procedure but to me this is one of my life's greatest achievements, I don't think I even ever proof read anything when I was doing my English GCSE! Anyway the downside of this is that if there are still spelling mistakes they are entirely fault and I cannot just blame it on the technology.

Disclaimer: if I was JK Rowling I would have a whole team of people just to proof read everything I write.

Please read and review!

* * *

He didn't know why he had said it, perhaps Sirius was right ad he just couldn't stand being in people's bad books. Ever since their argument he had been feeling so guilty around his friends he supposed he had been subconsciously searching for some way to make it up to them. And then there was what Sirius and James had said. He knew that they were great friends and good people but he had gotten into the habit of treating them how they acted in front of other people, like immature jokers. But the fact remained that in private, when he needed them to be, James and Sirius could be sensible, considerate and above all, calm and rational even when Remus himself wasn't. He felt bad that he never gave them any recognition for this, and perhaps if he did then it would encourage them to act like that in public as well, not just when they were alone with him an peter. That was what he told himself anyway, but that was just an excuse really, a thin veil that barely masked that old fear of his, the fear that if he did not show them that he trusted them they would eventually come to the conclusion that he was not to be trusted, that he was nothing but a filthy werewolf who just wanted to use them for his own devices. Friendship was a game of give and take and he had been doing far too much of the taking.

Peter was another story altogether, Remus knew Peter possessed more common sense than some people who got four times better grades than him in class. Remus would trust Peter alone with his life, with anyone's life. But he knew in his heart that Peter and he shared a great weakness. Peter, like him, would ultimately do anything to keep his friendship with James and Sirius, and that was why he, harsh as it sounded, never really came into it. That, and the fact that a rat wouldn't be much help in actually stopping him from biting an innocent passer-by. He felt bad for thinking about peter like that, just as he felt bad for treating James and Sirius like immature twerps. But this way he would be making it up to all of them. He was determined that tonight he would put his brave face on and let the others have some fun, they were sixteen after all, this was what they _should_ be doing, not stuck in a tiny old shack trying to control a stir-crazy werewolf.

Nevertheless, he was nervous, he was trying to control his nerves by wordlessly justifying his decision over and over again but it wasn't working. He couldn't afford to have a bad transformation, not tonight, not if he was going to leave the shack. He focussed all his remaining energy on not feeling scared or nervous or any other emotion that would aggravate the wolf, but naturally this just exacerbated all these feelings. His stomach simply would not stop twisting itself in knots and his heart was beating so fast it felt as if it was trying to escape his ribcage.  
"Are you alright Remus?" asked James, "you're very quiet."  
"I'm fine," said Remus, adjusting himself on the bed in the Shrieking Shack.  
"You think tonight's going to be a bad one don't you," said Peter in a rare moment of observation.  
Remus shook his head.  
"I'm sure it's nothing, I'm just nervous you know?"  
"We'll make sure you've calmed down before we leave," said Sirius, "and if you're not calming down we won't leave at all."  
"Thank you," said Remus, closing his eyes and laying back on his pillows.

It was okay, his friends wouldn't leave the Shack unless he was under control, but there was no sense in making it harder for them, he needed to relax. But he couldn't relax because his body was trembling with tension and sharp stabbing pains were piercing his bones.

"Guys, change," he said, opening his eyes.

The full moon hung high in the sky and four animals prowled along the edge of the lake. Seeing the silvery orb reflected in the water Remus gave an almighty howl, much to the amusement of James, Sirius and Peter. Remus shrank down in embarrassment at his momentary wolfish outburst, before noting pleasantly that embarrassment was a very human emotion. So long as he could feel embarrassed he was in control. Sirius saw the wolf hang it's head and walked towards it, then he walked right past it, right to the edge of the water, and flung his head back to howl at the moon too. The stag lurking in the shadows snorted, and the dog grinned as if to say 'you're just jealous you can't do it'. The stag gave a little nod of the head in the direction of the forest and the dog gave the wolf a little nudge in the side. The wolf stopped staring at the moon's quivering reflection and gnashed it's teeth at the dog, who had caught it entirely by surprise. Immediately though the wild look in its eyes vanished and a quiet sadness filled their infinite brown-black depths, it hung it's head again and looked up at the dog, as if trying to say in it's own way that it was sorry. The dog shook it's head and raised it's paw towards the stag, who was standing elegantly on the tree line, poised to dart off into the darkness. They heard a rustling of leaves on the ground and a little rat emerged from the shadows and scampered up the dog's leg, taking a seat between his strong shoulder blades and grabbing hold of two tiny fistfuls of fur. Peter had barely gotten himself settled before Remus took off excitedly after James and Sirius leapt up to follow them. With the wind rushing through his fur and his heart pumping adrenaline around his body Remus almost felt himself slipping again. He could smell that characteristic scent of humans on the stiff westerly wind and found himself veering off slightly in the direction from whence the tantalising smell came. He was intercepted however by a huge black dog. The wolf surveyed him for a moment, wondering whether he should just fight him and go after his prey, but no, said a voice in his head, that dog was Sirius. Sirius cocked his head to one side and Remus ducked his head again. The stag, which had stopped as well, approached the wolf and looked at it questioningly. Remus looked up again, trying to communicate that he was alright, the other three managed to communicate with one another so easily and sometimes Remus struggled to keep up, especially with James and Peter. The stag seemed to get the message though, for it nodded once and then took off once more into the night, followed by the wolf, rat and dog.


	47. Looking for Heroes and Normalcy

Hi, so... I'm still not happy with this chapter but it's not going to get any better so I'll just upload it now so you don't have to wait any longer. I have been writing in the past week or so but mainly stuff for my next story once this is finished which will be set in PoA and beyond, no guesses for who will be the main character :) but anyway I know it's a bit crappy (mainly because I am not JK Rowling) so constructive criticism welcome. Oh and there's quite a bit of swearing in this chapter but it has angry Sirius in it so what do you expect?

* * *

"So..." said James, "whatdoyawannado?"

"I don't know," said Sirius, "whatdoyouwannado?"

"Oh don't start that again!" said Remus, earning himself a 'shh' from a Ravenclaw at the next table, he mouthed 'sorry' and then turned back to James and Sirius, "and besides, you're supposed to be writing your _timed_ essay on the introduction of the International Statute of Secrecy."

"Yeah but we've still got half an hour, that means we've got twenty whole minutes to kill before we really need to start writing stuff," said Sirius.

"And besides that's just so mind numbingly boring, isn't school meant to improve your brain rather than slowly kill it with hours and hours of Binns."

"Well things just got a lot more interesting Prongs," said Remus, "it's your favourite teacher."

James, Peter and Sirius turned around to see Professor Slughorn standing in the door, conversely in a hushed voice with the ghost professor.

"Alright, a galleon goes to whoever can make the best... modification, without him noticing," said James, drawing his wand, "bags I get the nose."

Suddenly both teachers came marching, well in Binns's case floating, their way, James hurriedly stowed his wand away in his back pocket.

"Sirius, may I have a quick word," said Slughorn jovially.

Sirius exchanged an unnerved look with James, it was not often that Slughorn spoke to any of the four of them jovially.

"Well there's no need to look so gormless me lad, you're not in any trouble, I just need to ask you a few questions."

"Okay," said Sirius, shrugging at his friends, and he followed Sluhorn out of the room.

Binns drifted back to the front of the classroom and continued to gaze into the middle distance while most of the students, save three gryffindors in one of the back corners of the classroom, continued to scratch away with their quills

"Well that's settled it, we're bunking," said James.

"What?" said Remus.

"Well we can't have Sirius getting out of class and the rest of us still stuck here can we?"

"He's having a 'chat' with Slughorn James, I think I'd prefer death by Binns-induced boredom."

"Nah, Old Sluggy's way more fun to piss off," said James, "besides, aren't you even the teensiest bit curious as to why Slughorn would want to talk to Sirius if not to give him a detention?"

"I admit it's unprecedented," said Remus, "but it's also private."

"Rubbish, there's no such thing as privacy among friends as you well know _Moon-_y," said James.

"Fair point," said Remus, "but how do you propose we get out of class anyway, even Binns would notice if we just upped and left."

"Yeah," said James thoughtfully, "we need an excuse. _One_ of us should pretend to be ill."

He looked pointedly at Remus.

"Why does it have to be me?" asked Remus, "can't you or Peter do it?"

"Nah it'll be more believable if it's you," said James.

"No it won't, it's not even near the full moon," whispered Remus.

"Yeah but Binns doesn't know that does he?"

"He probably does."

"He probably doesn't," said Peter, "I bet all the years blur into one when you've been around as long as he has, what difference does the date make once you're dead?"

"And besides mate, hate to be the one to break it to you but you look sick all the time."

"Well thanks James I'm flattered," said Remus flatly.

"It's not an insult. Look it's not hard just say you're not feeling well then fall down like you've fainted or something."

"And you don't think fainting might be a bit melodramatic?" asked Remus.

"Melodramatic is what we need Remus, you can't just say you've got a stomach ache, we need something that'll get all three of us out of class."

"I am not going to pretend to _faint_ in the middle of a lesson James."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone's watching! People already think I'm weak because, as you say, I look sick all the time, if I pass out in the middle of History of Magic it'll take me years to live it down."

"Oh come on Remus, what if Sirius needs us? What it's something really bad and he needs our help."

"I highly doubt Slughorn is planning to murder him in the potions storeroom," said Remus.

"Yes but you can never be too sure, we have no idea what Sughorn wants, come on, how bad would you feel if Sirius got murdered because you we're 'too embarrassed' to do a bit of acting to get out of class."

"Fine, if you're so concerned about Sirius's wellbeing why don't you do it?"

"Because you'll be better at it."

"What, because apparently I look sick all the time?"

"No, you've also had the most practise passing out."

"That was like once James!" said Remus, turning pink, "And that was only because Sirius punched me in the face if you remember correctly."

"Well that can easily be arranged," said James, cracking his knuckles.

"Fine," said Remus, "Merlin Sirius had better appreciate this."

"Alright remember melodramatic yeah? You are not leaving me and Peter trapped in here while you skive off alright?"

"Alright, alright, I didn't even want to skive anyway remember? Now shut up and let me get this over with."

"You're the best Remus."

"I know," said Remus quietly, then he turned back to face the front and raised his hand slowly, "Professor," he called, his voice suddenly faint and shaky, "Professor Binns, I don't feel well."

Binns came gliding forward, causing several students to gasp in surprise or swear irritably as he passed through their heads.

"Is that you Lupus? Did you say you weren't feeling well?"

"Yes," said Remus, grimacing at Binn's name for him, "I feel really dizzy actually, I think I should go and see Madame Pomfrey."

"Yes alright, off you go," said Binns, who appeared to have been distracted by something on the wall behind Remus.

"Thank you Professor," said Remus, getting slowly to his feet and bringing a hand to his head, which he hoped would his blush as well as give the impression of dizziness.

He took a couple of steps towards the door towards the door, making a point to sway slightly as he did so, then, so quietly that only Peter and James could hear, he said sarcastically:

"Oh dear Lord I think I'm going to faint."

And then he rolled backwards on the balls of his feet and fell to the floor.

"Remus!"

"Professor Binns, Lupin's fainted!"

"Is he alright?"

"'Course 'e's not 'e's unconscious you dipstick!"

Remus felt someone slapping his face and gritted his teeth, if that was James or Peter they would definitely be getting a few slaps in return when they were outside.

"It's alright Lily, me and Peter will take him to the Hospital Wing," said James's voice.

The slapping stopped and someone lent right into his face.

"Nice one," James whispered, as he grabbed him under the shoulders.

"You dare drop me and I'll grind your bones to make my bread," said Remus.

He heard James laugh softly and felt someone else, who he assumed must be Peter from the podginess and sweatiness of the hands, grab is feet. And before he even had time to regret agreeing to the whole thing he was hoisted in to air and carried out of the classroom. Even with his eyes shut he could sense the assorted concerned and sceptical stares that followed him to the door. As soon as he heard the door shut behind them he opened his eyes to see James's face grinning at him in a rather upside down manner.

"That was some pretty impressive fainting there Moony," the face said.

"Yes alright you can put me down now," said Remus.

"Nah, I don't think I will, I could probably carry you around like this all day if I wanted to, what do you weigh? Like three stone?"

"Almost six stone thank you very much," said Remus, "now if you don't put me down this bloody instant I'll... I'll..."

"Stutter at me?" said James, "fine I'll put you down."

James lowered him unceremoniously to the ground and Peter followed suit and he got up rubbing the back of his head where he had hit in the floor quite a bit harder than he had meant to.

"I really need to learn how to stage fall," muttered Remus.

"It almost sounds as if you're planning to do this again," smirked James.

"No! Never again," said Remus firmly, "come on let's go and find Sirius, I don't want to be known as the boy that fainted in History of Magic for nothing."

"Alright, shall we take the shortcut?" suggested James.

"No I think I'd rather take the scenic route," said Remus sarcastically, "of course we'll take the bloody shortcut."

James rolled his eyes and pulled back the tapestry of Philomena and her Phoenix to reveal the secret passage way that lead to the dungeons.

"You know," he said, as the three boys jogged down the steps inside the dimly lit passage, "I was thinking some more about our legacy..."

"Oh not this again," sighed Remus.

"Yes this again," said James, "and I was thinking it would be such a waste not to pass on our knowledge, I mean, once we leave all these secret passageways will just go unused won't they?"

"Well I think putting signs up telling people where they are might defeat the purpose of having _secret_ passageways," said Remus.

"Well then we'll find some way of way of letting only right-minded people know about them, only people who'll put them to good use and won't run and tell a teacher."

"That'd be cool," said Peter, "but err... how would we do that?"

"I don't know, we'll think of something, for now we've got some sleuthing to do."

He slid aside the painting that concealed the other end of the passageway and stepped out into the corridor outside Slughorn's office, holding it open for Remus and Peter.

"Did you bring you're invisibility cloak by any chance Prongs?" asked Remus.

"No, I don't carry the thing around with me twenty four hours a day Moony. We'll just have to see what we can hear through the door, bags I get the keyhole. Wormtail you can be on lookout."

"Oh," said Peter.

"Lookout's the most important job," said James, "just go and stand at the end of the corridor and tell us if you see someone coming.

"Okay," said Peter, slighted heartened by his friend's comment.

Peter walked down to the end of the corridor and Remus and James pressed their ears to the door, straining to hear what was going on inside.

"Like I said, I don't talk to him so I can't help you," came Sirius's voice from within.

"Can't or won't?"

"Both! He won't listen to me and I wouldn't want to talk to him even if he would."

"Have you tried talking to him."

There was a pause before Sirius replied.

"Yes," he said, as though it cost him a great deal to admit that fact, "I have tried. It's not that I don't care about him, it's not that I don't care about what he might be doing it's just that..." he sighed, "my life is good now, I have friends, I have fun. Apart from the summer holidays it's like I've finally broken free from all that. And I wanted Regulus to get away from it too but how can I help someone that refuses to be helped?"

"You will not be doing this alone Sirius, I will give you all my support in this..."

"I don't want your support! I just want you to leave me alone and let me get on with my life! Isn't it good enough that I got out of that mess? Does it count for nothing that I managed to turn out alright despite being raised to think I'm better than everyone else just because my blood is supposedly 'purer' than everyone else's?"

"Of course that doesn't count for nothing m'boy," said Slughorn, "it's a marvellous achievement. All of us were astounded, for example, when we discovered that you knew about Lupin being a werewolf. We all assumed if you ever found out you would stop being friends with him."

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence," said Sirius sarcastically.

"I was just trying to say that if you truly cared about your muggleborn and werewolf friends then you would do all you can to..."

"Well now you're just trying to blackmail me!" cried Sirius, "this is stupid. As if you give a damn about Remus, I see the way you ignore him all the time in class! I see the way you leave him out of your little club even though he's really smart just because he's a werewolf! Don't you dare try to take the moral high ground with me _Professor_. If you think you've got Death Eaters in your House you can bloody well sort it out yourself! Now if you will excuse me, I have an essay to finish."

There was the sound of a chair scraping.

"Sirius, please..."

"No! He's in _your_ House. He's _your_ problem now not mine. I've been trying to keep him out of this shit for years now and you've been doing nothing to help! No, you didn't care so long as he still got full marks in every test, so long as he went along to your pathetic little parties and chatted politely to your Ministry contacts. And now, when you've _finally_ realised what golden boy is really up to you think that the best way to get me to help you is to use my friend's condition to blackmail me!"

They heard the heavy footfalls on the flagstone floor and Remus and James darted behind a suit of armour just in time as the door swung open.

"Mr Black you will not leave this office!"

"Oh yeah, try and stop me!" said Sirius, and he stormed down the corridor straight past James and Remus.

As soon as they heard the door close again they ran from their hiding place and called out for Sirius to stop, but the boy kept on walking even when he passed Peter at the end of the corridor.

"Sirius! Don't ignore us, please, we're your friends," said James.

Sirius stopped and turned around.

"I _hate_ that man!" he screamed, making a half strangling half crushing gesture in mid-air.

"I know," said James, "I know."

"He's just so... ARRGH!" he ran both hand through his hair, bearing his teeth, "how much did you hear?"

"Since when you told him that you'd tried to talk to Regulus and he wouldn't listen," said James.

"Oh," said Sirius, then turning to Remus he said, "you heard the way he talked about you then?"

"Yes," said Remus, "I think he was just trying to..."

"No! Don't you dare defend him! He's a manipulative ARSEHOLE! Trying to say that I'd be a shit friend if I don't... 'cause I already tried! And where was he then huh?! It was you that helped me then not him! That BASTARD!"

"You're an amazing friend to me Sirius. You're right, he was just trying to manipulate you into... what exactly did he want you to do?"

"He wanted me to talk to my brother, try and find out how involved him and the rest of them are with the Death Eaters, try and talk him out of it. As if that would work! The ignorant prick doesn't know anything! He just let this happen right under his nose and then expects me to sort out his mess! He tries to use the fact that he's my brother to blackmail me into helping him and then when he realises that that won't work because I don't care about him anymore he tries to use Remus!"

"You don't have to do anything he says Sirius," said James, patting him on the shoulder, "it's not your problem."

"I know!" said Sirius, "It's not! He probably won't be my brother for much longer anyway, it can hardly be long 'til my parents finally disown me."

"Exactly," said James, "you're not a Black really, you're an honorary Potter."

Sirius gave a short laugh.

"Think your parents would adopt me?"

"I think they would actually," said James, "especially Mum, Mum loves a Black that got away."

"Sometimes I feel like I'll never really get away from them, even if I get disowned ."

"You already have got away from them," said James.

"No I haven't," said Sirius, "once a Black always a Black."

"You were never a Black," said James, "not really, remember when we met on the train, you already knew you didn't want to be in Slytherin, it wasn't us that turned you into a decent person, you were born one."

"No I wasn't," said Sirius, "there was a time when I used to believe all that crap. It wasn't until Andromeda was about thirteen and started to see how ridiculous it all was that I had anyone to tell me otherwise. And even then... hey Peter, you know how when we first found out about Remus, and you were scared?"

"Yeah," said Peter, with an apologetic look sideways towards Remus.

"Well I was something even worse," said Sirius, looking down at his feet to avoid Remus's gaze, "I was disgusted. Not for long," he added quickly, "but when James first suggested it my first thought was that I had let a non-human touch me, share food with me... Of course James kept going on about how horrible it must be for you, how we needed to help you, and in the rational part of my mind I agreed with him, I knew that my first reaction to the news was shameful, so I kept it quiet. I pushed the thought out of my mind and eventually I was able to forget about it, to see you as Remus again. I never planned to tell you this Remus, to tell anyone this. It is the most shameful thing I have ever done in my life."

"But you didn't do anything," said Remus, "you just thought it. And you made the effort to overcome what you thought of me which is more than most people would have done."

Sirius looked up again.

"It's nothing to be proud of. I shouldn't have had those thoughts in the first place, it's like James said before, being a decent person is nothing to be proud of, and yet I have spent half my life trying desperately to become one, and falling at every hurdle. Once a Black, always a Black."

"You have not fallen at every hurdle," said Remus, "you're not still disgusted by me now are you?"

"No!" said Sirius almost vehemently.

"Well then. You were born a decent person Sirius, I think everyone was, but then your parents raised you not to be, and you were only a child, how were you to know any better? But then you did what most people in your situation don't do and strive to become decent again. That makes you more than just a decent person that makes you a good one, and more than that someone who fights for goodness. All I can say is that I can see why Slughorn would want your help on this one, because you're a million times a better person that he could ever dream of being. Not that you have to help him of course. Just becoming a decent person yourself is..."

"It's _not_ an achievement! All I have done is caught up with everyone else, succeeded in becoming normal."

"Yeah, and becoming normal's harder than people make it out to be," said Remus, "believe me I know. And I know that it hardly ever feels like you've succeeded and even when it does it doesn't feel like some great achievement. It's like... my Mum is always saying how proud I should be that I'm _'coping so well'_ with being a werewolf, that I'm managing to go to school and make friends and get decent grades and basically have an imitation of a normal life. I'm doing nothing more than you or James or Peter, less actually, the difference is that I struggle to do it, I have been struggling to do it for most of my life, and, same as you, falling at every hurdle."

"That's different," said Sirius.

"How so? I can't help being a werewolf and you can't help being a Black, but neither us want to be those things so we struggle against it. And other people, the ones that don't hate or fear us for what we are, say that we should be proud of that, but for us it's like we haven't got a choice but to struggle, it's not an achievement, it's a necessity. But other people can never understand that, people like to romanticise stuff, seeing good guys and bad guys everywhere, but really we're just normal guys... or at least we try to be. Sorry," he added, "that was a bit of an anti-climax, I was going for comforting slash inspirational but I don't know how much that came out. Oh well, I guess you should cut me a bit of slack seeing as I did hit my head earlier."

"Nah, I think you pretty much hit the mark there Remus," said Sirius, "you really are exceptionally good at this kind of thing, but then again you are the guy who managed to break up with a girl after half a date and not get a kick in the balls. But what do you mean you hit your head earlier?"

"Oh yeah, we haven't told you yet," laughed Remus, "this eegit here made me pretend to faint so we could get out of Binn's lesson and follow you."

"And you actually did it? Wow I'm impressed!"

"It wasn't that impressive, like I said I hit my head kind of hard on the floor."

"Nah I'm just impressed you actually did it. You've never skived before, in fact you've got the opposite problem of having that mad compulsion to drag yourself to class even if you really are sick."

"Yeah well I've never had a reason good enough to make me give up on trying to be normal until now," said Remus, "look Sirius, I know it doesn't feel like an achievement to have turned out to be a decent person, but it's enough. Expecting you to turn all the Blacks into decent people would be like... like expecting me turn werewolves like Greyback into decent people. Don't get me wrong I'd love to, but sometimes I just think why should I? Isn't it enough that I have managed to get an education of make friends with wizards? Isn't it enough that I'm happy? Once people start seeing you as some sort of hero then they start expecting way more of you than you could ever reasonably achieve. One person can only change the world in small ways Sirius, and you've already done that."

"Okay now you're just showing off," laughed Sirius.

"I'm sorry, it must be Prongs rubbing off on me."

"Hey!"

Sirius laughed as his friends made fun of each other, clearly in an attempt to cheer him up. But his mind was still mulling over what Slughorn and Remus had said. He still wanted to help his brother as much as ever but he knew he couldn't, he had refused Slughorn because he didn't want to go through the disappointment all over again. Remus had said that it was alright for him not to help anyone else be a good person, that it was too much to ask, but he couldn't take this advice wholeheartedly when it was coming from a person who asked too much of himself every day. He knew that Remus did want to make life better for other werewolves, and stop them from purposefully biting more innocent people, and he vowed that he too would continue to, as Remus had put it, 'fight for goodness' in others as well as himself. But he would do it on his own terms, not for some manipulative Slytherin slug who refused to play his part.


	48. Slughorn's Proposal

Hi, this one's another monster of a chapter, and it's going to be a two part-er as well so I hope 6032 is justification enough for over a week's wait :) Oh well, what can I say, I'm not JK Rowling. I have actually written another one shot in that time though, it's not marauders it's next gen but please check it out because it hasn't gotten any reviews yet and it's making me a tad sad. I don't think people who read next gen stuff are as lovely people who read marauders stuff. Anyway onwards and (hopefully) upwards, here's chapter 48 (almost at the fifty mark guys!)

* * *

The first few days after Sirius's 'chat' with Professor Slughorn the rotund Potions Master did not broach the subject again, nor indeed approach Sirius at all. In fact in Potions lessons the teacher seemed to be going out of his way to ignore all of the Marauders not just Remus and Peter. Sirius was beginning to think their shouting match had actually got 'The Slug' off his case, but then on the fifth day after their argument he was approached at Breakfast by a third year girl who was blushing profusely and carrying three small scrolls each tied with a classy black ribbon.

"Em, hello," said the girl, "I mean, sorry, um, are you Sirius Black? I mean, of course I know you're Sirius Black, I mean..." the girl closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "Professor Slughorn asked me to give you this."

She fumbled with the scrolls for a moment before finding the right one and half offering, half throwing it towards Sirius.

"Is this an invitation to one of his stupid parties?" asked Sirius, wrinkling his nose at the scroll.

"Yes!" said the girl, "I mean no, I mean, they're not that stupid, I mean they are, you're probably way too cool for them, but they'd be cool if you were there and um... and I'll be there, maybe we could..."

"Yeah well tell him to stuff it yeah," said Sirius.

"He told me to tell you to at least consider it," said the girl, looking upwards to the ceiling as she tried to remember Professor Slughorn's precise words, "he said that your brother would be there and also that he was going to invite your friends James Potter and Remus Lupin. Oh bugger I should have given said that first. Um... James? James Potter?"

"That's me," said James, extending his hand to take his invitation.

"I know," said the girl, "I mean, obviously I know, you're on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, how could I not know?"

"Yeah err... can I just have the invitation?"

"Oh sorry, of course, here you go!"

She thrust the scroll forwards with such ferocity that she ended up punching James in the nose.

"Oh Merlin! I'm so sorry! Oh fudge! Oh bollocks! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," said James nonchalantly pushing his glasses back up his nose, ignoring Sirius, Peter and Remus who were sniggering like idiots.

"Oh good, I really am sorry, I didn't mean to, gosh I'm so clumsy, um oh yeah and Remus Lupin... do you know where I can find him?"

"I'm Remus," said Remus, controlling his mirth, "but are you sure it's me you're looking for?"

"Definitely, he said he definitely meant Remus Lupin, fifth year, Gryffindor Prefect," she said, nodding her head as she listed each detail then glancing down at his chest where there resided the small shiny badge emblazoned with a golden 'P' on a red background.

"Oh, well that is me," said Remus, taking the scroll warily, partly because he was extremely suspicious of Slughorn wanting to invite him to a Slug Club party and partly because he did not want to be punched in the face.

"Yes, well, um anyway, he said that he really wants you to come and to make sure you consider it, sorry I already said that, but do consider it! And um... if you do come then err... find me yeah?" she said, shifting her hips in a way she obviously thought was cool and flirtatious but ruining any effect that gave by promptly adding a high pitched "please?"

"Yeah maybe whatever," said Sirius, waving the girl away and turning to James, "what the bloody hell does he think he's playing at?"

"Isn't it obvious? He thinks if he can get you and your brother at one of his Slug Club things you two will have a good old natter about his plans to join the Death..."

But James was broken off by a cough from Remus.

Both boys to look at their friend, who nudged his head upwards to the place where the third year was still standing expectantly.

"Err, do you mind?" asked Sirius, "this is kind of private."

"Oh gosh, sorry! I'll go. I'll go."

"Yes you do that," said Sirius, as the girl hurried off, bumping into a Hufflepuff in her haste and knocking her bag off of her shoulder, "Merlin some of these girls..."

"You were saying James?" prompted Remus.

"Yeah well it's obvious he just wants to get Sirius to talk to his brother and he thinks this is the right way to go about it."

"Yeah well like you said that's obvious," said Sirius, "what I meant was does he think just getting me and him in the same room will make us talk to each other, and more to the point why does he think I'll even come?"

"Well that's why he invited me," said Remus, "he's trying to strike a bargain with you, you help him, he helps me."

"Well I'll be damned if he thinks that's going to work," said Sirius.

"Exactly," said Remus, "I'm not going if he's only inviting me just to make you go."

"No," said Sirius, "_I'm_ not going, but you are."

"And what if I don't want to go?" said Remus indignantly.

"You should go Remus," said James, "I know Slughorn's a bit of git but if you're still worried about not being able to get a job when you're older then getting in with the Slug Club could really help you. My dad says the Ministry's full of his old favourites."

"But he's still just using me to try and use Sirius," said Remus, "that's all he does he just uses people. That's why he's never bothered with me before, his so called 'favourites' are just people who he thinks will be useful to him. I don't care if he could help me become Minister for Magic I'm sticking by Sirius."

"No Remus, you're going," said Sirius firmly, "apart from anything else think how much it'll piss him off you turn up without us."

"But if I go then he'll think you owe him something," said Remus.

"Yeah well let him think that, because I don't. He gave you an invite, you have every right to be there."

"At least you come too James, I don't want to go alone with him."

"You'll be fine," said James, "it'll have maximum effect if you're the only that turns up."

"You won't be alone anyway," said Peter, "Lily always gets invited to these things."

"But I suppose I could go," said James, "yeah, that might piss him off more actually, I could let off a few dung bombs and..."

"And have a nice shufty of Lily's tits in evening gown?" suggested Sirius, "don't let me stop you mate, I say we make the most of this opportunity. If Slughorn wants to strike a deal with me let's see how high he's prepared to raise the stakes."

"But you're not getting anything out of this so far," said Remus, "I'm getting the chance to try and persuade Slughorn's Ministry mates I'm not a savage and James is getting an evening with the perfect view of Lily's cleavage but you're not actually getting anything."

"that's where you're wrong my dear Moony," said Sirius, "if I wanted to hang out with Ministry arseholes I could just go home for Easter and I don't need an excuse to look at girls' boobs, you saw that kid who punched James, I can't even eat breakfast without being assaulted by girls throwing themselves boob first at my face."

"Lovely image," said Remus.

"It is if they're hot," said Sirius, "and preferably over the age of fourteen, preferably. But anyway the point is Slughorn has realised that he can't offer _me_ anything. All he can give me is all the stuff I've already walked away from, he's floundering hopelessly and my is it fun to watch."

"Like a practical joke?" asked Peter excitedly.

"Exactly like a practical joke Wormtail, except that this time the Professor initiated it, which I think gives us more or less free reign to take this as far as we like."

"And the first round is tomorrow," said James, checking his invitation, "you up for it Remus."

"Sure," said Remus, looking distracted.

"If you don't want to do the dungbomb thing then that's fine," said James, "if you do want to actually make a good impression on these people..."

"No, no I was just thinking," said Remus, "anyway I've got Divination so I better head off."

"Ha ha! Have fun with the stairs," said Sirius, "meanwhile me Prongs and Wormtail will be off for a nice stroll down to the lake where we will then spend the lesson outside in the beautiful spring sunshine observing the Grindylows in their natural habitat while you will be stuck in a stuffy room staring at bird's intestines which apparently are trying to tell you that you will suffer a dreadful accident in... what is it? Ten days time?"

"Actually this month it's going to be spattergroit," said Remus, wrinkling his nose "and may I remind you that from where I sit in Divination I have easy access to a window with prime view of the lake from which you may find a disembowelled bird carcass hurtling towards you if you insist on rubbing my nose in the fact that I chose the wrong subject."

"You wouldn't have good enough aim," said Sirius.

"Ah but the beauty of being a wizard Sirius, is that I wouldn't need good aim, you are one simple first year hovering charm away from getting bird corpse in your hair so I would watch it if I were you."

"Alright, I'll try not to look like I'm enjoying myself too much out there," said Sirius, "now bugger off to your lesson before you give me a bird carcass to the head for making you late."

The next evening rolled around in the blink of an eye, and before Remus knew it he was being shoved into James's dress robes. When asked why in Merlin's name he even had dress robes James mumbled something about his mum packing them, and after sparing a moment to laugh at the fact that James was sixteen and still could not pack his own truck ("technically I was fifteen at the time!" James protested, "and it's not that I can't it's just that I can't be bothered!") James and Sirius decided that Remus should wear the dress robes, which were only a couple of inches too short for him and so could be easily lengthened by magic, and James would just charm some of his school robes to hide the Hogwarts badge and become a nice dark purple colour instead of their usual black.

"You should wear the dress robes," said Remus, "they're yours after all, and they actually fit you."

"Yeah and they'll fit you in a minute," said James, "lengthening charms are dead easy, and it doesn't matter if they're a bit loose on you no one will notice."

"Yeah but they're _yours_, why can't we just alter some of my robes?"

"Because we don't know how reversible this will be," said Sirius, who was waving his wand over the black fabric muttering under his breath as it slowly turned purple, "and James's parents are rich so they can shell out for a new set of robes no problem."

"And what about the dress robes? School robes may be easily replaceable but these must have been really expensive, I don't think your parents would appreciate you messing them up like this."

"I'm not messing them up, really this'll just make them last longer, I do plan to grow a bit taller than this you know."

"Oh do you now?" smirked Sirius, "and when exactly do you plan to find a miraculous cure for midget-ness?"

"I am not a midget Sirius, I'm taller than Peter!"

"Yeah but that's just like the time you tried saying you weren't as skinny as Remus."

"Well I'm not!"

"Yeah but that's not saying much is it? And at least he has an excuse, you're just naturally a scrawny little midget."

"It's better than being a fatty like you," said James.

"It's called muscle Prongs, maybe you should try growing some when you manage to nick some of Pomfrey's skele-grow."

"Alright girls let's leave everyone's body insecurities behind shall we? We're going to be late."

"Damn right you are," said Sirius, "fashionably late. You've got to make an entrance haven't you?"

"Do we really?" asked Remus in a pained voice.

"Yeah!" said Sirius, "you may never get invited to one of these things again remember so this could be your one chance to make your mark."

"And to piss off Slughorn," added James.

"Of course," said Sirius, "now, off you go, but make Remus walk slowly alright? Never arrive anywhere looking like you've rushed to get there, remember a wizard is never late, nor is he ever early, he always arrives precisely when he means to."

"You nicked that from..." started Remus.

"Yeah whatever, just dazzle the Slug's Ministry Maggots with your intellect and charm alright? And James?"

"Yup?"

"Give 'em hell."

James gave Sirius a salute and grabbed Remus by the wrist, dragging him with more force than necessary out of the dorm.

"I'm not going to bottle it you know," said Remus, "I would quite like to be able to use that hand to write tomorrow and at the moment your kind of cutting of the blood supply."

"Oh sorry," said James, releasing him as they descended the steps into the common room, before they reached the bottom however they heard an accusing voice from behind them.

"Potter?! Where the hell do you think you're going dressed like that?"

"Oh hello Miss Evans," said James, turning around and brushing his hair unnecessarily out of his eyes, "going to Sluhorn's do as well are we? Why don't you let me and Mr Lupin escort you there?"

"Remus what the hell is going on?" asked Lily, turning to the other boy.

"Believe it or not," said Remus, "and I, like you, was inclined not to believe it at first, Slughorn has actually invited us to his dinner party tonight."

"Really?" said Lily, sounding unsure as to whether she should be suspicious or pleased, "I mean, that's good, I have asked him before why he didn't invite you but he always sort of brushed me off."

"Well, maybe he had a change of heart," said Remus, "I don't get it either really, but I swear it's the truth, look, we've even got our invites," he said, producing his from his pocket.

"It wasn't _you_ I was doubting," said Lily.

"James has actually been invited to these things many times before," said Remus, "admittedly that was back in first year before Slughorn knew any better and he was simply the son of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"I'm afraid I will not believe it until I have seen the invite," said Lily, crossing her arms.

"Right here Evans," said James, raising his wand and saying "accio", deftly catching the scroll of parchment as it zoomed upwards of his pocket.

Lily rolled her eyes and made an exasperated noise in her throat.

"That was the most pointless use of a summoning charm I have ever witnessed," said Lily.

"Do you want to check it's not forged?" asked James teasingly.

"No," sighed Lily, "you are a Potter after all, you'll have glittering career whether you work hard or not so I suppose you are worth 'collecting', besides if you did forge it you just won't be let in. Now, if you'll excuse me I don't want to be late."

"And neither do we," said James brightly, ignoring the amused look on Remus's face, "let us depart."

He tried to link arms with Lily but stopped when he found her wand an inch from the tip of his nose.

"Don't even try it Potter, Remus walk between us please."

Remus was about to protest but Lily grabbed him anyway and pulled him between the two of them.

"Oh come on," said Remus, "what is with all the grabbing today?"

"Sorry Remus, but I am not walking next to someone who is likely to spend the entire walk to the dungeons attempting to touch my arse."

"Alright," said Remus, "let's just head off then seeing as both of you were so keen to get there on time a minute ago."

With Remus between James and Lily the walk to the dungeon managed to pass with only minimal buttock fondling on the former's part, and even that soon stopped after Remus accidently got caught in the cross fire and nearly strangled him. When they arrived Lily was greeted warmly by Slughorn before he moved on to James looking slightly disappointed.

"Sirius not here yet?" he asked, shaking James's hand.

"No he didn't want to come," said James, "but we jumped at the chance didn't we Remus, told him he didn't know what he was missing."

"Fine, very well, come in and take a seat, Lily why don't you sit with me and Severus, I'll introduce you to an old friend of mine..."

Without even acknowledging Remus Slughorn led Lily to the far end of the table where a middle aged man with bushy sideburns was talking to a rather sullen looking Severus Snape and an equally bored looking, yet far more handsomely so, Regulus Black.

"Fancy causing a bit of stir?" asked James, nodding towards two free seats next to Regulus and diagonally opposite from the sideburns man and Snape.

"Course," grinned Remus, and he and James wandered over to the empty chairs.

"Hello gents," said James, tipping an imaginary hat, "lady," he added with a wink at Lily, "The name's Potter, James Potter," he stretched out his hand towards the sideburns man who half rose from his chair to shake it.

"Augustus Helmsbridge," he said in one of those slightly ridiculous sounding posh accents, "pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine," said James, "and this is Remus Lupin."

"Hello Mr Helmsbridge," said Remus, shaking Augustus Helmbridge's hand.

"Oh please call me Augustus, all my students do, and I was just saying to Lily over here I am hoping some of you bright young things might be one of them in a few years."

"Augustus is in charge of Healer training at St Mungos," said Slughorn, "when you mentioned that you might like to consider a career in that sort of area I thought I might give him an owl. Gus and I are old friends from back in the day aren't we?"

"Oh yes, back when Dinosaurs roamed the Earth," chuckled Augustus, "Yes, Horace told me all about you Lily, his young potions protégé."

"Well, yes, Potions is my passion in life, but I want to use that passion to do something that will really help people you know. That's why I'm abandoning Severus here to study Healing while he goes off and does pure Potions."

"Actually I was thinking I might go into Spell Development," said Severus, Remus detected a hint of spite in his look towards Lily, "there are more... possibilities, in that field."

"What like the Dark Arts," said James, just loud enough for Lily, as well as Snape and Regulus to hear.

"Well this is awful, I seem to be losing my best potioneers by the hour!" said Slughorn dramatically, apparently he either hadn't heard what James had said or was choosing to ignore it, "oh well, maybe you'll both return to us some time in the future eh?"

"Oh I fully intend to," said Lily, "but I've got the whole of my life to pursue a career in potions, for the moment though, with the war and everything, I think my talents would be put to better use elsewhere. Besides, it's Medical Potions that I'm really interested in, and I think the experience of actually working as a Healer will really benefit me if and when I do return to potioneering. From what I've read it seems that there's an enormous lack of communications between Healers and Potioneers which needs to be addressed if there's going to be any progress in either area."

"An insightful observation indeed," said Augustus, "I'm afraid I myself have to plead guilty to partaking in this old rivalry thing between us and the Cauldron Coddlers over in the labs. I believe we've had many a debate about it over the years haven't we Horace?"

"Oh yes," laughed Horace, "to this day I don't believe we ever settled that one did we?"

"Perhaps in due course Lily will settle it for us," said Augustus, "so, Medical Potions eh? An unusual choice nowadays, most kids I meet want to go off and become Aurors."

"Yes well whilst I can see that the Aurors do a very important job it doesn't mean that there aren't other jobs that need to be done, especially in a time of war. I suppose part of my interest came from my father, he's a Doctor, which is what they call Healers in the muggle world, but then also I've seen the effects living with illness can have on people, and ever since I found out that magic could not cure everything I've always sort of felt compelled to try and change that."

Remus was moved by the sadness in her eyes as she spoke to Augustus, but even more so by the way she did not try to hide it, nor did she let it take over. She let it be seen that she had been deeply affected by her father's illness but that she was going to do something about it and that gave her hope. She gave herself hope.

"You're muggleborn then?" asked Augustus, "good luck to you then, you'll need it applying for something as competitive as Healing, especially in the current climate."

"Lily's not like the others though," said Snape, "she's a marvellous witch and she'll make a fantastic Healer."

"That's not to say I won't face the same assumptions people make about all muggleborns though," said Lily, with a pointed look at Snape, again Remus got the feeling that they were having their own silent conversation.

"You'll be fine Lily," said Remus, feeling he should add his own voice to the conversation at some point, "if you've got what it takes, which you have, and you want it bad enough, which you do, then people will just have to have their assumptions proved wrong won't they? That's what my mum always said."

"Ah yes, I forget your mother was a Healer," said Slughorn.

"You forget about Remus a lot," said James, again he spoke quietly, but loud enough that it was clear he wanted to make himself heard.

"Yes well I'm easily forgetten about," said Remus, they were drawing near to dangerous territory which he wanted to stay well away from in the presence of Augustus, Snape and Regulus, "Professor Slughorn only takes us for potions and I'll be the first one to admit that I'm average at best in that particular area, Lily has been helping me a lot in fact..."

"You're mother was a Healer you say?" asked Augustus, ignoring Remus's attempts to shift the focus of the conversation away from himself, "and a muggleborn too?"

"Yes," said Remus, "and she said that while people did seem to underestimate her she just worked hard to prove them wrong, and Lily will prove them wrong easily. As James knows to his detriment have mercy for anyone who underestimates Lily Evans."

Lily grinned at Remus, and James for once did not have a sarky comment up his sleeve.

"What was her name, I might have remembered her?" asked Augustus.

"Well her maiden name was Mary O'Hanlon," said Remus, hoping that even if he did remember his mother as Mary O'Hanlon he would not make the connection between the woman he remembered and the Mary Lupin, the Healer who was fired for gross misconduct shortly after her son had been bitten by a werewolf.

"Hmm, afraid I don't recall anyone by that name, they all blur into one when you've been putting a new lot through their training year upon year for however many years. I don't know how you remember so many of your old students Horace, I have a hard enough time remembering the present ones."

"Well, I suppose it's only the brightest ones that shine out in our memories isn't it," chuckled Slughorn and in that instant Remus wanted to knock that man's self-satisfied smile off his oversized face. The man may not have liked him but he didn't have to sneer at his mother like that. But even as his clenched his jaw at the slovenly walrus of a man in front of him he knew that it was all for the best, that he was doing him a favour by diverting his old friend's interest in Remus's family. That was always the way it had to be, keep quiet, keep your head down, don't attract attention, and if by some miracle it turns out you're actually good at something keep quiet about that too, any glory you get will only be short lived, and after that you'll be exposed, people will see you for what you really are, and your fall from grace will be all the harder for actually having any grace in the first place. He thought back to his conversation with Sirius, striving to be normal was all he ever knew, all he was ever taught to aspire to was the ordinary. Part of him hated that, something deep within his chest rebelled against it, rattling at his ribcage with angry fists, trying to get out. But the rest of him was too scared to let it out of it's prison.

"... Department of Magical Law Enforcement yes," James was saying, "nah I don't reckon he'll ever retire, he can't stand being idle see? A bit like me I suppose... yes, yes, I want to be an Auror, so does my friend Sirius Black."

Remus snatched himself away from his thoughts at the mention of Sirius. Clearly he was not the only one who had perked up at his mention though for Regulus made a sceptical noise in the back of his throat.

"Something wrong with that Regulus," James taunted, "worried perhaps, about your brother becoming an Auror?"

"Your brother eh? Is he here?" asked Augustus, looking around.

"No," said Regulus, "my brother has never exactly been aspiring type."

"Well an Auror sounds like a pretty high aspiration to me, but I can see why you're concerned about him Regulus, the amount of Aurors we get coming in with missing limbs and the like... and cursed off more often than not, not easy to fix."

"Oh I doubt Regulus is worried _for_ Sirius," said James.

"Ehem, yes well, I doubt Regulus wants us to discuss he family matters round the dinner table," said Slughorn.

"Oh but I thought that was what you wanted Professor," said James innocently, "I thought that was why you invited him tonight."

"You invited my brother?" asked Regulus.

"Well I... he is a very smart young chap... and with Ministry aspirations... and I suppose as Regulus's Head of House I have a certain pastoral duty to..." Slughorn was floundering, and James could see it, his eyes lit up the way they always did when his opponent was on the back foot.

"Oh as do I," said James, "I tried to persuade him to come but this isn't his sort of thing really, to be honest I doubt he would have come even without the added chore of talking to his little brother about why the Dark Arts a bad."

"Dark Arts?!" exclaimed Augustus, "Horace what the devil is this boy on about?"

"Nothing, nothing," said Slughorn, "just a family matter, private, ought not to be discussed at the dinner table, Lily have you had some of the parsnips? They're caramelised..."

"Yes I have," said Lily, "Potter I don't think you should go around accusing people of things like that without any evidence, or at least if you do then you should do it in private. I know Sirius and Regulus's family has a history of involvement in the Dark Arts but I don't think it's fair to tar _either_ of them with the same brush. It's just as bad as being prejudiced towards muggleborns. Anyway Augustus I was wondering whether maybe you could help me organise some sort of work experience this summer..."

"Do you think that was really what Sirius meant by 'give 'em hell'?" asked Remus under his breath.

"Well it scuppered Regulus's plans for shimmying in there with Scraggy Sideburns didn't it? And it made Slughorn lose face in front of his 'old pal from back in the good old days'. Plus I bet it made Snivellus feel a bit hot under the collar as well so that's always a good thing. The whole point was just to show who's got the power here, showing them that we're the ones holding the cards in their deal."

"But you don't think it was a bit... abrupt?"

"I'll admit it wasn't my smoothest of 'give 'em hell's," said James, "but then again I never was the smooth one was I? All my past attempts to be smooth have, as you so kindly reminded everyone earlier, ended up with me caught on the wrong end of Evans Special."

"Well, by those standards this was a success then," smirked Remus.

"Yeah, I have to admit I hanbd my hands over my bollocks just in case while she was talking back there."

Remus coughed to cover the fact that he was cracking up.

"Merlin James, you can't say that kind of thing at a posh do like this!"

"Keep your knickers on Moony, it could have been worse I could said..."

"Yeah well we're all glad you didn't," said Remus.

"What all one of you?" teased James.

"Shut up."

According to James's watch it was another two and half hours before they finally left, though when they discussed it later both boys agreed it felt like two and a half millennia. They heard Lily bidding farewell to Severus, James clenched his fists as he saw her giving him a peck on the cheek out of the corner of his eye and Remus was just about to swiftly steer him down the corridor towards the Gryffindor common room when he saw Lily walking briskly towards them.

"I need to talk to you," she said, naturally addressing Remus, but then she turned to James and said, "both of you."

With the merest glance over her shoulder at Severus, who was walking with Regulus in the other direction down the corridor, she directed them into an empty classroom, closing the door behind them.

"What do you know about Severus and Regulus's involvement in the Dark Arts?" she said in a low voice that still retained that no nonsense tone Lily frequently adopted with James.

"What? So you actually believe us then?" asked James, baffled.

"I probably know more about Severus than anyone else in the world," said Lily, "I'm not blind."

"But I thought you always tried to see the best in people," scoffed James.

"Yes but that doesn't mean I also don't see their worst," said Lily, "now, I've answered your questions so you'd better answer mine, or it'll be another 'Evans Special'," she added, indicating that she had heard their muttered conversation.

"Were we that loud?" asked James.

"Localised targeting Sonorus charm," said Lily, "something Severus and I have been working on, now, an answer, if you please?"

"Well, everyone knows they're in with a bad crowd," said James, "and Snape practically brags about it to us. Thinks he can scare us off probably with his tough talk about how 'one day we'll pay' and all that crap."

"And Sirius lives with Regulus so obviously he knows a bit about what's going on with him."

"The sicko's got a Voldemort shrine apparently," said James, disgusted.

"But that's pretty much all we know," concluded Remus.

"I suppose you want us to keep quiet about it," said James.

Lily sighed.

"I want you... to try to handle the situation with some delicacy, some care. Not everything can be solved by going in there all guns blazing Potter."

"And nothing gets solved if you just ignore it," countered James.

"I'll be the first to admit I've sat on this for too long," said Lily calmly, "and now I am asking you for your help, or if you won't do it then at least could you pass this message on to Sirius. We could both lose people to the Dark Side here, and we're all going to need to set our differences aside eventually and work together if we're going to stop things like this."

"You can count on us," said James.

"Of course we'll help," said Remus, "if we can... as you can see we failed pretty dismally in there."

"Well I wouldn't say that," said Lily, "you called Slughorn out on it and that's something."

"I thought you we're Slughorn's favourite teacher's pet!" said James incredulously.

"Just because he likes me it doesn't mean the feeling's mutual," said Lily, "it hasn't escaped my notice either the way he's not taking a blind bit of notice of this growing problem that's just staring him in the face. And it hasn't escaped my notice either the way he treats you Remus. But he's useful. I may not like it but getting in with him will get you in with half the powerful people in the Wizarding world, and while doing so grinds against every moral bone in my body I know that that'll come in useful some day, maybe in more ways that we can imagine right now. Maybe he'll even be useful to us in this thing with Severus and Regulus, if he came for Sirius to help then it means he's actually waking up to what's going on in his House, and as a teacher he must be able to do something."

"Do you think teachers are all-powerful or something?" smirked James.

"No, but they do have power, Slughorn probably more than most. Just talk to Sirius alright, and we'll discuss it properly some other time once I've thought of a few strategies."

"Okay," said James, "we'll be thinking of strategies too, I'm normally pretty good at that sort of thing," he tried to add casually.

"Well Potter, now's the time to prove you're not all talk and no trousers," said Lily, "come on, let's get back before we're missed."

The walk back to the common room was a much more sombre affair than the walk to the party. Nobody made any effort to break the silence that descended over them when they left the room, and James's hands did not stray anywhere near either Lily's or Remus's backsides, something both parties would surely have been grateful for if they had not been so deep in thought. At the door to the boys' dormitory they said a quick good bye and Lily continued up the spiral staircase while James and Remus entered their dorm. To their surprise it was deadly quietly, and apparently empty.

"Hello?" called James, "Sirius? Peter?"

Suddenly there was movement on Peter's bed, and a rat, which neither boy had noticed before transformed on the spot back into a spotty blonde boy of sixteen.

"Hey guys," he said.

"What happened Peter? Why were you transformed? Where's Sirius?"

Peter appeared baffled by one or more of James's questions.

"I er... nothing happened, I just like being a rat sometimes, and I thought Sirius was with you?"

"With us? No, he stayed here with you," said James.

"Yeah but then he said he'd changed his mind and went after you," said Peter, furrowing his brow in confusion, "is he not back yet?"

"Back?" said James, "he never turned up."


	49. Some Sirius Sleuthing

A big hello again from this random person on the internet who is not JK Rowling! I know he updates are getting less frequent again but hey, I do have like school and all sorts of shizzle like that and I don't think 'sorry I was too busy writing about a bunch of made up characters I happen to be completely in love with' would go down well as an excuse with any of my teachers when it turns out i haven't done any work and have therefore failed every subject. But enough about me, here's a little thing I wrote about everyone's favourite animagi, the world's most adorable werewolf... and that traitor rat nobody really gives a damn about of course. Enjoy!

* * *

"You know what Pete I think I'm going to go after them," said Sirius.

"Oh, why?" asked Peter.

Sirius shrugged.

"Well, Snape and Regulus are going to be there and I can't exactly turn down an invitation to the perfect opportunity to torment those two can I?"

"Suppose not," said Peter, "can I come too?"

"No Wormtail you weren't invited," said Sirius, "hey would you do me a favour and go check whether they're still in the common room?"

"Okay," said Peter eagerly, jumping off of his bed and dashing out of the door.

As soon as Peter was gone Sirius too jumped off of his bed and dashed, not towards the door, but towards James's bed, or more specifically towards the trunk which lay at the foot of it. He flung open the lid and after a sort rummage found what he was after. He swiftly stowed it away in his pocket before closing the trunk and crossing the dorm once more, taking a comb from his own bedside table and entering the bathroom. While he waited for Peter to arrive back he combed his hair, sweeping it backwards and to the side so that it fell elegantly around his face. When Peter came back, red in the face and panting for breath, Sirius re-emerged from the bathroom, comb in hand and approached him.

"Where they still there?" he asked needlessly, he had made sure that he left enough time for James and Remus to get at least half-way to the dungeons before he announced his change of heart to Peter.

"No," Peter panted, hands on thighs, "I ran bu... but they were... gone."

"Never mind," said Sirius, "I'll just meet them there. Oh and you really need to get fitter Wormtail," he added, leaving the room before the boy could protest or ask to come with him.

Taking two steps at a time he ran down the many staircases of the castle, careening carelessly along the corridors, it was not until he was nearing the dungeons that he would have to be stealthy. When he did arrive in the lower reaches of the castle he stopped and pulled the Invisibility Cloak from his pocket, drawing the thin and silky, yet strangely heavy, material around him. The last leg of his journey he made in near silence, and he managed to slip into the Slug Club party without notice.

He cast his eyes around and almost immediately caught sight of James and Remus, sitting right near the head of the table, not only with Slughorn himself, but also with Snape, Evans and his own brother. In other words, they had hit the jackpot. He carefully manoeuvred his way through the room, around chairs and in between people, until he was standing directly behind his friends. He forced himself not to interfere as he watched James clumsily try to allude to Regulus and Snape's Dark activities, trying not to feel to let down when his attempts were crushed by Lily Evans, after he had at least managed to make Slughorn get a bit hot under the collar and that was something. He would have felt a bit disappointed in Remus too, since he was not offering James any help whatsoever, but even from this angle Sirius could tell that Remus was very uncomfortable with this entire situation, he kept tugging at his sleeves and running his hand over his right shoulder where Sirius now knew he had a particularly large scar.

After several tedious hours of this people started to leave, James and Remus being the first among them. Lily got up almost immediately after that and she was followed by Snape, who was in turn followed by Regulus. Sirius moved quickly to tail his brother, as he drew nearer he heard Lily say a rushed goodbye to Snape.

"But I thought we were going to hang out for a bit," said Snape, Sirius shook his head at how pathetic he sounded.

"Sev it's past curfew, I'm a Prefect, I have to set and example, and besides I need to make sure Potter goes back to our common room, you know what he's like."

"Fair enough," said Snape, "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"First thing," said Lily, "Bye," she added cheerily, running to catch up with James and Remus, to tell them off for something they'd said at dinner.

With a sullen look on his face Snape turned back to Regulus who had been waiting for him.

"Come on Severus, let's go," he said softly.

Snape nodded and followed Regulus, Sirius tailing them quietly. The pair of them walked in silence for a while until Regulus finally plucked up the courage to speak.

"How do you think Potter knew about knew about our plans?" he asked, expertly hiding his panic under a well practised facade of calm superiority.

"I don't know," said Severus shortly.

"You don't think..." ventured Regulus, "I mean, are you sure there's no chance Lily could have told him something."

"Lily hates Potter. And besides I haven't told her anything."

"But she must have an inkling though, if she's as smart as you say she is. And you said she likes Lupin even if she doesn't like Potter."

"Look Lily has nothing to do with this," said Snape, stopping Regulus in his tracks, "Lily knows nothing, Lupin knows nothing and Potter only thinks he knows something. So basically everything is as it usually is. If we're going to talk about possibly informers then I think we'd better start with certain family members."

"I have not spoken to my brother since the summer," said Regulus, "and before that not since his last disastrous attempt to _'show me the light'_."

Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Bloody self-righteous Gryffindors," grunted Snape.

"Yeah well something needs to be done about them," said Regulus, "otherwise their self-righteousness and inability to stay out of other people's business could start to cause serious problems."

"Well I've already suggested poison," spat Snape, a cruel humour playing across his face.

"And I never said that idea didn't have a great deal of appal," said Regulus, "but we can't do something like that right under Dumbledore's nose, especially if people are starting to suspect."

"Potter and his cronies do not _suspect_ anything," said Snape irritably, "they do not have a tenth of the mental capacity between them to be _suspect_ anything. All Potter was doing was shouting the odds as usual, he just happened to get lucky this time, that's all."

"But how come he was even there?" Regulus persisted, "teachers hate his lot how come he and Lupin were invited to the Slug Club tonight when they've never come before."

"Well, Potter's a pureblood isn't he, his father's quite high up in the Ministry. Let's face it he'll go far in life even if he is a good for nothing layabout, and that's all Slughorn wants really isn't it,people who'll go far. The surprising thing is why Lupin was there, unless Dumbledore made Slughorn invite him out of pity."

"Lupin? Yes I meant to ask earlier, wasn't he the one who fainted in a lesson the other day?" sneered Regulus.

"Yeah that's him," muttered Snape bitterly.

"What was the deal with that?"

"Oh Merlin knows," said Snape, "everyone says he's ill, I know better of course."

"What d'you mean?"

Snape looked at Regulus for a moment, considering something carefully, Sirius held his breath in anticipation.

"I can't be certain yet," Snape began, "but..."

Panicking, Sirius cast around for some way of stopping Snape completing that sentence. Not knowing what else to do he shoved over a suit of armour and Snape's speech was interrupted by an almighty clang as it hit the floor. Snape looked at the pile of armour suspiciously for a moment before turning back to Regulus.

"We can't talk here, anyone could hear us," he said, "look, I'll tell you some other time Regulus, when I can be certain, when I can prove it, because without proof you'll just laugh at me I know it."

"I won't laugh at you, you can tell me anything."

"No I can't," said Snape, "you can never tell anyone everything Regulus, you've got to remember that, not even me. Sometimes the less people around you know the better, ignorance is safety. That's why you can believe me when I say I did not tell Lily anything about our plan, you know that I would not endanger her like that."

"Nor I Sirius," said Regulus, his face held aloft in calm defiance.

"Well, if nobody told anyone," said Snape, "then it means someone found out another way. We need to start being more careful. No more attacking random mudbloods in the corridors, that's child's play, we've got bigger fish to fry now, we've got to think of the long term."

"Good luck telling that to Avery and Mulciber," said Regulus.

"Sometimes I despair of the halfwits we have on our side," said Snape, "I can only hope that only idiots like Potter will be foolish enough to resist us."

"My brother will join the fight against the Lord," said Regulus matter of factly.

"Do you fear your brother?" asked Snape.

"No!" said Regulus, a little too loudly, "no. But I would not be so arrogant to dismiss the fact that he does know and awful lot of our side, it's practically dinner table conversation at my house. He would be an asset to the opposition, like you say, something needs to be done about him and his friends."

"Do your parents know you plan to join Him?" asked Snape in a voice that was almost a whisper.

"Not yet," said Regulus, "I think I'll tell them after it has been done. They won't be opposed to the idea at all, on the contrary they would probably boast about it. That's what I would be afraid of. We would not want my brother finding out any more than he already knows."

A little too late for that, though Sirius, as the boys turned the final corner that brought them face to face with the entrance to the Slytherin Common Room. Unlike most Gryffindors Sirius knew this part of the castle well. His family had described it to him in detail before he came to Hogwarts, and he had since used that knowledge to locate his rival House's Common Room and set many a booby trap for the unsuspecting Slytherins. He smiled as he remembered one particularly successful prank which involved a charm which reversed the effects of gravity inside a confined space.

"Semper Sursum," said Regulus, and the concealed entrance in the wall opened to reveal a stately looking room decorated in green and silver and bathed in an eerie rippling light.

Sirius swiftly followed his brother and Snape into their common room before the door had a chance to close again, making a mental note of the password, which, he remembered from his extensive tutoring in Latin as a child, meant 'ever upwards' or something to that effect, in other words, typical Slytherin.

"Oi Severus!" called a burly boy Sirius recognised as Mulciber from the far corner of the room, "come 'ere and listen to this, you'll never believe what we did to this mudblood while you were gone."

Severus sighed and turned to Regulus.

"Wish me luck teaching those two buffoons the art of discretion," he muttered to Regulus.

"Come now, the Dark Lord needs brawn as well as brains, I am sure they will come in useful some day."

"I suppose so," said Snape.

"They may act as if they are superior to you because they are pure-blood and you are only half, but remember that through loyalty to the Dark Lord all faults can be overlooked. You have scorned your muggle half, you have shown yourself to be true to the cause. It was unfortunate that your mother should have married beneath her dignity but now you have the chance to earn back your family's pride. Just as I will do."

"You're family is one of the oldest pure-blood families in Britain," said Snape.

"And also a family who had been recently disgraced by my blood-traitor brother and cousin. I am my family's only hope now, just as you are yours. We will prove ourselves to be better than those oafs Severus."

"Maybe," said Snape, "but for now I must entertain the apes, good bye."

"Good bye," said Regulus, as Snape went off to join his fellow fifth years.

"James this is useless he could be anywhere, we're just running around like headless chickens on a wild goose chase, and that is too much poultry in one metaphor for my liking," said Remus, panting slightly as he ran to keep up with James.

"Well what else do you suggest Old MacDonald? If you have some sort of magical map that we can use to find him then please, by all means get it out," said James, slowing to a standstill.

"Well I tell you what when we next get some free time I'm going to make one of those if it means we never have to do this again," said Remus also coming to a halt, "Merlin I think I landed funny on my knee coming down those stairs three at a time," he added, rubbing his leg.

"Well you're in better shape that Peter," said James, nodding towards the third part of their search party, who was staggering towards them gasping for breath and pouring buckets of sweat from his face.

"Come on Peter, nearly there, we'll have a rest now, it's alright," said Remus encouragingly.

"We can't have a _rest_," said James, "Sirius could be in danger!"

"Yes I know James but not all of us are as insanely fit as you are," said Remus exasperatedly, "and besides, running around madly has not helped at all so far so I think that we need is a change of tactics."

"Like what?"

"Like stopping and _thinking_," said Remus, "we need to think of the places where Sirius would be most likely to go, and look there. Now, Peter, when Sirius left did he seem like he had some sort of idea of where he was going? Did he seem like he had a plan? Or do you think was he just running off to get away and be by himself for a while?"

"I don't know," breathed Peter, "I thought he was... going to Slughorn's party."

"Sirius doesn't run away from stuff," said James.

"James now is not the time for your ridiculous Gryffindor..." started Remus.

"No, Remus, listen. Sirius doesn't run away from stuff, he runs towards it. It's like that... fight or flight syndrome thingy, Sirius's instincts always tell him to fight."

"So if he was angry with his brother," continued Remus.

"Which he was," said James.

"Then he would have gone after him," finished Remus.

"But he would be in the Slytherin Common room by now," said Peter, "and Sirius couldn't have gotten in there without the password.

"He took the Cloak though," James said, "and if he left only half an hour or so after us then he could have easily tailed him from the dinner party."

"Oh for the love of Merlin he had better not have gotten into a fight with his brother," said Remus.

"He could beat his snotty little brother in a duel any day," said James.

"Yeah but Regulus left with Snape," said Remus, "and Sirius may be good but that would still make it two against one, and come on James even you have got to admit that Snape knows some of the nastiest hexes in the school, and he's not afraid to use them either."

"Right, so we think he's followed Snape and Regulus back to the Slytherin Common Room then?" James checked.

Remus nodded.

"Well come on then!" James said, once again taking off at a run.

Horace sighed as the last of the students left the room, he lent on a chair and held his head in his free hand. Everything was such a mess, and he knew that no matter what he did he would have no hope of sorting it out. He hadn't become a teacher for this. He had turned to teaching in the hope that he could inspire a new generation, help bright young people to achieve their potential, he didn't expect to have to try to prevent his students from joining blood purist paramilitaries! The world was going insane! He walked over to the fireplace and took a handful of floo power from the pot on the mantelpiece, he needed to talk to Albus, this was not what he had bargained for at all when he had accepted this position.

"Ah Horace," greeted Albus pleasantly, "I trust you have had an enjoyable evening?"

"I have perhaps one of the least enjoyable evenings of my entire career Albus," replied Horace, "I have tried to resolve the situation but I can't Albus, I simply cannot do it. There is no solution, or if there is then I am not the man to find it. I want to retire Albus, as soon as possible if you don't mind."

"But Horace, you are not yet sixty!"

"I'll resign then!" Horace retorted, "either way I want no further part in this... this... this catastrophe."

"Surely you wouldn't just walk away from your students when they need you most Horace," said Albus.

"Why bother trying to help students that don't want to be helped? I've always said that we should just expel the students that don't want to learn, or the ones who wish to stop others from learning."

"And every time you suggest that Horace I give you the same reply. We have a duty towards every child who walks through these doors, Hogwarts is a place of sanctuary as well as learning and..."

"But it's not a place if sanctuary if there are actual students within this very castle who are planning to join You Know Who is it?"

"It is the teachers, not the walls nor the security enchantments that keep Hogwarts safe," countered Albus, "You are partly to blame for this situation Horace, if you had intervened earlier, before things got quite so out of hand, then it may never have reached this stage."

"You know I am no good at that sort of thing Albus. If a student has the potential and the drive to achieve I can help them but if they find themselves straying off onto the wrong track then nothing I am capable of doing will bring them back. I am not Minerva or Filius or Pomona. I do not have their patience, nor their sympathy, nor their firm hand, and yet it seems I am lumped with all the students who are in the most need of those things. It is simply not fair!"

"Slytherin House has it's problem yes," said Albus, "but though they are slightly different in nature they would be no more severe that troubled students in any other House face if they are dealt with properly and promptly."

"But I am neither proper not prompt! Not with things like this! If I had my way I would..."

"Yes we all know that you would rather concern yourself only with the students in your so called 'Slug Club'," said Albus, "and I have allowed you that little indulgence of yours because it does undoubtedly help hard working and intelligent students who may not achieve their true potential otherwise. But if that comes at the cost of other students' welfare then your little parties will have to stop Horace."

"Well then I definitely will resign," said Horace, "lately those evenings where I actually get to converse with civilised and intelligent young people are all that is keeping me going. It's all that restores my faith in humanity!"

"The first thing you must do is stop being so melodramatic Horace. One must approach situations like this calmly and with a clear strategy. Why don't you simply sit down with the students you are concerned about, one to one, and talk to them? I'll sit in with you if you want, but I really so feel that they would be more open with you than me."

"What do you expect me to say?"

"Well, in the case of Severus Snape and Regulus Black I would suggest you start by asking about their home life. It is all well and good thinking about what students may grow up to be Horace, but for now they are still, first and foremost, teenagers. Adolescence is trying for even the happiest of children from the most stable households, but if a teenager has a difficult life at home then they are much more likely to turn to elsewhere for something that resembles a family. It is incredibly easy for young people like that to be seduced by the glamour and the fraternity of the Death Eaters."

"I can't talk about that sort of thing Albus, it's completely..."

"Out of your comfort zone," finished Albus, "yes, I am sure it is, but we can't stay in our comfort zones forever Horace. Do you think Minerva was comfortable with the prospect of being Remus Lupin's Head of House? Of course she wasn't! But she knew she had to rise to the challenge because if she did not then a student would suffer. I know you care about your students Horace, and even if you do say you would rather only teach the ones in your own special cohort... I do believe that Regulus Black and Severus Snape are among those students are they not?"

"That's what makes this whole thing such a sorry affair," moaned Horace, "they were such bright students..."

"They _are_ bright students," corrected Albus, "and it is often the brightest ones who are most susceptible to being lead astray. Intelligent people have very vivid imaginations, they like to romanticise things, fantasise about things. It is easy for such people to get lost inside their dreams, only to wake up, when it is too late, with a body at their feet and blood on their hands."

"You talk to them Albus," said Horace, "you seem to understand them better than I ever could. Please, I'll offer you every support I can but please don't put this all on me. I will step down as soon as you can find a better replacement for me. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Horace," said Albus solemnly, wishing he that he could not understand the likes of Severus Snape and Regulus Black, envying Horace for his ignorance of what it felt like to be seduced by the dark side...

[A/N: ...OF THE FORCE! Sorry- I just couldn't resist a little Star Wars reference here :)]

James, Remus and Peter had not yet reached the Slytherin Common Room when suddenly they heard someone call their names. They stopped, and Sirius appeared before them, apparently out of thin air.

"Sirius!" exclaimed James, "Thank Merlin you're alright!"

"Of course I'm alright," said Sirius, "I think I'm a damned sight better than Peter anyway by the looks of him. Merlin when I told you to do more exercise I didn't mean going for midnight runs around the castle!"

"We were... running... after you," panted Peter.

"Well there was no need to," said Sirius, "I can take care of myself you know."

"You just took off without telling us where you were going!" cried Remus, "wee thought you'd gone off and gotten yourself into a fight or something!"

"Well it was tempting," said Sirius, "I mean, they were right there and I could have just..." Sirius pumped his fist against something invisible in mid-air, "but no, I was just doing a bit of sleuthing, I'll tell you about it tomorrow, I'm pretty tired now actually," Sirius yawned and glanced at his watch, "blimey is that the time?! We'd better get to bed chaps, got to be up bright and early for double Flitwick tomorrow morning."

"You're tired?" said Remus in disbelief, "_you're _tired?! We're the ones who've just ran about three full laps of the Castle in the middle of the bloody night because you decided to go all secret agent and not even tell your friends where you were going. We're the ones who should be tired! I twisted my knee on those bloody stairs and I think we nearly killed Peter!"

"Sorry," said Sirius, "look I couldn't tell you because then you'd want to come and I just wanted to do this alone alright. Look I'll tell you everything alright and I promise next time I'll leave a note."

"Oh no!" said Remus, "next time we're giving you a collar with some sort of tracking device that will show up on map. And I might even consider charming it so that we can flick our wand and it'll stun you on the spot so that we can come on pick you up. I believe that's a much better way of dealing with a lost dog."


	50. Grand Plans

Hello again, a shorter one this time, but there will be a follow up pretty soon, as I've said before I'm in my final year at school/college/whatever so at times I get completely snowed under with homework and crap. In celebration on the 50th chapter of this story please take a few seconds to leave a review! :)

* * *

By the next morning each party had been filled in on what they had missed the previous night. Peter had in fact been filled in so many times it caused James to wonder aloud why he wasn't overflowing. Remus sprang to his defence somewhat half-heartedly, pointing out that he hadn't been at the Slug Club dinner at all and therefore had missed out on pretty much everything except the "wild dog chase" around the castle. When James and Sirius recounted their conversation with Lily, Sirius was at first very sceptical. He flickered between bursts of manic laughter and furious questions for a while until he appeared to have been convinced. After that he remained uncharacteristically quiet and wore a pensive expression which darkened his face., Remus noted, though he would never voice such a thing aloud, that it made him look a lot more like his brother. Finally there it seemed that every piece of the jigsaw was in it's place and everybody could see the full picture, even if Peter's view was a bit hazy, except for James, who could still see one small hole in the story.

"But Peter," he said, "I don't get it, why _were_ you transformed when me and Remus came back?"

"Oh err... I was telling the truth actually," said Peter, blushing red beneath his mop of blonde hair, "I do just kind of like being a rat sometimes. It's nice. You don't have to think so much. I didn't think you'd be back so soon. I knew you'd laugh and just say I mustn't think much anyway or something like that."

"Nah," I do kind of get what you mean," said Sirius, Peter looked taken aback by his empathy, "when I'm a dog it seems like there's less to worry about."

"I wish I was an animagus now," laughed Remus.

"You should become one!" exclaimed Peter excitedly, "then we could all have adventures as animals when it's not the full moon. And it's be better too 'cause you wouldn't be trying to fight us or give us the slip."

Remus felt a pang of guilt at those words and he wished he had just kept his mouth shut, he had only wanted to diffuse the tension as he knew that James and Peter didn't really know how to deal with Sirius when he was in a sombre mood, but if anything he had made it worse, or at least he was about to.

"Yeah, it would be good," said Remus, "but I don't even know if I'd be able to."

"Sure you would," said Peter, "if I could do it then you could."

"No, not like that, I mean I don't whether or not a werewolf could physically become an animagus. I doubt anyone like me has ever tried it before and I wouldn't want to be the test case. I mean, what if my form was a werewolf? In that case there's a chance I could lose control like I normally do when I transform."

"Yeah," said James, his eyes suddenly alive with the delight of plan unfolding in his mind, "but it could go the other way couldn't it. Animal's can't contract lycanthropy right?"

"Well yeah but it's a bit late for that now," scoffed Remus.

"No hear me out Moony, animals can't become werewolves, so what if a bit before the full moon rose you transformed into your animal form, and then come moonrise you might not transform! Peter you are an absolute genius!"

"I think we'll finish this ridiculous map project of yours before we embark on finding a way to use the animagus transformation as a cure for lycanthropy," laughed Remus, though his laughs were becoming more and more forced.

"Oh ye of little faith!" said James dramatically, "Hark dear brethren, Mr Moony doth think my ideas are ridiculous."

"Mr Padfoot doth think your speech is ridiculous," countered Sirius.

"Yeah well at least if there's a boggart in the room I'll be alright," said James.

"The boggart's the one you're meant to make look ridiculous," said Remus, "you're not trying to make _it _laugh."

"Shut up Moony," said James, "anyway not all my ideas were ridiculous, you admitted my map idea was a stroke of genius."

"I recall no such words leaving my mouth," said Remus.

"But it was though."

"I'm not saying it wasn't."

"What?!" said James, incredulously. Remus smiled to himself at how well he must have hidden his admiration for his friends beneath a thin skin of sarcasm and mockery.

"It seems like a pretty good idea," said Remus, "if we could ever make it work."

"We'd find a charm or something that would do it," said James, "and as for making the actual map that's be a doddle, I bet no one in the history of Hogwarts has seen more of the castle than us four. This could be our perfect legacy."

"Oh not this again," said Sirius.

"Come on Padfoot, I really want to do this now. It'll be so cool to like, pass on our wisdom, inspire future pranksters to follow in our noble footsteps."

"Or just help any random snotty nosed midget first year find the way to the astronomy tower," said Sirius.

"Well we'd put some sort of password on it or something, or have some sort of test you have to pass to prove that you're worthy. You're right we don't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry knowing about the secret passageways."

"Not to mention the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack," said Remus.

"Well we wouldn't give it to anyone other than us 'til we left anyway, we could save it for when we all have kids, or when Andromeda's daughter comes to Hogwarts, if she's as much of a rebel as her mum and her cousin she'd be a great one to inherit it," said James, looking at Sirius.

"I'm not saying it wouldn't be cool, I mean, it's be great to be able to keep tabs on all the teachers while we're setting up booby traps for the Slytherins, it just seems like a lot of work to me," said Sirius.

"Yeah well Remus will do all the hard work."

"I most certainly will not," said Remus.

"Oh come on Moony, you're the best at working hard."

"Only because I have to, you two are the ones who are self proclaimed geniuses in every possible way. And James, this was your ruddy idea in the first place."

"Pretty please?"

"Not until after exams."

"You're the best Remus."

"And I'm not doing it all by myself! You three probably know more about the grounds than me, I'm only semi-lucid for a lot of our adventures remember!"

"Don't worry Moony," said Sirius, "we'll pull our weight, we know no plan would ever come to fruition without the input of our genius."

Remus rolled his eyes and reminded the genius that he was late for breakfast.

The Great Hall was almost empty by the time the Marauders arrived for their morning meal. The only students left were the older ones who had, over they're years of schooling at Hogwarts, developed a more detailed mental map of the castle as well as a far more lax attitude towards punctuality. One such older student who had not yet developed the latter was Lily Evans, the boys were surprised then to find her still in the Hall when they came down, even though it was clear all her friends had left.

"Hey Evans," said James, "may I say you are looking particularly scrumptious this morning."

"Hi Lily," said Remus, "what are you still doing here?"

"No you may not Potter," replied Lily, "and actually Remus, I was waiting for you, though I see I may have been wasting my time. Honestly Potter have you completely forgotten about our conversation last night? Did you even tell Sirius what I asked you to?"

"We told him," said James indignantly, "forgive me for greeting a lady with compliment in the humble attempt to brighten her morning."

"Potter, nothing you attempt is ever humble," said Lily, the slightest smile playing across her lips, causing her eyes to momentarily twinkle more brightly than ever, oh Merlin she was so beautiful, thought James, "but anyway," Lily continued, "you'll have to stop this nonsense if we're ever going to actually do something about... our problem. If Sirius wants to do this that is?" The statement turned into a question as Lily turned to face Sirius.

"Of course," said Sirius softly, so softly that Lily was taken by surprise, she had not believed that Sirius Black would ever be capable of speaking softly, not with such sincerity as he spoke with now, he looked her straight in the eyes as he gave her his simple two word answer. No pretence, no suave arching of the eyebrows or flicking of the head, no sassy comment tagged on the end of it. It pleased her to see Sirius like this, it meant she was right about him, that he wasn't immune and indifferent to the people around him, but above all it meant that he might possibly be able to understand.

"Well, we should meet up some time to talk properly about it then," said Lily after a long pause in which she and Sirius had locked eyes in such a way that it appeared to James, Peter and Remus that they were looking into each others' very souls. It was as if they were staring at each other down a long tunnel, a tunnel which the other three were standing outside of, unable to get in. Somewhere in James's stomach somebody struck a match.

"Tonight," said Sirius, "come to our dorm and don't let anyone see you, unless of course you want them to think you finally said yes to James," he added, smirking at his best friend.

And with that the other Sirius was back. Lily let out a small sigh as her soul deflated slightly, and the match in James's stomach was extinguished, though it still smoked.

"Don't worry, I'll be stealthy now I know what is really stake," joked Lily, "well, see you Remus, bye Sirius, bye Peter... bye James."

"Bye Lily," said the boys. And as Lily Evans swung her bag over her shoulder and walked away, her hair bouncing and swaying as if lifted by it's own personal summer breeze, the four of them stared after her. In hope, in awe, in puzzlement... in deep, desperate desire.


	51. Lovely Lily

Alright I'm not sure about some aspects of this chapter, but hey, I'm not JK Rowling, this storyline is particularly difficult to write but it's also extremely necessary and hopefully some of you will like it. In answer to a review the last sentence of the last chapter was meant to be four emotions for four boys, match them up yourselves. I've said it before and I'll say it again I do not ship Lupin/Lily, not romantically at least. But I think that all the boys in Lily's life are guilty of something a lot of men have done to women over the years and that is putting her on a pedastool. In the canon we only hear lily being described by the men who knew her, and all of them make her out to be some sort of infallible woman the likes of which don't really exist. But anyway, enough with the feminist lily fan-girling and on with the chapter...

P.S. I know my difficulties writing this part of the story have been showing in this chapter and the last so if you have any criticisms or advice go ahead and make us of the friendly neighbourhood review box

* * *

There was a knock on the door. James called "come in" and Lily Evans entered, glancing over her shoulder before closing the door as noiselessly as possibly behind her.

"Hi," she said, standing awkwardly about a foot from the door and taking a quick scan of the room. Remus had obviously cleaned up his section of the dorm a bit in preparation for her presence this evening, but the other three quarters of floor space were strewn with old socks, James's muddy Quidditch robes, Peter's unfinished homework, and, to Lily's absolute revulsion, a pair of Sirius's boxer shorts.

"Come and sit down Lily," said Remus, and she did, she sat next to the pale brown-haired boy on his bed, it was the cleanest after all. She could tell though that this was not always the case, Remus's section of the room had all the telltale signs of a place that had been tidied in a hurry. Random objects such as clothes, parchment and a brass telescope could be seen peeping out from under his bed, they had obviously been kicked there in the minutes before her arrival, and on the bedside table was a precarious pile of assorted textbook and parchment that Lily suspected had previously been in a similar state to Peter's.

"You can sit here if you want," said James, tapping the spot on his bed between him and Sirius.

"No it's okay," said Lily, "I'd rather stay as far away from Sirius's underwear as possible."

"I'm sorry Lily," said Remus, "I did try and get them to clean up a bit."

"Hey underwear's nothing to be ashamed of," said Sirius, "would you rather I didn't wear any at all?"

"Padfoot!" said Remus.

"What?"

"Is Peter not here?" asked Lily.

"No he got detention," said James.

"Why?" asked Lily.

"He accidently transfigured the Professor Burbage's quills into tampons and she got the idea that he did it on purpose," said Sirius.

"Really he's just shite at spells," laughed James, "kind of a shame really, I mean, imagine if we'd have thought of that, it would have been brilliant. Still, I suppose the funniest things happen by accident."

"But how did that even happen?" asked Lily.

"He was trying to turn her quills into crocodiles," said Sirius, "anyway, we're not here to share our pranking secrets with the enemy, so why don't we just get down to business eh?"

"The enemy?" asked Lily, raising her eyebrows, and cursing that she could not raise on at a time.

"Well, you are Prefect."

"So is Remus."

"Yeah but Moony's a special Prefect," said James.

"In the fact that I am completely and utterly inadequate one?" asked Remus.

"Mainly," said James, "but you're also the only prefect that is bound by the Marauders' code."

"Marauders' code?" asked Lily.

"Back in second year I solemnly swore that I would devote my life to being the bane of every teacher and Prefect in this school," sighed Remus, "which unfortunately means that I now have to be the bane of myself." So nothing's changed there then, added Remus in his head, "but anyway, I thought we were meant to be putting our differences aside to try and help Snape and Regulus."

"You're right," said Lily, "shall we work out the terms of our truce then?"

"Okay," said Sirius, "first off, nothing said in these meeting goes beyond us four and Peter."

"Agreed," said Lily, Remus and James.

"And that includes anything you may hear of any rule-bending on our part," added Sirius.

"Oh? So I'm still free to tell whoever I want about all the rule breaking?" teased Lily.

"We don't really like that term here Evans," said James, "we prefer the term 'Marauding'."

"And no you're not allowed to tell anyone," said Sirius.

"Fine," said Lily, "but in that case Potter is not allowed to perv on me during these meeting and all underwear is to be placed somewhere out of sight before I come in."

"Alright," said Sirius and James.

"And one more thing," said Lily, "for this to work you're going to have to stop picking on Severus all the time."

"But he'll know we're up to something," James protested.

"We're not 'up to' anything," said Lily, "we're trying to help them, _both_ of them, and we need to let them know that. Please James? For me?"

"Fine," said James, "so, what's the plan then?"

"I don't know," said Lily, "I've already tried nearly all my ideas out on Severus, but he just doesn't listen to me."

"Yeah well I've tried my sum total of two ideas out on Regulus," said Sirius, "persuading and threatening, and neither have worked so I'm as stumped as you are."

The youths looked at one another. This was going to be harder than they had thought.

Over the next week or so Lily met with the Marauders nearly every other evening. Ideas were batted around half-heartedly until someone, normally Sirius, shot them down. But Lily did not consider all of the hours spent with the boys a complete waste of time. To her surprise James had kept his promise not to make any passes at her during their 'meetings' (not to say he didn't extend that vow to all other hours of the day) and all four of them seemed to go out of their way to make her feel welcome. Sirius had even gathered up all of his boxers and chucked them back in his trunk, fair enough the trunk was wide open and the underwear was still ever present in her peripheral vision but Lily appreciated the gesture. With every meeting she saw a bit deeper into the Marauders. She saw the real Peter, a downtrodden boy desperate for recognition, the real Sirius, who was nothing like the shallow man-whore he often dressed himself up to be. She saw the real James too, he was a knobhead for sure, but he was knobhead for what he thought were all the right reasons. She already knew the real Remus of course, but it was a pleasure to see him happily scheming with his friends, even when he started to get ill again she could see for the first time how much happiness his friends brought him.

As soon as she noticed that Remus was getting sick again Lily started making her excuses so that they wouldn't have to. She didn't want to impose her company when it wasn't wanted and she knew that Remus always tried to hide it when he was sick. And so, nine days after their first meeting, Lily found herself alone in the library, catching up on some of the revision she had neglected in her endeavours to save her... her what? Best friend? Somehow the phrase didn't sound right anymore. Not when at the moment she felt she could trust a scumbag like James Potter more than Severus. _What is he now then?_ Lily was saved from a helpless search for an answer to that question by the arrival of said person-awaiting-relationship-status-re-evaluation.

"Lily," said Severus, in the slightly breathless way he had always said her name, it seemed to be the one thing the years hadn't changed between them, Lily closed her eyes and tried to capture it in her mind, preserve it in memory, in case the worst should happen, "I've been looking for you, you haven't been coming here so often recently."

Lily opened her eyes and her gaze fell onto the sallow face of her... of Severus, and then it kept falling, as it always did, past the spots around the hairline, past the jaundiced tinge on the cheeks, past the dark circles under the eyes and into those deep inky wells themselves. And just for a moment she was lost inside of them, separated from everything else, separated even from herself.

"You've been with _them_ haven't you?" snarled Severus.

Lily blinked and she was back in the library again, and sitting before her was an pale, gaunt, almost-man, a mere-ghost of the child she knew and loved.

"With who?" she asked, though she knew exactly who he meant.

"You know who I mean," said Severus.

"I can hang out with who I like Sev, you didn't listen to me when I told you to stay away from Avery and Mulciber and them lot."

"But _Potter_?! _James Potter_?! Really Lily?"

"I don't see how he's any worse than your friends," said Lily, and suddenly, maybe it was spending so much time with the Marauders or maybe it wasn't, a huge wave of anger seized her, and for the first time she just couldn't ignore the injustice of it all, this had gone on for too long, "I mean, sure he's mean to you, but Avery and Mulciber are mean to me and that doesn't stop you from being friends with them. You're a total hypocrite Severus!"

"I'm not a hypocrite Lily, you have no idea how many times I have stopped them when they wanted to attack you. Haven't you noticed how you're never the one that gets targeted, does all that mean nothing to you!"

"Yes you are! You're the very definition of a hypocrite and I've let it slide for too long. Well I'm fed up of rising above it alright? I'm fed up of always being the one who do right by everyone, by _everyone_ Severus, not just their friends!"

"No shouting in the library!" called the harsh voice of Madam Pince as she hurried over waving a large encyclopaedia of magical fungi at the quarrelling pair, "Out! Now! I expected better from a Prefect Miss Evans, and from you Mr Snape."

"Sorry," muttered Lily, as she hastily packed her stuff back into her bag and left the library before she came a cropper on the heavy looking volume, "thanks a lot Severus," she snapped as soon as they were over the threshold, "I was_ hoping_ to get some revision done tonight."

"Well maybe you'd get more done if you weren't spending all your time conspiring against me Potter and his stupid friends."

"We were not conspiring against you!" said Lily.

"Oh yeah?" said Snape, "well why did both me and Regulus Black get called to Dumbledore's office last week?"

"I don't know," snarled Lily, spinning to face Severus so fast that her ginger hair flared out and her eyes flashed like a wild animal's, "maybe because you hexed another defenceless eleven year old?!"

"We didn't hex anyone! He wanted to talk about my... _home life_." He spoke the last two words with such distaste as if they had tasted foul on his tongue.

"And?" asked Lily, her anger abating.

"And what?"

"And how did it go?"

"How did it..? That's not the point Lily! The point is he knew about parents. And I don't just mean he knew about them not being happy together, and him hating magic and the drinking and stuff. He knew things that I have never told anybody in the world except for you. You betrayed me Lily. I thought we were best friends."

"We are best friends!" said Lily, trying to make it sound more like a fact than a plea, "Severus I didn't tell him anything, he didn't _ask_ me anything. I would never tell anyone your secrets you know that. Don't you trust me?"

"Why should I? You don't trust me. You trust James Potter more than you trust me!"

"That's not true Severus," said Lily.

"Maybe not," said Severus, after a long look into Lily's eyes, "but you trust Lupin more than me don't you. Even though I've warned you about him countless times."

"Don't bring Remus into this Sev, this has nothing to do with him."

"Oh but I think it does. Why aren't you with Lupin tonight? Got other plans has he?"

"I wanted to study tonight."

"Don't lie to me."

"Don't order me around! Don't you dare talk to me like I'm inferior to you! Just because you've got one more magical parent than I have!"

"Lily please..."

"No Severus, I'm fed up with this. I'm sick to the back teeth of asking nicely. It's time to choose Sev, me or them."

"I am choosing you!" screamed Severus, grabbing handfuls of his greasy black hair, "Everything I do, I do for you."

"Yeah well don't!" said Lily furiously, "if you are endangering yourself and others because you're friends with me then I would rather we weren't friends. Now, if you excuse me I have revision to do, you see I want to embark on a career which asks for more qualifications than the ability to hex muggleborns."

"And so do I!" said Severus flimsily, taking a step towards Lily as she turned to walk away, but faltering.

Sometimes it hurt, loving Lily Evans. It was like watching a delicate doe walking away from your protection and straight into a hunter's trap. It was so hard to protect something that only wanted to good and independent and free.


	52. Musing about Monsters and Mongooses

Okay so this one's short and sweet, but they'll be more on the way shortly, I just wanted to give you a little glimpse of what the boys were up to on the night when Lily was having it out with Severus. So, don't expect any major plot developments or anything, just take it as it is. [insert disclaimer and enthusiastic call for reviewers]

* * *

"It was pretty lucky Lily didn't want to meet up tonight," remarked Sirius.

An unenthusiastic murmur of assent ran round the room. The four boys were lounging on their beds, either doing homework, doodling on their homework or, in Remus's case just staring at the hangings.

"What time's moonrise again Remus?" asked James.

"Not 'til eight thirty five tonight," said Remus, trying to sound as pleased as he could with this fact, he only effect the forced optimism in his voice seemed to have, however, was to make James and Sirius both look at him with bemused frowns on their faces.

"Are you alright Moony?" joked Sirius.

"Well forgive me for trying to look on the bright side," said Remus, closing his eyes and stretching, he smiled to himself as he imagined Sirius wincing at the sound of his joints cracking.

"No it's good," said James, "just a little... unprecedented."

"Hmm, I guess," said Remus, relaxing his arms again but keeping his eyes closed, reflecting that he was indeed feeling happier and more relaxed than he could ever remember feeling before the full moon.

"Maybe this'll mean you won't be too bad tonight," said Peter.

"Yeah, hopefully," said Remus.

It seemed Remus that if he lay very still with his eyes closed like this, safe in the knowledge that he was surrounded by friends whom he could trust absolutely, he could rise above all physical pain. Perhaps this was what that Healer had meant when he had suggested he try meditation. Or maybe this was just the feeling one got when they stopped trying to fight people, when they stopped worrying about things that happened in the past and things that have not happened yet and just let themselves exist, simply exist, in the present.

"We'll have a proper adventure tonight then," said Sirius, "I still want to find the Chamber of Secrets."

A few tentacles of guilt squirmed feebly in Remus's stomach. It was all every kind of wrong, what he was letting his friends do, what he himself was doing. He was endangering people's lives. He was betraying Dumbledore's trust after he had done for him what no other Headmaster would have. But...

"It is fun isn't it," said Remus aloud, "I mean, it's still awful to transform and everything, but being with you guys... I never thought I would ever say this, but it is isn't it?"

"It is," agreed James, "well, for us it definitely is, I'm glad it is for you too."

"Yeah," said Remus, and then after a long paused he added, "it's not _bad_, is it? To have fun while I'm... transformed. I mean, it doesn't mean I'm..."

"There's nothing bad about having a bit of fun Moony," sighed Sirius, in affectionate exasperation, "Merlin knows you of all people deserve a bit of fun once in a while."

Remus pondered that sentiment for a while. It was a lovely one. It was the kind of idea that shimmered golden in front of you, that always seemed just out of reach. Remus resolved that this time he was not going to reach for it. He was just going to lie here and watch it shimmer, rid the chill from his soul with it's warmth. Contentment, that was what this feeling was called. And he wasn't going to ruin it by aiming for better things, by holding out any hopes for the future. And he certainly was not going to crush it with dark truths such as the fact that contentment inevitable leads to carelessness, and that werewolves could not afford to be careless, and that with every careless act he committed he let Dumbledore down just that little bit more, after he had let him come to school, made him a Prefect, made sure he was safely contained every full moon until he himself had undone all that hard work. No, he was not going to think about any of that.

"Moony? Are you still awake?" asked James in a low voice, so as not to wake him is he was asleep.

"Yes," said Remus, "I'm awake. I'm glad you guys have fun too, you deserve it, after everything you've done for me."

"Remus," said James sternly, "for the last time will you shut up about it."

"Sorry," said Remus, "okay. So, you planning to put the Chamber of Secrets on this map we're supposedly making Padfoot?"

"Definitely!" said Sirius, "that'll be the ultimate two fingers in the face of old Salazar, just watch the Slytherins trying to be all superior when their precious Chamber isn't secret anymore."

"But what about the monster?" said Peter, "my cousin told me there was a monster in there."

"We could take on the monster," said James, "come on Wormtail, whatever happened to _Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart_? Imagine how awesome it would be if we did find it."

"Awesome? Are you mad?" said Peter.

"It would be awesome," said Sirius, "come on, imagine if we were the ones who saves he school from a muggleborn-eating monster?"

"Or if _we_ were eaten," said Peter.

"Don't listen to them Pete," said Remus, "they're just winding you up again, there is no monster and there's no such thing as the Chamber of Secrets."

"There so is Moony!" said Sirius, "I've heard my family talking about it plenty of times."

"They're just rumours."

"What? So that girl thirty years ago died of rumours did she?" asked James.

"No one knows what killed that girl," said Remus, "you can't just blame it on some legendary monster that was supposedly hidden in a secret chamber a thousand years ago. And besides, if there was a hidden room somewhere in the castle don't you think Dumbledore would have found it by now? Nothing gets past him."

"Except for us," said Sirius gleefully, "Dumbledore doesn't know anything about us being animagi. And I bet he doesn't know about any of the secret passageways either otherwise he would have sealed them off wouldn't he."

"Dumbledore _built_ on of the secret passages," said Remus, "and anyway, if there really was a monster you'd think it'd show itself more often than once in a thousand years."

"Yeah but that was only to help you with your furry little problem," said James, "hey maybe the Chamber of Secrets monster is just like Moony. Maybe everyone says it's scary but it's just a soppy old thing really."

"I'm a _soppy old thing_?"

"You are a bit," laughed Sirius, "and anyway it only shows itself when one of Slytherin's true heirs open the Chamber."

"How do you know so much about it?" asked Peter, "my cousin only told me that there was a monster hidden in the school somewhere and it killed someone thirty years ago."

Sirius shrugged.

"It's still quite a hot topic among the Slytherin pureblood families. No one knows who it was that opened the Chamber last time, so of course all the pure blood fanatics are trying to claim it was them or their father or their brother or their nan's pet mongoose. By now it's sort of turned into their twisted idea of a running joke," he added, snorting with derisive laughter.

"I doubt a Slytherin would have a pet mongoose," said Remus, "seeing as their well known for attacking snakes."

"Well then," said Sirius, "I have got to get me one of those!"


	53. Ands

Didn't I say I'd be prompt? Even I didn't expect this update to come today but here it is. It's another Lily-centric chapter this one, so sorry if any of you are missing the boysie Marauder stuff. But anyway, here we go, please give a big fat review for a humble fan fiction writer who is still trying to deal with the fact that she will never own Harry Potter.

* * *

Lily stared into the depths of her porridge. To her left Mary and Marlene were chatting animatedly to some of the other girls about something or another. They had long since given up on Lily joining in with them in conversations like that. By now everyone just accepted that Lily was a bit weird that way. Lily didn't like to talk about boys, not even if it was to complain about them, unless it was James Potter of course. Lily didn't complain much generally, she just stared into the depths of her porridge, and by now the other girls had learned to just let her be. Sometimes Lily wished they wouldn't. Sometimes Lily wished that she had tried harder to make friends with them back in first year instead of cutting herself off out of loyalty to Severus, on pain of being Sorted into Gryffindor. Now she was left with no one, caught in the middle, not quite belonging anywhere. Mary and Marlene were always nice to her, would talk to her when she was in the mood, would occasionally try to talk to her when she wasn't, but even when they were all hanging out together they were never Mary, Marlene and Lily, they were always Mary and Marlene... and Lily. It was only sitting here now, staring into the depths of her porridge, that Lily realised what Severus was to her, he was her and. Everyone around her had an and, Mary _and_ Marlene, James _and_ Sirius, Petunia _and _Vernon, Mum _and _Dad. God she missed having an and. She had had an and before Severus of course, it used to be Lily _and _Tuney before she had met Severus and gone off to Hogwarts. But she had given that up, she had given everything up, for Severus, for magic, for a dream world, an adventure. And now she was stranded. Between world, between families, between friends. Lily was all alone, and nobody noticed because that was just Lily. Nobody except...

"Hey Evans, what's up?"

James Potter. Although in private he was now James, and she was now Lily, in public they were still Evans and Potter. It was a sort of unspoken agreement they had come to. James probably thought that chat up lines sounded better when they opened with 'Oi Evans!' rather than 'Hi Lily'.

"Nothing Potter," sighed Lily, surreptitiously wiping away the tears that were on the brink of falling into her porridge before looking up.

James had taken the seat opposite her and was leaning forward with an uncharacteristic look of concern etched on his face. It was a look she was only ever seen him to give to one other person before and that was Remus. He looked tired. A quick glance to her left and Lily realised that Remus was not with him, only Peter and Sirius, who had also taken a seat and were now helping themselves to various breakfast items whilst watching the exchange between her and James with wary eyes, if equally sleepy eyes.

"It's nothing," she said again, taking a spoonful of porridge just for something to do, it took an enormous effort to work her mouth properly but eventually she managed to swallow it.

James waited patiently while she ate, and when she had swallowed he spoke again.

"What happened Lily?" he asked in a low voice, leaning in even further so that the other girls would not hear.

Lily shook her head, closing her eyes and placing her face in her cupped hands.

"It's over James, it's pointless. It's a lost cause. Well, Severus is at any rate. Tell Sirius I'm sorry. I screwed up royally last night."

"What d'you mean? What happened?"

"Well, I was revising in the library, like I said, when Severus found me. And he... he knew that I'd been hanging out with you guys, I swear I didn't tell him he just... he just knows these things. That's why when he... when he's not... being like he's been recently, he can be such a good listener, he can be such a good friend. He has a knack of knowing what you're thinking and feeling, and sometimes that's great, sometimes you need someone like that, but other times... it's dangerous. You can't hide anything from him, not forever."

"It's okay," said James, "it's not the end of the world. Tell what happened next."

"Well he... well as you would expect he got angry, jealous, whatever, and then, I don't know I was just fed up of putting up with it. I guess I'm just fed up of playing the long game, of trying to gently persuade him, and I got angry back at him. Anyway it's all gone to pot now, since he thinks I'm friend with you lot."

"And are you friends with us lot?" asked James.

"I'm not friends with anyone," laughed Lily bitterly, and James was taken aback for a moment that such an ugly laugh could have come from between such pretty lips.

"Well we all know that's not true," said Sirius, his loud voice came so suddenly that it made both Lily and James jump, "everyone loves Lily Evans."

"No," said Lily, "everyone loves the person they _think_ is Lily Evans. Everyone who knows me, who _really_ knows me, has realised by now what a horrible, horrible person I really am."

"Look Snape has got no right to judge you after everything he's done," said James, angrily now, "if he's trying to take the bloody moral high ground after everything he's done..."

"It's not just Severus!" snapped Lily, "it's everyone who has ever gotten close enough to see the real me."

"Lily, mate, if you're talking about your family then..." Sirius started.

"My family aren't like your Sirius," said Lily, "they're good people and I love them. _I'm_ the one who's bad."

"What about Remus," said Peter, "Remus thinks you're great, and he's known you for ages."

"There are plenty of things Remus doesn't know about me, things I half wish he knew, so that he could forgive me."

"Just tell him then," shrugged Peter, "Remus forgives everyone."

"I can't tell him Peter, it's not as simple as that."

"Can you tell us?" asked James.

"No, I'm sorry. If I can't tell Remus then I can't tell anyone."

The boys nodded.

"That's okay," said James, "well, even though we're, giving up on the whole Snape thing now... if you ever wanted to just... hang out?"

"Are you asking me out Potter?" said Lily, forcing a laugh.

"No!" said James holding his hands up in surrender, "Merlin knows even I have more sense than to ask you out when you're having a bad day."

"So you've really got no ulterior motive then?"

"Well, I wouldn't go far," laughed James, "I guess I was just trying out one of Remus's tips. He told me you might not think I'm so much of a prick if I act nice to you once in a while."

"So, Remus has been giving you tips has he? I thought as much. Well, I'll you something for free. Girls don't go out with boys just because they're not pricks, or at least I don't. Call me a dreamer but I'm holding out for something a little more than that."

"So?"

"So in other words you've got a long way to go yet Potter," smirked Lily, laughing in earnest now.

"I'll wear you down eventually," said James, grinning as he waggled a playful finger at her, "you mark my words. Come on guys Care of Magical Creatures awaits us."

"Bye Potter," said Lily.

"Bye Evans."

"You go ahead guys," said Peter, "I just need to ask Lily about that potions homework."

"Sure, see you in class," said Sirius, "bye Evans."

"Bye Sirius," said Lily, she didn't have the heart to call the boy Black, "so Peter? Was it the homework about the Befuddlement Draughts you wanted help with?"

"Actually err, I didn't need help with anything. Well I _did_ but Remus already helped me with it. Potions isn't his best subject but he's still better than me. Everyone's better than me."

"Don't beat yourself up so much," said Lily, "everyone's at something. But anyway what was it you wanted to say if you weren't asking for help with the homework?"

"Oh yeah, right, erm... well, the thing is... I guess it's sort of about Remus. You see, me and him are meant to be best friends, you know, because James and Sirius are best friends so that just leaves us. But the thing is, is that I can tell he doesn't really like it that way, even though he pretends to because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Really he wants someone who can be a better friend to him, who can help 'im more 'stead of always the other way 'round. And since you and Snape aren't best friends no more I was wondering whether you would like to be Remus's best friend. I'm sure you could do a better job than me."

Lily smiled at Peter, torn between sorrow and amusement at the boy.

"Peter, that's not the way it works," said Lily, "you and Remus have been best friends for ages, you can't just swap with someone just like that. I'm sure you're a wonderful best friend, better than I was to Severus at any rate."

"But you're always kind to Remus, and you always help him with stuff. I can't do that."

"I can see that you do help him Peter. Look, like I said, there are things Remus doesn't know about me, and if he knew them then he wouldn't want me as a best friend."

"Yeah he would! You're just like Remus. You don't realise how good you are, and not just at being smart and brave and stuff, but being an actual good person. Some people don't even find that easy, but you do."

"Peter I am not a good person..."

"Yeah you are! You both are but you both do thing where you think just 'cause you're not perfect you're a bad person. But that's jus' 'cause everyone expects you to be perfect. I know I do, and I try not to 'cause I know it's not fair 'cause my parents used to expect me to be perfect and I know what it's like. But no one expects anything from me no more, so I've become one of the people who expect stuff... I'm sorry, I'm not makin' sense. I'm rubbish at this kind of thing."

"You're makin' perfect sense," said Lily.

"Well, that's good," said Peter, "'cause I _am_ normally rubbish at this stuff. I guess what I', trying to say is that it isn't fair that people expect so much of you and Remus, and it especially ain't fair for Remus to have a best friend that expects too much of him and... well if you don't mind me saying I think Snape was expecting too much of you too. I know it ain't none of my business but that's what I think. So anyway I just reckon that you two should be best friends, 'cause I know neither of don't expect much from no one and I reckon it's be nice for both of you to have someone like that as a best friend."

"Peter, I think you're a better best friend than you think you are. Having a best friend is... well I think it's the best thing in the world, and the fact that you'd give that up means that you're a really unselfish person. That's what best friends need to be. And I have been unbelievably selfish lately. Look, it was a lovely suggestion, but I think it's up to Remus to choose his best friend, and he chose you. So why don't we head off to Care of Magical Creatures eh?"

"Okay," said Peter, "you can still be our friend though, even if you aren't any of our best friends."

"That's very kind of you Peter," said Lily, because it was.


	54. Your Average Teenage Dramas

Hey guys, so this is a sort of bridging chapter where I'm introducing another storyline I've had planned for a while, but of course we've still got Lily's storyline running alongside, so it's still a bit rough around the edges but as I'm aware that I haven't uploaded in a while I'm just going to post it now, the next few chapters should be better now that I've introduced it, but bear with me as I try to run both storylines at once, and may I remind you that I am not JK Rowling so I will not find it easy! So as always feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you, and I should update again soon, it's the easter holidays so I really have no excuse not to.

also a quick reply to some reviews: first off thanks to everyone, I know I don't reply much but I've been busy so just to let you know that I do read them and they are appreciated. I like the challenge of writing Peter as I like writing 'bad guys' and dark stuff generally, so sorry if I kick around with anyone's emotions. Now, I'm trying to keep this story canon and I know there's some debate as to when the Shack incident happened, we know it happened 'when they were sixteen' so that could be fifth or sixth year, I'll tell you know that I'm going to take it as meaning sixth year just because I've got two other stories to be running that'll last at least til the end of fifth year, but we're nearly there guys! and I promise you everything I've been writing recently has in someway or another been building up to that very important event, as well as another very important event which some of you have asked me about which is of course Lily finding out about Remus's condition. all in good time my brethren, all in good time :)

* * *

Days passed, and though the boys (especially Remus and James, though probably for two entirely different reasons) invited Lily to come and hang out with them over and over again she just seemed to withdraw deeper and deeper into her shell.

"And she was just getting to like me as well," said James one day as the boys sat under their favourite summer spot under the beach tree by the lake, "and bet that greasy scumbag knew that as well and that was why he tried to ruin my chances with her, just because Lily's finally started to realise that I'm ten times the man he will ever be."

Remus looked up from his revision and fixed James with look of utter disbelief.

"Is that seriously all you're concerned about James?" asked Remus, "Have you seen Lily at all recently? She never talks to anyone any more, she always sits alone and she looks exhausted, she clearly hasn't been sleeping. I confronted her about it and she just said she'd been up late doing revision."

"You're a fine one to talk," said Sirius.

"We're not talking about me Sirius," said Remus shortly, "I've had a lot of catching up to do recently that's all."

"Yeah but you still need to_ sleep_," said Sirius, concern for his friend seeping into his mocking tone.

It was true that Remus had been staying up well into the early hours of the morning since the last full moon doing revision, the result was that although five days had now passed the boy still looked tired and ill.

"I do _sleep_," said Remus defensively, "and if I maybe don't get enough as I should then it's short term loss for long term gain isn't it? Lily on the other hand does not need to make that kind of compromise, she has been getting Es and Os since the beginning of last year, and furthermore she is not a werewolf, so she shouldn't be going around looking like one. But no, none of that matters, what really matters is that she seems to have gone off James a bit."

"That's not what I said, of course I'm concerned about her," said James.

"Well really it doesn't seem like you are. I can't believe after everything that's happened over the past couple of weeks you still only care about getting Lily to go out with you. That's why she thinks you're immature and shallow."

"That's not all I'm concerned with!" said James, "I care about Lily as much as you do and I'll tell you one thing I as soon as I get my hand on Snivellus I am going to kill the fuc..."

"I _don't_ think that's what Lily would want," said Remus pointedly, cutting James off before he got the chance to indulge himself in a graphic killing-Snape fantasy.

"If someone treated me like that I'd want them dead," said Sirius, "or maimed or seriously injured at any rate."

"Yeah well Lily isn't like you Sirius," said Remus, "when have you ever seen Lily hurt anyone."

"I don't hurt people unless they really deserve it!"

"Yeah and Lily doesn't hurt people even if they do deserve it. Now, I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing but the point is it wouldn't cheer her up to see you two hexing Snape half to death."

"Oh we'd never do that Moony," said James, "I fully intended to go the whole hog, not halves about it."

"Fine, whatever, don't listen to me. I'm just saying that Lily wouldn't like it, and if you really cared about Lily then you'd do what made _her _happy rather than what allowed _you_ to vent your anger at Snape."

"Well enlighten us then dear guru," said James, "what could I do that would make her happy?"

"I don't know," shrugged Remus, turning back to his Arithmancy textbook, "I have already given you literally all my words of wisdom on that subject."

"You're a rubbish guru," said James.

"Yeah well, I doubt I could have ever made a career out of it anyway."

"Out of what guruing?" laughed Sirius.

"You could be an agony aunt," suggested James jokingly.

"And agony aunt? Seriously, make it agony uncle at least."

"No can do I'm afraid Moony," said Sirius, "you'll have to change your name to Remella."

"Remella?" said Remus, wrinkling his nose, "urgh, that sounds like a disease, and I already have to deal with 'Lupin'. And anyway we've already established I'm a rubbish guru so why are we even having this conversation again?"

"Because it's fun to take the piss out of you," said Sirius.

"Ah, of course, thought it might be that old thing again."

"Come on Remella, let's get going," said James.

"Why?" said Remus, "we've got ages 'til dinner?"

"Yeah but we've got to get our exam timetables remember? Four o'clock, common room? Merlin I you really are sleep deprived as well aren't you?"

"Shut up Prongs."

The boys trudged back up to the castle, the April showers had decided to hang around well into May this year so the ground was very muddy. They ignored Filch's grumblings as they traipsed through the entrance hall, leaving a muddy trail in their place, and climbed the many staircases to the portrait of the fat lady. When they entered the common room Professor McGonagall was already there, calling out names of students and handing them their exam timetables.

"Oh there you are Mr Black," she said as she saw Sirius, she reached over to a pile to her left and handed him his exam timetable, "I told everyone to be in the common room promptly at four."

"Sorry Professor, it was Remus's fault."

"What?"

"Yeah, he usually remembers stuff for us but he forgot," said Sirius.

"Hmm, well I suggest you remember your own appointments in the future Mr Black," said McGonagall.

"Yes Professor."

"Ha!" said Remus as they walked away from their Head of House, "you know trying to palm stuff off in me never works, ever."

"Just because she's got a soft spot for you," teased Sirius.

"She has not got a 'soft spot' for me," said Remus, "I've just got an innocent face."

Eventually McGonagall got to Remus's name and she handed him his exam timetable with a rare affectionate smile which did not go unnoticed by Sirius and James, who raised their eyebrows at Remus as he perused his exam timetable. Remus did not notice though because something at the bottom of the piece of parchment seemed to have caught his eye.

"Bugger," he muttered.

"I know, there's loads," said Peter, peering over Remus's shoulder.

"No, not that, I need to speak to Professor McGonagall, hold on."

And before anyone could say another word Remus had marched back up to where Professor McGonagall was handing out the exam timetables and began speaking urgently to her.

"What in Merlin's name was that about?" asked James.

"Transfiguration," said Sirius, scanning his own exam timetable.

"What?"

"Look at the date of the of the Transfiguration practical."

"Oh," said James.

"What is it?" asked Peter.

"It's the day of the full moon you dolt," said Sirius.

"Oh."

When Remus returned he did not look to happy.

"What did she say?" asked James.

"Well, obviously I couldn't say much in front of everyone, but I told her I had a clash on my exam timetable and she told me to come and see her in her office after dinner. Oh and she gave me your exam timetables as well," he added, handing a roll of parchment each to James and Peter.

"Don't worry Moony, McGonagall will sort it," said James, "she'll talk to Dumbledore and he'll let you sit it at another time."

"Yeah but it's not up to Dumbledore is it?" said Remus, "The examiners are the ones who arrange everything to do with our OWL and NEWT exams."

"Well that's alright, she'll just talk to them then."

"Yeah but they're from the Ministry though aren't they?" said Remus.

"So?" said James.

Remus just shook his head and lead the way up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

"So the Ministry is full of people like my parents," said Sirius, answering the question on Remus's behalf, "trust me, I've heard the way those bastards talk about werewolves and it's disgusting, there's no way they'd go out of their way to help one."

"Yeah, but Dumbledore will be able to pull some strings won't he?" said James, half addressing Sirius, half addressing Remus, though again it was Sirius who answered.

"Maybe," he said, trying to sound optimistic for Remus's sake, "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

So wait they did, they waited until after dinner, trying to cheer Remus up, and after he returned from his meeting with McGonagall they waited some more. They waited for almost an entire week, with Remus refusing to say anything about the matter other than 'she's going to get Dumbledore to look into it'. Then one morning at breakfast Professor McGonagall approached them at breakfast saying:

"Mr Lupin, the Headmaster needs you in his office."

Her expression was frank and emotionless, devoid of the usual smile she always gave when Remus was concerned. It made him afraid to ask the question that had been burning on his mind since their last meeting. He walked in silence alongside the stern deputy head until he finally plucked up the courage to open his mouth.

"Has Professor Dumbledore sorted it out yet?" he asked, bracing himself for the answer.

"He is still in the process of discussing your case with the board of examiners," said McGonagall, "the Headmaster will explain the situation fully in his office and then we can discuss your options. Pepper Imps," she added, and suddenly Remus noticed that they had already arrived at the gargoyle which guarded Dumbledore's office, which had now leapt aside to reveal a narrow spiral staircase. Remus followed McGonagall as she ascended the staircase and gave three curt knocks on the griffin door knocker of the heavy oaken door of the Headmaster's office.

"Come in," called Dumbledore from within, "Ah Mr Lupin, take a seat. Would you like a liquorice allsort?"

"No thank you," said Remus, sitting down and bracing himself for bad news.

There was a wave of muttering from the portraits on the walls and Remus heard the distinctive voice of Phineas Nigellus Black, a distant relative of Sirius's, saying with disdain "the half breed again" and tutting loudly along with several of the other former Headmasters and 'Mistresses.

"Now," said Dumbledore, and the portraits instantly fell silent, "I have spoken to the board of examiners and I am afraid to say they have been somewhat unsympathetic to you situation."

Remus nodded gravely, he had expected no better really, but his heart still sank a little at the Headmaster's words.

"It's alright, I suppose I'll just have to sit it on the 22nd then and do the best that I can."

"No, we must not resign ourselves to that yet. Of course we must prepare ourselves for that eventuality but I assure you that I will do everything in my power to prevent it. Even if I have to go right to the top, I will not let you throw away your equal right to the chance to perform the best you can in your exams."

"Thank you Professor, but please, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but if it means everyone would find out..."

"Don't worry Remus, I shall work with the utmost discretion."

"Okay," said Remus, though he was still not one hundred percent reassured, he was not only worried that somehow people at school might find out what he was, but there was also the possibility that if Dumbledore kicked up too much of a fuss at the Ministry express their dissatisfaction by giving his dad the sack, again.

"And if the worst comes to the worst," said Professor McGonagall, "then I will of course be more lenient with the grade requirements if you should choose to take Transfiguration at NEWT level."

"Oh. Thank you very much Professor," said Remus.

"I know that you are normally a very capable student Remus, I would be sorry not to have you in my NEWT class because you happened to be ill on the day of the exam."

"Well, thank you," said Remus again, "I'll still try my hardest, I promise."

"I do not doubt that in the slightest Remus," said Professor McGonagall.

"Indeed," said Professor Dumbledore, "now, I suppose you had better be getting off to your first lesson, what class do you have now?"

"Herbology."

"I'll write you a note for Professor Sprout explaining why you were late," said the Headmaster, producing a piece of parchment from a draw in his desk and inking his long elegant quill.

Remus waited while Dumbledore wrote something on the parchment on his narrow slanted script, before taking the note and bidding the Headmaster and his Head of House goodbye, and thanking them once again for all their trouble.

Minerva and Albus watched as Remus closed the door, then they turned to face one another.

"You said there was something else you wanted to see me about?" said Minerva.

"Yes," said Albus, "I have already spoken to Horace about it, but it seems the affair has spread to a handful of students in your House as well."

"What is it?"

"Horace has been having some difficulties in protecting his students from the influence of the Death Eaters."

"You're not saying that some students from _my_ House are..."

"No, I am not Minerva. But I do think that some students who have close ties with students in Slytherin have been deeply affected by the affair."

"I assume you are talking about Lily Evans."

"Yes."

"Hmm, I knew something was wrong, she's been so distant in class recently, and she's normally so focussed."

"Yes, Horace had noticed that too. You are aware of course, that Lily Evans, for quite a long time, has been close friends with Severus Snape."

"From what I gather they knew each other before they came to Hogwarts."

"Yes, well, recently their friendship has been put under considerably strain, due to Severus's increasing involvement in the Dark Arts. Horace has already broached the subject with her, but I think he took the tactic of trying to exploit their friendship as a way to prevent Severus from being consumed by the Dark Arts. It is my belief that Lily has now taken it entirely upon herself to bear this burden, and what she needs now is somebody she can talk to."

"I will talk to her Albus, I will give her all the support she needs."

"Thank you Minerva, I must say I am glad to have you as my Deputy Head."

"I merely try to do right by my students Albus."


	55. News From Home

S'up guys, so this is another short-ish one but it follows straight on from the last one so yeah. Here goes nothing (I'mnotJKRowlingpleasereadandreview!)

* * *

By the time he got to Herbology Remus had more or less accepted that it was extremely unlikely he would be allowed to rearrange his Transfiguration practical. When he told his friends, however, they took it upon themselves to be outraged on his behalf.

"They can't do that!" said James indignantly.

"They're the fricking Ministry," replied Remus bitterly, "they can do whatever the hell they want."

"But that's just be out of order though," said Peter, "and you're great at Transfiguration as well, it's so unfair."

"If it wasn't practical then it wouldn't be so bad, but I just can never seem to do the bloody spells right when it's the bloody full moon," said Remus, digging his trowel into his magical moss bed more aggressively than was strictly necessary.

"I don't get why they won't just let you sit it on another day," said James, "I mean, it's not like it'd cause them that much trouble as well, and it's the practical so it's not like you'd be seeing the paper before everyone else so you won't be able to tell what comes up or anything."

"It's like I said," said Sirius, "the Ministry is run by arseholes like my dad, and they don't think that muggleborns have a right to come to Hogwarts so when it comes to werewolves..."

Remus was grateful for Sirius's cynicism, he knew James was only trying to help keep Remus optimistic, but James's confidence that the Ministry would do the right thing in the end really grated on Remus at times. James was not entirely ignorant of the Ministry's faults, but he was still labouring under the illusion that overall the Ministry was a force for good. This was hardly surprising, seeing as his father, one of the best men Remus had ever met, and James's hero, was Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Merlin he even wanted to be Auror, to fight for the Ministry against Dark wizards and witches, to be one of the knuckles of the Ministry's hand of justice. But as much as it irritated him that James could be so ignorant, Remus knew that this was partly because he was jealous. James's father had never risked his son's life in the name of duty to the Ministry, that same Ministry had never given his father the sack when that risk taking backfired. James had never spent hours sitting in the grotty waiting room of the Werewolf Support Services listening to his mother arguing with the person at the desk while he watched visions of his own future move slowly down the queue in front of him, emaciated men and women with dirty ripped robes who smelt like they hadn't a bath in years, coming in everyday to be turned down for a place to stay, for money to eat and to buy medication. Remus hated to be the one to reveal the ugly truth about the Ministry to James, even though his hopeful ignorance pained him at times, part of Remus really wanted for at least one for his friends to be able to hold onto their childish outlook on the world for just a while longer.

"Don't worry," said Peter, noticing that Remus had lapsed into a heavy silence, "Dumbledore'll sort it out."

"I don't he will Peter," sighed Remus with a small smile, reassuring his friends that he had accepted that fact and was completely fine it, "but McGongall said that she'd let me take Transfiguration at NEWT level even if I when I do fail dismally."

"You won't fail dismally Moony," said Sirius, "remember you've still got the theory half of the exam, and you'll do well in that for sure."

"Yeah but even if I do pass I won't pass well will I? And let's face it I'd need about ten billion Outstandings before anyone would even consider giving me a job."

"No, you won't fail Moony because we're going to make sure those Ministry gits let you rearrange your exam," said James.

"Seriously Prongs, I appreciate the sentiment, but if the exam board aren't listening to Dumbledore then they sure as hell won't listen to you."

"I never said we were going to talk to them did I Moony? There are other ways of persuading people you know. I've got an idea, I'll explain it to you later."

"Oh no," said Remus.

That evening it was noticed by several people that the common room was much quieter than usual, the reason being that four loud boys had retreated to their dormitory unnaturally early.

"So, what's the plan Prongs?" asked Sirius.

"Alright, here it is, it was Wormtail who gave me the idea actually, because Moony, you really are very good at Transfiguration, not as good as me of course but you're nearly there..."

"Alright put a sock in it Prongs," said Sirius, "what's your idea?"

"Well, I say we show those Ministry bastards just how good you are."

"James, I appreciate this but I really don't think..."

"Just hear me out alright Remus? So, here's the plan, our first exam's potion's theory right? So after the exam Remus will just have to hang around a bit, just to make sure you're the last one out, and once everyone else has left we'll close the doors on you and the examiners and you can just transfigure a load of stuff in the hall. Real impressive stuff you know, a few colour change spells, maybe a vanishing spell or two, turn a few desks into armadillos, whatever takes your fancy. And they're bound to say something eventually, so when they ask you what the hell you're doing you ask them whether you can rearrange your exam and then just carrying on until they say yes."

James looked genuinely please with his plan, Sirius looked thoughtful but optimistic and Peter was wide-eyed with awe, but Remus himself could see several flaws in the whole scheme.

"So... what do you think?"

"I think I'd probably get arrested," Remus laughed hollowly.

"You wouldn't be doing anything wrong though, just don't do anything dangerous and you'll be fine, just turn a few quills into birds that'll fly around the room, stuff like that."

"I'll still basically be holding Ministry officials captive and threatening them," said Remus, "and they've already made it perfectly clear that they think I'm a subhuman beast that shouldn't even be allowed to attend Hogwarts. They'll have my wand straight away, might even try and cart me off to Azkaban."

"Surely not," said James, looking a bit deflated at having his master plan dismissed as a recipe for disaster.

"I wouldn't put it past them," said Sirius darkly.

"Look, it's a nice idea James, I just don't think it'd work for me you know. It's the same problem we were having with Snape and Regulus, there are some things you just can't solve with a practical joke."

"But it's not even a practical joke, not a proper one anyway."

"Believe me James, I know where you're coming from, I'd love to do something that'd really stick it to them. But I just can't risk it, I'm sorry."

"No, that's fair enough, I was being stupid. I was angry and like you say I just wanted to do something that'd show them they can't just do whatever the hell they like."

"Yeah but you see the problem there is... they can," Remus shrugged and glanced at his watch, "anyway, I've got to go and meet Lily for Prefect duty so I'll see you guys later yeah?"

"You're patrolling with Evans?" asked James.

"That's what I just said."

"Yeah, well, just talk to her will you? Make sure she's alright."

"Of course I'll talk to her James," said Remus, "and look, about the other week, I know you care about her, you just don't show your caring side in the most conventional ways do you?"

"Nah well, that's be boring wouldn't it," laughed James, "go on, hurry up you bloody treacherous Prefect, you stain on the name of the Marauders."

"Ah, there's it is," said Remus, "I can literally feel the love radiating from your skin."

As it happened Remus was not the one who was late for Prefect duty that evening. Remus was almost starting to think that maybe he had gotten the wring night and was just about to check the rota on the notice board again when Lily came hurrying down the girls' staircase.

"Sorry I'm late," she said distractedly, "I totally forgot, I'm so sorry."

"It's alright," said Remus, "come on let's get going before some annoying grass tells McGonagall we've been slacking off."

"Alright," said Lily, following Remus out of the portrait hole.

"It really is alright Lily," said Remus, as soon as the pair of them were out into the cool quietness of the corridor, "I mean, I know you've got a lot on your plate at the moment and if you ever want me to cover for you, I know you'd do the same for me. Well, you _have _done the same for me."

"Oh no I couldn't possibly let you do that. I covered for you that time because you were sick, it wouldn't be fair to ask you to do the same for me just because I was stupid enough to forget about patrol."

"You're not stupid," said Remus, "you've just got a lot on your plate. But it's like you told me last year, you've still got to take care of yourself, you've still got to sleep and you've got to talk to people. And I know you're still trying to sort things out with Snape but you've got yourself to think about too. We have got exams just around the corner remember, and you've been working so hard for so long you can't let that all go to pot just because of Snape."

"It's not just because of Snape."

"It's alright, I'm not having a go or anything. I'm just saying that you can't save everyone, and I know that you would if you could, but leave that 'til when you're the best Healer in the country eh?"

These words appeared to be too much for Lily, for though she bit her lip and try to hold it in, tears sprung from her eyes.

"Lily! I'm sorry, what is it? Was it something I said?"

"No, no," said Lily, wiping her eyes on her sleeve, "well, yes, but you couldn't have known..."

"Known what? Tell me Lily."

"It's... my dad. I told you he was sick right? Well, he's been taken to hospital, they don't think he's got more than a few weeks."

Lily collapsed into sobs again and Remus pulled her into a hug. She burrowed into his chest. It was an awkward, bony sort of hug, her elbows digging into his ribs, her tears wetting the front of his robes. But nevertheless, there was love in that hug, plain, simple love.

"It's alright Lily," said Remus, even though he knew it wasn't, but that was just what people said wasn't it, that was what his mum had said to him when he was first bitten, over and over again, _'it's alright Remus, it's alright, everything's going to be okay'._

"I'm sorry," said Lily, "I mean, I knew this was coming, I never thought I'd go to pieces like this."

"It's okay Lily, you can never really be prepared for these things, even if you know they're coming, it doesn't make the blow hurt any less when it comes."

"It's just been one things after the other you know? What with Snape and then this and now exams next bloody week! Why does everything always have to happen at once?!"

"My mum says misfortunes always come in threes," said Remus humourlessly, Lily laughed in equal lack of amusement.


	56. An Awkward Encounter

Okay not sure about this chapter, wrote the first draft of it _aaaaages_ ago but then had to change it to make it fit in. If you don't like it then just move on and it will just sit in it's room, making no noise and pretending it doesn't exist. I should have the next chapter up shortly. But whatever you think of please leave a big fat juicy review! I own nothing btw, just in case you managed to miss that.

* * *

Sirius waited until Remus had closed the door behind him and then turned to James and Peter with a look on his face that signalled to the other two that he meant business.

"Alright, now we can discuss this properly," said Sirius.

"But Remus isn't here any more," said Peter.

"Exactly," said Sirius, "so now we can figure out a way to help him without him knowing about it. 'Cause he did have a point James, Remus can't risk doing anything like that when the Ministry's involved, he probably _would_ get carted off to Azkaban."

"I know it was a spur of the moment idea," said James, "it was stupid."

"No, no I like the idea, it just needs a bit of tweaking that's all. Because of nobody takes a stand against these people then nothing's ever going to change. I for one haven't spent all my life trying to be the undoing of my parents just to accept it when people just like them try to do my friend over just because he's a werewolf."

"Well I'm glad I'm not the only one," said James.

"Seriously Prongs? Did you ever doubt me?"

"Wait, I'm lost," said Peter.

"Remus can't be caught doing anything right," said Sirius, "so we'll just have to do it for him. But he can't know anything Peter, you got that? 'Cause if he knows something they'll be able to tell and then he could get in serious trouble."

"Okay."

"And we've got to think of something that'll actually convince them to sort out his exam, not just piss them off," Sirius added.

"Yeah, this'll be the hardest prank we've ever pulled, because something go to actually come out of this. You're right, this is no revenge plan that's for sure, plus we can't do anything that'll let people know he's a werewolf so we can't just cause a massive scene..." James trailed off, playing out various schemes in his head.

"I've got an idea," said Sirius, "what if, by a series of bizarre twists of fate, Remus's Transfiguration skills, and services as a Prefect were to be called upon in the presence of the chief examiner.

"Ah, and we would be the driving forces behind these twist of fate I presume?"

"I am glad we're on the same page Mr Prongs. What say you Mr Wormtail?"

"So we'll like, arrange situation to make him look good in front of the examiners?" clarified Peter.

"Exactly."

"I'm in!"

Remus wasn't in the best of moods as he exited his Divination practical. Throughout the year he had managed to score mediocre marks by just predicting that he would be befallen by various misfortunes at the full moon, but in the exam he had nothing of the sort to fall back on. Reflecting back on it the lowest moment was probably when Remus had said that judging by the examiner's lifeline he should have died twenty years ago. Oh well, thought Remus, he had never hoped for anything better than a T in that subject anyway. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the little boy who was standing in the middle of the corridor jumping on the spot and reaching upwards with his arms as though his life depended on it.

"Excuse me," said the boy, when he saw Remus, Remus snapped out of his idle musings about the exam and noticed the boy for the first time. The kid must have been a first year, the top of his head barely came up to Remus's chest.

"What is it?" asked Remus kindly, "do you need help with something."

"Yes please," said the boy, sounding relieved, "I can get my bag down."

"Down from..?" started Remus, looking up towards the ceiling and trying to locate the boy's bag, he caught sight of something in the rafters... but it was not a bag, "why..? Is that a hedgehog?"

"He turned it into a hedgehog before he put it up there. And I can't get it down. I tried Wingardium Leviosa but it was digging it's claws in to the beam so it didn't work, I think it's scared of heights, I mean, hedgehogs aren't meant to by high up are they? I've tried calling it down too but it won't come. How do you call a hedgehog? Is it the same way you'd call a cat?"

"I honestly have no idea," said Remus, trying to keep a straight face as it was clear the first year saw nothing comical about the situation, "but I might be able to untransfigure it for you and then we'll be able to get it down. Here..."

Remus thought back to his animal to object transfiguration lessons and swiftly muttered what he hoped was the right counter enchantment. Sure enough the hedgehog's spines retracted into it's skin and it expanded and sagged into a reassuringly bag-like shape.

"Wow, thank you," said the boy.

"No problem," said Remus, "accio bag," he added, deftly catching the satchel as it came soaring towards him and handing it to the kid, who swung it over shoulder.

"Now what class are you meant to be in? I'll come with you and tell your teacher why you're late."

"Well, I was _meant_ to have Professor McGonagall, but she told us she'd be in a meeting today so we'd have to still go to the same classroom, but Professor Flitwick would be teaching us."

"Well okay, you lead the way then," said Remus.

"I don't think that will be necessary Mr Lupin," said a voice from behind them, Remus and the first year both jumped and turned to face Professor McGonagall, who had standing next to her another woman whom Remus did not recognise, "I was just called out of my meeting by Professor Flitwick, and was just making my way to your class Mr Matthews, I shall escort you there."

"Please, Professor, don't give me detention or nothing, I wasn't skiving off or anything, some boy, he turned my bag into a hedgehog and put it up in the rafters and I couldn't get it..."

"It's alright Mr Matthew's, I saw everything. While we're here I think that deserves five points to Gryffindor Mr Lupin. Mr Lupin is one of our school Prefects," she explained to the woman, obviously a visitor to the school, "and a model one at that. Mr Lupin this is Madame Marchbanks, he chief examiner."

"How do you do?" said Remus, immediately catching Professor McGonagall meaning and extending his hand eagerly, offering a polite smile as he did so.

His smile faltered as Madame Marchbanks flinched at the pale hand that was thrust towards her, a row of faded, but still visible, tooth marks running down the back of it. Remus froze, unsure of what to do as Madame Marchbanks eyes the hand as if it were some gruesome and highly venomous insect she had found in her shoe.

"Very well thank you," said he chief examiner finally, "pleasure to meet you Mr Lupin," she added, even as the expression on her face told otherwise.

Professor McGonagall's frown deepened as she observed the exchange and the first year, Matthews, looked back and forth between the two of them in utter befuddlement.

"You too," said Remus, lowering his hand awkwardly and clasping it in his other one before finally deciding just put it behind his back. He could feel the blush rising in his cheeks. How could he have committed such a faux pas? What was he thinking? "Well, I was just on my way to the library, bye Professor, good bye Madame Marchbanks," he said with a slight nod of the head.

Remus walked away without waiting for a reply, forcing himself to walk at a normal pace when really all he wanted to do was run to get out of sight as quickly as possible so that he could literally kick himself for what he had just done.

Sirius Black was fuming. It was all he could do not to whip off the Invisibility Cloak, run after Remus and drag him back here and make the chief examiner apologise to him. But he couldn't do that, he couldn't do anything. Remus was completely oblivious to the fact that he had witnessed the entire incident, and it had to remain that way or else it would inevitably be revealed that he, along with James and Peter, _arranged_ the entire incident. But still, it pushed Sirius's self control almost to breaking point standing there and keeping his mouth shut throughout the exchange. How dare she?! He had always known that this was the kind of prejudice they were up against, but to see it in the flesh... The way she had looked at Remus, it was worse than the way people looked at dog crap on the ground. And honestly? Was she really afraid he would contaminate her just by shaking her hand?! He had to go and find James and Peter, he had to vent some of his anger before he exploded. He could go and catch up with Remus of course, and somehow coax him into telling him what had just happened. But he knew from Remus's face as he walked off that there was very little chance of that happening. That was the part of it, the way Remus had flushed bright red as if _he _had done something wrong! The way he looked down at the floor and actually _hid_ his hand behind his back as if he had something to be ashamed of! As if he were some lower form of being! But then again, thought Sirius, that's exactly what they think he is.

Remus stayed in the library until dinner that night. He felt like he wanted to hide away from humanity forever. But eventually his growing hunger overrode his profound embarrassment and he ventured down the great hall. Sure that every person he passed on the way was looking at him with that same derision Madame Marchbanks had shown. He kept his face ducked into his chest so that he would not have to meet anyone's gaze. He was fairly quiet over dinner, something which was unusual though not unheard of, though normally only happened when the full moon was drawing near. Remus was not surprised then, that his friends kept looking at him strangely, but he managed to ignore them, at least until Madame Marchbanks entered the Great Hall. As she walked past the Gryffindor table on her way to joining the Professors Remsu had not been able to stop his eyes wandering towards her, as well as his thoughts. This would not have mattered, except that the chief examiner seemed to sense his gaze and turned to look him straight in the face. His immediately snapped his eyes down to his plate, but he could not hide the flush that once again spread across his cheeks as the memory of the earlier incident replayed in his mind.

"What's up Remus?" asked James.

Remus looked up to see him looking at him with concern over his chicken and leek pie. Sirius meanwhile, had spun around in his chair to see what Remsu had been looking at and was now glaring after Madame Marchbanks with a face like thunder.

"Nothing," said Remus, "Sirius turn around, it's rude to stare."

"What happened Remus? Was it something to do with that woman?" asked Sirius, not turning around.

"Nothing happened Sirius, would you please turn around... oh James, Peter, not you too!"

"Isn't she the chief examiner?" asked James.

"Yes, she is, now just turn around will you?"

"No, not until you tell us what's going on," said Sirius.

"Fine, fine I'll tell you," said Remus, "just sit down properly alright? It's not for everyone's ears."

The three boys sat back down in their seats and hunched in towards Remus.

"So?" asked James.

"It really was nothing..."

"Oh come on!" said Sirius, looking exasperated to the point of angry, "you can't hide stuff from us Remus, you tried that before remember."

"Yes, and as far as I remember I succeeded for one and half years."

"Don't change the subject," said James.

"I just made a fool of myself in front of her earlier, that's all."

Sirius looked like he was about to say something but appeared to receive a kick from James under the table and his words turned into a wince.

"How?" asked James, "come on, mate, you can tell us, we won't laugh."

The last thing Remus wanted to o was make this into a big thing. He just wanted to forget about it to be honest, but he could see from the determined looks on his friends faces, even Peter's, that they weren't going to let that happen any time soon. When he'd finished recounting the incident to them James and Sirius, in perfect unison, called Madame Marchbanks something would have made Professor McGonagall's eyebrows disappear into her hairline. Remus said nothing, and went back to concentrating hard on finishing his mashed potato.

"Well she is!" said Sirius, in response to Remus's silence.

"I can't believe anyone would do that to another human being," said James, clearly he now felt able to come up with a more eloquent reaction to the story he had just heard.

"Yeah well I'm not human am I? That's the whole... Ow! What was that for?!"

Remus rubbed the spot on his head that Sirius had just hit with a spoon.

"For being such a bloody prick that's what! Look I know there are people in the world who think that about you, people way worse than Madame Marchbanks... bloody hell Remus I grew up with them. I _was_ _one of them_. But that doesn't mean you have to start going along with it yourself. You've got to stand up to them Remus, you're not a Gryffindor for nothing, you've got to tell them they're wrong, you've got to _show them_ they're wrong!"

"That's what I was trying to do," said Remus, "but I forgot the bloody Golden Rule didn't I? Never, _ever_, expect to be treated as an equal."

"What?!" James demanded, "that's ridiculous!"

"No it's not," said Remus, "that's the way it works in the real world. If you want any semblance of respect from anyone you've got to earn it, and they sure as hell don't appreciate it if you around expecting to get it before you've done so. I've just been at Hogwarts for too long. I'd forgotten what it's really like out there. Here everyone either doesn't know or is..."

"Sane?" suggested Sirius, who seemed not to know whether to laugh or burst into a fit of rage.

"Well I was going to suggest the opposite actually but oh well."

"Listen, don't let them get to you Remus," said James, "you're more than equal to the likes of her, you're worth ten of people like that."

"A billion," corrected Sirius.

"A gazillion!" corrected Peter, clapping Remus on the back.

Remus shook his head and laughed, in spite of himself, at the sheer craziness of the situation.

"I don't think you guys realised just how insane most people would say you actually are."

"Yeah well screw most people," said Sirius, "most people are dicks."

Remus laughed, and once again thanked his lucky stars for Sirius's ever dependable cynicism.


	57. The Final Exam

Hiya! Thanks to all the people who reviewed, and extra thanks to Polly who cleared up that confusion in the canon timeline I was having. Unfortunately it would be too late now for me to change my storyline to put the incident with the Whomping Willow in fifth year, before Snape's Worst Memory, so I'm just going to keep it where I had planned to put it, at the beginning(-ish) of sixth year, and ask people to just go with it. Speaking of which, this is the last chapter of fifth year (yay!), there will be a couple of summer holiday chapters this time as we have Lily's family's storyline to continue, and of course we know that Sirius ran away from home when he was sixteen so I took that to mean this summer. But after that we're onto sixth year, so you all know what that means! Anyway, please keep up the reviewing, we're getting close to 200 now so I'm looking forward to crossing that milestone :D Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling I would know when important life-changing events in the canon were meant to happen

Anyway, enough of the chatter, let's get on with the chapter (little bit of word play there ;) unintentional actually!)

* * *

James was sitting outside his Transfiguration exam waiting for his name to be called. Sirius had been called up almost immediately since they were going in alphabetical order of surnames, but they had not yet gotten past the 'h's so he, Peter and Remus were still all waiting for their turn. James looked over to his right, towards Peter, and saw the boy muttering frantically under his breath and waving an imaginary wand in a series of convoluted and utterly wrong movements. He considered correcting him but decided that he didn't have the heart, he had been working so hard just to get this far and there was nothing James could do at this late stage other than just make him even more nervous than he already was. But what Peter was doing was nothing compared to what James saw when he looked over to his left. Remus's face had taken on a pale greenish hue and he was staring into the depths of the opposite wall with his jaw locked and his hands gripped together. Although he sat perfectly still James could tell that inside Remus was panicking just as much, if not more than Peter.

"You look like you're about to be sick," said James.

"I _feel_ like I'm about to be sick," said Remus, barely moving his mouth and not taking his eyes of the same brick in the wall.

"Just try to relax," said James.

"What do you think I've been trying to do since this morning?"

"Well, maybe you need to try another way, maybe you need to distract yourself with something a bit more interesting than a brick. Like hey, remember that time when Peter got his head caught between the bars of the banisters..."

"James!"snapped Remus, "I'm sorry but that's really not helping," he added, raising a hand to his face to wipe away the thin film of sweat that had coated his forehead. James noticed that he was shivery slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"S'alright, it's not your fault," sighed Remus, "I just really think I should keep my head clear from everything other than Transfiguration right now, you know?"

"Sure. Did you take all of the potions Pomfrey gave you?"

"Course, I'm not a complete idiot," said Remus, "Well, not the painkiller because that makes me drowsy but I took all the others. It's shame really since besides the invigoration draught that's the only one that really works."

"Why d'you taken 'em if they don't work?"

"So that Madam Pomfrey doesn't catch on to the whole animagus thing," shrugged Remus, "I think she's under the impression she's found some sort of miracle drug that helps actually treat lycanthropy."

"Lennox, Logan, Lucien, Lupin," called the invigilator.

"Good luck Remus," said Peter.

"You'll be fine Moony," said James, laying a hand on his friends back as he stood up, for moral support mainly, but also physical should he need it.

Remus nodded but didn't say anything for fear that if he opened his mouth he might actually be sick in front of half the year, which would just turn out to be an even more embarrassing repeat of the 'fainting' incident in History of Magic. Remus tried to breathe calmly as he was ushered through the door and over to his examiner. He could feel his palms growing sweaty and his wand slipped a little in his hand. He tightened his grip on it and swallowed.

"Remus Lupin?" asked the examiner, in a slightly bored tone.

"Yes," said Remus.

"Okay then Mr Lupin, the first thing I would like you to do for me today is transfigure this snuff box into a water goblet.

"Yes sir," said Remus, composing himself and pointing his wand at the snuff box, concentrating hard as he performed the spell.

As Remus flourished his wand the sniff box grew in size and it's shape contorted into that of a goblet of the same repeating diamond pattern, with the minor addition of a lid.

"I don't suppose you meant to do that did you?" sighed the examiner, sounding more bored than anything now.

"Not... exactly sir. I'm sure it probably comes off though, see it does, look, so technically it's still a goblet, just more of a flask in a way... oh Merlin, can I try again?"

"That attempt was passable," said the examiner, writing something on a sheet of parchment, "and I would advise you that points will be deducted for taking multiple attempts at spells, It would probably be better if we just moved onto the next one on the list which is..." he shuffled his papers around a little, "ah, here we go, would you please vanish this mouse for me."

After a minute or so Remus successfully vanished his mouse, even if the strain of it made his head ache and he was left kicking himself because he knew that in class he had been able to do it in under five seconds. Once again the examiner jotted something down on Remus's score card and they moved onto the next item on his list.

And so the process continued, Remus's performance growing steadily worse throughout the exam, though the examiner did not seem to notice any deterioration in Remus's own physical state. In fact, he barely glanced up from his sheets of parchment except to briefly assess each transfigured object before bowing his head again and scratching something else with his quill. He wondered briefly whether his examiner's apathetic attitude was because he knew what Remus was, or whether after all these years as an examiner he had simply stopped noticing any individual students and had taken to simply observing their handiwork and almost arbitrarily writing down a little number on their little score card.

By the time it was over Remus could feel nothing but relief, there was no longer any room for nervousness or disappointment or anything else. It was as he caught sight of Sirius, who had been waiting for him outside the exam hall, that the full force of this relief crashed over him like a fierce wave. It was all over, he didn't have to struggle anymore. He felt his knees grow weak as they realised that they didn't have to support his weight any longer. It was like every bone, every muscle, every organ in his body had decided to stage a walk out. He was barely aware of Sirius rushing to his side and carefully sitting him down on a bench.

Sirius had been waiting for ages when Remus finally emerged from the exam hall. His face was pale and expressionless but he seemed reasonably composed. Perhaps it didn't go too badly? Then all of a sudden Remus caught sight of him and smiled, and at that moment something seemed to hit him and his next step was a stumble. Sirius rushed over to him and guided him to the bench he had been sitting on.

"Remus? Remus?"

Sirius felt his forehead with the back of his hand and sure enough his temperature was soaring. His eyes were glazed over and on the point of closing.

"Remus, speak to me, are you going to be alright?"

At first Remus just nodded absently but after he took a few deep breaths and held his head in his hand for a second he looked up at Sirius and spoke.

"'m'alright," he said, "just let myself slip for a second there. I was just so... relieved... it's all over now... no more."

The glazed look was not quite gone from his eyes. As he spoke he sounded almost euphoric.

"Yeah, we're all done now," said Sirius, still regarding Remus quizzically, "look, are you sure you're alright, d'you need some water or some food or anything? You didn't eat anything at breakfast."

"No thanks, I feel kind of sick."

"I think you should go to the Hospital Wing Remus, you looked like you were about to pass out there."

"No, I'm fine, it was just... it's hard to explain... it was just a bit like you know when you're tired but you've got lots of stuff to do so you're running around getting it all done and managing to ignore how tired you are, and then when you've done it all you're suddenly exhausted again and it just takes you by surprise that's all."

"Still, that can't be good Remus."

"Yes it is!" said Remus unexpectedly, "it is because it means I've done it now. This is as close as I'm ever going to get to being able to control it."

"What? By just ignoring it 'til the last minute?"

Sirius didn't understand. He didn't understand how... proud Remus felt that he had managed to reclaim those few short of hours of his life from the moon's grip. That he had managed, if only momentarily, to cast to one side the curse that had plagued his life since he was four years old. That he a had made a stand, however small against the inexorable waxing of the moon. That just for a moment he had lived his life by his own calendar and not by the lunar chart he kept in his trunk.

"Never mind," said Remus, he felt much more lucid now after his momentary lapse, but now the pain in his head and his back was creeping back, he fished around in his pocket for the vial of painkiller and uncorked it.

"Weren't you meant to take that earlier?" asked Sirius sharply.

"No," said Remus, downing the potion and waiting for the throbbing in his temples to recede.

"Come on," said Sirius, "let's go back up to the dorm. You should lie down for a bit if you're not going to go and see Pomfrey."

"Sure," said Remus, putting the empty vial back in his pocket and making to stand up, "woah, no, apparently that's not going to happen," he said when the world started spinning again, and he sat back down.

Sirius sighed and sank back down onto the bench next to his friend.

"I guess we might as well wait for James and Peter then."

"Yeah," said Remus, "and I'll apologise in advance for tonight, it's going to be a bad one."

"Tell me about it," said the unexpected voice of Marlene McKinnon, who had just come out of the exam hall along with her best friend Mary MacDonald, "I had a word with the others but they still want to go ahead with it even though it's going to be completely miserable."

"Oh, yeah," said Remus as if he had the foggiest idea what Marlene was talking about, "yeah... so they still want to go ahead with it then?"

"Yeah, course not many people are that close to Lily apart from you me and Mary, so I guess they wouldn't know, but I told them and they _still_ want to have a their stupid party. Can you believe it?"

"No," said Remus, playing for time while he tried to think of something else to say.

"What happened with Lily?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, did Remus not tell you?" asked Marlene surprised.

"No, I was just about to," said Remus.

"Oh, well I know she wouldn't want it spreading around, but I just thought people should know so that they can just cut her a bit of slack you know? People expect so much of her, and she doesn't help herself by trying to live up to it all the time. I stopped caring about what other people thought of me the moment I didn't get put in Ravenclaw like my perfect brother Eldritch myself..."

"What happened with Lily Marls?" asked Sirius again.

"Oh yeah," said Marlene, her expression wilting slightly, "she got a letter from home this morning. Her dad died last night."

"That's terrible," said Sirius.

Remus said nothing, there was nothing he could say, nothing that would things any better at any rate.

"She was so sad," said Mary, "we were just off to find her now."

"Look, be nice to her yeah," said Marlene, in a tone that was almost her usual reassuringly confrontational manner, "she hasn't got many people to turn to any more, not since that Slytherin son of a boggart showed his true colours, so we're pretty much all she's got. I mean, I dunno how much she's told you but she's never really got on that well with most of the girls, I think it all dates back to first year, she was always the odd one out, hanging out with Snape all the time, she didn't really try to make friends with any of us so most people didn't bother to get to know her. But anyway, just, make sure you're there for her if she wants to talk to you alright? I mean, she might not, she's never really been one for talking, not to us anyway, but I know she talks to you Remus... are you okay Remus?"

"I'm fine, I'm just knackered," said Remus.

"Touché," said Marlene, "oh yeah and make sure James lays off her will you? No repeats of what happened the other day after the Defence exam alright?"

"Don't worry, we'll tell him," said Sirius, "even James has some boundaries."

"I'll believe that when I see it," said Marlene, "but if there were ever a time when I'd like to be proved wrong it's be now. Anyway, we're going to go and fine Lily. Maybe see you later? I doubt any of us will be at the party though, we'll probably just stay with Lily."

"Yeah, we probably won't be there either," said Sirius, "I mean, we'll leave you girls alone, keep James out your way, but it kind of seems wrong to be having a party when Lily's dad's just died."

"Staging a boycott then?" laughed Marlene, though her heart wasn't in the joke, "well, thanks. By then."

"See ya," said Sirius.

"Bye," said Mary, "Bye Remus?" she added, it sounded like a question.

"Oh, yeah, good bye," said Remus.

Mary flashed an uncertain smile at Remus and then hurried off after Marlene's long strides.

"Poor Lily," said Sirius, "she did look upset when she walked past. I thought of asking her what was wrong but I knew we were all in her bad books after what happened with Snape the other day."

"It's so unfair," muttered Remus.

"I know," said Sirius, "it should have been one of my parents, parents who actually love their children should never have to leave..."

Before Sirius could finish his sentence Remus had risen from the bench and bolted across the corridor to the nearest bathroom. Sirius ran after him and caught up with him just as he reached the sink. He rubbed Remus's back as he threw up into the basin and when he was done he guided him over to one of the cubicles, flipped down the lid on the toilet and sat him down on top of it. Sweat trickled down Remus's face, as well as, Sirius noticed, a few tears, but he pretended not to notice to save his friend's pride. He knelt down on the floor next to Remus and put his arm round his shoulders. He could feel him shivering against him.

"Sorry," said Remus.

"Don't be," said Sirius, "d'you want to go and wash your face?"

"In a minute, let me just..." he trailed off.

"Sure," said Sirius, "but then I really am taking to Pomfrey whether you like it or not."

Remus nodded his consent.

"I wish I could be there for her," he said, after a long pause.

"What, tonight?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed wearily.

"All the time," he said.


	58. Back in the Real World

Hey, I had this already written so I just typed it out and I'm going to upload it now so that I can proudly say that I have once again updated twice in one day (yippee!) Now, let's get down to business, I have not acquired the rights to Harry Potter since I posted this morning and I would still like it very much if you could leave a nice little review! (or a horrible little review if you think that's what it deserves, I don't mind honest)

* * *

"So, I hear you want to be a doctor too now, your father would have been so proud."

"Yes, yes he told me that I first told him," said Lily uncomfortably and a little irritably.

She had been cornered by one of those elderly relatives everyone expects you to remember even though the last time you met them you were incapable of comprehensible speech and still wore nappies. But worse than that, this old woman appeared to be one of those relatives who only turned up at funerals and seemed to get some bizarre buzz off of them.

"Oh yes, well he was always talking about you, very proud, very proud indeed. I suppose that's what killed 'im the end. Your poor mother was telling me all about it. Refusing to see a doctor for so long! But that was just 'is way I suppose. Still, 'e 'ad a good innings anyhow."

The unidentified old woman sighed wistfully and Lily barely managed to stop herself from groaning out loud. She was talking about her Dad like he'd been dead for year but he had written to her only last month!

"Oh there's Petunia," said the woman, seemingly deciding that this grieving daughter was a little dull so deciding to take a punt on the other one, "Petunia darling, come over here and have a little chat with us, we were just talking about your dear father."

"Well, _you_ were," mumbled Lily, the old woman, who luckily for Lily was either a little hard or hearing or a little hard of caring, didn't seem to notice, but Petunia did.

"Oh, well I would be surprised if Lily had anything to say about him seeing as she hasn't seen him since Christmas," she said, shooting Lily an icy glare.

"Oh yes! That's right, you're the one that got the scholarship to that fancy boarding school up in... where was it again?"

"Scotland," said Lily shortly, still not looking at the old woman but glaring back at Petunia.

"Ah yes, that's right. You know you're grandfather on your mum's side was from Scotland, Inverness he was from, that's right. You take after 'im with your red 'air."

"Yeah, I know," said Lily, who remembered her granddad clearly seeing as he had only died a couple of years ago.

"I was just saying to your sister," said the old woman, placing a withered hand on Petunia's arm, "'ow proud your dad would 'ave been that she's off to become a doctor."

"Yes, well, if you can call it that," scoffed Petunia, "Lily's into all this alternative medicine nonsense She's not going to become a _real_ doctor."

"Really? Oh Lily you don't want to get into that sort of thing, most of it's just people wanting an excuse to take drugs, that's what I've 'eard."

"No," said Lily, "I _am_ going to become a _real_ doctor. In fact I've got some work experience down in London later in the summer, in a _real_ hospital."

"Ooh, you want to be careful if you're going down London way dear, they've got lot's of crime down there, lot's of _murderers_ and _rapists_ and..."

Yeah, as if nobody ever got raped or murdered in Yorkshire, thought Lily, granted maybe it didn't happen much in Cokeworth, but nothing ever happened much in Cokeworth. That was probably why this charming old lady spoke the words "murderers" and "rapists" with such morbid enthusiasm.

"I'm moving to London," said Petunia suddenly, cutting off Lily's thoughts mid-flow, as well as the litany of the sorts of violent criminals you could get in London.

"Are you really?" asked Lily, "you never told me that."

"Yes, I am," said Petunia, "you're not the only one who has plans for their future Lily. And I daresay some of us have plans which are much more realistic."

"Well, that are these plans then?" asked Lily, torn between wanting to taunt her sister back for the way she had dismissed her own plans to become a Healer and being glad that Petunia seemed to finally have moved on from not being accepted into Hogwarts.

"I'm going to go into catering," said Petunia proudly, "or maybe event organising, I'm not quite sure yet."

"Oh, that's great!" said Lily, the latter sentiment winning out in the end. Plus she did not want to create a scene here, not in front her grieving family, not all of whom knew she was a witch, or indeed of the existence of witches and wizards at all, "you'd be well good at that. You've always been excellent at baking and stuff, and even as a kid you were always dead organised. I expect you'd have to be good at maths and things as well, to do your books and all that. You were always better that kind of thing that I was, I always just doodled in my margins in maths."

That was it, there was only one way to diffuse situation with Petunia, flattery.

"Yes well, seeing as I went to a secondary school which did proper subjects like maths and English and home economics that not really all that surprising is it," said Petunia.

Lily threw a sharp look at Petunia, she was edging closer and closer to revealing the truth about Lily's school. But luckily the old woman had once again even not heard or didn't care, and she promptly took her leave with a short "I'll leave you two to your little catch up then". She had probably gotten bored now that the conversation between the two sisters had mellowed somewhat. She would have been mistaken to think it would stay that way for long though, for as soon as she was out of earshot Lilu rounded on Petunia.

"Alright? What was all that about?" she hissed.

"All what?"

"All that stuff about going to London! You've never mentioned that before!"

"Yeah well you were here were you?"

"You could have wrote to me! I wrote to you hundreds of times and you never wrote back, not once."

"Yeah well to be honest I've had more pressing problems to deal with that keeping my freakish little sister up on what's happening down here in the real world," sneered Petunia.

"Well there's no need to be like that," said Lily, "I made up for you! I really am! It's just that sometimes I don't know whether you're saying something 'cause it's true or ;cause you think it'll make you look good."

"What? So you don't think I can have any dreams of my own? Did you really I think I wanted to stay in bloody Cokeworth for the rest of my life? I'm fed up of being the one that stays behind Lily! And yeah, I'm also fed up of you showing off all the time so _excuse me_ if _I_ wanted to get soem recognition for a change. I know my dreams may not be as fancy yours but at least they're _real_, at least they're _normal!_"

"Tuney, please..."

"Don't 'Tuney' me! What's with all these stupid ideas about being a doctor anyway? If I didn;t know better I'd say _you_ were the one making things up just to make yourself sound good. All that rubbish about carrying on after Dad, do your lot even have proper doctors?"

"Of course we have proper doctors..."

"I bet you don't even have to do any training to become a magical doctor. What do you do? Just wave your little wand and make people better?"

"No Tuney, that's not how it works..."

"'Cause you couldn't do anything to save Dad could you?!"

"There are some things even magic can't cure," said Lily quietly, tears filling her eyes, "but maybe one day... maybe I'll find one..."

"Yeah well it'll be a bit late then won't it," said Petunia.

"Well now you're just being selfish! Yeah it'll be too late for Dad, but there are plenty of other people who need help."

"Oh yeah? And what would you know about helping people Lily? When have you _ever_ helped _anyone?!_ All you do is leave people when they need your help. You're always chasing after some dream that'll never come true, just blindly ignoring the people around you who are suffering. _You're_ the selfish one Lily! You are the most selfish person I have ever met!"

The words cut Lily like a knife, for even Petunia could never know the full extent of their truth.

* * *

A/N: I am not a Lily hater! As I have said before I idolise Lily, but I love exploring the weak sides of characters, that's why this story gets so angsty a lot of the time, I'm not a misery guts I promise, I just love writing about the dark sides of characters, so sorry if I've stepped on anyone's feels


	59. Seen and not Heard

Alright, it's been a long wait again, and I can't say for certain that it'll be worth it, I feel it started alright, got a bit iffy towards the middle and ended okay-ish, I'm not very good at writing action-packed "doing" scenes. I'm better with thoughts and conversation I think, so reviews and advice on how I could improve would be much appreciated. I am not JK Rowling, if I was I would publish this fanfiction as sell it for MILLIONS! MWAHAHAHAHA! ...and then probably donate it all to charity or some shit like that. But anyway, temporary craziness over, let's get on with the chapter.

* * *

"James Potter."

The glossy haired reflection in the small square of mirror vanished to be replaced by... total darkness. Sirius sighed and chucked the mirror down on his bed. He had tried the mirror several times in the last hour only to be presented again and again with the same pitch blackness. He assumed it must have been in James's pocket or something as the mirror could only reach someone if it was about their person. He was trying not to be annoyed at James, it wasn't his fault, he had better things to do than to be sitting in his room talking to him all summer, but the fact remained that Sirius, on the other hand, did not. He could not even write to Remus, Peter or Andromeda since his parents had forbidden him to have any contact with half blood scum, low-life Gryffindors and blood traitors. James, and the two way mirrors, were his only lifelines to the outside world, and though he knew it was unfair he couldn't help but feel a little resentful that the other end of the line was not being manned twenty four seven.

"Sirius Black."

Sirius jumped and scrambled for the mirror, in which his best friend was now smiling sheepishly.

"James! Merlin you took your time didn't you!"

"Sorry," said James, "my parents had people over for lunch."

"That's alright, I feel your pain, we've got the Lestranges and the Nott's arriving in ten minutes, as well my aunt and uncle with Bellatrix and Narcissa."

"Woah, I do not envy you. At least all I had to do was make polite conversation about OWLs and Hogwarts Professors, what'll be the hot topic at the dinner table tonight? Who're worse werewolves or muggles?"

"Even worse," said Sirius, "Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange are getting _married_. How anyone could want to be eternally bonded to that psychopath baffles me but there you go."

"Aww, will you be the ring bearer?"

Sirius laughed, James always made him laugh when he needed it most.

"No, that's Regulus, he's the Golden Boy remember."

"Ah yes... how is Golden Balls?"

Sirius laughed at James's new nickname for his brother.

"Well I thankfully I haven't seen his balls since we were both kids but I assume they're still as golden as ever. He's been acting strange though, I mean, he's always strange but he's spending almost as much time in his room as I do. I mean, he's always been the quiet one, but quiet in the 'seen and not heard' kind of way you know? Mother and Father aren't batting an eyelid though, when he mopes around in his room all day it's perfectly acceptable, it's only when I do it that it's a crime punishable a stinging hex to the arse and you 'you try sitting around all day on that you disgusting mudblood-lover'"

"You know, the more I hear about your parents the more I like them," said James sarcastically.

"Oh well by all means come 'round to tea some time," said Sirius, "I'm sure you'll all get along quite swimmingly."

"Brilliant! Can I bring my parents? Then there'll be a real bloodbath."

"Unfortunately I think you count as... what was the exact quote my mother used the other day..? _'Abominable stains on good wizarding names'_"

"Wow, she's a poet and she didn't even know it!" said James, "speaking of which Mum got in contact with Andromeda, she says to hang on in there 'til she can find you a lovely muggleborn girl to elope with and you can be happily disowned once and for all."

"Aww, isn't that sweet of her, she thinks I need help finding a girl."

"Yeah alright, we all know what an alpha dog you are Padfoot."

"Well, anyone is compared to you. Moony's been on a grand total of half a date in his entire life and he's more of an alpha dog than you."

"Yeah well you two have an unfair advantage," said James.

"How is Moony by the way?"

"Ill and bored apparently," said James, both boys knew that the full moon had come around again a couple of nights previously but they couldn't risk talking about it through the mirrors in case someone overheard them at Sirius's end. Though even without talking about it each boy could tell that they other was feeling just as guilty about not being able to transform with him this month.

"He gave me a message for you in his last letter actually, you want to read it?"

"Sure, hold it up to the mirror."

James put the mirror down and for a moment all Sirius could see was a rather uninteresting view of James's ceiling before he returned with a folded up piece of parchment.

"Now, it's a lot shorter than the others and you'll see why when you open it up. Literally the first thing he's written is not to laugh but I couldn't help it."

"Stop it!" Sirius laughed, "you're making me laugh now and I haven't even seen it yet!"

"Alright, one second," said James, and Sirius was left with the ceiling once more while he unfolded the paper and positioned it in front of the mirror.

After a short while of adjusting and readjusting the positioning Sirius was finally able to see the whole letter. Which was written not in Remus's usual neat, rounded handwriting, but in what looked like the jagged script of a five year old.

"_DON'T LAUGH AT THE HANDWRITING!" _was the first words on the page, somehow the fact that Remus had chosen to write in block capitals made it even funnier.

"_I had to use my left hand to write this as it turns out it's pretty tricky to write normally when all those stupid little bones in your right hand have been crushed between your massive werewolf teeth. If you ask me that's where evolution went wrong, why would you want lots of tiny little bones anyway? Surely a few chunkier, more sturdy ones would do the job? I mean, I'd settle for only having two fingers and a thumb if they were up to the job. But anyway I thought I should write anyway to let you know that I haven't died or anything so you can stop feeling guilty now, and tell Sirius that too. Apart from nearly chewing off my right hand I'm absolutely fine and if you ask me whether I'm alright or apologise for not being there on the full moon one more time I will not hesitate to do the same to you! I've got enough of that at the moment with my Mum. Speaking of which my parents don't want me to come round to yours this summer. My Mum probably would in about a week or so but Dad's a whole different kettle of kelpies. He flew off the handle last week just because I went for a walk by myself for a while. I mean, granted I probably should have told him, I was going but then he would have just 'forbade me' to go out again. If it was Mum I'd say she's just worried about me but since it's Dad... I don't know if he _actually_ thinks I'd be stupid enough to run away from home just a few days before the full moon or something. He's panicking about the Death Eaters non-stop, and I don't know what he's more scared of, me being attacked by them or me _joining_ them."_

Then there was something scribbled out, Sirius's tried to read through the mess of ink but it was useless.

"Can you see what he crossed out?" he asked James.

"No," said James's voice from somewhere out of view, "he probably just decided that bit was illegible and rewrote it. I tell you it's a good thing I'm a messy writer myself or I wouldn't be able to make head nor tail of half of this."

"I can read it alright," said Sirius, who still wrote in the flowing cursive handwriting he had been taught as a child by force of habit, "it's pretty good for a left hand."

"Yeah, I suppose," said James.

Sirius made a noise of assent and went back to the letter.

"_So anyway, I've been stuck in the house since then and I'm so bored I've even done some research on that stupid map idea of yours, I found some cool charms actually, they're all NEWT level and beyond but I think we should be able to manage them. Speaking of which, did you get your OWL results yet? I don't think I did so bad, I failed Divination but hey, what can you do. I got the grades I need to take the NEWTs I want, even Transfiguration, I think I must have done well in the theory exam because I somehow managed to scrape an E in that even if I did botch the practical. McGonagall'll be annoyed I didn't get high enough to continue with Potions though. Though I can't say I'll miss it too much. An A's still a pass though so I'm happy with that. How did you do? I bet you and Sirius got Os in everything, Lily did, except for Divination but that doesn't count. Peter hasn't wrote back to me yet, I think he's a bit disappointed with his results so if you do write to him be nice will you?_

_Tell Sirius I've never missed his ugly mug more in my life, and yours of course Prongs. I've got to go and get force fed more lamb casserole now so I'll cut this short before my writing deteriorates into that of someone trying to write during an earthquake._

_Moony"_

"Ugly mug?!" laughed Sirius indignantly, "I'll break his other hand for that one!"

"That's what I said when I replied to him," said James, taking away the letter and turning the mirror round to face him, "he hasn't written back yet though. So either it takes him ages to write a letter this size left handed or his Dad's decided his mail might be intercepted by Death Eaters."

"That or he's died of an overdose of lamb casserole."

"Or that," said James, "how _did_ you do in your OWLs actually? Kind of forgot about those."

"Oh fine, mainly Os, Es in History of Magic and Arithmancy, how about you?"

"Same sort of deal, Es in History and Ancient Runes, Os in everything else. Does that mean we beat Evans?"

"Are you planning on trying to use your OWL results to chat her up?"

"Well they're hardly good for much else are they?"

"Touché. I guess it all depends on whether, like Moony says, Divination counts or not."

"Her fault of she picked the wrong subject."

Sirius shrugged.

"I'm not taking sides," said Sirius, "I'm just saying your playing with fire if you try and chat up a nerd by gloating that you beat her in exams."

"She's not a nerd!"

"I do believe we've had this discussion before James and..."

Sirius was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Sirius, everyone's here, Mother and Father want you downstairs."

"It's Golden Balls," muttered Sirius, "I've got to go, see you later."

"Good luck with the wedding planning," smirked James, "See you soon."

And with that James wiped the screen and Sirius was left thinking that September the first was not soon enough.

"Sirius come on, hurry up!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," said Sirius, shoving the mirror back in it's hiding place within the pages of 'Phineas Nigellus Black; A Biography', replacing the ridiculously and unnecessarily thick volume on the shelf and trudging over to the door, opening it just as Regulus was about to call out a again.

"Finally," said Regulus, "what took you so long? Everyone's waiting."

"Really? How nice of them. I thought I was as good as disowned from this family."

"You're not disowned yet Sirius, and that means you've still got to play your part in these things."

"Ah, but then how am I ever going to get disowned?" said Sirius patronisingly.

"I'm sure you'll find a way," grumbled Regulus.

"Too right I will," said Sirius, matching his tone almost exactly.

The meal was as dull an affair as Sirius expected it to be. Though, despite his joke to James, he was quite glad that the main subject if the conversation was wedding plans rather than the usual 'Bloody half bloods snapping up all the top jobs in the Ministry, they think just because they're not all mudblood they're on a par with us' 'I'm ever so sorry your husband's centaur culling legislation didn't get passed, I don't know why the Minister sympathises with the horrible brutes' and so forth. But of course, you can put Blacks, Notts and Lestranges in one room and expect them to stay away from their favourite subject forever. And in the end it was Rodolphus Lestrange's father who broached the subject.

"And of course it is good that Rodolphus is to marry someone who is just as devoted to the cause as he is. You must be awfully proud Cygnus, one might think that with only daughters, and after that sticky business with Andromeda."

"Yes well that is all over now," said Sirius's Uncle, "I think it is safe to say that Bellatrix inherited enough pride of her pure blood for the both of them. And simply bringing forth sons is hardly an achievement on it's own. If they are not brought up properly..."

He fixed his eyes on Sirius, who glared back at him, chewing his steak slowly and deliberately.

"If Bellatrix makes up for Andromeda then I think it is safe to say that Regulus more than makes up for Sirius," said Sirius's mother, the older generation had descended into a full on match of offspring bashing now and were seemingly oblivious to the fact that said offspring were nearly all still in the room, "in fact, Regulus is now as much a servant to the cause as Bellatrix or Rodolphus."

Suddenly all eyes were on Regulus, who's forkful of new potato froze halfway to his mouth, he never been so seen and not heard in his life.

"Yes," said Bellatrix, "he was marked just a few days ago, the youngest among us now. But I had to show Him, did I not, that Black line had not gone rotten."

The last word she spat in Sirius's direction, and Regulus too looked momentarily at his brother, though his expression was unreadable.

"Show them Regulus," commanded the boys' father, and Regulus, silently, for all to see but not hear, rolled up his left sleeve, and there, on the soft white skin of the boy's forearm, had been carved a hideous skull, a serpentine tongue weaving it's way down towards the wrist.

"Truly one of us at last," said Rodolphus, raising his glass towards Regulus, and soon everybody was toasting the youngest Black, everyone except Sirius.

Sirius, for the first time in his life, was neither seen nor heard amongst the hearty congratulations and clinking of glasses. He was struck dumb by the finality of it all, there was no going back now, for either of them, it was set in stone, or rather in skin.

"There," said Sirius mother, "that's what a proper son would do to make his parent's proud."

"Then I don't _want_ to be a proper son," said Sirius, "Oh don't look so shocked you all knew I stopped giving a damn about all your crap ages ago! But I did want to be a proper brother though," he added, this time speaking directly to Regulus, "but not any more. You know what I'm not waiting around like Andromeda did for you to disown me, I'm going to disown you! I AM HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF YOU EVER AGAIN!"

And he did not know what he did but the next thing he knew he was at the dining room door and he could hear things breaking behind him. All he knew now was that September the first was definitely not soon enough.

"YOU COME BACK HERE AT ONCE YOU INSOLENT BOY!" yelled his mother.

"No!" yelled Sirius, and he darted up the stairs to his room and started throwing everything in his eyeline that he thought he might need into his trunk, remembering only at the last minute to retrieve his most prized possession, the two way mirror, which he slipped into his pocket.

Just as he was doing up the catches on his trunk the formidable figure of his father burst through the door.

"And where," he said, "do you think you're going?"

"To stay with my blood traitor best friend," said Sirius, drawing his wand, "and if you don't get out of my way I will hex you."

"Don't think I won't think twice about hexing you just because you're my..." started Sirius's father, drawing his wand, but before he could finish his sentence Sirius had yelled 'stupefy!" and all six foot two of him had came crashing down onto the floor.

"Like father like son apparently," muttered Sirius as he carelessly dragged his trunk over his father's unconscious form.

He met no other family members attempting to waylay him on the stairs, and when he got to the bottom he realised that was because his mother was doing all she could to keep all the curious guests in the kitchen. As he past he heard Bellatrix scream.

"Go on, clear off, you'll do us all favour!"

But it was Regulus who he heard most clearly above the cacophony.

"Sirius," he said, not shouted, said. It was almost a question actually, a simple statement containing all the unasked questions, the questions that would never get the chance to be asked.

'_Would you really leave me?'_

Yes, he was leaving.

'_Would you really ever stop being my brother?'_

Yes, he stopped being a brother the moment he failed at it.

But there was something else as well, beneath the pleas for him to stay and to love him for all it was worth despite the fact that their love could never save either of them.

'_Are you going to be alright?'_

Yes, thought Sirius, and he nodded this time. A brief nod, unnoticed surely among those clamouring to be heard, but it satisfied Regulus, and he nodded back.

"SIRIUS BLACK, I AM WARNING YOU, IF YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE YOU ARE NEVER COMING BACK!"

They're mother's screech cut the brothers' single word conversation short.

"I'D RATHER GO TO AZKABAN THAN TO EVER COME BACK TO THIS HELL HOLE!" yelled Sirius, for all to hear, and then he stormed out of the front door of number twelve Grimmauld Place, never to be seen again.

He marched to the side of the road and stuck out his arm, which was still holding his wand, and a 'crack' of magic a purple triple decker bus appeared and schreeched to a halt just in front of him. Sirius had never taken the Knight Bus before, he parents had always said it was for commoners and 'full of mudbloods', he knew how to flag it down though, and as he could not apparate it was the only form of transport he had available to him. Besides, what better way to make his exit than by the mode of transport his parents had sneered at so often. Sirius hopped aboard the back of the bus and paid the conductor eleven sickles to be taken to Godric's Hollow. Once the bus started moving Sirius hated to admit that he could see why his parents held such disdain for the Knight Bus. Neither he nor James had been on it before, but Remus and Peter had, and when James had expressed a desire to try it out one day both boys had been very forceful in saying that he should avoid it at all costs. Remus had said that he'd had to catch it a couple of times to get back from St Mungos and they were always the most horrible journeys he'd ever experienced in his life. Sirius could definitely see why that was now. As the bus stopped in Fort William he had been flung so hard into the seat in front of him that he had been winded on the metal bar. He didn't make the same mistake when they stopped in Cromer though, bracing himself as soon as the conductor announced that they were approaching their destination. They made three more stops before Sirius was let off the bus, battered and slightly queasy at Godric's Hollow. When the bus pulled away he was left standing at the end of James's road, feeling out of place in the carefree sunlight, the lazy august afternoon seemed to be in no hurry to get up off it's arse and let evening roll in and do it's work. Maybe it was because so much had happened since those couple of hours ago when he had been sitting comfortably on his bed, chatting to James's through the mirror, but he felt sure that it should be dark by now. A couple of little boys ran past, chasing a ball down the street, having been let out to play for another half hour or so after they had finished their tea, and that was when it hit Sirius that this just simply wasn't running away weather. In the stories people like him would turn up at a friend's house or some godforsaken inn in the middle of nowhere and they're hair and clothes would be dripping from a torrential downpour. If it was a particularly good one there should have been a thunder clap as he had slammed his front door. He had gotten this far only on adrenaline, on the rush of fulfilling his lifelong ambition and the shock of seeing his brother's once innocent flesh marred with evil. But now that he had only yards to go before he stepped over to threshold into a new life, a new home, he was rooted to the spot... Oh Merlin, what had he done?!

He had always promised himself, as many a time as he had proclaimed that he didn't care anymore, that he would never leave without Regulus. Because first and foremost, before being a Gryffindor, before being a lady's man, before being a Hogwarts student, before being Sirius Black... even before being a Marauder, he was a brother. And try as you might, nobody can stop being a brother, especially an older brother. As an older brother, and Sirius supposed it must be the same for sisters as well, you were the protector, and your younger sibling, or siblings if you had more than one, would always come first. Not anymore though, because that rational simply could not account for the fact that he was here and Regulus was there, with _them._ What would become of him? Well, Sirius already knew that much, a Death Eater, that was what his precious little brother had already become. He _had_ failed to carry out mandate as the eldest brother, but did that really mean he would ever be stripped of his brotherhood? Could life ever be that merciful? To lose a brother, not to death's noble hands but out of sheer carelessness, it must have been the worst feeling in the world.

At that moment Sirius thought he would give anything, anything at all, to have been an only child. Well, not quite anything, he would not give up his friend's to be released from his duty of brotherhood. His friends... they, or Remus and Peter at least, would still need protecting. And protect them he would, to the point of death because just as the defenceless need to be protected, protectors need to have someone to protect. For Sirius, to have no one to defend would be to have a void inside his very existence. And so, like air drawn into a vacuum he was drawn towards the place where he could be whole again. He lifted up his trunk, and the even heavier burden of brotherhood and walked those final yards to the house of his dearest friend. Sirius was friend's with three people who had never had a brother, and here was Sirius, a brother in need of another. And in the space of a few short hours Sirius had gone from being the eldest of two, to the eldest one and now to the eldest of four. His feet picked up their pace a little to carry him faster and faster towards his new home.


	60. Veritaserum

Alright guys, here it is, you've waited long enough now so I'll keep this brief, I'm not JK Rowling or I would have got the timing of this right and you guys would have got it several weeks earlier (sorry about that). Now I just want to quickly thank everyone who reviewed, it's always nice to hear people like the story and more than anything else I just love hearing other people's opinions on harry potter. So a quick reply to that last point in the 'guest' review: whilt I personally don't ship Remus/Sirius _romantically_ I think they have a wonderful bromance, but I just love Remus and Tonks too much to ship them, plus I just can't picture Sirius as gay, I always imagined him as a real ladies man. But I like to cater for everyone, and have a bit of a laugh with the whole Wolfstar thing, not _at _it, _with_ it. I don't hate on other people's ships. Anyway, having said I'll keep it brief I really haven't, I'll shut my big fat gob now. Reviews matter especially to me on this chapter as I know you've all been waiting a long time for it and there will be a follow up very soon which I haven't fully written yet, so feedback will be taken into account!

* * *

If the boys had expected a gentle start to their sixth year at Hogwarts they were in for a big and rather nasty surprise. Far from laying off them while they got settled in the teachers, in every subject and without fail, had all decided to impress the importance of their final two years at school on their students not with any lectures, but by immediately burying them alive under enormous piles of homework. Professor McGonagall had been by far the worst, something Peter, who had not scored high enough in his transfiguration OWL, was keen to gloat about, though below the laughter the other boys could sense that he was really quite disappointed with his grades. He had not discussed in much depth with James, Remus and Sirius, but from what they could gather his parents had been giving him a hard time all summer over his meagre five OWLs. In fact, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Charms and Herbology were now the only subjects all four boys had together. James and Sirius had taken exactly the same subjects, as they both still wanted to be Aurors and as they had both gotten all Os and Es had a free choice of subjects. As well as the three classes they shared with Remus and Peter they had chosen Potions, Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures. As it happened these turned out to be the exactly same subjects which were chosen by one Lily Evans, something which James was keen to blame on 'fate' and told her so repeatedly until she finally lost her patience and hexed him. Remus had also taken Transfiguration and Peter was with them in Care of Magical Creatures, that had been his best subject at OWL level, but neither boy had received the required grade to continue with Potions. Though Peter shared in Remus's lack of regret on that front. Peter was now the only boy to be continuing with muggle studies, not because he like it but because it was the only other subject he had passed well enough in. Remus on the other hand was taking both arithmancy and ancient runes, neither of which were too light on the workload either. By the time they were into their second week of term Remus was already snowed under by homework and looking as though he had missed several nights of sleep, though in actuality this appearance was mainly due to the fact the full moon was rolling around again that very evening, way too early in the year as far as Remus was concerned.

"You alright mate?" asked Sirius, observing his friend from across the breakfast table, though he had long since stopped expecting a sincere answer to that question, he was extremely surprised then when Remus looked up from his half drunk cup of tea and said:

"No my muscles are aching and I feel nauseous and light headed."

Sirius looked at James and then at Peter and saw that they were looking back at him in equal bewilderment. It was not like Remus to complain, ever, about _anything_. Remus would insist he was fine even if when he came to on the morning after a full moon bleeding profusely from the head with his limbs sticking out at all the wrong angles.

"Erm, well, do you need to see Madam Pomfrey?" asked Peter.

"No I don't need to see Madam Pomfrey until six o'clock," said Remus, something was definitely wrong, Remus normally so careful not to even hint towards his condition in front of so many people.

"Something's wrong," said James, voicing what they were all thinking.

"Of course something's wrong!" said Lily Evans, who was sitting on Remus's other side, "Remus just told you he's feeling sick."

"No, Lily, you don't understand, there's something else going on here, Remus _always_ says he's fine even if he is sick."

"Well then evidently Potter, he's feeling worse than normal. We need to take him to the Hospital Wing."

"No, James's is right, there's something funny going on here," said Sirius, "Remus, look at me again."

Remus raised his head once more to face Sirius, and Sirius saw that his eyes had an odd glazed look about them. At first glance he had thought it was just a usual symptom of the fever that often preceded Remus's transformations, but James was right, there was something else going on here.

"Remus, what's going on?" asked Peter, slightly unnerved.

"We're eating breakfast," said Remus, with no trace of sarcasm in his voice, "well, I'm not because I have a stomach ache so I'm just drinking some tea. Sirius asked me if I was alright and I told him I wasn't and now Lily wants me to go to the hospital wing but don't need to go until six o'clock because moonrise isn't..."

James clamped his hand over Remus's mouth before he could say anything else that could give away his secret. Luckily Lily was deep in thought and seemed to have missed his slip up.

"The only thing I could think this could be is..." she was saying, "but no... that's just impossible... not to mention illegal... and who would have done it anyway, unless... no way... oh gosh no he wouldn't have... but it must have been... it can't be anything else..."

"Oi Evans, care to enlighten us or are you just going to carry on babbling away to yourself like a crazy old hag?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah, our friend needs help here and if you think you know what's up with him..." started James.

"Sorry," said Lily, "I just can't believe it, but this looks exactly like the effects of veritaserum."

"Truth potion?" demanded Sirius.

"Uh huh," said Lily, "but I can't think how he could have drank it, someone would have had to put it in his... tea..."

James swore loudly in their moment of joint realisation, while Sirius just gritted his teeth and let out a low growl of "Snivellus".

"No, he couldn't have, we would have noticed," said Lily.

"Not necessarily," said Sirius, "see this is what happened when you hang round with Slytherin gits like that Evans!"

"Hey don't take it out on her," said James, "this is Snape we're talking about here, he's the sneakiest son of a boggart known to man, he could have easily slipped it into his drink when he was leaning over the table earlier when he was talking to Evans."

"Exactly! It's her fault for being friends with him in the first place!"

"We don't have time for this now Sirius. Evans, you're right, we need to take him to Madam Pomfrey, she'll have the antidote."

"I'll come with you."

"No, stay here."

"No! I'm coming with you," said Lily, her emerald eyes flaming.

"Fine, quickly then, come on Remus we're going to the Hospital Wing."

Remus stood up obediently and followed them towards the great double doors that lead into the entrance hall, but Sirius grabbed hold of his arm anyway just to be safe. They had almost made it out of the Great Hall when they heard a voice from behind them.

"Oi Lupin! Got any plan for tonight?!" said Snape, loud enough for all the students in the vicinity to hear, a snarl of hatred in his voice. Sensing another face of between Snape and the Marauders a large proportion of the breakfasting students put their own conversations on hold and turned to watch the action unfold.

"Yes at six o'clock I've got to..." started Remus before Sirius clamped his mouth shut again.

"Go for a detention," he said quickly, "now bugger off Snivellus and stop stalking our friend, you can't just follow people around all the time because they refuse to go on a date with you."

A chorus of "oo"s reverberated around the growing audience and Snape's snarl became even more menacing as he strode right up to Sirius, who still had Remus in a sort of headlock.

"I know what your disgusting halfbreed friend is hiding Black," said Snape, in a lower voice this time, "all I need is proof, and you're not going to be able to stop me every time, I've still got plenty more where _that_ came from," he said, gesturing to Remus's confused face.

"I have no idea what you're on about Snape," said Sirius, speaking loud enough for their audience to hear, "now, thanks to whatever love potion you slipped Remus just now we've got to take him to the Hospital Wing. Evans will you go and tell Flitwick where we've gone and make sure Snivelly goes too, Remus has had enough of the creepy stalker act for one day."

Lily looked mutinous for a moment, but seemed to agree that this was the most sensible course of action and stalked off to Charms, dragging Snape rather forcefully by the hand. As the boys left the Great Hall they could hear the whispers beginning to spread out in their wake.

"She's probably jealous, I heard those two were going out at some point..."

"I never knew Snape was gay..."

"Lupin is though, McKinnon's friends with some girl he went out with for a bit and she told me he dumped her 'cause he was gay..."

Luckily Professor Slughorn had the antidote to veritaserum so no serious damage was done. The rumours would have circulated around the school six or seven times by the end of the day and come tomorrow any glimpse of the truth would have been lost among the increasingly fantastical retellings of the event, and by the end of the month the whole thing would have been forgotten entirely. At the very least Snape still didn't have any proof that Remus was a werewolf, but he knew, and now they knew he knew, and that enough to cause Remus to nearly have a panic attack when he recovered from the effects of the truth potions and remembered what he had nearly said. Madam Pomfrey insisted on keeping him in for the whole day after that, even though Remus insisted he was fine after he had been given a calming draught.

It was now nearly half past six and James and Peter were sitting in the dorm waiting for Sirius.

"Where the hell is he?!" hissed James, standing up and starting to pace the room as he had been doing so intermittently since about ten past, "we need to get down there soon or it'll be too late."

"Hey guys," said Sirius, flinging the door open just at that moment, wearing an inexplicable grin on his face.

"Hey guys? _Hey Guys?!_ Do you know what time it is?! We've almost missed him! What the bloody hell took you so long?!"

"I... don't think we should go tonight," said Sirius, that spark of mischief still playing across his aristocratic features.

"What d'you mean? We can't just leave him alone?!" said Peter, so bewildered that he didn't need confidence to be able to stand up to Sirius.

"Well, let's just say that if Snivellus wants proof then that's exactly what he's going to get, and we sure as hell don't want to be there when it happens."

"Sirius please tell me you didn't..." started James, hoping beyond hope that he was jumpting to the wring conclusion. Sirius's face told him he wasn't, "YOU FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! YOU BLOODY... PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" James brandished his wand at Sirius and before the other boy could react he was lying rigid on the floor, "Peter stay here and watch Sirius and DO NOT RELEASE HIM! I'm going to sort this out."

Peter didn't really know what was going on but James was so scary that he did as he was told without question. James sprinted out of the open door, down the stairs, across the common room and vaulted through the portrait hole. He ran full pelt through the castle, the echoing stone reverberating his own thoughts and fears back at him. He didn't stop running until he stumbled to a halt just out of range of the Whomping Willow's thrashing braches. He levitated a fallen twig to touch the enchanted knot at the base of the trunk before setting off again as fast as he could, bent double down the low tunnel.

"Snape! Go! Now!" he heard someone scream, their voice high and frantic, it was Remus. At least he hadn't transformed yet, thought James, and he clung to that thought like a talisman.

"No I want to see this!" said another voice, one full of cold triumph.

"Listen to him Snape, we need to go!"

"Potter?!"

"James?!"

Remus's voice wavered as he called out uncertainly into the tunnel, it had an almost childlike quality to it.

"Yeah, I'm here, it's alright Remus," said James, pushing past Snape to look through the trap door.

Remus was sitting on the far side of the room with his back pressed against the wall, trying to put as much distance between himself and Snape as possible.

"How long have we got?" asked James.

"Not long, a few minutes maybe... ahh!" Remus gasped in pain, "maybe less," he corrected himself, "listen, Snape, you have to go, please, I beg you! I'm a werewolf okay? There, I admit it, you've got your proof now just run!"

"No way, I want to see this. It hurts doesn't it Lupin? Well let's see how you like it for a change, someone standing by while you're being tortured and humiliated. No, I'm not missing this for the world."

"You sadistic moron!" yelled James, "if you get bitten that could be you too! If you're lucky enough to survive that is."

"Oh yeah, and since when have you given a damn whether..."

"James now!" yelled Remus, cutting across Snape, and that was all he was able to say before his body contorted in pain and he started convulsing, his back arching, limbs reversing, face lengthening, hair pushing through his skin...

"Snape! Run!" yelled James, but Snape was rooted to the spot, black eyes wide with terror.

James shoved him roughly to the floor so that he could close the trapdoor. As he hit the ground Snape seemed to come to his senses and he scrambled to his feet and legged it down the tunnel.

"You'll pay for this Potter! You all will! You tried to kill me!"

James knew he had to go after him to stop him from telling the whole school about Remus, but at the same time keeping Remus's condition a secret would mean nothing come morning if Remus was dead. Above him James could hear Remus howling desperately and thrashing around more violently than he had ever witnessed and he knew that he needed to calm him down before he ended up seriously injuring himself or worse. He quickly opened the trap door again and transformed into a stag just in time before Remus pinned him to the floor. He threw him off fairly easily as Remus was crazed and disorientated, but tackling and trying to restrain Remus in turn turned out to be a much harder feat without Sirius. Eventually though he managed to calm the wolf down a little bit, so he decided he had better do something about Snape. He would have ran straight back to the Slytherin Common Room surely, to all his wannabe Death Eater mates he'd found a halfbreed in the school. James was just about to head off in that direction before another thought made him stop in his tracks. Who would Snape think was at most risk from suffering at the hands of a vicious werewolf? Who did he care about most in the entire castle? Who would want to warn? The answer came to him almost against his will... Evans.


	61. Revelations

Alright- part two of 'the incident'- not quite done yet though! sorry if it drags out a bit but it is a pivotal moment in the story and it can be done from so many angles. Anyway, *wittily disclaims* *pathetically pleas for reviews*- enjoy the chapter (tell me if the last bit makes sense, I know what I mean so well in my head I can't put it into the words of the character trying to explain it- but anyway there'll be a follow up on that bit next chapter- you'll see what I mean when you get there)

* * *

"Lily the Creepo's outside pissing off the Fat Lady again," said Marlene, as she strode over to where Lily was working on her Transfiguration essay.

"What does he want?" asked Lily lazily, knowing by now to whom Marlene was referring when she said Creepo and deciding she couldn't really be bothered to pick her up on it.

"I don't know, he just said it was important," said Marlene, checking her newly charmed blonde hair in a compact mirror, "Can you please just go out there and tell him to shove it 'cause I'm meeting Matt in ten minutes and I don't want him to start yelling at me again. He actually tried to grab my robes you know! He probably left permanent grease marks."

Marlene fingered the lapels of her robes distastefully.

"Right, well, thanks," said Lily, her mind slowly filling with horror as to what could have gotten Severus in such a panic.

She put down her quill and headed straight for the portrait hole, her pace quickening with every step she took. She climbed through and was immediately seized her childhood best friend.

"Lily, oh thank Merlin you came, listen to me, I..."

"STUPEFY!"

Lily looked to where the voice had come from and saw an even more dishevelled looking than normal James Potter. He stopped running as he approached Lily, panting as if he had just run a marathon.

"Please, Evans, don't hex me for that, this is really, really important. What did he tell you?"

"Nothing he..."

"Okay, good. Right, now I know this looks bad but trust me that really was necessary, I'll explain later, just... just go back inside alright? And don't go telling anyone about this."

"James..."

"Lily, I'll explain later."

"No, you don't have to," said Lily, "I mean... I know. I know what tonight is anyway and I can pretty much guess the rest. Oh God this is all my fault. This is all my fault, this is all because I put all those stupid ideas in his head about proof."

James stood agog as Lily made angry gestures in thin air.

"You... you know?" he asked finally.

Lily nodded.

"You know? About..?"

"About Remus, yes, of course I do. I'll explain when you do, later, when we've got time. Look, is anyone hurt?"

"No, no one's hurt, though I expect Remus will be by the end of the night. Oh Merlin, what can we do? Are you any good at memory charms?"

"No! And even if I was that's completely illegal, and for good reason too! If anyone but a highly skilled witch or wizard attempts a memory charm it'll most likely be either ineffective, temporary, or will completely addle the subject's brains!

"Well, the third option might not be so bad..."

"James! We need to take him to Professor Dumbledore."

"Right, good plan. Locomotor corpus," he said, pointing his wand at Snape, and the two of them set off at a run towards the Headmaster's Office.

"O... okay so I guess we better figure out the password then," said James, when they arrived puffin and panting at the stone griffin a few minutes later.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Dumbledore always uses the name of a sweet."

"Yeah, the last time I got sent here it was Ice Mice?" he finished hopefully, turning towards the gargoyle.

No movement.

"Pepper Imps," suggested Lily.

"Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans," said James.

"Cauldron Cakes."

"Chocolate Frogs."

"Drooble's Best Blowing Gum."

"Cockroach Cluster."

"James be serious!"

"Worth a try," shrugged James, "Liquorice Wand."

They were standing there for what felt like an age. To anyone who walked in on the situation without knowing the circumstances it may have seemed surreal to see the young witch and wizard yelling the names of random items of confectionary at a statue as if their lives depended on it, meanwhile a third, unconscious, form lay floating in mid air, head lolling to one side and drooling slightly.

"Oh to hell with this," said Lily eventually, "Mars Bar! Rhubarb and Custard! Malteasers! Wagon Wheels! Jelly Babies!"

Suddenly the griffin leapt aside to reveal the spiral staircase which lead to Dumbledore's office.

"Jelly Babies?" James enquired as they ascended the steps.

"The benefits of being a muggleborn," smiled Lily, as she knocked on the door.

"Come in," called Dumbledore, "Ms Evans? Mr Potter? What is it?"

"It's about Remus," they said together.

"Is that Severus Snape?" asked the Headmaster, peering at the limp body behind the two students, his voice was devoid of all it's usual cheeriness, "is he hurt?"

"No," said James, "only stunned. I had to do it Professor, he was going to tell everyone about Remus, he was just about to tell Lily and..."

"Perhaps you had better start from the beginning," said the Headmaster calmly.

"Yes sir. Well, I'm not sure if you heard about what happened this morning? With the veritaserum?"

"I was informed, yes."

"Okay well, Merlin I don't know what possessed him to do such a thing, but Sirius wanted... I don't know, revenge or something, and he told Snape... it was Snape who put it Remus's tea, he's been trying to find out what's going on with Remus for ages. But anyway, Sirius told Snape how to get into the past the Whomping Willow. So Snape went down there and he saw Remus transform and everything, I got him out just before Remus could bite him but he still saw. Please Professor you have to do something or by tomorrow morning everyone will know."

"I see, and you say Mr Snape was just about to tell Miss Evans about what he saw? And yet," he said, turning to Lily, "you seem to be aware of Mr Lupin's condition, am I correct?"

"Yes Professor," said Lily, "I've known for ages. I'm sorry, this is as much my fault as it is Sirius Black's. I was just trying to make Severus give up on the whole idea. He's been trying to convince me for ages, he didn't know that I already knew, and I told him... every time he mentioned it I just told him he didn't have any proof... and I guess he went looking for it in the end."

Lily glanced sadly at Severus, but the silence was short lived because soon James was speaking again.

"Look we don't have time for this!" he was saying, nearly shouting, "I'm sorry Professor but my friend is locked up tearing himself to shreds, he's going to be worse than ever in the morning and the last thing he needs is every arsehole in the school knowing he's a werewolf!"

"Of course James, I will speak to Mr Snape and I will not let him leave this office until he has sworn to secrecy..."

"That won't be enough!" James exclaimed, "Professor, you don't know Snape, he hates Remus, he wouldn't think twice about breaking a promise and telling the whole school!"

"Rest assured James, that I will make _sure_ that Mr Snape does not reveal the nature of Remus's condition to anybody. Now, there is nothing we can do for Remus until morning, James, when you left was the entrance to the Shack secured?"

"Yes Sir."

"Okay. May I also enquire as to the whereabouts of Mr Black?"

"He's in our dorm with Peter," said James, "in a full body bind."

"Very well," said Dumbledore, "I would not normally condone the tactic of hexing any student who stands in your way like this but under the circumstances it was probably for the best that you... immobilised these two. I will need to speak to Mr Black before dawn, but after I have first spoken to Mr Snape."

"I'll go and fetch him Sir."

"That would be very helpful James. You should go too Lily, if Mr Snape does not know that you are aware of Remus's condition it may prove beneficial to keep it that way."

"Yes Sir," said Lily, and she turned to leave with James.

"Oh and one last thing," said Dumbledore, just as James placed his hand on the doorknob, "you did the brave and responsible thing tonight, both of you, take fifty points each for Gryffindor."

"Thank you Professor," said Lily and James, and with that they descended the stone steps and the gargoyle released them back into the corridor.

It was cold in the corridor, an unnatural calm, pierced only by pained howls in the distance, seemed to have filled the air.

"Explanation time then?" asked Lily.

"I think so," said James, "you pretty much heard the run down of what happened tonight in there, so I think it's you turn first."

"Fair enough," said Lily, "What do you want to know?"

"Well, when you found out for starters! And how, and why you didn't tell anyone. I can't believe you didn't even tell _Remus_."

"Well, like I say, I've known for ages, since first year I think, though it's hard to put an exact date on it. I just sort of went from not knowing to knowing without realising it. Well, really I went from not knowing to refusing to know to pretending not to know to realising that I've known all along. Does that make sense?"

"No."

"Hmm, yeah, it doesn't really make much sense to me either looking back on it. All I was trying to do was keep Remus's secret, because he obviously didn't want everyone to know, and he especially wouldn't want Snape to know. But I know, I should have told him, this whole thing might never have happened if I'd have just plucked up the courage to tell Remus Severus was on to him and then confront him about it myself. I just thought that maybe if I kept up the facade for long enough Severus would just lose interest."

"But why couldn't you even tell Remus?" James asked again, "I thought you were his friend? He's been so worried for so long that you would find out and then stop being friends with him!"

It felt odd to experience James Potter being outraged at her for a change, but she could find no way to be angry back, he was right of course, but she had to make him understand why she did what she did.

"It's not as if I didn't _want_ to tell him," said Lily, "I wanted to tell him more than anything else in the world, there were time when I came so close to giving into that urge..."

"But why _didn't_ you?! He's been worrying all these years for nothing!"

"Not for nothing James! Look, lying to Severus... it's a full time occupation. He knows _everything_ James, he has a way of seeing everything that's inside you. Every thought, every memory, unless you bury it so far inside you you can't even get at it yourself. To make him believe me, that I didn't buy into his theories about Remus, I had to convince _myself_. And for a long time I managed, I bought every single bullcrap story Remus told me to cover up his absences on the full moons, I managed not to even think about it for months on end. But then... I don't know what happened, but I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I couldn't stop myself from worrying about him, and Severus could tell and I knew I wasn't helping him anymore by keeping it to myself, but I still couldn't tell him."

Lily sighed and leant against a windowsill, she looked up at the full moon with such a forlorn expression that James wished he could just take her in his arms and tell him everything was alright now, but then another strangled cry of pain drifted towards them from the Shack and he knew that he could not sincerely say anything of the sort.

"I was a coward," said Lily, "telling him would mean telling him everything, how deeply I'd failed him, how bad a friend I had been to him all these years. He was always there for me, when no one else was, and I've never been there for him when he needed me. I thought I was doing right by him, and maybe if I had succeeded then I would have been, but I failed. I thought I could deal with Severus by myself, I thought I had a leverage over him no one else had, I thought he would never do anything to jeopardise our friendship... evidently I was wrong."

She wiped a miniscule tear which had escaped from her eye and James lay a tentative hand on her arm.

"You need to tell Remus this," he said softly.

"I know."

* * *

Okay so I've always wondered how Snape got so good at legilemency and occlumency, and I thought that this would sort of work. And in my mind thats one of the reasons why he gets so frustrated with harry when can't close his mind because Lily was one of the few people who could hide stuff from snape (not forever though, because Lily is too caring and that counts as wearing your heart of your sleeve, and snape's too good at legilemency) so even though he's staring into Lily's eyes trying to read them there's no Lily-esque mystery, just open book, subtlety-of-a-smack-in-the-face James-ness. But that was just an idea I had.


	62. The Aftermath

Hi, tell me what you think about this, it was a hard chapter to write because there were things I actually had to explain and stuff. So yeah, please read and review, also I don't own harry potter so please don't sue :)

* * *

Remus opened his eyes. It was a great struggle and even when he managed it everything around him was a blur. He tried to shift his weight a little so that he could roll over onto one side but every muscle protested at the motion, screaming in agony. He gasped, but as he did so his lungs seemed to burn and he felt a stab of pain somewhere in his midriff. He couldn't breathe, no matter how hard he tried his lungs didn't seem to be able to hold any air. He just had time to register vaguely that this was bad before he blacked out again.

The second time he awoke it as to the stinging of ointment in open wounds. He felt as if his whole body was burning but at least now he seemed able to breathe okay, so long as he took fairly shallow breaths. He opened his eyes and blinked the Hospital Wing into focus.

"Ah Remus," said a familiar voice, "glad to have you back."

"Huh?" said Remus, still disorientated and struggling to locate the source of the voice.

The was a flurry of movement in his peripheries and Professor Dumbledore moved into his field of vision.

"Professor," mumbled Remus, pushing himself up higher on his pillows.

"Don't sit up Remus, we wouldn't want to undo all of Madam Pomfrey's hard work on your injuries now would we?"

"No... I... sorry... why are you here? What happened?"

"How much do you remember from last night Remus?" asked the Headmaster patiently.

Remus frowned, trying to think back to before his transformation. For a while all he could remember were raw emotions, floating around with no events to connect them to. Anger, hunger, pain, panic, fear... there had been somebody there.

"Oh God," said Remus, "oh God oh God oh God oh God oh Merlin! What happened?!"

"Remus, it's alright..." started Dumbledore, the boy's breathing was becoming more and more erratic and he was wincing with each intake of breath.

"No, Professor, there was someone there, Snape, he wouldn't leave. I tried to make him go but he wouldn't. You need to find him, he might still..."

"Remus. Severus Snape is fine. You hurt nobody last night. Remus? Do you hear me?"

Remus nodded and collapsed back into his pillows, taking deep shaky breaths. He moved his hand towards his chest but Professor Dumbledore stopped him.

"You fractured two ribs and they punctured your left lung," he explained, "but Madam Pomfrey will go through your injuries with you when she returns. She is just dealing with a situation at the moment."

There was something Remus did not like about the way Dumbledore said 'situation' and was considering whether or not he wanted to know what he meant when the doors to the Hospital Wing were flung open and the choice was taken out of Remus's hands.

"I WANT TO SEE THE BEAST THAT NEARLY KILLED MY SON!"

Remus turned his head sharply towards the entrance of the infirmary, causing considerable pain in his neck. Storming towards him was a formidable looking woman with black hair, pale skin and a hooked nose. Madame Pomfrey fluttered in her wake.

"Mrs Snape you cannot come in here I have very ill patients..."

"IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING ANYWHERE NEAR MY SON!" came another familiar voice, and behind Mrs Snape came the equally enraged figure of Remus's own mother, followed at a distance of a couple of yards by his father, who looked ashen faced.

"Dumbledore! I demand that you tell me why you are letting dangerous halfbreeds into this so-called school of yours!"

Remus flinched, more at the look the woman fixed him with than any of her actual words.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY SON LIKE THAT!"

"Eileen, I understand that you have questions, and they will be answered but I must insist you refrain from using such derogatory language while you are in this so-called school of mine," said Dumbledore calmly.

"Don't pay any attention to her Remus," said Remus's mother, drawing closer to her son and stroking his face with one of her warm, soft hands, "are you okay darling?"

"Of course he's alright," scoffed Mrs Snape, "he's not the one who was attacked by a vicious monster last night!"

"I thought I already told you not to speak about my boy like that! And in case you hadn't noticed it's my son lying in a hospital bed, not yours."

"No thanks to your son."

"How dare you! You think you can just..."

"Mum, please," said Remus hoarsely, he knew that nothing was ever going to be achieved through shouting, and besides, it was making his head hurt, "just leave it, let her say what she wants. Mrs Snape," he said, sitting up on his pillows and trying to look vaguely dignified at his addressed the thunder-faced lady, "I'm very sorry about what happened last night..."

"And so you should be!"

"Don't you go apologising Remus, you ain't done nothing, it was her idiot of a son who..."

"... AND I DID TRY," continued Remus, raising his voice to make himself heard his mother and Mrs Snape, "to make your son leave before moonrise. Please believe me, I know what it's like to be attacked by a werewolf, and I know what it's like to be one, and I would not wish either fate on anyone else."

"I'll believe that when I see it," said Mrs Snape, "Dumbledore, I want to talk to you away from this filth. I want you to tell me what you plan to do about this mess you've created."

"I'll show you to my office," said Professor Dumbledore, rising from his chair, "I'll be back later Remus," he added softly to the injured boy, "just as soon as I have spoken to Mrs Snape."

Remus nodded, and gave what he hoped was an apologetic and good natured smile to Mrs Snape. But the look of disgust on her sallow face told him that she at least had not seen the emotion he had been trying to convey in the gesture.

"I'm so sorry about that Remus," said Madam Pomfrey, "I did try to keep her out, but as she saw she was very... forceful."

"It's okay," said Remus.

"No it's not okay," said Remus's mother, "bloody woman, thinks she can swan into a hospital ward shouting the odds like that! And a fat lot of good you were there John," she added, throwing a harsh look at Remus's father.

"The last thing we needed there was another raised voice," said John tightly, "Remus, Professor Dumbledore told us what happened. But don't worry, it'll be alright. James Potter was a witness and he heard you tell the boy to leave. They have no grounds to press charges."

"Course they don't," said Remus's mother, "it was the kid's own stupid fault."

"It wasn't his fault mum," said Remus weakly, "no one puts themselves in danger of getting bitten by a werewolf on purpose," he said more forcefully.

He saw his dad's eyes flicker uncomfortably towards his for a second and he held his gaze for the briefest of moments.

"No, you know who's fault it was. That Sirius Black's. I tell you if I ever get my hands on..."

"Sirius?" asked Remus, "how is it Sirius's fault."

Mary opened her mouth, but any words she had planned to say never made it past her lips. She looked at her husband and then at Madam Pomfrey, who bit her lip.

"What's all this got to do with Sirius?" asked Remus.

"It's time for you to take your potions now Remus," said Madam Pomfrey, "Professor Dumbledore will explain everything to you when he's finished talking to Mrs Snape."

"What happened? I'm not taking any potions until you tell me what happened last night. How is this Sirius's fault."

"Oh don't be ridiculous Remus," said his mother, "you know what happens if you don't take your potions, you'll get ill..."

"He told him didn't he," said Remus, wishing the pieces would not fall into place as fast as they were doing so, wishing there was another explanation, "he told Snape how to get past the Willow."

Their silence was enough for Remus know that there wasn't. Madam Pomfrey and his mother looked at each and then back at Remus, at a loss for what to say. His father just stared down at the floor.

"Remus, you need to take your potions," said Madam Pomfrey.

"Fine," said Remus, his jaw set and his eyes staring off into some faraway place. His hands were trembling, his mother reached out to hold his less injured one but Remus recoiled from her. Madam Pomfrey measured out a dose of some potion or another and Remus drank it obediently, and the next one, and the next one, though it was a chore to get his mouth to work and by the time he had downed the last one he felt like he was going to cry or be sick or both. The aftertaste of the vile potions mingled with the salty taste of despair.

"We'll stay as long as you want sweetie," said Remus's mother, edging closer to her son.

"No," said Remus, suddenly there were too many people, he knew he couldn't hold back tears much longer and he didn't want to break down in front of his parents. There was a time when his mother's comforting presence could see Remus through anything, but this time there was nothing she could say that would make things seem better. Then there was his father, it would just be unfair to cry in front of him. He had already seen enough of the horror his past mistakes had lead to for one day. Remus may have blamed him, rightfully so, for what happened, but that was a different man, a proud man. The man who sat at the end of Remus's bed now was a man whose pride had been broken, a pitiful man... a coward who could not look his distraught son in the eye.

"No?" asked his mother.

"Just... just go, please? I just want to be alone."

"Remus we're here for you, you know that."

"I know," said Remus, even though I wasn't true, "but I'm tired and I think I need to sleep."

"Of course dear," said Remus's mother, rising from her chair, "but if you want us to come back just tell Madam Pomfrey and we can be here in under half an hour alright?"

"Alright," said Remus, sinking down into his bed and fixing his eyes on the ceiling.

He heard the door open and close and Madam Pomfrey return to her office. Only then did he let his tears fall, sobbing quietly into the emptiness. He cried until his head hurt and his lungs hurt, and then cried some more, until eventually repetitive thoughts of betrayal were displaced by feverish nightmares of biting, killing, and a silken haired figure in the distance laughing.

* * *

It was getting dark. James, Peter and Lily had been sitting around Remus's bed for several hours now, and had long since allowed the silence to smother them. Madam Pomfrey had come over about an hour ago to check on Remus. She had sat with them for a while, and had even tried to rekindle the conversation, but it was like trying to light a campfire in the wind with only a box of damp matches, and eventually she had given up and retreated once more to her office. Remus's face was deathly pale, the only colour coming from an angry purple bruise on his forehead and slash of red which tore from his left ear across his cheek. His mouth was slightly open and occasional a muscle would jump in his face or one of his limbs would twitch. In the hours that passed Lily studied every inch of him, and of James, whose face was devoid of all arrogance. His hair was as messy as ever, but strangely enough this didn't annoy Lily, perhaps because he never once raised a hand to mess it up on purpose. But Lily had the feeling it was also because when coupled with the slight flush of his cheeks, he slight gap between his lips and the slightest hint of something deep and lasting in those warm, earthy hazel eyes, purple ringed with tiredness but awake and watching behind his glasses... when combined with all of this, the stupid hair gave James Potter a very _real_ look about him. Before Lily had the chance to put her finger on exactly what that meant she heard a rustling of sheets. Remus had turned his head and was rubbing his neck, his eyelids struggling to flutter open like little butterflies with damp wings.

"Morning sleepy-head," said James softly, his attempt at a smirk falling flat on his face, "how are you feeling."

Remus opened his eyes fully and his gaze fell on James like a tonne of bricks. Remus swallowed and uttered one word, his voice small and on the verge of cracking.

"Sirius."

His eyes had cried all they could and now they were dry, arid. Everything looked barren to them in the wake of Sirius's betrayal, which had swept through him like a sandstorm, rubbed him raw.

"If it helps..." said James, before trailing off for want of any suitable end to that sentence.

"Thank you," said Remus.

"For what?" asked James.

"For making Snape leave, you made him leave right?"

"Oh... yeah," said James, he had been thinking that Remus was thanking him for his half a consolation, and was thrown by the sudden enormity of Remus's gratitude to him.

"It'll be alright Remus," said Peter, and Remus turned his head to look at his other friend, his _only_ other friend, his only other friend who really knew him at least.

All this time he had not noticed Lily.

Lily had kept quiet until Remus turned towards her and Peter, she had been observing James, no, she had been observing Remus. She wanted to see what Remus saw in James. Then Peter spoke, and Remus turned, and it took him a moment to register her but when he did his head did a carton double take, his mouth moved soundlessly as his tongue fumbled for words and he pushed himself up on his pillows in an attempt to appear less unwell than he actually was.

"Hey Remus," said Lily as lightly as she could in the circumstances.

"Lily?" asked Remus, as if doubting whether it was actually her, "I... what are you doing here?"

"She knows Remus," said James.

"She..?" began Remus, turning to James, who nodded once, "Everything?" he asked, turning back to Lily.

"Uh huh," said Lily, "don't worry Remus, it doesn't change anything."

"Did Snape..?"

"No actually," said Lily, "look Remus, it really doesn't change anything, because I've known for ages."

"What? How long?"

"Since first year."

"First year? But why...?" Remus held his head in his hand, it was all so much to take in. He felt like he was going to be sick, he probably had a concussion, he thought, tenderly feeling the lump on his head

Lily watched as Remus let his head fall into his hand.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"No, it's... it's okay," said Remus, looking up at her, "it's more than okay it's... thank you... I... I don't understand."

And so Lily told him everything. She told about finding out, how it had not been a harsh flick of the switch realisation, but a gradual process by which truth slowly crept in on silent feet, until one day she had noticed that the lies she had accepted unquestioningly were now an effort to believe, that now she was the one lying. Remus asked her again why she kept lying and Lily sighed while she contemplated how to put it into words.

"Because of Severus," she said, "he found out around the same time as me really, we found out together. In fact I may not have found out until much later if it weren't for him. But, as you can no doubt guess he took a much less tolerant view on it than I did. He knew, that was for sure, but it seemed as if he didn't want to do anything about it until he could convince me. That was back when he sought my approval for everything, back when he was trying to prove to me, or maybe prove to himself, I'm not sure, that I was more to him that just your average mudblood."

"Don't say that word," said James.

"I can say it if I want Potter," said Lily.

"Leave it James, she can call herself whatever she likes," said Remus, "sorry Lily, you should see how he gets when I say 'halfbreed', anyway, you were saying?"

"Yeah, well, anyway, it seemed as though so long as I could keep up the act, because even by then it was an act, of not believing his theory, then you would be safe. Even last night, he wouldn't tell anyone before he convinced me, 'cause he knew I'd turn on him. Well, he was the one that turned on me in the end so I feel no guilt there!"

"Maybe him and Sirius can form a club," muttered Remus bitterly, Lily bit her lip and carried on.

"Keeping up the act was hard," she said, "it wasn't as simple as just lying to Severus when we were together. Every time he looked into my eyes it was like he was rifling through my thoughts, my memories."

Once again Lily found herself unable to put into words how deeply those black eyes penetrated her mind, probed her soul.

"I had to keep up the lie _constantly_," said Lily simply, "I should have realised that if that meant blindly ignoring you when you were sick and you needed a friend then it was probably time for me to rethink the whole idea."

"But you were always a great friend to me," said Remus, "you' always made sure I was okay, and you cut me slack around the full moon without question and you even covered my patrol once last year when you didn't have too."

"Those were weak moments," laughed Lily, "there were times when I was so worried about you I just wished more than anything else you would just come out and tell me. That way I would have an excuse, a way out, because by then I really was trapped. Severus was slipping away from me and I couldn't tell anyone because I was afraid that if you found out I had been lying to you all these years I would lose you as well."

"Lose me? I was afraid of losing _you_!"

Remus marvelled at the speed with which the last five years of his life had just been rewritten. Looking back on it, it made perfect sense, the only reason he had not noticed it before was that he had simply found it impossible to believe that anyone could be so good and ask for no thanks in return.

All this time, he hadn't noticed Lily.

Memories, thrown into new light, whizzed through his mind at a dizzying pace and suddenly Remus felt overwhelmed with it all. He felt drained, his potions were wearing off and he could feel pointy tendrils of pain lashing across his body.

"Moony? Remus? Mate, are you alright?" asked James, who had been sitting quietly, patiently waiting while Lily told her story.

"Fine," said Remus, closing his eyes and collapsing back onto his pillows, "nope, gonna be sick," he said suddenly, and James quickly produced a basin Madam Pomfrey had left beside the bed earlier, just in case.

He rubbed Remus's back until he had finished throwing up and the gentle let him lie back down again. He was shivering, and had one hand clutched to the wound on his midriff. As James prised the hand it away it came up stained with red.

"Bollocks," said Remus, catching sight of the blood.

"Pete, go and get Madam Pomfrey," said James, pressing his hands onto the gushing wound to try and stem the bleeding

"Okay," said Peter, hurrying off towards the Matron's office.

"Remus, I'm so sorry, are you alright?" asked Lily, shifting into Peters chair to be closer to Remus.

"Yeah I'm fine," said Remus, "welcome to the glamorous life of the Marauders."

Lily laughed in spite of herself, in spite, or perhaps because of, the utter wretchedness of it all.

"I've never cared much for glamour," she said, placing her hands on top of James's, and it was true.


	63. Padfoot's Punishment

Hi- thanks for the reviews, I'm glad people liked that last chapter. Just to reassure everyone I haven't forgotten that Lily doesn't agree to go out with James until 7th year, but in my mind James saving Snape would have been a sort of turning point in how she saw James, and also probably the reason why Dumbledore made him Head Boy. But of course you can just go from 'hating' someone to loving them overnight and I reckon Lily would have taken a while to accept her feelings towards James. Anyway, I know I'm a heartless bringer of despair but I am not JK Rowling. Please keep up the reviewing!

* * *

"Why did you do it Sirius?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"I don't know," shrugged Sirius, "I was angry, I wasn't thinking straight, I just... I didn't want to hurt Remus, I didn't even really want to hurt Snape. I never thought he's actually go through with it, I thought he's chicken out before he even went down the tunnel."

"I did not ask to hear excuses for your actions Sirius, you know as well as I that there are one. I want to know _why_ you chose to tell Severus Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow in the first place."

"Well, like I said, I was angry," said Sirius, "and I know that's not a good enough reason, I know there is no good enough reason, but that's the truth of the matter. I was angry at Snape for spiking Remus's drink with veritaserum, I was angry at the way Remus was just willing to take it lying down. I wasn't angry _at_ Remus," he amended quickly, "I was angry _for_ him. I did what I did _for Remus._"

Sirius looked up at the Headmaster, expecting some sort of reprimand for his gross misjudgement of his friend's wishes, but none came, so he continued.

"I just thought that if Snape wanted proof so badly then he should get it the hard way. And if he got bitten then that would have been his own fault, he knew what he was getting himself into when he went down that tunnel. Look I know what I did was bad, but I still stand by that, Snape knew what he was getting into, he didn't have to listen to me, it's not like I forced him down the tunnel."

"You say you know what you did was bad," said Dumbledore, "why do you say that? Why was what you did so bad?"

It was as if Dumbledore had asked him to point out the mistakes he had made when performing a spell in class.

"Because it could have meant Snape got bitten," said Sirius quietly, "and if that happened Remus wouldn't have been able to live with himself."

Dumbledore rose from his chair and wandered over to the window, where the sky was just beginning to lighten in the East.

"Over the years people have done terrible things to people with Remus's condition," he said, staring out at the disappearing stars, "you have caught a glimpse, through your friendship with Remus, and also no doubt through what you have heard at home, of the way werewolves are treated in our society. They have been humiliated, refused work, refused education, bound by unreasonable laws, ostracised, attacked and even murdered by their fellow witches and wizards. But by far the worst thing that people have done to werewolves is exploit their condition for their own purposes, use them as weapons."

Dumbledore turned around and looked Sirius straight in the eye.

"I didn't think about it like that," said Sirius, "I didn't think at all really."

"That much is evident," said Dumbledore, "if you had paused to think for one moment before you told Snape how to find where Remus goes to transform, then even in the fog of selfishness, you surely would have seen that something like this could seriously jeopardise your friendship with Remus. And if you valued that friendship at all..."

"I do!"

"Then you have a lot of work to do in order to prove it."

"I'm sorry, please, I'll do anything."

"It is not me you have to apologise to."

"I'll say sorry to Remus first thing in the morning."

"And Severus Snape."

"But..."

"If you ever want Remus to forgive you then apologising to him won't be enough, actions speak louder than words Sirius, and your actions last night spoke volumes. True remorse is all that can save you now."

"Okay," said Sirius, "can I speak to Remus first though, I need to make sure he knows I didn't mean to..."

"You can see Remus when and only when he wants to see you. There is a chance that Remus may never forgive you for this Sirius, and if he does it will not be because you in any way deserve it, but because Remus is a singularly forgiving person, it comes from a lifetimes of being made to feel inferior to other witches and wizards."

"Remus doesn't feel inferior to me! He knows better than anyone that all that stuff people say about werewolves is a load of old bollocks, I mean, rubbish."

"Have you never noticed the way Remus incessantly apologises and thanks people when he talks?"

"But that's just Remus, that's just..."

"Did you not noticed how deeply affected Remus was by his encounter with Madam Marchbanks last year?"

"Well yeah but..."

"Clearly you do not know quite so much about what it means to be a werewolf as you thought you did. At least we can remedy that. You shall of course be serving detention, every night from seven to eight pm until the end of term, you shall be notified of which room and with which teacher. During your detentions you shall be researching and making notes on the exploitation of werewolves, and by the end of term I want to hand in a an extended report on the subject. Perhaps then you will realise the full weight of your actions. I must also dock fifty points from Gryffindor for your astounding lack of regard for the life of Severus Snape."

"Is that it?" asked Sirius.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you not going to expel me or anything?"

"No Sirius," said Dumbledore, "I am not going to expel you. Purposefully endangering the life of a fellow student would definitely be enough to warrant expulsion, or even a criminal sentence. But I am a great believer in giving people second chances."

"Thank you Sir, I promise I'll never do anything like this again, I swear to Merlin..."

"And of course, this way you have to live with the consequences of your actions, rather than just running away from them. A second chance is not the same as a blank slate Sirius, this is your time to make amends."

"I know, I will, I promise."

"Good. Now, go and get some sleep, under the circumstance you are excused from classes today, along with James, Peter, Lily and Severus. Now, I must go and see Remus."

"Please can I come with you? Please, just to see if he's alright."

"I'll send word," said Dumbledore, "now, off to bed with you, and be warned Sirius, I may be a believer in second chances, but in my books, there is no such thing as a third."

* * *

Sirius had not slept all day, he had drawn the his hangings to hide from James and Peter, but he could not banish Dumbledore's words from his head, nor could he so easily escape his own wretchedness. What had he done? How had he made such a total, cataclysmic mess of things? At the start of the year he thought he had been doing alright. He was finally free. He could do what he wanted to do and be who he wanted to be. His mother had owled him to inform him that he was officially no longer her son. He had the chance to reinvent himself, and what had he done with it but prove that he was still a Black through and through. No! He was not like them! He did not think like them! But Dumbledore was right, he had treated Remus like nothing more than a tool to get back at Snape, even if he didn't mean to that was what he had done.

He had had his first detention with Professor McGonagall at seven o'clock. He read with a heavy heart about dark wizards promising werewolves greater equality in return for their services on the full moons. And all the while Professor McGonagall glared at him with such utter disgust that he had never seen before, even on the face of such a stern woman. It was a look not only of anger, or of disappointment, but of an emotion Sirius felt he was getting far too familiar with recently, betrayal. They had teased Remus about being Professor McGonagall's favourite student, but never had it been so clear to Sirius how deeply their Head of House cared for his friend. That was when he knew he had hit rock bottom, because terrible as it was to have somebody look at him like that, especially someone who (though he had never admitted it) he respected greatly, it did have to power to make him feel any worse. He felt broken, a tangled wreckage of a human being.

Now he was lying in bed again, curtains open this time, waiting for James and Peter to come back from the Hospital Wing. He had been forbidden to come, despite a renewed bout of pleading. Dumbledore had sent word, as he had promised, of Remus's condition earlier in the day, and it had not been encouraging. Apparently one of his broken ribs had punctured his lung, and when Madam Pomfrey had found him he wasn't breathing. Sirius had never really thought about death before, he had thought about losing people in other ways, he had stayed awake for entire nights thinking about losing Regulus to the Death Eaters, but never had he been truly aware of the hungry shadow of death which lurked so close at hand. The thought of losing Remus in such a horribly definite manner brought tears to his eyes. James had said he had no right to cry, not when he was the one who had caused it.

"_If Remus _had _died last night it would've been your fault!"_ he'd screamed.

Peter didn't scream, Peter just cried silently and bit his lip until he drew blood.

Finally the door opened and Sirius sprang to his feet.

"Is he alright? Did you tell him I'm sorry?"

"No he's not alright Sirius," said James bitterly, "he's lying in a fucking hospital bed throwing up with broken bones and big huge gashes all over his body!"

Sirius said nothing in reply, just lowered his head a little.

"And no," James continued, "we didn't apologise on your behalf, you can do that yourself, but funnily enough you weren't top of the list of things he wanted to talk about just then."

"Did you ask him if he wanted to see me tomorrow?"

"No! Look just back off for a while alright, we all know you need to get your big dramatic apology off your chest so that you can go back to being an ignorant arsehole but what Remus needs right now is not you blabbering on at him begging him for forgiveness. Right now Remus needs his _friends_."

"I am his friend!"

"Well you're not acting like it!"

"You told me this morning I had no right to care about Remus anymore and now you're saying I'm not caring enough!"

"What I'm saying is that you need to put Remus first not your own bloody conscience!"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO!" yelled Sirius, "THIS DOESN'T COME NATURALLY TO ME JAMES! Look I am not a good person, but I'm trying alright? I'm not trying to get your sympathy and I'm not trying to excuse what I've done I'm just trying to say that I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Sirius took a deep ragged breath and tried to stop tears falling from his eyes again, "I don't... know... what to do, James," he said again, "I've fucked everything up beyond belief and I just really don't know how to go about fixing it."

James looked at him hard for several seconds and then sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose and running his hand through his hair.

"I'll ask him if he's ready to speak to you tomorrow," said James, "if he's well enough," he added, "hearing about Lily was almost too much for him and that was _good_ news."

"Thank you," said Sirius, "and yeah, obviously if he's too ill then... will you come with me?"

"Huh?"

"Will you stay with me when I'm talking to Remus. If he takes it badly he'll want someone who's not me to be around... and I'm not going to lie I think I'm going to need someone too."

"Sure," said James, "come on, we should go to bed, we've got lessons tomorrow."

* * *

"No," said Remus.

"Not even for five minutes?"

"I don't want to speak to him James, I don't want to see him, I've got nothing to say to him."

"He's got things to say to you."

"I don't give a damn what he's got to say for himself James!" yelled Remus, bending into his chest and taking a measured breath as he felt a twinge in the place where his rib had ripped into his lung.

"That's okay," said James, "hey, are you alright now?"

"Yeah," said Remus, lying back down.

James studied him until he was satisfied that this was as true as it ever could be before speaking again.

"You are going to have to see him eventually," he said.

"No I'm not," said Remus quietly.

"But you'll have to see him when you come back to lessons."

"I don't think I'm coming back to lessons James," said Remus, even quieter.

"What?" said Peter, "but you have to!"

"No I don't," said Remus, "I've got my OWLs now, it's perfectly legal..."

"What? So you're going to drop out of school just because of what Sirius did?"

"Because of what _I_ almost did James. Last night was too close, if you had gotten there just a couple of minutes later..."

"But I didn't, everything's alright, Dumbledore's making Snape keep his mouth shut..."

"Yes but what if it were to happen again?" asked Remus frankly, "and after what Sirius did last night who can say that, if I stay here, it won't?"

"Sirius will never do anything like this again, look, Remus, I spoke to him last night, I really think he does regret what he's done and..."

"I'm not saying he would," said Remus, "I'm not saying that he wouldn't though. That's the thing, I can't say anything for certain any more. I thought I could trust Sirius, I thought I could trust all of you..."

"You can still trust _us_ mate," said James.

"Yeah," said Peter.

"Look, I've made up my mind..."

"Do you not trust us?" asked James, a little more vehemently that he'd intended.

"No! I mean, yes! I do! I just... look, I thought I could trust Sirius when obviously I shouldn't have so how do I know that I'm not... I just don't feel I can trust my own judgement any more James. And Snape, I should have seen that coming, I _did_ see it coming but I ignored it hoping it would go away. That's complacency James, and werewolves can't afford to be complacent."

"Remus, this isn't your fault."

"There are many people at fault here James and who they are doesn't really matter right now. What matters is that clearly it's not safe for me to be at Hogwarts any more, clearly it never was."

"But you can't just _leave_," said Peter.

"Not only _can _I do it Peter, I _have _to do it."

"But you don't!" said Peter, "Dumbledore's sorted everything out so you can stay and it'll all be for nothing if you don't."

"It's not that I'm ungrateful... these last five years have been the best of my life and I'm sure that we can remain friends..."

"Of course we're going to bloody remain friends!" said James, "all four of us, Sirius included. Look I'm not asking you to forgive him, that's up to him but come on, you've got to give him another chance, you've got to give yourself another chance..."

"In real life there are no second chances," said Remus, "If I'd have killed or infected Snape last night do you think that Wizengamot would have given me or Sirius a second chance?"

James sighed, he seemed to be doing that a lot lately and he didn't like it, Remus and Peter didn't like it either, it didn't suit him.

"What are you planning to do with yourself once you leave anyway?" he asked Remus.

"I don't know," said Remus, "I guess I'll have to go back to my parent's house for a bit until I can get a job and enough money to get a flat somewhere. I'll get by."

"You won't though will you," said James, "you're fucking sixteen Remus! People who leave home when they're sixteen rarely _'get by'_ even if they aren't werewolves!"

"Why do you care if I get by or not?"

"Because I'm your friend Remus! Just because one of your friends fucks up it doesn't mean all of a sudden no one cares about you! You can't leave Remus, come on, you said yourself that nobody would employ a werewolf..."

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence James."

"You were the one that said it mate, you need to get your NEWTs more than anyone. Look, I'm your friend, and that means that one of my jobs is to stop you when you're acting like an idiot."

"I know I'm an idiot James!"

"I never said..."

"... I know I keep fucking up, but at least this way I can only fuck things up for myself. I'm trying to do the right thing James but I just don't know what to do!"

"You know, you're the second person to say that to me since yesterday," said James, "no prizes for guessing who the first was."

Remus looked away, he was trying to control his sobs and it hurt.

"Look just don't rush into anything, please, listen, you're going to be in here for a while by the looks of things so there's no need to make any hasty decisions. Just take things one step at a time yeah? And the first step is going to be talking to Sirius. Not to forgive him, just to get all the facts before you decide what you're going to do. How can you know whether you can trust him again if you don't hear what he has to say for himself?"

"Fine," said Remus quietly, "but not yet, my head hurts and my chest hurts and I'm just bloomin' exhausted alright?"

"Tomorrow?" asked James.

"Tomorrow," agreed Remus

* * *

"What if he never forgives me?"

"Then you'll just have to deal with it," said James, opening the Hospital Wing door and shoving Sirius through.

Remus was looking better today, though still pale and bandaged he was sitting up in bed reading his Arithmancy textbook and diligently making notes.

"Getting ready to go back to lessons then?" asked James.

"Just in case," said Remus tightly.

There was a long period of time where the only noise was the scratching of Remus's quill, eventually he reached over stiffly and placed it on the bedside table, then turned to look at Sirius.

"Well?" he said.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius.

Remus said nothing, but continued to stare at Sirius.

"I didn't think. I was angry at Snape because of what he did to you with the veritaserum and I just wanted to get revenge, on your behalf..."

"You thought I would..."

"No!" said Sirius, knowing what Remus was about to ask before he had even finished his sentence "I didn't think about what you would want at all. Of course I knew that you would never want to hurt anybody, I just didn't take that knowledge into account when I told him how to find you, I didn't engage my brain at all. Look, I just want you to know, as fucked up a thought process as it was that lead me to luring Snape down the tunnel, at no point along the way did I even consider it in terms of wanting to use you as a weapon. I didn't even think that you would see it that way until Dumbledore spoke to me. I've been as much of a dick to you as every other wanker in the world who thinks werewolves are beneath them, but please believe me when I say that I didn't do it because I thought that you were beneath me, I did it because I'm a clot. When I get angry I turn into a complete idiot. And I know it's not fair to use that as an excuse because it's something that I could control if I worked at it, it's not like what happens to you at the full moon, but I will work on it. I swear Remus, I will learn from this, and I know that's no comfort to you, what's done is done now and it can't be undone, we were just lucky James got there in time, and I am so thankful for that. I've apologised to Snape, he didn't accept the apology of course but then again I did try to kill him so you can't really expect him to get over that so quickly really. And I don't expect you to get over this any time soon either so I'm not even going to ask you to forgive me, not yet, just to give me a chance to earn back your trust again. I know that by betraying you like that I've completely destroyed all the faith you ever had in me. I took advantage of the fact that you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from hurting Snape, and whether I did so knowingly or not doesn't excuse that. So yeah... I'm sorry."

"James, Peter could you leave us alone for a while please," said Remus when Sirius was done.

James and Peter were hesitant.

"You sure?" asked James.

"Yes please," said Remus, "don't worry, I'm not going to murder him or anything," he added, "I think if I did Madam Pomfrey would tell me off for over-exerting myself."

All three boys were disconcerted by Remus's joke, by the fact that he was joking at all really, as if everything was back to normal. Sirius didn't dare hope for that much, so all Remus's sudden humour did was make him even more wary, after all, it was always calmest in the eye of the storm.

"Well, okay then," said James, "we'll wait for you outside yeah Sirius."

"Okay, thanks," said Sirius, and he waited for James and Peter to leave the room before adding, "you're really not going to kill me then?"

"No, I just wanted to talk to you alone," said Remus, his face serious once more, though not angry, "I just wanted to ask you whether you remembered that conversation we had a couple of years back... I'd had to do that stupid dream diary thing and I'd told you guys that I didn't dream, and then after James and Peter had gone upstairs you'd cornered me and you told me that that was obviously a load of bullcrap, which it was... and you asked me what I dreamt about that as so bad I couldn't out it in a dream diary... do you remember?"

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry Remus..."

"Now, you're not to repeat a word of this to anyone Sirius, not even James and Peter, but those dreams terrify me. They absolutely terrify me because every single time I wake up, ad for those first few seconds I think that they're real. And what happened with Snape... well, it was exactly like one of my dreams, nightmares, whatever you want to call them... had come true. I was terrified Sirius, that was honestly that most scared I have ever felt, more scary than my first transformation, more scary than when I was bitten..."

"Remus, gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't think..."

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty," said Remus, "I just wanted you to know that ever since I started having those dreams, as soon as I was old enough to really understand what I was, I made a promise to myself that I would never bite anyone. So, I guess what I just wanted to ask was... did you really think that Snape deserved to die? Did you really think that Snape deserved to be a werewolf?"

Sirius stayed quiet.

"Look, I know you Sirius. I know what you were thinking, you were thinking, 'so he's having a go at Remus because he's a werewolf is he? Well, let's see how he likes it!' That's how justice works in your mind."

"I wasn't thinking straight Remus..."

"No, it's alright. I can understand the basic principle of it. Bloody hell, don't you think there haven't been times when I'd wished people could just have a go at being a werewolf, just for a month, so that they wouldn't be so quick as to dismiss us all as savages? But an eye for an eye has to stop at some point Sirius. There are some things nobody deserves, that's what I think anyway. You're bound to have a different opinion, you're a different person, and you're not a werewolf, just please, don't ever wish something on anyone unless you truly understand what that means. That's why I wanted to remind you about my dreams, about how bloody terrified I was when Snape opened that trapdoor when I could feel I was just about to transform, just to try and impress on you a fraction of how _I_ felt. If I had to sum up life as a werewolf in one word Sirius, do you know what I would say? Careful. No, not painful, not anything else. Above all, as a werewolf, you have to be constantly covering yourself, ensuring everyone else's safety even above your own. But you know what I don't mind that. It's certainly better than what happens if you stop caring. And part of being careful is being careful who you trust."

"I understand," said Sirius.

"Good," said Remus, "look, we all make mistakes, it's only human, it happens. I _want_ to forgive you Sirius, but I'm afraid I just can't trust you anymore."

Sirius nodded in silence.

"James and Peter will be waiting for you," said Remus, making it quite clear that Sirius had overstayed his welcome.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius one last time.

"I know," said Remus, "and for now that's the best I can do."


	64. Heroes, Villains and Damsels in Distress

Hey, so exams are nearly upon us now, so that means updates will either be less or more frequent depending how much I procrastinate. Disclaimer: if I was JK Rowling do you really think I would be worrying about A Levels?

* * *

"Alright, so remember, the cover story is that you helped me save Snape from _'the monster'_ that lives under the Whomping Willow and it got you alright?"

"Yes, yes, I've got it James," said Remus, "what I don't get is why we've got to use it."

"_I_ didn't come up with it, people just came to that conclusion of their own accord, it's a ready-made excuse Remus, all you have to do is go along with it."

"Yeah and how am I supposed to do that when I know that really _I_ was the monster, I mean, come on, won't Snape be pissed off enough without me going around claiming I'd saved his life when in fact I was the one who nearly killed him."

"Screw what Snape thinks," said James, "he knows he can't tell anyone or he'll get kicked out faster than he can say 'I'm a greasy slimeball'."

Peter laughed at the joke, but Remus, who was walking in between the two, did not.

"Look, you've got to stop feeling guilty about this Remus."

"I've agreed to come back to school James, what more do you want?"

As soon as Dumbledore had found out, quite how Remus would never be sure, that he was thinking of dropping out of school, he had came once again to visit Remus in the infirmary, and after many hours he had finally managed to convince him to stay.

"You'll stick to the story then?"

"Well I don't have much choice to I?" grumbled Remus, "but what do I say if people ask me about it? What if they ask me about the monster?"

"Just say you fainted and you can't remember," shrugged James.

"Oh brilliant," said Remus, "why is it that every single cover story you ever think of involves me fainting?"

"Well just tell people to shove it then if they ask you what happened. If you don't want to talk about it people have got to respect that. Well, they won't respect it, but they won't think there's anything fishy about you not wanting to recount the gory details to every Tom, Dick and Harry who wants know."

"Are we talking about the real story or the cover story?" asked Remus.

"Either," said James, "both."

"Well good 'cause I don't want to talk about either anymore."

"Okay."

They walked in silence the rest of the way to their first class, Herbology. Most people had arrived before them so as they approached the greenhouse they could already hear the buzz of lively chatter. As soon as James, Peter and Remus entered, however, the entire class fell silent save for one of two furtive whispers behind cupped hands. Remus swallowed, he could feel his blood pulsing through the veins in his neck and he was sure that he was flushed bright red.

"Actually James, I don't feel too well," Remus said quietly so that the hoard of staring students would not hear, "maybe I should go back to Madam Pomfrey..."

"Just sit down Moony, they'll stop staring in a minute, they're just curious, it's just gossip to them."

"I don't know James, maybe I should have stayed in bed for just one more day," said Remus, looking longingly towards the door as he sat down.

"Remus, you've missed nearly a week of school already, and the longer you hide from things like this the bigger they get. The longer you're off school the more curious people will get, the more crazy theories they'll come up with. Come on, you know that."

"But I really..."

"Remus, please don't make me use the highly inappropriate analogy of the wizard who cried werewolf."

Remus gritted his teeth and stared James hard in the face.

"Fine," he said, "but I'm not talking to anyone. And if you ever use that analogy I swear to Merlin I will punch you in the face."

All through Herbology Remus kept his head down and his eyes on his work. Flanked on either side by James and Peter he was somewhat shielded from people's gawking eyes, or at least he could not see them gawking. Somewhere at the other end of the classroom Sirius was sitting, struggling to do the same thing as Remus. As soon as word had got out that James Potter, Severus Snape and Remus Lupin had had some sort of run in with a monster people had assumed that Sirius Black must have been involved somehow, you never saw one without the other, James Potter and Sirius Black. But as soon as the boys had returned to classes it was clear that something has changed. They sat at opposite ends of the room, not speaking to each other except for the odd brief exchange in harsh whispering tones. Then people began to speculate that Sirius had had more involvement that simply acting as James's accomplice in whatever devilry had lead to Severus Snape being nearly attacked by a monster and Remus Lupin ending up in hospital. Whatever had happened that night, Sirius must have done something pretty bad to James to make him ignore his best friend like that.

Remus's next lesson was Ancient Runes, during this class he would not have the benefit of James and Peter's presence, if only he'd even just had Lily there that would have been some comfort to him, but alas, he was completely on his own. As soon as the Professor had set them questions from the textbook to do every student within a radius of two to three chairs from Remus was leaning towards him whispering frantic questions with eyes alight. Remus ignored them, scratching away furiously with his quill, but he couldn't concentrate. He had just realised that he's mistranslated most of the rune sequence he was working on and was about to cross it all out and start over again when a ball of parchment hit him in the back of the head. He ignored it. He flicked back a couple of pages in his textbook to skim over the material from the lessons he had missed but had barely gotten through one paragraph when something else hit him the back of the head, something harder this time, accompanied by an "Oi, Lupin," from the desk behind him. He rubbed his head and reached down the back of his chair to try and find the object that had been flung at him when it happened again, this time hitting him on the top of his head. He look up and saw a small pewter potions weight hovering above his head. Just as he realised what it was it swooped in again for another blow which this time struck him right in the middle of his forehead.

"Lupin!" he heard the boy behind him hiss again.

"Will you for bloody hell's sake stop it?!" he snapped, spinning around in his chair, "Ow," he added as the weight hit him again, "for fuck's sake will you just STOP IT!"

He banged his fists on the boy's table, and the boy's face froze in alarm. The weight clattered to the floor, the metallic ringing still audible several seconds after it landed, sounding loud as a thousand bell towers in the sudden silence.

"Thank you," said Remus snappily, and he turned around and at back down in his chair, well aware that all he had done now was attract even more attention to himself. He congratulated himself sarcastically in his head, well done Remus, well-bloody-done.

The rest of the day passed in much the same manner. The classes he shared with James and Peter were somewhat better than the lessons he had on his own, and at least after his outburst in Ancient Runes he was assaulted by no more metal objects. But by the time his last class finished Remus was nearing the end of his tether, and so it was that when he was finally released Arithmancy all he was thinking of was getting back up to the solitude of his dormitory as quickly as possible, and not really thinking about where he was going or who he was walking into.

"Oi! Get off me you filthy..."

Snape shoved Remus off of him and the pair of them staggered away from each other, Snape making a show of brushing off his robes while Remus pulled his bag back onto his shoulder where it had slipped down in the collision.

"Sorry," said Remus, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you..."

"Yeah well you're not going to see anything if you don't look where you're going," snapped Snape.

"I'm really sorry..."

"Yeah, you said, just like you said when you nearly killed me!"

"Snape, please, not here."

"Oh? Are you afraid people will stop seeing you and Potter as such big heroes when they find out what really happened Lupin? When they find out how you, Potter and Black shoved me down that tunnel right into the jaws of the monster!"

Despite the fact that everyone in the vicinity was now staring at Remus eyes wide with shock, Remus could not help but be thankful that at least he hadn't told them the real truth.

"I... I'm sorry," Remus said again, there was no point in trying to deny the accusations, Snape had every right to feel angry after all, and it was better to let him have his revenge this way than risk him sodding Dumbledore's order that he remain silent and outing him as a werewolf to the whole school.

"Remus!"

Lily Evans had pushed through the small crowd that had accumulated around Remus and Snape and was now storming towards the pair, her hair and robes swishing behind her.

"Lily, stay out of this, this doesn't concern you," said Snape.

"Don't tell me what to do," said Lily, "and it does concern me as a matter of fact. Remus is my friend... and you used to be."

"You... he... him and his friends tried to _kill_ me Lily!"

"Yes, so you've told me," said Lily exasperatedly, "whereas everyone else had told me that went looking for that bloody monster yourself and Remus and James saved you life."

"Only because they..."

"I am not having this argument again Severus," said Lily, "come on Remus, let's go."

Lily took Remus's hand and lead him off down the corridor, waiting until they were far away from the crowd who had witnessed his skirmish with Snape before turning to speak to him.

"Are you alright Remus?" she asked.

"I'm fine, thanks, I could have handled that."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him but didn't say anything to contradict him on that point, instead she asked:

"Did he hex you? You've got a bruise on your forehead?"

"Oh bloody hell," sighed Remus, "I mean, no, no he didn't hex me."

"How d'you get the bruise then?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Remus," Lily said in a warning tone.

"Some idiot in Ancient Runes thought that a good way to persuade me to tell him what happened with Snape would be to chuck his potions weights at me."

"What?! Who was it? I'll hex them for you."

Remus laughed.

"What?" asked Lily defensively, "I can hex people, I've hexed Potter plenty of times!"

"I know," said Remus, "sorry it's just funny. You're more like him than you think Lily."

"If by 'him' you mean James then..."

"You'll jinx me into the middle of next week?" taunted Remus.

"Oh shut up Remus, stop trying to change the subject. I thought we were talking about the idiot who gave you a massive great bruise on your forehead."

"He was just trying to get my attention and I ignored him so things just escalated that's all," said Remus, "look it really doesn't matter, I have stuff for bruises, I have stuff for everything, it comes with the territory of being a werewolf."

"Well if you want to people to use you for target practise that's your choice I guess," said Lily, "but anyway, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, my ribs are all fixed up and..."

"You know what I mean Remus."

"No I don't!" said Remus suddenly, rubbing his hand over his face in exasperation and despair, "people always ask me if I'm alright but what does that really mean? Does 'alright' mean that everything's going great and there's nothing to worry about? Because if that's the case then no, no I'm not alright, but who is? No one's 'alright' if that's the standard you're going by. But if 'alright' means 'yeah things are going pretty badly at the moment but I'm coping' then yes!" Remus finished defiantly, "by that standard I'm doing alright."

Lily waited until Remus had finished before speaking again.

"I know what you mean," said Lily, "alright is a pretty ambiguous term, and no matter what answer you give it never really answers the real question. That's why I didn't whether you were alright Remus, I asked how you were doing."

"I'm sorry," said Remus, "I didn't mean to fly off the handle."

"It's okay, I'm not surprised you needed to let off some steam after being surrounded by idiots all day. But d'you want to have a crack at answering my actual question now maybe?"

"Sorry," said Remus again, "and I guess I'm doing alri... I mean... oh I don't know Lily, I don't know how to answer that."

"Typical boy," sighed Lily, "you're useless the lot of you. Alright, let's start off easy then, how are you doing _physically_?"

"Fine," said Remus, "like I said Madam Pomfrey fixed my ribs up and everything, so yeah, I'm fine."

"Good," said Lily, "you are looking better. And how about school, did you miss much work?"

"Tonnes, I'm snowed under to be honest, I've got so much catching up to do."

"Well I can help you catch up on Transfiguration, Charms, Defence and Herbology," said Lily, "and I can cover your patrols for a while until you're up to speed on everything if you like."

"You don't have to."

"I want to," said Lily seriously, "I've wanted to help you for years Remus, I've got a lot of making up to do. But anyway, what about all the rumours, and everyone trying to get you to tell them what happened, are they getting to you?"

"Not really," lied Remus, "okay, a bit. But not because... it's not their fault it's just... They all think I'm some sort of hero, but I'm not. I didn't save Snape, I tried to make him leave, and I failed, and even if I did succeed that wouldn't have made me a hero. Everyone thinks I sacrificed myself to save him from the jaws a vicious monster. But I _am_ the vicious monster. There's nothing heroic about not killing someone, most normal people manage to do that without even trying."

"Okay first off Remus, you're not a monster and you're as normal as anyone is as far as I can see."

"I think you need your eyes tested then."

"Look Remus, you may not have been the hero everyone thinks you were that night, but you weren't the villain either. And since plenty of people have no doubt assumed you're the villain in things like this in the past, and plenty more are going to in the future, why not just this once let them assume you're the hero? What harm is it going to do?"

"Snape was seriously pissed off about it."

"Yeah well Severus _was_ one of villains in all of this, so if people don't assume he's the hero then that's just something he'll have to deal with, and if people assume he wasn't the villain but the damsel in distress then so be it."

Remus cracked a smile in spite of himself at the image of Snape dressed as a fairytale princess.

"Look, I know telling you to stop feeling guilty will be useless, you can't just stop feeling anything, God I wish we could sometimes. But please, don't waste any sleep over it. You've got other stuff to think about, you've got work to catch up on, and sooner or later you're going to have to talk to Sirius."

"I have talked to Sirius."

"I mean properly, once the wounds have healed over a bit, literally and metaphorically. Look, I'm not trying to tell you what you have to say to him, but you will have to talk to him eventually."

"I'm not going to forgive him," said Remus, "I mean, I can't, can I?"

"It's entirely up to you," said Lily, "Are you angry with him?"

"Ye... no," said Remus, "no. I probably should be but I just can't. I mean, I can't believe what he did and I certainly can't forgive him for it but... is it bad that all I want is for none of it to have happened?"

"No," said Lily.

"But it has happened," said Remus, "you can't just spend your life wishing it had gone differently."

"No, that's also true," said Lily, "but I think you're allowed to just wish things could go back to how they were, and they still could one day, if you think Sirius has really learnt from this, that he really is sorry."

"He is sorry," said Remus, "but he's only sorry that he nearly made _me _kill Snape, he doesn't feel the least bit guilty or horrified about what nearly happened to..."

"Lily!" Remus stopped talking abruptly and span around, his heart racing, to see Marlene and Mary jogging up to them, "we've been looking for you for ages. Hi Remus, are you better now?"

"Yes," said Remus, preparing himself for the inevitable tirade of question that would follow.

"That's good, you had us all worried, what with all the rumours flying around. Are you guys going back to the common room?"

"Yeah," said Lily.

"I think I'll head off to the library actually," said Remus, "I've got a tonne of work to catch up on."

"Oh don't leave on our account," said Marlene.

"No, I really do need to get some work done," said Remus, "see you later."

"Bye Remus," said the girls.

Remus turned and walked the back the way he came, and as he rounded the corner he heard Lily say something in a harsh whisper.

"I hope you weren't going to try and grill him about what happened were you Marlene?"

"No!" said Marlene, "of course not, I do have _some_ boundaries Lily, the poor bloke was nearly killed by a terrifying monster, it's hardly surprising he doesn't want to talk about it."

And that was the last Remus caught of their conversation before they moved out of earshot. He sighed and picked up his pace, which he hadn't realised had slowed to a flobberworm's pace as he lingered to hear the girls talking about him. He could probably hide in the library until curfew, he didn't especially feel like eating dinner, or more's to the point, he didn't especially feel like facing another meal in the Great Hall that day. No, the solitude of the library and the distraction of his school work would be a blessing, that way he could fill all of his mind with non-verbal spells and the six stages in the process of how to extract the venom from a venomous tentacula, leaving no space for werewolves or Sirius or Snape.


	65. The Other Hand

Hi guys, so I was stuck on where to go with this chapter for a while but here it is, hope you like it. Disclaimer: I will own Harry Potter when Arthur Weasley finds out how aeroplanes stay up (yes I did think that up while I was meant to be revising)

* * *

Over the next few weeks Sirius Black took to spending what James deemed 'far too many hours than healthy' in the library. He had said this to Peter of course rather than to Remus, because the first time he had remarked on the unusual behaviour in Remus's presence the boy had launched into an uncharacteristically venomous tirade against Sirius.

"He's only doing it cause he wants me to talk to him again," he had snapped, "well he's bloody wrong if he thinks that's going to work. It's just flipping childish though, _I_ actually have work to catch up on but every time I go to the library to do some work _he's_ in there, like he's waiting for me or something."

"I don't think that's what he's doing Remus," said James, "I think he just wants to give you some space actually."

"Well can't he find somewhere else to go and sulk then?! How come he thinks he can hide anyway? How come I'm the one everyone keeps badgering when it was his fault in the first place?!"

In truth Remus knew that part of the reason why Sirius hiding away in the library bothered him so much was that that was what _he_ did when he wanted to be alone, and he had never yearned for solitude more than he had in the couple of weeks after the incident with Snape. He knew it wasn't rational, but for some reason his mind had chosen to latch this. He couldn't bring himself to feel angry at Sirius for betraying his secret to Snape, that whole affair was just too wretchedly miserable for Remus to even think about, but at least this he could feel righteously angry about, at least with this he could feel wronged.

"I think, in his mind," said James carefully, "he thinks that this time he is the one who deserves to have to hide. I think he thinks he's..."

"I don't even care James, I don't care what he thinks, I don't care how he feels, I don't care how sorry he is I just... I'm going to do this in the dorm," he said, roughly grabbing up his Charms essay, crinkling the parchment and smudging the ink which had not yet dried, and storming off up the stairs.

"I don't like this James," said Peter, "Moony's not acting like Moony anymore and Padfoot's not acting like Padfoot at all."

"I know," said James, "I just wish there was something we could do."

That had been over two weeks ago now. They were well into October and James and Peter had watched as both their friends, for they could not help but still call Sirius a friend, became more and more withdrawn, avoiding not only each other but James and Peter as well. Needless to say Peter and James were worried, and the past few days they had grown even more so with every day that passed. The reason was that the full moon was nearly upon them again, and Remus was already looking tired and weak. Both boys knew the reason of course, they knew that Remus hadn't been sleeping properly, staying up until what could only be described as the late hours of the morning either doing schoolwork, or else just sitting up in bed staring into the dark. Sirius had noticed as well, and James and Peter often caught him watching them and Remus with a conflicted expression on his face, obviously torn between approaching them and saying something and maintaining his policy of staying out of their way.

"Remus, you're supposed to be trying to disarm me," said the Ravenclaw girl Remus had been partnered with in Defence.

"Sorry Matilda," said Remus.

That was in fact exactly what he had been doing for the last five minutes but he was having very little success. They were doing non-verbal spells in Defence Against the Dark Arts, and it required a lot of concentration and will power, both of which Remus had in rather short supply.

"How about you go again?" he suggested.

"You need to practise too," said Matilda, "and besides I need to practise the shield charm. Look, are you feeling alright Remus, you're not normally this rubbish."

This Matilda certainly told it how it was, thought Remus. In truth he did actually feel a little faint but the bell would go for the end of lessons in another quarter of an hour, and besides, it was only the day before the full moon, he just needed to pull himself together a bit and he'd be fine.

"I'm alright," said Remus, brushing his hair out of his face before attempting the disarming charm with renewed effort.

Still nothing happened, and after a while the room seemed to begin to tilt and spin around Remus, so, having heard his classmates do the same thing, he muttered 'expelliarmus' under his breath, and Matilda's wand flew out of her hand and landed on the floor about three feet to her right. Matilda bent down to retrieve it before turning back to Remus.

"I know you said the encantation that time I saw your lips... Merlin, Remus what's wrong? Are you sure you're alright?"

When Matilda had turned round again it was to find Remus with his back to her, leaning against the wall.

"I'll be alright just... give me a moment."

"Do you want me to get the teacher?" asked Matilda uncertainly.

"No, it's okay."

"Remus?!"

It was James.

"Remus, are you alright, what happened?"

"I don't know," Remus heard Matilda say, "he was fine one minute, well he was looking a bit pale and he was struggling with the spell, but then he disarmed me and I went to pick up my wand and when I came back he was like this."

James told Matilda to go and work with his partner and a moment later he was at Remus's side, on hand gently on his back and the other clasped onto his left arm.

"Alright, sit down Moony, come on, do you need to go to the Hospital Wing?"

"No, I'm feeling a bit better now," said Remus, sitting down on the floor.

James knelt down next to him.

"I told you you should have eaten more at breakfast."

"Alright just lay off James," said Remus testily, "can we not do this now?"

"Sure," said James, "I'm sorry I'm just trying to look out for you... Remus I really think you should go and see Pomfrey you're never normally this bad the day before."

"Alright, alright, just stop hassling me will you," said Remus, in that same un-Remus-like tone, "just let me sit down for a minute, we might as well stay until the lesson ends."

"Okay," said James, and he sat down properly next to Remus, surveying the rest of the class from knee-height.

For a lesson on non-verbal lessons there was a surprising amount of noise, and with wands flying everywhere and people dashing about to retrieve them and tripping over each other it was easy for James and Remus to disappear in the chaos. Very few people save for those working nearest Remus and Matilda had noticed that anything had happened at all, and by now they had shrugged it off and gone back to their work. People were well used to Remus being frequently ill by now and so lost interest very quickly. On the other side of the classroom however, James noticed that Sirius was staring at Remus with that same conflicted expression. Son of a boggart, thought James, if he's worried about Remus all he has to do is come over here and check if he's alright, bloody coward.

After the lesson James and Peter chaperoned Remus into the Hospital Wing, where he begrudgingly submitted to Madame Pomfrey's ministrations. Answering curtly when she asked if he had been eating, "yes", sleeping "yes", worrying, "a bit". James had to contradict him on every one: "no", "no" "a _lot_". After the interrogation Madame Pomfrey declared in her authoritative tone what James had been saying for several weeks now in his matey one, that what Remus needed was sleep and sustenance.

While Remus and the Matron were locking horns over a ham sandwich and a sleeping draught there was a knock on the double doors, one of which then crept open to reveal a tall sculpted figure with shoulder length dark hair. Sirius did not speak, but instead closed the door softly behind him and made his way silently towards the bed Remus was perched on, which they had all crowded around. With every step he took James's earlier anger at Sirius grew in strength. Sirius never knocked. Sirius never closed doors quietly. Sirius never entered a room without making his presence known in the most dramatic way possible. James hated this knew meek Sirius who padded around them on eggshells with his tail between his legs. As bad as it sounded he wanted his extroverted, reckless, foolhardy friend back, the friend that had nearly sent Snape to his death. He knew that Remus hated this knew Sirius too, he knew that there was a deeper reason as to why he threw fits of rage whenever he found him skulking in the library. But he could see in Remus's face as Sirius moved tentatively towards them the deep rift that had been torn within him. On the one hand there was his longing for the return of the daredevil Sirius, his longing to be the Marauders again, but on the other hand... well, the Other Hand was the hand that always pulled Remus back, the hand which was constantly tugging at Remus insides. The Other Hand was the firm hand of reason, the stern hand which James had so often seen stop Remus in his tracks, or twist and pull painfully at his heart, plague him with gut wrenching guilt whenever they went too far. The Other Hand was there now, stretched out large and forbidding between Remus and Sirius. He knew that Remus was refusing to forgive Sirius in spite of himself, because the Other Hand told him he had to, gave him a slap round the face every time he momentarily weakened. Remus had said it was about trust, James didn't think it was, if you asked James he would have said that it was about risk. After what Sirius did Remus had no way of knowing, and neither did James for that matter, whether he would do something like that again. It would be a great risk to accept his apology and continue their friendship, and werewolves, according to the Other Hand, were not meant to take risks. It was the Other Hand that had come between them, not Sirius, the idea that any of his friends could tear them apart like this was abhorrent to James, repulsive, impossible.

Sirius was speaking, and then Remus was, and then Madame Pomfrey said something that sounded like a warning and returned to her office, leaving the untouched ham sandwich and sleeping potion on the bedside table. James drew himself out of his thoughts, it was like hauling himself up out of deep water. He determinedly ignored the Other Hand, which rested in faux-protectiveness of Remus's shoulder and tuned back into the conversation.

"_We_ are doing nothing about tomorrow night," Remus was saying firmly, his face and words emotionless as if they had been carved from stone.

"Look, Remus, I know you don't trust me after what I did, and you've got no reason to, but please, don't do this to yourself. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I just don't want you to have to suffer because of me."

"Yeah well you should have thought of that before," said Remus.

"I know, I'm sorry, I _didn't_ think..."

"Anyway, I don't _mind_ suffering, not when I know what the alternative is."

"Remus, I promise, all I'll do is help James keep you calm, I'll do exactly what you tell me I swear," said Sirius, they were both talking in low voices to avoid the keen ears of Madam Pomfrey.

"Maybe he could come along, just to help out," said Peter, "it'll be hard for James by himself, I mean, it's not like I'm much good."

Remus turned and looked at Peter in a way which the old Remus would never have. Peter went wide eyed and started babbling his apologies and Remus's expression instantly softened, the Other Hand giving him a slap for looking at poor little Peter like that.

"I had thought of that," said Remus, calmly, "and that's why I was going to say that I don't think any of you should come with me tomorrow."

"What?!" exclaimed James, "come on Remus, I'm sure I could manage on my own, come on mate, don't be stupid."

"I'm not being stupid James."

"Yes you are! I'm sorry Remus but you are. You're doing that bloody self-punishment thing again and don't pretend you aren't. This isn't about me or Sirius or Peter at all, it's about you wanting to put yourself through misery because you think you deserve it."

"I don't _want_ to put myself through any misery James, it's not a _choice_. The only _choice_ I have if whether or not to put other people through it."

"It bloody well is a choice Moony! Option one: accept help from your friends, option two: rip yourself to pieces tomorrow night, simple as."

"Nothing's that simple James, not for most of us anyway."

"Oh don't talk to me like I'm some naive little kid Remus, I know I used to be but I'm not any more alright? I know enough about the world to know that it's a pretty fucked up place but you don't have to make it more so."

"I'm not making it more so, I'm trying to make it less so. I'm just trying to do the right thing and _he_ keeps trying to mess it up for me," said Remus, spitting the '_he_' in Sirius's direction, "as if it wasn't hard enough already," he added in a mutter.

"You always do the right thing Remus," said Peter.

"No I don't," said Remus, and for a moment James thought he saw tears pricking at the inner corners of his eyes, "it was wrong of me to let you guys become animagi and it was _definitely _wrong of me to leave the Shack as a werewolf all those times. I've been putting people's _lives _in danger, after Dumbledore went to so much trouble to make sure I could come to school and that wouldn't happen."

"Merlin Remus, you're not _still_ blaming yourself for what happened are you?" asked James, mock exasperation barely masking his concern.

"Yeah, I'm the only one to blame mate," said Sirius.

"Look it doesn't really matter anymore does it?! It's all in the past now, all we can do is try to be more careful from now on. And that's why, if you'll all let me finish, I was going to say that that I don't think any of you should come with me tomorrow, because someone will have to make sure Snape doesn't try and follow me again or anything."

"Even Snape wouldn't be thick enough to..." started James.

"Please?" said Remus.

"I... I was thinking a similar thing actually Remus," said Sirius cautiously, reaching into his bag and retrieving a small square of parchment, "that, now Snape knows about the Willow and everything we're going to need a way to keep an eye on him, make sure he stays away. Cause I mean, even I he isn't thick enough to try and go down there on a full moon night, there's nothing to stop him going down there any other time and like, setting a trap for you or something. And I was thinking about James's map idea, and I err... well I kind of nicked those notes you made on magical cartography and..."

"You went through my stuff?!"

"I didn't take anything else! I'm sorry Moony I just didn't want to tell you cause I knew you were angry with me and I thought it might all come to nothing anyway. But that's the not the point, the point is, I tried out some of those charms you found on the Gryffindor Common Room and they actually worked quite well. And then I did some more research, and I found this charm, the homonculous charm, that lets you track people on maps, so I tried that one out to and..."

He unfolded the parchment and handed it to Remus, who couldn't help but let a crack of amazement appear on his stony facade. James looked over his shoulder and saw a neat scale drawing of the Gryffindor Common Room, and within it were a multitude of dots, each one labelled with a name, written out in what was identifiably Sirius's cursive handwriting. But what was truly remarkable was that the dots were moving.

"Cool," said James.

"It's amazing!" exclaimed Peter.

"Obviously it'll take a while to map the whole castle," said Sirius, ignoring James and Peter's praise and continuing to carefully observe Remus's expression, "but I was thinking we could start with the grounds around the Willow and the Slytherin Common Room and just build it up from there."

"And it'll never be ready in time for tomorrow night," added Remus, still looking down at the map.

"Yeah, I know, so for now I'll keep an eye on Snape myself, but I was just thinking... for the long term..."

"It's brilliant," said Remus, though unlike James and Peter, when Remus said it it was simply a statement of fact.

Sirius waited for the 'but' but it never came.

"Well I'm er... I'm glad you think so," he said.

"You do realise I haven't forgiven you just because you came up with some fancy idea right?" said Remus.

"Of course, no, obviously..."

"I'm... I'm forgiving you... on a probationary basis... sort of... because you... well, you can be thoughtful when you want to can't you?" said Remus, it was unclear whether he was trying not to laugh or trying not to cry, "I mean, the whole map thing's a bit convoluted and show-offy but it is you we're talking about here so what else can you expect? And all this time I thought you were doing bloody homework! You had me worried for you health there for a while Sirius!"

"You're forgiving me? Really?!"

"I... I still can't... please don't say anything that'll make me realise how stupid I'm being, please don't say anything that'll make me go back on this... I _want_ to forgive you Sirius, it's bloody hard not being friends with you and... Ahh! Merlin! Padfoot! What the hell are you doing?!"

"Sorry," said Sirius, who had leapt forward and pull Remus into a tight hug that was almost a rugby tackle.

"You do realise your hugs hurt right? I mean, they actually cause physical pain," said Remus seriously, though he was smiling as he massaged his ribs.

"It's a man-hug," shrugged Sirius, "I mean come on I'm hardly going to hug you like a girl am I? You shouldn't have blown it when I set you up with Mary if that's what you were after."

"Are you purposefully trying to remind me of how horrible a friend you've been over the years Sirius, I thought I told you not to say anything that would make me listen to my better judgement."

"Sorry," said Sirius again.

"Bloody hell Padfoot stop apologising," said James, "you're turning into Moony!"

James couldn't help but grin as he saw Remus bat the Other Hand out of the way. Claiming, for once, his right to have friends, his right to do things because he wanted to, even if his 'better judgement' told him otherwise. For once in his life, Remus something not because it was safe, not because it was sensible, but because it made him _happy_. Though James's thoughts were interrupted once again by Remus speaking.

* * *

Okay so I don't know how long Remus would have taken to truly forgive Sirius, maybe never, I personally don't think he fully forgived him until the end of PoA at least. But equally I don't think Remus would have had it in him to stay angry at someone for that long, he tried to resist people who love him (as we see with him and Tonks) but he's only human in the end (even if he doesn't think so) and as JK Rowling has said Remus likes to be liked, and therefore cuts those who like him a lot of slack. Plus of course boys don't hold grudges as long as girls, or that's what they say anyway, so writing this as a girl is kind of hard, generally I think male friendship groups have a very different dynamic (do guys even hug each other? I don't know). Anyway, I'll stop rambling, please leave a review to tell me what you think.


End file.
